if u care...reloaded

suppose to go n slp oredi...tml still got work...but juz now came back liao...duno y got a suddenly urge to look for twins pics...so i scan the net the whole nite for deir pics...cldnt find many tt i lik...

but i m not slpin sittin here not bcoz i wan to blog abt mi lookin for the pics...coz duno to say its fate or wat la...but i saw the snapshots of the movie "if u care" tt i saw sumtime last year...n suddenly i reminded mi of sum stuff...

2 things mainly...first one is the line tt the movie imparted mi...前方是绝路，希望在转角...this line truely is meaninful...n i lost it when i was changin my nicks ard...but lucky i was able to find it in my entry abt the movie named after the movie...if u guys r interested can go read tt entry again...i duno y but i still feel touched by the movie...

now i m filled in emotions...i wish i can express myself in a stronger way...but i cant find a better way den bloggin it down as usual...but o well...wats dere to complain...

hope tt this gift from the movie leads mi on to a better tml...coz i m tired of dis stale life...stinks...haha...
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr 信徒
~~~~~~
another thing tt the movie reminded mi is abt romance...i dun hav muc of a romance to tok abt...but i duno shld it b regarded freaky...or its juz "link"...while i was readin thru the entry "if u care"...she came online...

well it might not mean anything...but it oso can b...but as for mi...i tink not tinkin is impossible...mayb i shld juz dream for tonite...tml is back to my promise...

i hope i wld b able to slp after dis...zzz...

msg of the day:前方是绝路，希望在转角。

mindless...soulless...

recently hav been rather numb n aimless... everyday is the same...wake up work...work liao play...play liao slp...n it all starts again...where r the ups n downs when u miss one...ppl complain when dey r down on deir feet...now i m complainin coz i got nth to tink abt...not even sad stuff...

dis kind of life may b acceptable to sum ppl...but not mi...i wake up every mornin tinkin wat do i wish to accomplish next...i got nth on my mind...hu do i look forward to c-ing next...its still blank...den the auto mechanism switches on...n i m off to work...

i can no longer find my source of energy...source of motivation...the last lite of motivatin faith juz burned out on mi...life cld nv b more dark...more aimless...no wonder my mind is blank...everyday juz doin things mindlessly...

my sense of sensitivity for emotions oso fadin away...feels lik a zombie...in fact my life now is so rountine tt i cant find the diff from a zombie...rountine is not my game...i dun wish to b soulless...

short entry...actually didnt intend to post...but juz felt tt i shld pen down my tots...ppl say nowadays young ppl cant live without deir hp...i guess i m goin to b excluded soon...dere doesnt seem to b muc on my hp other den office n NDP work...

but on the lighter side...at least i got to enlarge my social circle bcoz of NDP...made sum friends...may not b veri strongs ones...but i guess it wld b sth to remember ba...
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
wat is happenin to my luck...all gone...bad luck haven stop comin since...sumtimes we shld realli bcareful wat we wish for...for all u no...my wish came true...

haven tok for abt a mth now...wonder how shes doin...fine i hope...but since i m gettin all the bad luck...den i guess she shld b gettin the laughters ba...well gd luck to her tests tt is goin on ba...though i dun tink i hav muc to spare...

msg of the day:if fate premits, we shall meet again...till den...take care...

wats worth it...wats not...

today sumthing veri unhappi happened at nh...at first was veri angry abt it...now veri sad abt it...juz lik wat my bk say how sumone will react...first aderadline rush...den after tt when u recover ur consious kick in...u will feel more emotional abt it(things lik pity, guilt n sadness)...

i duno wat i shld do abt the situation...as of now...i my stoppin work...onli followin...n of course fufil the promises i made to various ppl...n i tink i will go seek mr low for advise regardin wat to do abt the issue...

but seriously i m veri tired workin such conditions...its veri stressful...comin back to work for dance is suppose to b sumthing tt i enjoy...but i dread more n more abt helpin out...i tink if things keep gettin more unfavorable for mi...i tink it wld b ptless for mi to cling onto it anymore...

