After such a long time, being through so many things and coming to where I am now. I realised that I am where I started out at. So, what is it that I have really gained? Do I have something to be proud of?
Ok let's do a recap. I can't lead, I make olympics a joke, I educate with tranny, I only can invent blogskins, I can't read peoples minds, I am an open tap when it comes to money, Entrepreneurship(I can't even spell) owns me hands down..................
So, what can I do?
I am arrogant, smart alec, sore loser. I run away from reality, I can't take changes and I have a bad temper.
So, am I of any good?
I am weak physically and mentally, I can no shit. Fuck it then, fire me. If not, I quit!
I don't know myself anymore, I don't know my future.
STOP FINDING EXCUSES FOR YOURSELF YOU USELESS IDOIT!!!
~ Life has to end. Love doesn’t. ~
22 April 2007
21 April 2007
the reason
Just came back from Jin Wei's(A friend from army going to ORD in 2 weeks time) farewell outing. Oh my god! I am so tired. Haha. But, well I had fun and I am sure everyone did. Although, the planning stages everyone seemed less than interested and keeps trying to "blackmail" Jin Wei with conditions like a treat or what so ever, people still made an effort to come down for the outing. I mean its like after all we spent about a year or so's time together, gone through maybe 300+ break time together.
Although, there are times when we disagree or "kao peh" that each other "chao keng". But, all I can say is that what kind of friends don't ever disagree. Well, for the very least these are the people who will be walking me through the rest of my NS life.(With the exception of Jin Wei and Wee Yen who will ORD before me)
From this day to the ending of the world we in it shall be remembered. We lucky few, we band of brothers. For he who today sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.
During today's outing, I realised that although we had only known each other for a year or even shorter, but somehow we have a lot of things to talk about. I really missed those times SH!N was doing that. Nowadays, we can't we can't even really last through one dinner. Although, one thing about APD(my department) guys is that we can shoot Jin Wei and laugh it true, thats only a small factor and shouldn't be the influencing factor to keep conversations going. Maybe its cause we work together, so we have more things to talk about, who knows? SH!N we used to have Daryl to shoot at, but ever since he got into so much commitments we hardly get to see him.
Nowadays, more and more people going MIA from gatherings. Haiz... oh well.
SH!N time to ROC!!!
It takes two hands to clap.
Although, there are times when we disagree or "kao peh" that each other "chao keng". But, all I can say is that what kind of friends don't ever disagree. Well, for the very least these are the people who will be walking me through the rest of my NS life.(With the exception of Jin Wei and Wee Yen who will ORD before me)
From this day to the ending of the world we in it shall be remembered. We lucky few, we band of brothers. For he who today sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.
During today's outing, I realised that although we had only known each other for a year or even shorter, but somehow we have a lot of things to talk about. I really missed those times SH!N was doing that. Nowadays, we can't we can't even really last through one dinner. Although, one thing about APD(my department) guys is that we can shoot Jin Wei and laugh it true, thats only a small factor and shouldn't be the influencing factor to keep conversations going. Maybe its cause we work together, so we have more things to talk about, who knows? SH!N we used to have Daryl to shoot at, but ever since he got into so much commitments we hardly get to see him.
Nowadays, more and more people going MIA from gatherings. Haiz... oh well.
SH!N time to ROC!!!
It takes two hands to clap.
17 April 2007
let the heart speak
I am sure everyone has come across times when things that you really want to do clashes with consequences that you don't want or maybe can't even bear. Its really very irritating when that happens. Sianz.
I just want to stroll along the beach with you, but I don't want to bear the consequences again.
Hey,
Its been a while. A lot has happened since the other time. But, anyways before I babble on, I like wish you a happy birthday and hope that your wishes would all come true.
Every time I see that smile on your face, it just makes my heart melt. But, some wishes never comes true, at least not for me. That's why, now I only make very simple wishes, so simple that they will almost surely come true. A bit dumb right? Haha... I think so too.
Well, I can't help but admit to you that how happy I am that you are not like the others. How should I say this...should I say that I am touched? Well, I know I shouldn't be thinking about anything else. But, memories always linger around, especially in your presence.
Whatever it is, thank you for not walking out on me. =)
Have a happy birthday!
Regards.
I just want to stroll along the beach with you, but I don't want to bear the consequences again.
Hey,
Its been a while. A lot has happened since the other time. But, anyways before I babble on, I like wish you a happy birthday and hope that your wishes would all come true.
