It's just stupid

Have it ever crossed your mind how I felt when you asked that?
Well, maybe never bothered.

I feel selfish and stupid.
For the most part, stupid.

One decision, mutiple contradictions

I said what I though was nice and right. But, now I feel contradicting, yet I know it's pointless even if I didn't say what I did.

Stop messing with my head.

evolution?

From the beginning of time, creatures have been evolving for survival and adaptation. I guess humans are the same, eventually from from some sort of ape to what we are now.(don't know whether it's right to say this as I recall coming across another theory) Humans develops all sorts of nonsense to make life easier, or it may seem to be. So, like everything else, I guess there is some kind of balance in the changes that take place. You get something for something else as the price just like in trading(or the ancient barter trading). Those who knows full metal alchemist might appreciate this theory better.

Under the pact of all the elements, I hereby forgo the element of water for the element of fire. Hopefully, with this new found strenght I could brave through the upcoming obstacles.

I hope you are doing the right thing. I don't think it is a wise choice. By forgoing your element of water, you are destroying the natural balance that you were created with.

I have made up my mind.

I hope your exchange is an evolution not a D-evolution.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have lost my soul, my identity. I don't use to be like this. Why have I become this horrible monster? Changes have taken place and I have no idea why. What is happening to me?

Is it the flame bottled in me burning me up from inside?

I really have no clue what is going on.

Maybe it is really D-evolution...

Silent Night

Well, it is X'mas eve today, so I wish everyone a merry X'mas. It's kind of sad that I am actually writing up my entry now at home, but I guess I would not enjoy much either even if I was still out. Because I am sick. It's really sad to be sick on such joyous occasions where there is good food and all, but that is how it is.

Just got back from a X'mas dinner with Michelle and Mao Rong. Dinner was quite crappy, though not expensive, but I am not complaining. Michelle baked a giant gingerbread man for me!(ok, actually it was actually between the choice of the gingerbread or cookies but I let Mao Rong do the picking)

Well, I also just got back from the trip to Langkawi. I didn't spend much on the trip(other than eating). Generally, I think the trip was alright but I think the others would have enjoyed it much better.

Highlights:
1) There was extremely huge amount of walking, especially on the day we were looking for a car to rent. I think we easily clocked 20km that night alone. o.O

2)Zhenyu's "Ok la...nevermind...50RM" experience.(due to certain complications I think its not appropriate to tell the full story here)

3)A petrol station that has NO PETROL?!?! The station was closed and only when someone asked the locals, then everyone realised that station is out of petrol.

4)Chee Hao's Hagendaz in liquid form!!! Mr CH decides to give himself a treat but to find the ice cream to be in liquid form. After being "kao peh" by Zhenyu to get a refund, the store assistant realised that the Hagendaz fridge was not on.

5)Sam's first cable car ride. Well, basically it felt great and exciting. Despite the fact that I fear heights, I felt safe in that box.

6)The amazing view from 700+m and the mesmerizing sunset(I think the pictures will be up on Zhi Yan's blog but maybe not so soon)

7)Ever heard of a car battery alarm? The car we rented broke down while Zhi Yan was trying to park it and we had to push the car to the side and call the rental company. We were told to wait at the restuatrant nearby, so we decided 2 of us will walk over and wait for the guy. We were only a short distance from the car when Zhenyu shouted to us saying that the guy is here. And by the time we walked back to the car, he had already fixed the problem. Apparently, the car battery was faulty and needs replacement. So, the alarm locks down the car to remind the owner to get it changed. Very dangerous! Anyway, the guy who helped us fixed the car was super cool and we were all stunned by the speed the whole thing happened. Its hard to describe.

8)The food provided at the snokelling trip was really out of this world!
Comments from the group:
Chee Hao:My sister cooks better than this. No, even I cook better than this.
Zhenyu: Even overnight KFC also not as bad as this.

9)The torturous climb of that mountain where the sunset was. Gabriel and me gave up half way while the rest tracked further. I think it must be a pretty big accomplishment to finish the whole climb.

Just not right

Some events has just passed since my last entry, events like Zhenyu's and Michelle's birthday and also the failure of my laptop. Well, everything is back(including my laptop) and the year is ending soon. Looking at the calendar, on Wednesday I will be leaving and Christmas will follow by the time I am back, and before you know it, HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Currently, life's good I guess. I don't really have anything to complain about(other than the only thing I do complain about). I mean have good grades(for now) and for some reason my father seems more approachable now. So, I guess I should enjoy while things last.

It's being a while. Things have changed every since, but somethings just seems to stay the same. Feeling seems kind of new, but I know it is the same feeling just with a hint of distance. Time has eroded the memory of the dreams I had, now it seems to be just an unfinished puzzle. I missed my chance, only to understand that its all destiny. Even if I had spotted you in the darkness, fate will eventually bring us about. Hope is just an intoxicating drug which just seems to be the reverse of painkillers.

Wind blows at my face guiding alone the invisible tears down my path of sorrow. Slowly, drowning my sadness. All that's left is all colourless, washed out from my treasure trove. Now, all colour seems inviting, yet are they pure and permanent? Lost on this winding road back to reality, the candy houses are at times just too tempting. Even if there were no witch in there, it would be a miracle if I decided to step in.

But, maybe I might, for all that is ahead is just a blur. Slowly, only will the focus come into visual. Locking down on the targets, ready to fire. Anticipating the explosion that would follow, the excitement that would be felt. The feeling of adrenaline rushing all over just thinking about it.

But, wait...these are all not real...right? No...these are all not real...They are...just not right...

Then, what is right?

Glorious GPA

I score a GPA of 4.03!Booya!

pain vs numb

Which is more unbearable? Pain or numb?

If you only have one of them, probably just the one that you are feeling. But, if you had both, then I guess both are just as irritating.

Life recently is just boring, plain boring. Don't be mistaken, I was talking about the emotional part only. When I was in love, I was always emotional. But now that I am not(actually it is still a debatable thing, but its easier to just leave it this way), life seems more boring and lifeless. Maybe it is the numbing effect, or the isolation effect(from a psychological theory of "intimacy VS isolation" applied on young adults) has just kicked in.