first thing is tt things i do seems to b no avail...n instead of gettin appreciated...i m seem as a wanted figure...i mean wat kind of return is dis...yes i m rude n vulgar...but so wat...seriously u ask urself...if u deserve my respect wld i b rude n vulgar to u...further more...i dun say vulgarities to u...if u r realli unhappi wit mi...juz ban mi from nh den...i realli dun hav the heart to play politics wit u...i can make u or break u...its whether i wan to go tt far...n i dun tink its worth puttin my principles at stake...

seriously la...u r an adult in an respectable profession...yet u r bhavin no better den any of the core grp ppl...yes u can do mani things dey cant...in fact things tt i cant as well...but hav u ever ask urself y did u enter dis industry in the first place...sumtimes the things u say r so indescribable tt i realli doubt ur maturity...if u role here is onli to work n fufil ur DEFINED job scope...den i tink u r in the wrong industry...i wish to put it so crude...but u r not suited for dis job...

now the issue is wat i shld do...shld i save myself the trouble n juz walk away...izzit worth it to walk away wat i hav been fightin for all dis while...bcoz of dis? or shld i stay on n endure all dis crap shit...haiz...i realli duno wat shld it b...as muc as i hate to bring such trivial stuff to mr low...but i tink he is the onli one hu can giv mi advice...

juz when i tot the things tt i can b sad abt r startin to fade away...things juz seem more bleak...
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
it has been a while...since i got so bcome so down...so sad...wat happen today juz bcame the fuel for the fire tt is burnin at the diff spots in my heart...now dey hav juz merge into one giant flame...mani things hitted mi juz lik tt...juz when i m goin to react from it...i get hit again...i dun even hav enuff time to get back on my feet b4 i m strike down...history is repeatin itself...yet again...bad news juz dun seem to come...ppl juz dun seem happi wit deir stay...mayb i wasnt my destiny or my fate...i m m juz jinxed...

msg of the day:pls leave ur ticket wit mi b4 u go, at least i still hav a piece of u in my life...

hus fault izzit?

now i m nan hua watchin the kids doin san guan...well...reflectin on wat happened yesterday...well it was realli disappointin n disheartenin...sumtimes i realli wonder wat realli has coz the state as it is now...izzit the so called royal up bringin...or izzit juz the ppl leadin...
hu r the ones at fault...izzit the society not givin dem not enuff training...or izzit juz the ppl hu lead dem r not leading dem the correct way...hu shld we blame for deir folly...or izzit deir responsibility to go n shape deir own future...

i aint sumone hu wld b veri particular abt deir ji ben gong...but realli after wat i saw yesterday n juz a while ago...it really makes mi go wonderin...i mean not i wan to say la...but i dun tink anyone can b as bad as dem...tts provided if dey try...wich tink sum of dem arent...n we r onli tokin abt ji ben gong onli...ppl lik mi is more concern wit educatin dem wit life skills...realli hav to say...dey realli lack in life skills...dere r mani things i feel tt shld b included in common sense...yet it seem so chim n unreachable for dem...wat izzit indicatin...

i mean i dun realli c the significant difference in deir era n our era...except for the special few...but still things tt i tink dey shld hav picked up r not picked up yet...sumtimes mayb we shld reflect on the education system...but ya la...the ministry has been tryin to improve on it all the time...but sumhow the system juz hav its loopholes...lik producin educators hu say "i m not paid to do dis"...i mean lik wtf la...u call dis education? i call dis workin ok...

nan hua has transform a lot...we r gettin more awards...n more recognition too...but wats goin on wit the students n the teachers...to tink tt i might enter the workforce as an educator makes mi feel sad...but of course among the bad apples dere r always gd apples...n its gd apples lik dis tt makes feel motivated...guys we need more ppl lik ourselves...i mean at least we dun ask to b paid to go b to look at our dear junior...

yesterday had a chat wit yu...was tellin him tt i wan to make the tshirt again...he commented tt we shldnt put SHIN-13 anymore...coz dere aint mu of it left...wich i kind of agree...haiz...to tink tt the friendship we hav forged over the years...now its onli left wit the few of us...our membership has almost reduced by half...yet now...dere seems to b ppl hu is tryin to break off...but i duno la...i do hope tt dey dun...its veri saddenin...yesterday mr low was tellin the ginas abt the dance spirit n bondin...felt veri close to the heart...veri wen xin...ah...the gd old times... if onli we cld turn back time...

