drift

sad to say...but still my mood recently is still rather no change...rather worryin if u ask mi...i mean lik A lvl is ard the corner...n here i m...stayin up late...but not bcoz of work...sianz sia...

i realli hope tt my mood will stop driftin n get to shore quickly...so tt i can get sum solid work done...i no sum may think tt i m juz not being strong willed enuff...n juz givin myself excuses...but it cant b helped...

i realli missed her...but sadly nth can b done...i guess its a burnetaf(its code figure out urself)...first a burnedestiny n a burnetaf...when will everything end happily...n settle...i dun lik the feelin of driftin...everyday i m driftin...no aim no nth...i tink abt irrelevant stuff juz to run away from the probs i hav in reality...

dis is not funi...i seriously hav a prob here...no shld b probs...n cant do no shit abt it...i wonder hu can...dis is the one of the most crucial part of my life...it marks my pride...my future...my everything...haiz...its so sad n sway...to hav everything showerin down on mi...too bad it isnt blessin...

seriously i wish i dun hav to deal wit so muc other not so impt or not suppose or shldnt happen now probs...it is juz not the rite time...when will i get my own time...i guess i nv will in the next few mths...

relaxation is heaven...enjoyin is life...when will it come...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
24hrRu!
~~~~~~
ever since i saw the msg u sent mi the other day
everything turn dark even in the sun
i no dooms day has come once again
life was nv being same again

i tried to ignore my heart
i tried to hide my tears
but it was too muc to take
y muz dis day come again

where did i go wrong
was it sth i said
or was it sth i did
the ans nv satisfy my qn

hopes were dashed
dreams were crashed
armageddon strikes again
burnin up the onli destiny n fate i hav

till the last min tt is left
i will b ur shield
n b4 the end
i wan to c u smile

for i wan to remember u...

actually i wanted to write a song out of dis la...but songs r too troublesome...sum of the songs i wrote in the past oso haven edited for singin purposes yet...so i guess for tt a poem will do...haha...but dun seem veri poem lik to mi leh :P....will same as last post...pls do leave comments...10z...:)

msg of the day:爱情已变成回忆

wat do u no!?!??!

dis entry is juz to show my unhappiness for sumone in sch...so ppl hu duno dis person might juz wan to ignore dis entry altogether...

hey can u lik stop tinkin as if u no everything...coz u dun ok...u tink u hav seen it all...u no every kind of ppl n personality on dis world...but u r not even close ok...u tink ur method works on everyone...but let mi tell u sth...no it isnt workin...coz at least it is not workin on mi...in fact...i tink it has a adverse effect...now i dread to c u in sch...so muc so i juz turn myself off when u r dere...

yeah i m not benefitin from being stubborn n all...but izzit my fault...well i admit its my fault for being selfish n not ptin out the prob...but even if i did...will it b of use...

u dun decide anyones fate nor can u predict dem...coz u nv no wat will happen...n nv r u goin to decide my fate for mi...wat happens doesnt necessary mean tt i will occur as well in the future...

so mr no it all...stop ur bull shit n wake up to the 21st century...u r no longer in the kampong days where everyone is pure...(although seriously speakin i wld prefer tt) so instead of being such a pain...can u b more supportive wich i once tot u were...i m lik tt...i can either b ur best friend or ur worse nightmare...wich one? u choose...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
24hrRu!
~~~~~~
the past is in the black n white onli memories
we learn knowlegde
wich is y we we take history
we forget our lessons

the future is in the uncharted territories tt we cant c
we fear the unknown
precisely y we fear the future
we breakdown

the present is where we r now
we luv to cherish
so we muz cherish the present
to no wats luv

well i anyhow write one...no muc theme in it...juz write out of flow...duno makes sense a not...it can b seen as lyrics or poem la...wich ever u tink it resemble more...giv mi feedbacks no matter if it makes sense a not...:)

msg of the day:如果我不能给你未来，我就补你现在

clear things up

hey ppl...well today blog is not abt how bad or gd i m doin blah blah blah...but i tink i hav to clear sum things up...if not hor everyone will b goin own the wrong path...

anyway first things first...10z ppl for the tags on my blog...glad to no tt so mani ppl care...esp when i saw danny tag...lol...u mean u hav been readin my blog? lol...but anyway 10z man...

bcoz of dis tags i got to realise tt sum of u might hav the misconception on wat izzit tt i m stressed up wit...coz my fault la...say things always so...half half...haha...anyway...sum of u might tink tt i m sad n stressed bcoz of a gal...true i admit it does hav sth to do wit her...but pls its not entirely...