Every time I see that smile on your face, it just makes my heart melt. But, some wishes never comes true, at least not for me. That's why, now I only make very simple wishes, so simple that they will almost surely come true. A bit dumb right? Haha... I think so too.
Well, I can't help but admit to you that how happy I am that you are not like the others. How should I say this...should I say that I am touched? Well, I know I shouldn't be thinking about anything else. But, memories always linger around, especially in your presence.
Whatever it is, thank you for not walking out on me. =)
Have a happy birthday!
Regards.
15 April 2007
Taking a new flight
Duh! How can I be so dumb? I tuned my alarm on my handphone, but forgot to set the day. In the end, I woke up late. I wasn't late for DI cause I took a cab. Hmph...like it made a difference. Should had took a bus and take my time. Waste my money. zzz...
Maybe those who had read my previous entry would have noticed that I had changed my blogging style. Both language and layout. And also the...should I say unexpected entry? Well, I am going to ORD soon. And going on to adulthood(turning 21) soon, I guess I have been through a lot.
Its time to left the old me behind. Its actually very ironic, cause I think I always say the same thing. But, I always come back the same point. No matter what the problem was. I guess I always thought that I was up to it, was mature enough. I guess I don't understand enough, don't understand enough about everything including myself, yet.
Well, now I have come to a stage of life, a crossroad, where I can no longer find a song to relate to me well enough. Good-bye days on a very blur way says what my heart cries. But, its just not close enough.
I always had a story to tell. But, could never find an audience.
Sometimes I really don't know why I do what I do, I am just doing things, following my heart. There are times that it is right and also when it is wrong. But, who is to be the judge? But, I know for certain things, I know I do them for a reason.
I can be rich or poor, depending on how you look at things. Generosity don't come your pocket, but your heart.
Maybe those who had read my previous entry would have noticed that I had changed my blogging style. Both language and layout. And also the...should I say unexpected entry? Well, I am going to ORD soon. And going on to adulthood(turning 21) soon, I guess I have been through a lot.
Its time to left the old me behind. Its actually very ironic, cause I think I always say the same thing. But, I always come back the same point. No matter what the problem was. I guess I always thought that I was up to it, was mature enough. I guess I don't understand enough, don't understand enough about everything including myself, yet.
Well, now I have come to a stage of life, a crossroad, where I can no longer find a song to relate to me well enough. Good-bye days on a very blur way says what my heart cries. But, its just not close enough.
I always had a story to tell. But, could never find an audience.
Sometimes I really don't know why I do what I do, I am just doing things, following my heart. There are times that it is right and also when it is wrong. But, who is to be the judge? But, I know for certain things, I know I do them for a reason.
I can be rich or poor, depending on how you look at things. Generosity don't come your pocket, but your heart.
14 April 2007
home....?
Life has become so mundane. Work, movie, DI, work, movie and DI again. It has already become a routine. I am not trying complain that I don't like watching movie with the guys, nor am I trying to say that I no longer like going to dance. Just that everything has become so routine that there is no longer anything that I can look forward to.
Going to work is just like stepping into a mine field. You don't know when you will be blasted into pieces.(Oh my homi!) As much as I like the company of most of my brothers, sisters and officers back in office, sometimes somethings/some people just has to spoil the picture. Yeah, I know nothing is perfect and I know there isn't going to be an exception. I really miss school. I hope that I will be able to.
I made many mistakes in life, but I don't want to make my life a mistake.
Movie marathons! This few weeks is filled with endless movies. Some were great, some didn't do as good. Some people like that movie, some didn't. The groups life has become so boring, cause we have run out of ideas to spend our time. And movies were always the most convenient and easiest way to spend out time. I know I have nothing to complain about, cause I also can't do nothing about it. And we seriously have to admit it, the attendance is getting from bad to worse.(Yes, I am talking about it again.)
Maybe there is a barrier that exists between some of us, maybe its just to some of us. While some people are trying to be forgiving, some people just like to think otherwise. I know I always say very blunt things to some of us, sometimes even going too far. Everyone have their short comings, and move than often we can't control ourselves. Well, that is what makes us, us. Well, I know thats my shortcoming, and I am trying to control myself. I know just because I am having a bad mood its not a good reason for my behavior. But, I am really very happy that I have very accepting and understanding friends. But, it really takes 2 hands to clap. Life-long friends are people who can co-exist together accepting each others short coming and at the same time knowing their short comings, feeling sorry about it.