i hav a dream...a dream tt i hope tt i can fufil on my weddin day...tt is to get my brothers together n tian gao di hou for the guests...yeah it may not exactly b appropriate...but i tink it wld feel veri gd ba...but of course its a dream onli wat... i mean its provided my wife n both families r ok wit it wat...

rekindle the dance spirit...一起沉默一起走...
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
it has been 2 wks...well lik i was tellin yu...mayb its a price to pay for my revolution...but izzit worth it...i duno...i onli can hope it turns out ok ba...

msg of the day:walkin along memory path...

resoultion-死了都要爱

the long anticipated entry has finally being posted...haha...ya i no veri slow...but muz understand la...its not everyday i can find time to sit here n tink abt wat i wan to write abt u no...

anyways ya...i hav come to a resolution for my life...as the theme of the blog suggest yeah...死了都要爱...the cover pg roughly explains wat dis whole resolution is abt...so nth muc to explain abt the resolution actually...but mayb i shld tok abt the source of idea...its from the drama series by SHIN...in the story ah xing giv a necklace to his gf...n the pendant is featured on the coverin pg...the design basically is the 5 words wit a music score at the bkgrd...or "dao gei" sum might say...in the story the meanin of dis 5 words is ah xing's undyin passion for music(wich explains the score) and of course for his gf...tt scene was quite touchin...ah xing being a hardcore rock musician expresses his passion n ambition for his music...

it has taught mi to believe in watever i do...although wat we blive may not always b the correct thing...but i guess u wld the most charged doin wat u blive...even if the outcome is not favorable...at least u tried...hav no regrets...after tt endure the consequences n move on wit more drive...

to sum ppl dis resolution may b a little too ideal...coz it requires hell lot of movitation n faith...if one is not strong enuff mentally n emotionally...i tink dis resolution is too abstract for dem ba...for mi i took quite a while to fully accept it...or rather internalised...coz i got to no dis philisophy abt 1-2 years ago...so ya...it has been ard...but not inside...now tt i more or less confirm tt i had strike a milestone in my life...i guess the philisophy is here to stay...

coupled wit the dis theory... is another theory i learn from another drama series i hav been watchin...called xiao yu er yu hua wu que...in one scene xiao yu er's disciple ask him y is he always so happi n asked if dere was a reason for it...he juz replied...dere is no reason for y i m happi...i m happi bcoz i m happi...no need to b happi for a reason one...dis theory is more abstract and harder to live by compared to the other one...summore dis theory will lead to life tt is sum sort de guo qie guo...so it cant go alone...

but so muc said...no matter wat philisophy we use in life...it doesnt realli matter...coz diff ppl hav diff perspective abt life...so naturally dey will come up wit diff ways to push demselves in life...but tts of coz dey hav the will to help demselves first...i mean if dey keep rottin dey lives away den watever philisophy oso wun work for dem...coz dey dun even at the least bit blive in demselves...

well...as for the future...its rather in a mess now...but dun worry...i can take it better oredi...as for y izzit in such a mess...mayb i will update it sum other time...dis entry is suppose to b full of hope...haha...
------------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
well...in the process of gettin my membership as a 信徒 i kind of damage my friendship wit sumone...i hope its not as bad as i tink...now i can onli wait...for mi i feel tt gettin my resolution at the expense of our friendship was rather not worth it n selfish...n to tink tt i made a promise to myself...i feel so ashame...tts y if sum noticed... dere was a bit of change to my status...

i dun wan to explicitly spell it out...but i tink its obvious enuff...i dun tink i will take back tt status...coz its ptless...in fact it was oredi ptless from the start...i juz refuse to wake up...now tt i REALLI wake up liao...i muz stop myself from makin the same mistake...

now the onli thing i can do is wait for the rain to stop...n c whether the injury will recover...

i made a mistake writin tt letter...i made a bigger mistakin passin it to u...i m sori...but its all in the past now...i realli hope u meant wat u said the other day... i m sori i show so little faith in ur words...coz i m realli confused by ur signals after tt day...so if u r readin dis...tok to mi when u feel more comfortable...take care n gd luck...

msg of the day:永远的信徒，死了都要爱。