i mean lik for dis case deres nth muc i can do...as ppl say...love cant force...so i hav to juz take the cold hard facts...but the thing is still will b affected de...u all shld no...unless u playin a fool wit love...den u odd to b slapped la...wich i hope non tt r readin dis r lik tt...so regardin dis prob...its sth tt can b solved by time n time alone...unless things take a turn...aiya...lets not go dere shall we...haha...ya so dun wori abt dis...i no how to pick myself up from here...juz giv mi time...

as for y i m so sad n stressed up...its realli coz of mani reasons...studies...dance...n sum others tt i tink so remain private...can ask mi in private if u wish to no...n sumtimes i m juz stress n sad...i m sure sum of u feel tt at certain pts of time in ur life one...so i dun tink it wld b surprisin...

sum of u might b tinkin lik...dance is no longer of ur concern stress for wat...but the thing is dere is a sense of belongin i feel pullin mi back...its hard to explain...i guess dis kind of things realli muz exp den will understand one...i mean lik if u try to explain it to a junior hu has not been thru the things b4...it is oredi a tough job...n oso dey might still not understand wat izzit tt u r tryin to say...let alone to a non dancer hu might nv exp wat u hav gone thru...although i feel tt ns might hav chance to exp similar stuff...but oso not confirm...n summore since the age is diff...things might not b as pure as it is...furthermore...i hav sum exclusive events tt onli applies to mi tt had happened in dance...so its realli hard to understand tt kind of pull...seriously i dun expect anyone to...u can onli feel the pull...but not understand...its the same case as i can onli feel the pull tt keeps zhongyi comin back too...but i wun understand...coz its a totally diff exp altogether...coz we r 2 diff person...

n as for y i dun wan to tok things out so tt i can feel better...instead of complainin here n lettin ppl no onli half of the story...well i oso duno wat excaltly is the reason...but the thing is i feel tt when the time comes i will speak one...serious...i mean is not dose kind lik now situation not suitable den cant say or sth lik tt...i guess its a feelin thing ba...when times comes...feelin will b correct...n will speak up one...its sth lik a door tt need mani keys to open the lock together one...juz to name a few...mood...atmosphere...person...place...n mani others tt even i might not b aware tt it might pose as a factor...

after so muc said...i hope u ppl understand a bit more abt wat excaltly is goin on la...so dun need to wori...i will do fine...if in the event i m not...i will seek help one...but still as usual...u ppl r welcome to come n ask mi qn abt wats goin on n stuff lik tt...i mean its veri heart warmin to no tt dere r ppl out dere tt care...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
24hrRu!
~~~~~~
ops...haha...juz now while typin i hav oredi decided wat to write for dis coloumn le...but den hor...now lik forget wat i wan to type liao leh...lol...so i tink suan le la...i shall type abt it another time if i remember lor...coz now realli cant recall...

anyway since dis coloumn kind of empty...juz to do a bit of complainin...haha...

MT...u huh...everytime so bz...lik even bzier den mi lik tt...wan to catch up oso cant...win liao lor...now councilor liao ps mi liao lor...make some time for ur poor kor la...lol...but realli la...bz gui bz...dun bz until forget to do ur daily things lik the essential slp u need each day...hw...blah blah blah...muz catch up sum day hor...if not later i forgot u hu le den game over liao ar...haha...jkjk...

msg of the day:Y do we fall down?So, tt we can learn to get up.(from batman begins)

sudden touch of sadness

wa...i duno wat came over mi la...suddenly all the sadness...sori ar zhenyu...even after readin ur blog still lik no help...haiz...i tink dis period realli is the toughest period of my life...not onli bcoz of A's la...juz too mani things happen at the same time lor...y muz all dis happen to mi all at a time la...ok la...its nth life threathenin...but its veri torturin la...

sumone i m such a paranoid person...onli makes things worse onli lor...i realli feel weak la...i realli need help...i tink dis is the first time i realli askin for help la...but realli i need help...but lik wtf la...help i oso muz choose...haiz...wats wrong...help oso muz choose...wat m i man...sum weirdo i m...i c how zhenyu describe his family...sumtimes i look at mine...i realli feel lik...haiz...ya i m veri lucky to hav my parents for hu dere r...but the kind of things i need from dem dey nv giv...haiz...i feel lik sum tv show kid...where is the love...

sumtimes my teachers ask mi y always so tired n y my results lik tt...u tink i no...i dun tink so lor...ok la...mayb i stress over too mani stuff...n sumtimes stuff tt doesnt concern mi...but wat u wan mi to do...i m juz lik tt...cant change le...i m hu i m...u tink if i tell dem all dis dey will blive n accept...dey will b tinkin at the back of my head tt i muz b cookin up sum story...tryin to smoke dem...but dey will tell u...dun tink so muc juz conc on ur studies...but look la...i not stupid la...wat u tinkin n wat u say match a not i no one ok...dun take mi for sum tom dick or harry la...

i no mani ppl hav similar probs i hav...ya i agree the sources r diff...but the fact is mani ppl r veri stressed lik mi...i admit tt fact...but the thing is...i no when i need help...dun tell mi its normal...coz if i can accept it...i wun b askin for any help...so if u r goin to tell mi things lik its normal or stuff lik tt...save ur silva la...not tryin b crude or wat la...but u all shld no wat i mean...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
24hrRu!
~~~~~~
sori abt the tone n lvl of kb in dis entry...but realli cant take it le...