Luffy(One piece) has too many short comings to count, but he is very lucky to have a very accepting crew. Because they all know that, his strength can compensate for everything else. Loyal friendship.
DI is turning into a stress zone. I no longer know my role there. I am lost. I know I can't handle stress well, but that doesn't give me a reason to run away from my responsibility. I may not be irreplaceable but my presence, everyones contribution is a source of energy for Mr Low. I am no longer contributing to Nan Hua, yet I tried to run away. What a coward. I know I have to face this, but it really hurts me deeply to see everything falling apart. I can't no longer hear the flames , feel the heat. Where's the passion?
Everyone has a different part to play, know your role.
By now, you guys must be wondering what's going here? Is the one who is typing this entry even Sam? Well guys, don't worry. Nothing happened, nothing in particular at least. I have been doing a lot of thinking for the pass few weeks, about what has been going on in my life. I feel that I am really being stressed out. Although, I no longer gloom like last time when even I am love sick or what so ever. But, really feel so numb to everything. I tried to put my mind on a holiday hoping that it will help. Well, it did. But wasn't for long. The truth is I don't know what I am doing with my life.
Life in the past 6 months or so was really a joke. Cut! I really feel that I was fooling around with my life. I really have to stop spoiling my life and others lives just because I always act on impulse. Maybe the numbing process will help me cure this disease.
What happened? Why did it happen? Sometimes isn't being ignorant a bliss?
When will I be home?
Going to work is just like stepping into a mine field. You don't know when you will be blasted into pieces.(Oh my homi!) As much as I like the company of most of my brothers, sisters and officers back in office, sometimes somethings/some people just has to spoil the picture. Yeah, I know nothing is perfect and I know there isn't going to be an exception. I really miss school. I hope that I will be able to.
I made many mistakes in life, but I don't want to make my life a mistake.
Movie marathons! This few weeks is filled with endless movies. Some were great, some didn't do as good. Some people like that movie, some didn't. The groups life has become so boring, cause we have run out of ideas to spend our time. And movies were always the most convenient and easiest way to spend out time. I know I have nothing to complain about, cause I also can't do nothing about it. And we seriously have to admit it, the attendance is getting from bad to worse.(Yes, I am talking about it again.)
Maybe there is a barrier that exists between some of us, maybe its just to some of us. While some people are trying to be forgiving, some people just like to think otherwise. I know I always say very blunt things to some of us, sometimes even going too far. Everyone have their short comings, and move than often we can't control ourselves. Well, that is what makes us, us. Well, I know thats my shortcoming, and I am trying to control myself. I know just because I am having a bad mood its not a good reason for my behavior. But, I am really very happy that I have very accepting and understanding friends. But, it really takes 2 hands to clap. Life-long friends are people who can co-exist together accepting each others short coming and at the same time knowing their short comings, feeling sorry about it.
Luffy(One piece) has too many short comings to count, but he is very lucky to have a very accepting crew. Because they all know that, his strength can compensate for everything else. Loyal friendship.
DI is turning into a stress zone. I no longer know my role there. I am lost. I know I can't handle stress well, but that doesn't give me a reason to run away from my responsibility. I may not be irreplaceable but my presence, everyones contribution is a source of energy for Mr Low. I am no longer contributing to Nan Hua, yet I tried to run away. What a coward. I know I have to face this, but it really hurts me deeply to see everything falling apart. I can't no longer hear the flames , feel the heat. Where's the passion?
Everyone has a different part to play, know your role.
By now, you guys must be wondering what's going here? Is the one who is typing this entry even Sam? Well guys, don't worry. Nothing happened, nothing in particular at least. I have been doing a lot of thinking for the pass few weeks, about what has been going on in my life. I feel that I am really being stressed out. Although, I no longer gloom like last time when even I am love sick or what so ever. But, really feel so numb to everything. I tried to put my mind on a holiday hoping that it will help. Well, it did. But wasn't for long. The truth is I don't know what I am doing with my life.
Life in the past 6 months or so was really a joke. Cut! I really feel that I was fooling around with my life. I really have to stop spoiling my life and others lives just because I always act on impulse. Maybe the numbing process will help me cure this disease.
What happened? Why did it happen? Sometimes isn't being ignorant a bliss?
When will I be home?
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