TV is like poison to our emotions, because the storylines are always sensationalized to increase viewership. Watching to much of TV probably just make you more envy and depress about life.

Sometimes when I feel that I should talk about it, but I have absolutely no idea what I want to talk about. Its like I am being stuck.

Someone give me a sign, tell me what to do...

Time flies...actually crawls sometimes...

I haven't really blog for a very long time. You guys must be curious why I am suddenly blogging now, especially since my exams are still not over yet. Well, I intended to go to sleep but for some reason I feel rather awake. I think its because of all the late night mugging.

Actually, all this mugging is screwing up my body clock. Now, I seem to sleep more than ever. Sounds like a pig? Yeah, I know. But, then again, I think it was already screwed before this.

Alright, I took a look at my last proper entry and it was dated 6/9/08. I have nothing to say in defense for that. Well, hopefully its still not too late to do a bit of recollection. Actually, there isn't much to recollect, other then Zhiyan's birthday which I think he did quite a good job covering.

Seriously, after quitting job and staying at home, supposedly study, I accomplished some things(maybe not really accomplishments) and realised a couple of things.

1) Completed 7 seasons from Malcom in the Middle - Well, Zhiyan always say that the show is for teenage girls, but I got my fair share of laughs from it.

2) Simpsons last viewed season 19 episode 16 - Currently, they just aired season 20 episode 4 over in US. I think I know what you guys are thinking about at this point.

3)I think I am actually studying harder than A's. (which is only right and a good thing)

After my exams, I am going to...

1)Sort my magic collection and maybe psycho you guys to join me back in the game.

2)Really, really start losing some weight.(I still want to be able to hide behind my brother)

3)Try to initate gatherings.

The last point was probably the thing that kept me awake. Recently, one of my ex-colleauge from APD contacted me regarding some uniSIM stuff because she is starting term in uniSIM next year too. I chatted with her a bit and all that. Then, all the memories of my 2 years there started to pour back.

To some people, NS is a drag. But, I guess I won't be one of them. In fact, other than the times when lame ass officers tries to backstab a harmless NSF, I think the general experience was wholesome. I am not really sure if I had talked about all this before, but I guess it won't hurt. It's needless to say that we forge deep friendship with our buddies(although I don't get to bunk with them, but we do nap together), people like Alwyn, Wee Yen, Jin Wei, Jun Hao and loads more, there are also the officers and DX. The officiers at AWSB taught me quite a lot of stuff and departed quite an amount of wisdom to me. The feeling they give me is comaradrie(did I get the word right?) kind of feeling. It feels good. Even people like Rene, although we have only worked together for barely a year, I think she knows more about me then some of my friends that I have made schooling.

It's amazing how this kinds of things happen, yet all you can do is to indulge in the sweetness of those memories. Asking for a meal with these people may be quite a task, don't you think? Maybe it's just me, but will you people friend it awkward if you were invited to such gathering and find that you guys have nothing to talk about? I guess it most probably is a psychological barrier.

Memories slowly flow to the other side, time swiftly flash across our minds.
Till the end of them all, will they meet once more.
今天的你还好吗？

Thinking is no longer logical.
Feeling was ever magical.
Maybe if I pause thoughts, then I will see once more.

IQ test

I did a IQ test that was recommended in my notes. It was only 15mins. Those who are interested can go try http://www.intelligencetest.com. From my point of view, and my scores, the questions are fairly easy, other then the general knowledge ones which, as the test also suggests, that I am weak in. Results as follows:

Full analytical report for sam

Please bookmark this page; it will be available online for two weeks. You may also print a copy of each section for your records.

General statistics

Total number of questions: 30
Questions answered: 30
Questions not answered: 0
Questions answered correctly: 27
Questions answered incorrectly: 3
Percentage correct answers: 90 %

Your age adjusted IQ score is 132 and the average score for all test takers is 100.

Your Grade ** Gifted **

Anyone with a general IQ this high is considered to be gifted. You have the ability to think critically, conceptualize ideas and form your own conclusions. Your ability to think in patterns and to produce order out of chaos enables you to handle complexities and see logic in everything. Needless to say you are self-aware of your abilities and have the brains for all known occupations. If you think of intelligence as the ability to adapt easily to new situations then you are at the top of the charts.

Standard Deviation: 15

The bell curve (also called a "normal curve" or "normal distribution") is a graph that shows approximately how much of the population falls into each IQ range. In theory, if we tested everyone in the world with a traditional IQ test, most people would score in the "Average" range. A smaller number would score moderately below average and moderately above average. Very high and very low scores are rare.

The scores and percentiles above apply to tests that have a standard deviation of 15 points. The Stanford Binet Fourth Edition (Binet FE) has a standard deviation of 16 and the Wechsler scales (such as the WPPSI-R, the WISC-III, and the WAIS-III) have a standard deviation of 15. Therefore, for different scales the percentages may vary.
Click here to convert your score to the Cattell and Stanford-Binet scale.

Grade Statistics

Grade	Range	Percent
Genius	>144	0.13%
Gifted	130-144	2.14%
Above average	115-129	13.59%
Higher average	100-114	34.13%
Lower average	85-99	34.13%
Below average	70-84	13.59%
Borderline low	55-69	2.14%
Low	<55	0.13%

Mental abilities have the highest correlation with general intelligence of all objectively measurable abilities and they are the primary focus of this test. Furthermore the mental abilities targeted for measurement were specifically chosen because they have been shown to correlate highly with many other abilities. The graphs below show how you scored in various abilities such as pattern recognition and logical reasoning - skills which are all reliable predictors of academic achievement. Graphical representation of intelligence scores. Intelligence score chart Verbal Mathematics Spatial Logic Pattern Recognition General Knowledge Short Term Memory Visualization Classification Percentiles chart Verbal Mathematics Spatial Logic Pattern Recognition General Knowledge Short Term Memory Visualization Classification Strengths and weaknesses Your highest score was in Spatial Exceptional intelligence does not guarantee results -- to achieve excellence you must fully understand your strengths and learn to maximize your efforts. Knowing your greatest intellectual strength may give you insight into how you can improve your learning process, work better with others, or become more self aware of your abilities. According to this test your spatial skills are the most developed of all your intellectual capabilities - your capability to manipulate 3-D objects in space is your biggest strength. Your lowest score was in Classification Weaknesses are the roadblocks we face when trying to achieve our goals. Awareness of your weaknesses allows you to predict problems and find solutions ahead of time, thereby alleviating future headaches. According to this test your classification skills are the most underdeveloped of all your intellectual capabilities - your capability to discover the commonalities between words, pictures and objects is your biggest weakness.