i no after writin dis entry i still will hav to come back to reality...n frankin speakin lik wat i said in the previous entry...i write all dis not in hope tt sumone will realli come to my "rescue"...but juz for the sake of relievin my temporary stress...if not i dun tink i can slp...

so ya la...tts the msg i wan to send across...anyway for dose hu hav been readin but nv tag one...pls dun go ard tellin everyone abt my blog n its content...i dun wan to hav ppl to juz come n c c look look for leisure...i dun need such readers...dey wan to no wats goin on...dey will find deir way here demselves...coz i no for time to come...i most probably will write things lik tt often given the situation lik tt...haiz...

msg of the day:i wish i cld escape from reality n go for holiday in my fanstasy...

blue

hmm...today duno wat to update...but still feel lik updatin...duno y...mayb coz i feelin blue ba...duno y la...i feel lik being anti social recently...i tink mayb i m realli a veri anti social person...but due to the conditions of the society i m livin in i hav to b social...

nowadays i feel so tired n drained...mayb i shld go on a holiday...go to the beach or sth lie down n look at the sky...juz realli relax...but everytime oso nv go...anyone interested in accompanyin mi dere...lol...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
24hrRu!
~~~~~~
nowadays blue blue de...i tink i better keep low profile a bit...if not hor sure will hav unhappiness one...

sumtimes when u hav sth on ur mind...u juz cant voice it out...dun u feel tt it is veri torturin...sumtimes is cant voice in view of the consequences...sumtimes is duno how to....but wich ever it is...oso sianz...

well today realli nth on my mind to blog abt...till i blog again...ciao...

msg of the day:sumtimes its impossible to put ur tots into words...

hour of darkness

well...i hate to admit it but...its nite time again...well...ok la...it gets dark everyday...so i no not muc of a choice if no wat i mean...well...today after tinkin too muc...again...i realise tt i haven realli told anyone everything abt myself...as in the weird behaviour i hav...n stuff lik tt...ya u shld understand wat i m tryin to say la...

well i tink today den i realise i realli hate nite...coz...i get into bad moods or mood swing if tts wat u wan to call it mostly at nite...n wat makes things worse is...its for no particular reason...haiz...i rather sad la...

ya i no dere r mani out dere worse den mi...i shld b glad wit wat i hav now...n not grumble so muc...i mean i oso tell ppl i counsel tt la...but juz cant help it la...juz now daryl say i hav "sixth sense" tt is too strong...sumtimes so strong tt makes mi "forecast" sth...wich ppl find ridiculous...n realise in the end tt sadly wat i "forecast" is true...

i kind of agree wit daryl la...but den hor i dun tink my "forecast" r always accurate...coz sumtimes dey r the opposite...but den again...it might bcoz i m confused most of the time...so i cant realli analyse the situation wit more precision...

but sad to say la...i mean humans includin mi r lik tt...when u no sth bad will result...u more often choose not to blive tt i will n continue doin wat u intend to do...n end up starin at the result "forecasted"...its so ironic la...haiz...y cant we all learn to accept reality...ya sum might say...tell tt to urself...ok i no...i m tryin veri hard le...trust mi...

rite now...i feel so lik...erm...how shld i put it...lonely wld b the simplier term to use...actually come to tink of it...the other time zhenyu told mi i need a gf...i kind of agreed...coz i m lik sumone hu "cant live alone" one...but now tt i tink abt it rite...yes i need a gf...but mayb for now...a gd listener hu can understand mi...hard to find...rare species...

yeah...sum of u understands mi but...the prob is dere is dis barrier tt stops mi from askin the favor...as in sth lik dun wan to bother or ma fan tt kind of thing...i no by sayin dis...sum of u will lik say wao lao...wat r brothers/friends for man...ya i agree...tts precisely i dun wish to drag u into dis...coz seriously...i m not sure if average person might b able to take it when i start vomittin all my stuff out...not say its nvm for the person tt i m lookin for to take such shit...but den its juz diff la...i mean the person muz understand in order to b able to "apply"...

aiya...write until lik tt...i wonder if anyone understands a not lor...but watever it is la...i write dis entry not in expect of any respond...although responds r most welcome...but den hor...its more of a let things out thing...i mean lik the ultimate purpose for mi bloggin is not to let ppl wats goin on...although ppl do get to no...but its more of lettin things out rather den bottle dem up...it sort of destresses mi or apeace my anger...sth lik tt la...but sort of onli la...but better den nth la...so sumtimes if i write ridculous stuff again...juz ignore it la...i mean if u ask mi again the next day i might not recall wat was the reason of writing it...haha...:p
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
24hrRu!
~~~~~~
tt day i was chattin wit alvin...anyway juz a bit of info abt him...he is not the nhds alvin aka zafit...he is a og mate + ex jc classmate in jj...well how we got to b friends n all tt long story...kind of interestin if u ask mi...i mean lik i feel tt dis friendship has interestin developments...haha...crappy ones too...lol...alvin agree a not?haha...