career test

I have done the career test linked from Zhongyi's blog. It's based on your colour preference, which I find quit interesting as I have never come across this kind of test. Anyway here is the link if anyone is interested and the results for my test is below. By the way, I find it quite interesting but I still think being a researcher is too boring for me.

http://www.careerpath.com/career-tests/colorcareercounselor.aspx

sam, based on our experience with many different professionals, your color preferences indicate that the occupations below best suit your personality and interests. Note also that a listed profession, never before considered, may seem off. For example, if you love to type, data entry operator might be listed as well, even though you want to be a fiction writer.

BEST OCCUPATIONAL CATEGORY

You're a RESEARCHER

Key Words: Independent, Self-Motivated, Reserved, Introspective, Analytical, and Curious

e investigative types gather information, analyze and interpret data, and inquire to uncover new facts. They have a strong scientific orientation, enjoy academic or research environments and prefer self-reliant jobs. Dislikes are group projects, selling, and repetitive activities.

RESEARCHER OCCUPATIONS
Suggested careers are College Professor, Physician, Psychologist, Pharmacist, Chemist, Marketing Research, Inventor, Sales Forecasting, Project Engineer, Dentist, Identifying Consumer Demand, Chiropractor, Dentist, Medical Technician, Optometrist, Research & Development Manager, Respiratory Therapist, Real Estate Appraiser, Chiropractor, Veterinarian, Geologist, Physicist, Science Teacher, Medical Technologist, and Author of Technical Books.

RESEARCHER WORKPLACES
Task-oriented careers where you can become absorbed in the job, be original and creative, and not conform to rigid company rules will work best for you. Unstructured organizations, for example, that allow you to sail your own ship are vital.

Suggested Researcher workplaces are universities and colleges, home office positions, medical facilities, computer-related industries, scientific foundations and think tanks, research firms, and design laboratories.

2nd BEST OCCUPATIONAL CATEGORY

You're an ORGANIZER

Key Words: Self-Control, Practical, Self-Contained, Orderly, Systematic, Precise, and Accurate

These conservative appearing, plotting-types enjoy organizing, data systems, accounting, detail, and accuracy. They often enjoy mathematics and data management activities such as accounting and investment management. Persistence and patience allows them to do detailed paperwork, operate office machines, write business reports, and make charts and graphs.

Contradictary

Today, I have lessons at 9, but came to school early cause I hitched a ride from my parents. I am rather surprised that the school is actually already opened at 7, only that the classrooms are not opened. But, by 0730, the school staff will start to open the classrooms. Nonetheless, it has no difference to me as there is no power sockets for students in the classrooms, so I decided to stay in the corridors.

It has been 1 week since I left Panalpina, but honestly, not much work has been done(none in fact). Its really a very waste of time and lack of self-discipline. I haven't really started out on any of the things I aim to do. I just checked my grades for 2 of my modules and I got an average of 75 for both modules, which I think is the average score that people should be getting. I need to work harder than this if I want to get my first class.

I know I want it, yet I am not doing it.
I think sometimes doing maths is much better.
我站在这平衡点，但却感到有点危险。
者是否就是擦肩而过，还是一种无情的考验。

Numb but still hurts

Today, lessons ended way ahead of time as there was nothing left to cover given today was the last lesson for that module. Amy and I walked around the campus and found a corner to chit-chat while waiting for her friend, who was picking her up.

She started pouring about her ex-boyfriend and stuff, when she suddenly turned the arrow and talked about my "patience". When we were leaving she patted my back and asked me not to be sad. I wasn't exactly lying that I wasn't sad, but I was at least thinking about it.

I feel numb, but yet I experience pain.
In or out?

Getting Serious

I just finished studying 1 chapter from 1 of my modules. I am not actually being hard working, this is actually the result for feeling guilty for not spending the week off more effectively. I quited my job hoping that I will have more time to study. But, turns out I am just thinking it too easy. Although, I am going back to work next week, I have made my mind to quit after the 1 week that I promised to help them out. This time hopefully I will stick to my decision and not fall for guilt trip again.

Alright back to work, just like said I was studying after feeling guilty and I came to a conclusion. I am still more used to studying in the night, especially when everyone is asleep. I guess there is less distraction from the family. Fortunately, after 3 days off slacking and playing, I am starting to get bored of playing games. But, I do still have 1 more big temptation...and that is to sit back and enjoy Simpsons. I am really addicted to it at the moment. I have finished one and a half season in the 3 days and I still have 3 more episodes loaded waiting to be watched.

Well, I think if I don't want to regret my decision of quiting my job is to get serious and make better use of my time. Even, if I don't do well enough to go into honors(I don't think I will fail the course, then again, I shouldn't even give it any chance), I will feel better because I would dare to say that I have gave it my all.

So, I need to get serious and get things done. At the moment, I can only think of 3 things on my agenda list:

1) Studies - First Class Honors (Keeping my fingers crossed on this one)
2) Fitness - Lose 10kg? Get my strength back?
3) DI - Think of ways to improve the situation (At the moment, I don't even know what situation I am talking about.

Oh...I forgot one more thing...

*) Her - I will need someone to remind me of the above.

Sweet memories. But, probably gone with the wind...

trust

I place a lot of faith in my trust, but sometimes life just leaves me wondering whether I should continue to place my faith with it.

I am always disappointed by the happenings around me. I try to give benefit of the doubt, but sometimes the truth just stares right at me.

Yet, I don't want to stop believing, otherwise I don't know what else I can have faith in.

What is having faith and what is gullible?
Where is the line?
Trust or Denial?

communicating vs knowing

Somethings becomes better when communicated.
Somethings are better just knowing.

In our modern age, communication between one another is getting more and more filtered, more and more different. People say many problems can be solved by communicating, but from what I have learned it may not be necessary.

But indeed, sometimes certain things are better left unspoken, because the truth may not always be the best. I just watched Batman and something similar was quoted.

Sometimes even if one knows the truth, they still want to be told.

So, who is to know what should be communicated and whats not?

Its hard to communicate, hard to know at the same time.

Somehow at this point, I realise I have no idea what I am writing about.

What do you want me to say?
I want to know...

Its back

I don't like the results, yet I seek the process.
I was free from its clutches, till now.
The symptoms are starting to pour in and fall into place.
I am not sure, but I think I should make it go away.
One thing is for sure...
...its back.

a break

Previously, I was very busy with work, but now its better. But, because of my heavy workload, I was starting to feel very unhappy that I don't have much personal time. So, I decided not to go for Sunday practice for the time being.

But of course, there were other factors leading to this decision and one of which is that my passion is burning out. Certain happenings really question me, why do I even bother doing what I do.

To make things worse, there have to be some spoilers to make life difficult for everyone.

However, despite the whole episode, I am very happy and touched to know that there are people who really care.

I guess sometimes when we are lost, we just need someone to guide us back on track.

Need to let it go

I hear what I don't wish to hear.
I see what I don't wish to see.
I feel what I don't wish to feel.
Yet, I don't hear, see and feel what I wish.

My heart aches when I hear it.
Every word is but a dagger stabbed to the heart.
My mind shuts when I see it
Every moment is but a void warped in the mind.

I feel sad, my heart freezes.
I feel angry, my heart burns.
I feel disappointed, my heart aches.
I feel lost, my heart is no where to be found.


Life is fragile but shouldn't sad.
I should believe in my passion.
Hoping that this is not my destiny.
I will not let others decide my fate.

I will learn and improve, but not to please you.
I will earn what I deserve and be accomplished.
But, now I need to let it go.

不会爱

海风微微的吹着 月光是多么的柔和
你坐在我的身旁 我是多么的快乐

温柔的眼神 可爱的酒窝
话虽只是三两句 但我无可自拔的爱上你

我爱得很深 也爱得很真
但这一切的一切 只是一厢情愿
因为你重来都没有爱过我

我付出的那么多 又爱得那么深
难道你还没感道我的真诚

我想帮你圆梦 我愿借你肩膀
但是未曾有这种机会

到了最后 我只能接受
我不会爱

能不能有人来教教我
因为我真的不会爱

Utterly Disappointed

Look at the time of this entry and you would know that this entry was written during working hours. First of all, I am on leave today and was supposed to be at Nan Hua now giving my leadership workshop. But, due to some unknown reason, the initial 11 ppl that expressed interest on Sun boil down to only 3. I still decided to continue, despite the number of turn-up. But, this morning when I was just about to leave house, I received a call saying that there are only 2 left and that 1 of them has to leave at 10. Naturally, I canceled the whole thing, because its totally no point anymore.

I was already very disappointed that guys are not interested. Now...I really don't know what to say. Furthermore, given the comparison this year with Crescent, it just makes me even more heart broken. I have no idea what happen to Nan Hua. Some people say its because they are not "ripe" yet, but how do you explain about the course last year with the current sec3s and even the current sec2 Crescent. I have already ordered for a "report" for the reason for the utterly poor turn-out.

Haiz...it just goes on to make reconsider again and again whether I should even bother anymore.

On a lighter note, I know some have realized that I have been blogging less. That's because of my exhausting job which just became even more exhausting on last Monday. So, now I come home too tired to think of what to blog about and only want to cherish the valuable time that I have to do what I enjoy more. Maybe I should take some pictures of my office desk when I am working. Its like a tornado just swept through. Lol. With the increased workload, I can't even afford to be listening to the radio where I get most of the my inspirations these days. So, I guess you guys can only expect less works of mine.

Till next time...

right is wrong?

Did I do something wrong?
Why do I sense hostility?
I feel horrible...

a painful lie

Girl:Dear...I have something I want to tell you.
Guy:What is it?

Girl:I am leaving Singapore.
Guy:Oh...but what for?

Girl:I want to further my studies.
Guy:Ok...when will you be back?

Girl:I don't know.5 years...10 years...who knows?I might even stay there for good.
Guy:Has your parents agreed yet?

Girl:*Sigh*Look...I don't want to beat about the bush. I like people who are more exciting, you are just not exciting enough. Since, people over there are said to be very exciting, I guess you don't need to worry about me.
Guy:But...but, I can change...I can be...

Girl:It's no use...we are just not meant to be together.Goodbye~

Girl turns and leaves.

Years later guy fell in love with another girl and got married soon after that.

One year during Qing Ming Festival...

Guy:Erm...hi...aren't you Girl's mother?I am Guy.
Mother:Oh...Guy...it's been awhile.

Guy notices the picture on the tombstone...it belonged to Girl.

Mother:I guess its about time you no about the truth.
Guy:The truth?!?!

Mother:The truth is Girl didn't go overseas at all, instead she was diagnosed with cancer and had only one month left.
Guy:Cancer...?

Mother:She decided that pain and suffering for one person is enough, so she decided to lie to you. How I wish we could tell you the truth, but Girl forbid it. She was crying everyday, sometimes from pain, sometimes from a broken heart. Even on her last day, tears was all over her face when she past away.

Guy turned to the tombstone.

Guy:Why did you lie to me? You knew I hate people lying to me...

At first, Girl seem to be heartless, but turns out that she is selfless.
Self-sacrifice...how much is it appreciated?Could it be appreciated in time?
Cherish is the word.

beyond control

Finally, Gentarasa has come to an end. Despite the fact that I wanted it to come to an end badly, I have to agree with one of the Silat guys that after it has ended life will enter a state of emptiness, be it temporary or permanent.

Now, I am just generally left with NDP to clear before I semi-retire from dance.

One after another, come and go.
Wounds would heal, comes the scar.
Pain could hide, scar stays in the light.
Nature answers to nobody, just like how somethings are beyond control.

you are everywhere...