anyway i shant tok abt dis time...coz the aim of dis section today is touch a bit of the topic stress...well as we all no...stress can b quite a big topic...so big tt u can tok till zhongyi's cows come home...lol...zhongyi come home liao ma...looks lik haven la...

but nvm...i juz wan to touch a bit on its definition...anyway as i was sayin...i was tokin to alvin the other day...he got to no tt i was veri stressed thru my blog n stuff...so he was lik sort of consoling mi...ask mi take it ez...stuff lik tt...sori cant remember the details of the conversation...anyway he came up wit dis definition wich i find quite interestin n true..."stress is caused by worryin abt the unknown tt lies in the future" ya i no alvin...dis one not the exact one...but similar rite...if totally out tag the actual one on my tagboard...but for now the meanin is sth lik tt...

well if u all tink abt it...isnt it true...for eg...u study u stress...coz u scare u dun do well...den u test finish...u still stress coz u still scare...den after u get result...u still stress...coz u duno wat abt next time...well u still do as well or better or worse...if as well den u will stress how to improve...if better den u will stress can even better ma...if worse u stress how will u end up...

so basically wat i tryin to say tt...human worry abt almost everything...even happi go lucky ppl...onli vary in terms of degree of "paranoidness" sum ppl tend to more...n sum tend to b less...but watever it is la...stress is sth veri normal...so dun need to b scare of it...next time i will tok a bit abt stress management...for j2 jj ppl...we all got go for the stress management tok...but my version will vary a bit...coz the info will b vet by mi accountin to personal evaluation analysation n experience...

msg of the day:loneliness lurks in the hours of darkness

a flash

omg...everything happened so quickly...lai lai qu qu...haiz...y muz things b lik tt...y at dis time...stress ar...sianz...

but i tink i cant blame anyone...i mean its noone fault wat...its juz nature...o well...but den no matter how ok i seem...i still feel tt i m affected badly...yesterday n today when i alone tt time i will b sianer den usual...n the speed i do things slow down le...omg...i duno how to take the blow man...

i wish i cld juz let it rest...let it b the ideal situation for everyone except for mi...lik tt less ppl sad...i sad enuff le...

i used to dun feel lik doin work...now its worse...haiz...A lvl how...aiya wat m i writin sia...no flow one...all no link lik tt...dun make sense to mi...haiz...