I have been feeling very restless lately because of the amount of time taken up by silat, but since next Saturday is the performance I shall bare with it for a little more.

Although, I said that I won't be blogging until end of silat, but today finally I found the answer to a question that I was unable to answer.

Well, I only can say that its a very contradicting feeling, but I guess that's life.

It would never be...would it?

Stretched

Haven't being blogging for a very long time. In fact, some of the previous entries not much content also. Recently, really very busy and tired with all the silat and wushu. Well, its good work out and everything. But, for the silat item, I am really not happy doing this show.

A lot of reasons as to why I am unhappy about it, ranging from taking too much time to sarcastic comments from some people. Of course, there are more reasons, but I prefer not to say.

Now, I am so busy with all these things, I no longer have time for myself. Actually, there are a lot of things that I want to do, but can't do them cause I don't even have time to rest. Haiz...

Online clothes Store

I am helping a friend advertise this:

http://purplehippocloset.wordpress.com/

So, if you see anything you like just contact her.

Eternal Rose

Rose loves to receive roses, that's why her husband will buy her a bouquet of roses during every year's Valentine's Day.

Rose's husband passed away one day and Rose fell into depression thinking she will not be receiving roses from his husband anymore.

Surprisingly, the following year's Valentine's Day she continued to receive roses. As always the card would read:

My love for you would grow with every single day. Would you still be my valentine?

Rose wasn't surprised with receiving the bouquet knowing that her husband was someone who always planned ahead.

During the days after Rose lost her husband, she would sit in his favorite chair and recall their fond memories. On the Valentine's Day one year after, Rose's husband passed away, she sit in that same chair as always.

Suddenly, the door bell rang and to her surprise a man from the florist holding a bouquet of roses. She signed over the bouquet, still in disbelief. She slowly walked back to the chair thinking that this must be some sort of joke.

So, she picked up the phone and called the florist.

Florist:Hi Rose, we expected that you would call. The bouquet that was delivered to you is from your husband. He has instructed us to send a bouquet to you every Valentine's Day. He had already paid the money in advance. He also left us a special card, which should he pass away, we will deliver it to you together with the roses.

Rose couldn't control her tears as she put down the phone. She reached for the card that was placed nicely at the heart of the bouquet and sat back into the chair to read it.

It has been one year since I left you, how are you my dear wife? I know how much you love roses that's why I had made such an arrangement with the florist. Let these roses remind you of the happy memories we had together. I hope that at the same time you can move on and not remain in the shadow of my death. The florist will continue to deliver the roses to you every Valentine's Day as long as you answer the door. The florist will come for up to 5 times on the day in case you are not at home. After 5 times, the florist will know that the roses will no longer be required to be delivered anymore.

As that is when we meet again......

老海龟

Intro you guys quite nice song.

damn she is gd...

She wrote the lyrics at 12 and added the tune at 14...


自言自语
词/曲:范晓萱
编曲:钱幽兰

天是灰色的
雨是透明的
心是灰色的
我是透明的哈～
爱是盲目的
恋是疯狂的
痴是可悲的
我是绝对的
你是自由的
我是附属的
她是永远的
我是错误的
梦是美好的
你是残酷的
我是灰色的
我是透明的
你是自由的
我是附属的
她是永远的
我是错误的
梦是美好的
你是残酷的
我是灰色的
我是透明的
梦是美好的
你是残酷的
我是灰色的
我是透明的
天是灰色的
雨是透明的
心是灰色的
我是透明的哈～

Just one more try

This story takes place in a 7-eleven convenient store.

Girl works at a 7-eleven as a cashier. Guy comes comes every night to accompany Girl through the night. The two of them soon became very good friends and would feel uneasy not seeing the other party for 1 day.

One day:

Guy: Will you be my girlfriend?
Girl:Hmm...If only you catch me 100 soft toys from the machine outside.
Guy:That's easy enough. Just give me one night.
Girl:But, you only can catch 1 per day.
Guy:Anything for you.

So, Guy comes every night, changing for coins with Girl first, then proceeds to challenge the machine. Each night after catching the soft toy of the day, Guy gives it to Girl and leaves the store for the day.

On the 99th day:

Guy: Can I catch 2 soft toys today to make it a 100?
Girl: Nope. Its the rule.
Guy: Please! It wouldn't make much difference.
Girl: No. You have to wait.

Guy feeling disappointed proceeds with his routine of catching the soft toy and leaves after passing the prize to Girl.

On the 100th day, Girl goes to work looking forward to receiving the last soft toy. But, she waited and waited Guy didn't come. Girl was worried and thought that something might have happened to Guy, but she realised after knowing Guy for so long she didn't asked for his number or address.

On the 101th day, a lady came running in.

Lady:Are you Girl?
Girl:Yeah...you are?
Lady:I am Guy's mother. I understand that Guy comes here every night to chat with you, its hard to ignore how much he likes you. Guy is now in the hospital and he doesn't have a lot of time left. I hope you can visit Guy with me.
Girl:...ok...I just give me a minute.

At the hospital:

Guy:You finally came...I am...so...happy...

Guy holding his hand out and passed Girl a coin.

Lady:He has been holding that in his hands since he was admitted yesterday.

Girl was too touched to speak.

Lady:Guy! No...

Guy passed away.

Girl then found out that Guy was diagnosed with a chronic disease and had to be admitted on the 100th day of their agreement. Guy knowing that he might not be able to walk out of the hospital ever again, hoped to at least finish what he started with. But, its all too late. If only Girl had allowed Guy to bend the rules a bit, Guy might not have to die with regrets. There's nothing the could have done now.

This story maybe a bit too drama for your liking, but it does tell you that we might not know what will happen tomorrow. If Girl had cherish their relationship more, then maybe she won't have to bear that terrible guilt.

Someones sincerity can be for eternity, but time doesn't stop.

Watch...only those who bothers will understand...

PBWS->Happy Birthday!.....->PBWS

In less than another 1hour, I will be 21 years old officially. The party over and done with, now back to life again. I know I should be feeling happy and should have enjoyed my birthday as much as I can, but somehow its just not the case.

I received a lot of messages wishing/hoping that I enjoyed myself. Well, I did but I guess not to the fullest. Seriously, it sucks! I tried very hard to keep things in good lights somehow it just has to collapse at the last minute. It just goes to show how weak the foundation is.

I think I think too much, I always do. I guess how I feel now is how you would feel when you screwed up your own birthday. Then again, its the mentality.

This years birthday has NO feel.

I hate my phone.

PS:As much as I am "emo-ing" here, I still wish to thank everyone for coming and also for the presents and birthday wishes. I could only hope that it was at least fun for the rest of you. At least, I dare say I didn't give up on The Project.

洋葱

Recently, I have been listening to 933 a lot since I am in office most of the time and started to love this song. At first, I only like it for its melody, but after I read the lyrics I just love the song even more. Furthermore, the song suits the "emo" me just nice at the moment. As a bonus it is written by ah xing from mayday. If you guys want to listen to it, its available on track 17 on my imeem playlist. Enjoy!

歌手：杨宗纬 专辑：鸽子

作词/作曲:阿信(五月天)

如果你眼神能够为我
片刻的降临
如果你能听到
心碎的声音
沉默的守护著你
沉默的等奇迹
沉默的让自己
像是空气
大家都吃著聊著笑著
今晚多开心
最角落里的我
笑得多合群
盘底的洋葱像我
永远是调味品
偷偷的看著你
偷偷的隐藏著自己
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会发现你会讶异
你是我最压抑
最深处的秘密
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会鼻酸你会流泪
只要你能听到我
看到我的全心全意

听你说你和你的他们
暧昧的空气
我和我的绝望
装得很风趣
我就样一颗洋葱
永远是配角戏
多希望能与你有一秒
专属的剧情

The Project - Finale

Finally! The Projected has finally been completed! Although, it has been compromised too many times to be remembered in order to complete it, it is finally finished. Personally, I find it very sloppy work, but I hope that people receiving it will still like it. I can't wait!

Job Hurray!

Finally, I found a job, actually Zhi Yan was the one. Because, he introduced me to a job agency. I am going to start work on monday and the best thing is I am going to work at the same company as Zhi Yan. Lol.

But on the contrary, now that I have found a job means I will have less time and I haven't finish my project.Damn!Hope for the best...

Beautiful dream, ugly awakening

Just got back from PA after wushu practice for a performance in April. I have to say that all the physical work done tonight was equal or more than a month's worth of exercise that I have been doing for the past months.

This morning I had a very beautiful dream, how I wish it was reality. Oh well... Unfortunately, I was awaken by the noisy lift renovations for the opposite block. I tried to get back into the dream, which I did, but it was interrupted with constant knocking sounds. In the end, I gave in and woke up at 9+.

I have had this sort of dreams for a few times, not going to discuss about the content, although its not real but it does light up my day.Haha...

Anyway, the other day I tried to sell some books to a second hand bookstore. I wanted to sell 4 of them, 2 of them being popular titles, and the uncle actually quoted me $10. $10 for all 4. I was like, "Are you crazy?" So, I decided not to sell them for that miserable $10 which I won't die without or become very much well off. Random but concludes as don't try to sell books to this people, they will probably try to rip you off.

Updates

I just came home at about 10pm. After, I took my bath, I checked my emails and stuff and stone in front of the laptop till now. I don't know why I just don't feel like doing anything and its a bit early to sleep considering the time that I actually wake up. Its as if I am waiting for something to happen. But anyway, finally I decided to do a mass blog update since I haven't been updating, after I finished fiddling with the lightscribe program on my laptop.

Anyway for those who doesn't know what does lightscribe mean, it is a technology for CD-drives to be able to burn cover "stickers". I am not very sure about it also, but I think other than the CD, you need the "sticker" for the drive to have a surface to burn onto.

Anyway, just to briefly summarise about my job interview. It was not what I expected from the description given to me and turned out to be MLM, which made me quite unhappy due to the fact that I was "conned" and more importantly I wasted about 3-4h of my time. So, of course, I turned down the job, if you can call it a job.

We watched Juno last weekend. It was quite entertaining, I recommend to people who need something light to brighten their day. But, one thing about the movie is that, you need to understand the jokes to be able to appreciate the movie.

I had my driving test yesterday and I failed. Although, I got 32points, I won't say I failed badly. Because 10 was from hitting down the pole at parallel parking when I was coming OUT, when I was reversing. I was really careless about that one and shouldn't be a mistake that I would have made. And another 8 from causing a car to slow down AND overtake me when I did a left turn from minor to major. Well, for this one I was thinking that the car was really far and I can manage to complete the turn. But, I didn't know that he was traveling at such high speed(according to the instructor). Anyway, without this two, I would have passed with a decent 14 points which I think everyone would agree. The only thing that I am really annoyed with failing is that I have to go back to BBDC again, which for some reason I hate going. Partly maybe because it is freaking expensive to learn with the school.

Recently, don't feel like blogging, thats why there is a lack in updates. Although, I resoluted to blog daily, still I don't think it is pretty much do-able. Not unless I am really going to turn my blog into a today blog, which I would rather not have a blog to begin with. For some reason, I feel that I am losing my faith for blogging. I wonder why...

Interview

Tomorrow, I am scheduled for an interview at Eunos. Although, I was the one who said that the distance is not the concern, the thought that I might also have a job offer at Clementi gives me a headache.

Well, all I can do is to just go for the interview and see how it goes. If I am destined to work at Eunos, then so be it. But, on a brighter note, over the phone the Eunos job sounds very attractive in terms of pay and the scope. But, I guess I will only really know tomorrow.

On a side note, I finally managed to reorganise my music files, took me a while though.

Haiz...I still haven't start with The Project although I had already finished my Lord of the Rings.

Lord of the Borings

Finally, I finished reading The Lord of the Rings after buying the book for 4years. It is indeed very boring and dry book. But, I definitely got a very big satisfaction from it. I guess the book will stay on my shelf to rate for the rest of eternity.Haha...