i tink i too stun to feel anything liao...onli plain sad...i duno how things happen...but i oredi did...haiz...i hope she doesnt c dis...if not she surely guilty one...aiya...i tink i dun write le...dun even no wat i m writin...look at the content n the length can tell le...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
24hrRu!
~~~~~~
wa...dance is in big trouble liao la...wat i foresee last year realli come true le...omg...now how...if things continue lik tt hor...dance sure mati one...realli muz do sth abt it man...but wat...so hard...i m not even the student dere...even if i was...oso no use...dam...

sumtimes we duno how gd sumone or sth is until he or it is gone...i mean lik y cant we juz b a bit more appreciative...onli regret when its too late...haiz...

sumtimes life is so torturing...at times i realli duno wat to do...juz stun...dun even no wat happen...i feel so down...haiz...everything is lik collaspin at the same time lik tt...haiz...sumone help mi...

msg of the day:i hav a gd news to share wit u...but it no longer hav any meanin...

wats on ur mind/in too deep

well...nth muc to do...so blog lor...but anyway i wanted to blog on dis topic yesterday oredi...readin the title sum of u may tink tt dis entry muz b tokin abt her...but not entirely la...but do read on to find out...

anyway for the first part...well wan we communicate/interact rite...we veri naturally tend to assume wat sumone is tinkin n den we respond...for eg la...lik if u ask mi wld i mind helpin u print sth...den i juz reply orh...u duno my orh is willin or unwillin...w/o the tone added into it...coz i may juz b being nice so juz help lor...in actually fact i dun realli feel lik it...but on ur side u decide upon accessin on wats the apparent tinkin process in my mind thru methods such as tone n facial expression...but sori to say its not always accurate...coz dis 2 elements can b acted out one...as for body language...well it cld tell more...but it is still not enuff to paint the full pic...

u guys might b wonderin y i m on dis topic...surely sth strike mi den giv mi inspiration for the entry one...but for jj ppl...no dis is not regardin or abt the gp compre we took...well its actually abt how ppl judge us...the shant say the coz of dis topic here...coz its rather meaninless...but if u realli wan to no den ask mi again ba...

anyway sumtimes ppl judge judge us by the apparent look...well i no its a veri natural thing to do...n seriously its rather inevitable...but i always wonder y cant we juz leave a qn mark behind wat we tink so as not to jump into conclusions...

i use myself as eg la...i no i dun realli review to others wats on my mind...despite the fact tt i always share my views n opinion on stuff...n oso tok abt my private life....but den i m sure mani of u r still puzzled wit wat exactly does my brain function...well...if u r tinkin along dis line den i m fine wit u...coz at least u dun conclude for mi...even though u duno...

seriously i realli find myself too complicated la...too muc to b true la...n too muc for my own benefit...so its almost impossible to guess wats on my mind la...realli...sumtimes i oso confused by myself...coz lookin at things from mani perspective makes my stand weak...so i duno wich side of the picture m i standin on...

but wat irritates mi the most is dose ppl hu conclude my character w/o knowin wats on my mind...worse still if dey onli no half of wats goin on ARD mi...take note its ard mi not in my mind...dere is a significant diff...

i no i m veri slack n lazy...not motivated to work n blah blah blah...i no my poor grades r my fault...no one else to blame...but do u tink it helps wit so muc goin on ard mi let alone in tt chaotic mind of mine...sumtimes i m realli veri drain by all dis shit lor...i realli hav to call dem shit...i dun wan/wish to b shelfish la...but can u lik pls tink in my shoes PROPERLY...not juz put stuff it in anyway n tink tt u r in my shoes...u r not lor...wat i need now is not ur INCORRECT judgement for mi to sharpen my psychological skills...y cant u lik juz provide mi wit the least support u can AFFORD...

i no how to handle my emotions...but i always take a far too long time to settle dem...n now i dun hav muc time left...n i cld do wit all the help i cld get...i dun wan to specify wat kind of help i need...coz i dun wan later i get help tt is insincere or got motive one...sori hor...but if u giv mi help for such reasons...i rather b left alone...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
24hrRu!
~~~~~~
ok now for the 2nd part...well if i m not wrong i last time oso got say sth abt dis topic b4 oso...but watever la...feel lik sayin it again den say lor...its lik wat we bro always say...fried rice can always fry again one...haha...

in too deep...in other words obession...obession is not gd...we all no tt...but we juz cant control ourselves n always fall in to the pit...b it work play or relationship...i my not sayin tt puttin ur heart into wat u do is not gd or wat la...but den hor...if u go till the extent of being obessed den i tink its too muc la...i mean lik y hurt urself...

but all tt being said...i happen to b one of the idoits...lol...so ironic sia...lol...i m always the one to say such da dao li...but most of the time i m the one commiting the mistake...

but watever la...i hav done it again...in too deep...well not i wan to b pessimistic or wat la...but sumtimes the situations i face pts the arrow in the opposite direction...so i cant help tinkin wat if i hear bad news...if tt realli happens i realli duno how i will react...realli...i no the time period dis time is far shorter...the acceleration is faster...n so does the damage tt comes wit it in a crash...i dare not dream of the arrival of tt day...i realli realli wish tt i doesnt come...call mi a coward or watever la...i rather things b left as it is den to no tragic end...

i always say i wan ppl to b frank to mi...but i tink dis is one thing tt i cant face up front...haiz...

msg of the day:our conversations may fade as we forget the content,but its footsteps has left behing memories...