Tiong Bahru blackout

I went to Tiong Bahru Plaza just now with my family to watch CJ7 with my family. The whole complex actually went blackout! So, the movie went out halfway and the emergency lights came on. The power supply only came back on after about 30minutes.

Then, we were allowed to continue with the movie and at the end of it we were given a complimentary ticket each, with NO expiry date. Ain't that cool?

Anyway, I find the movie average, as the plot has very little development. The only thing that gives it a plus is the cuteness of CJ7.

The year has started out good, hope it will continue to roll on.

Chingay finally ending

Yesterday, practice ended at 1115pm. It was super late as a lot of time is wasted waiting. We were asked to gather at 730pm but it only started at 800pm and we had to wait somemore as the China dancers were not familiar with the stage area. Then, when we are finally done we had to go to City Hall to practice on the stage. But, turns out that we have to wait for the China dancers again as they left PA late.

Once again, the whole unhappy episode was caused by poor management and time planning.

My favourite ice cream

Finally,got to eat it after craving so long. Because it is rarely sold now. I only know 3 places which still sells it.

How rude!

Today, was on the bus, when I saw a man who was chasing after my bus yet about 10-20m away from the departing bus, made a very vulgar gesture at the bus driver. That gesture, although often seen, disgusted me as the man surely wasn't using it as a form of joke. Furthermore, if someone was to be blamed for the fact that he didn't get on the bus, it should be him.

What's wrong with this kind of people? He just has to wait for another bus. If he was running late, then why don't he go to the bus stop early. If its something urgent, then take a cab. I don't think money should be saved in times of need. Seriously, I think either he has an issue with being punctual or just not patient.

Seriously, Singaporeans in general lack punctuality and patience. Just take the example of wedding dinners, surely there will be people who are late. As for those who are punctual for once might choose to be late the next, as they can't stand waiting for others who are late. This is just an egg and chicken situation. Although, its better to have punctuality and patience, it is not going to happen. Not at least in Singapore...not at least in the near future...

Over promising

I just tried this game,Call of Duty4, both single and multi player. For single player, so far almost everything has impressed me. The graphics, game play, story and other stuff. As for the multi player, either I haven't finish exploring the whole game or there is too little job class to choose from. This results in lack of variety. If it could input some more elements of Wolfenstein:Enemy Territory, it would be better. At the moment, I am just getting thrashed online.

Anyway, pardon me for the lack of content in my entries, because I realised I have more and more things that I want to accomplish but are time consuming even after considering that I am not really working.

That also reminds me that I also realised that I tend to over promise. This bad habit has to go, if not its only going to make life difficult for people.

Ah Long Pte Ltd

Today, went to watch this movie and true enough, like the ratings, the movie was very disappointing despite Jack Neo's previous better productions. It's definitely justifiable why its only rated 1/2 star.

Childhood friends

Today, met up officially with my childhood friends after about 9 years. We played Game of Life and Big 2. Although, it was a short meet up, it was still fun.=)

Game of Life!!!
eliza:hmm...let's see...

Shi Shi(same age as me; once my primary school classmate):what are you looking at?

My Brother:My turn!

Happy Chinese New Year

I want to wish everyone a Happy Chinese New Year. All the best in the coming year. Huat ar!

Erp Drift

http://www.mrbrownshow.com/2008/02/04/the-mrbrown-show-2-many-2-count-erp-drift/

I strongly recommend you people to listen to this Mr Brown podcast. Its super funny. Enjoy.

Disappointed

Today, nothing eventful happened. I went to SIM to apply for my psychology course and Mayflower to help Connie(though didn't do much).

Today, I saw something that disappointed me. Although, it is none of my business, somehow it still got to me.

I am so weak.

Further education

The psychology course that I will be taking will either be 57k at SIM or 27k at SIM University. Its so freaking expensive, but what to do? This is what happens when you don't study hard.

Anyway, yesterday was too sick to blog after I got back from supper and Chingay. The long period of time wearing my contacts made the "suffering" even more unbearable. Yesterday, my margin was really bad. Luckily, today feeling better already.

Nothing much to blog about, so I should call it a day.

Simple, yet powerful

Ever wondered how powerful simple things can be? Even simple words like "I love you" or even "Thank you". It just touches the heart. Although, more than often people nowadays choose to use this words loosely, still I choose to take it for their face value. I would feel better that way anyhows.

Haven't been feeling right for the past week or so, but now as I am writing this I feel much better. I am really glad that there are people around me who cares but just that they don't say or show it. Still it was good to be reminded of that fact, otherwise self pity might just set in.

If what you said was a dream, I wish I would never wake up from it...

Its different when you are up there

Well, Chingay is coming to an end and I must say this year is the year that I hate most. Why? I feel that the organisation of the group is a total disaster. Although, last year I was also dancing for PA, it was not as bad.



I don't know what went wrong or what changed, my gut feeling tells me that its most likely because of the theme this year. So, the sponsors has different kind of expecations, so much so that it is totally not what the choreographers had in mind. I guess its not easy to come up with a dance let alone making it please people who has little or even no knowledge about dance choreography. But, I guess thats "showbiz" for you.



A lot of people, including myself, are really not happy with the management, be it for whatever reason. But regardless, I have to say that sometimes they can't help it with the demands pressing down on them. I am quite sure handling the PA dancers is much harder than handling DIY dancers. So, if I was to be the one up there, I might get the same response from people.



Of course, we all have to agree that either way, the system now is actually not working. And since PA, is always involved in Chingay every year, shouldn't there be a system set down for easier handling of things? Just like what Si Ping said about the Chingay brief the other day, since it is an event with such a rich history and it is a annually bigt scale event for PA, it should have a system laid down for whoever is handling the project. This way experience gets collected along the way and past down.



But, so much said, I am first of all in no position to say anything and its always easier said than done. Well, nonetheless, I still hope that I needn't go through "the system" for the third time.

Reaching out

Reach out of the darkness,
extend towards the light.
Shower me with happiness,
give me strength and might.

But with your doors shut,
I can only stay out.
I called out to you,
all I get is absence, of you.

I tried, yet I failed.
All that is left, is all about to drift.

Great loss

Today, I had a 6h window between my driving lesson and my tuition lesson. I didn't go home, instead I went to Lot 1 to shop around and camped at the library. I spent my time there thinking of ideas for The Project and was reading through the old entries of my blog. There is so much that I haven't even finish looking through half of them.

Anyway, thats not the main point of today's entry. Today, when looking through the old entries, I realised that during the course my life I had many close friends from time to time. But, as we moved on with our own lives, these close friends became "not so close", which I think is a pity.

I guess this is the way of life, although its very sad, so I guess it can't be helped. What a great loss!

But, on a lighter note, we get to make new friends as time goes by at the same time. Although, I have to admit that it does not offset the loss that we would have made, not anywhere near.

Pros & Cons

After 1 day of using Vista, I conclude that like any other thing, there are pros and cons. But to me, I feel that I still prefer XP. Its more advance and has a lot of cool functions, but because its too advance some of my programs actually are not compatible with Vista.

But, thats how things are everything has their pros and cons, even directions there is left and right. But at times there are things that are only either right or either wrong. There is no space for grey area.

New Laptop

Just more or less finish "restoring" my new laptop to the settings of the the old laptop. Anyway just a bit of joke from the purchase. Zhongyi and Zhi Yan will enjoy this.

Salesperson:I can give you a free ram upgrade and 5-years warranty. But sorry, I can't give you your 1399 reward points.

Me:The points are not the cause of concern.

And I was right...

For 1000pts:
PC 5031 Mini Vacuum Cleaner USB (U.P.: $ 18.90)

For 1500pts:
Either

Verbatim CDR Gold 100pcs (U.P.: $14.90)

Or

Imation DVD-R 16x

50 Spindle Cake Box (U.P.:$29.90)

Or

Imation DVD-R 16x

50 Spindle Cake Box (U.P.:$29.90)

The free upgrade would have otherwise cost $199 and the 5-years warranty about $400(?). So, you people do your maths, was the points ever a cause of concern?Lol.

Resolution

Finally, started to do something about the The Project. After a long struggle, maybe I won't use the pictures for the project. Why try something that I am not good at and take the risk of messing it up when it can be simple and sweet? Anyway, that day I was doing a bit of cleanup and I realised that some of the materials for The Project are missing. Doh! Oh well, I guess I just have to make do with wait I have. After I finish Lord of the Rings(Book) and Prison Break(Video), I am going to put my heart and soul into The Project. I should still have ample time for it.



Anyway just now when I was doing something for The Project, I was thinking about what Meijee said the other day about the meaning of keeping a blog. Well, although I have different definition of a blog, I realised that I have forgotten my intial intention for keeping a blog and that was to keep track of the stages of my life and thoughts I had. And I realised that in the pass when I used to blog everyday, I was able to keep to that. So, why can't I now? So, I have decided to make daily blogging a resolution for this year.



But, that is of course after I get my laptop. Nowadays, I don't really get to use the computer unless my brother is not at home. Not that I mind, but I just feel "crippled" if you know what I mean. Sad but true, thats the problem with people these days.

Below the ranks

After so many "complains" from my fellow "fans", I decided that I will blog on the stuff that I thought was worth blogging on this long enter.

I went to work part time at PA for a week last week. I have to admit that I learned some stuff from the job(like liaison related stuff and the rough outline of how to make props using Styrofoam), I can't help but think that I was rather ignored during the week.

This was the situation:
I was hired to cover the job of another temp. staff who had to help out at a workshop. So, I do my admin work and soon enough I completed my work. Since, the work assigned was rather easy, other than the fact that I try not to be accountable for the work as I am only working for 1 week, I had to ask my boss regarding everything I do. Since, for the admin part there wasn't much to do, I had a lot of free time, which left me to conclude that hiring me was actually not really necessary.

Then, I was asked to help out at the workshop as they think they won't be able to finish the props in time for the media brief. Although, when I accepted the job, I was only told that I would be required to do admin stuff. I thought that since I am free anyway, why not? But, as the course was already halfway when I went there, I was a bit disorientated and don't know how to start helping. Yet, there was no one there to orientate me. I know I should take initiative and look for areas to help, but I admit I this form of art is just not my play field. I know nuts about it, so I don't really know what I should do.

Later, I got orientated, but only until much later. Then, I was asked to OT to help meet the deadline and I agreed. But, I ended with really bad backache. During the whole thing, I was rather ignore. I know this is childish but somehow I felt as if I was back in school where people have their own cliques. Except, this time there was only 1 and I was outside.

So, basically I didn't like my week working at PA. But, I guess I learned something else because of this. Usually, when I am assigned work, I am usually assigned as at least one of the leaders. So, there is at least some say in what the group is doing. Even, when I was not the leader, I was still able to give comments and suggestions as the things I do are mostly around the areas of my expertise. But, when you are below the ranks and know nuts about the subject, then I suggest you "suck thumb" follow.

Alright, that is quite a lot of complaining for one entry. Some of you may not really catch what I am really trying to express as a lot of things I choose not to elaborate, as it would take too long, you can ask me personally. Anyway, I think I might be blogging again tomorrow, since there is something else, but I don't want the entry to be too long.

A dream

I had a dream yesterday night. It seemed like an reenactment of what happened the other day, it just ended with that question. The question that I gave a very lousy reason to answer. It was only part of truth, part of truth which I really have no idea whether to reveal.

My heart stopped when you popped the question. I was really caught off guard. I told you it is only natural, but there was more to it. I don't know what will happen if I told you the truth. Maybe you already know the truth and was just testing me.

I don't know what I should tell you and what I should not. It takes effort to make things happen, but it takes more effort to make things not happen.

I don't know where I stand and where I should stand.

Messed up

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I am just not feeling fine(if that is the word to describe it). I just feel so disinterested in anything and everything. The mood that I am in nowadays, I myself can't understand(not that I ever had). I just feel so...so...broken and tired. Life is just not the same anymore. Change is constant, sad but true. There are things that will never change, but it might if the fuel runs out. How I wish you could just give me a tight slap and leave me...

Its a new year, but an old problem.

Something so familiar, yet I don't understand.
Things are just so messed up.