No, I am not talking about reading to yourself.
Yes, something like that. Answering your own questions.
But, I am different.
I talk to them.
Flares never lit the sky, voices always drown.
Messages just never seems to communicate.
Eyes are blind, ears are deaf.
Someone that was never there.
Racking through the library, flipping though pages of our memories.
All was a void in my mind.
~~~~~
Tear of the page and start over.
I was never good at writing stories.
Tearing off the pages was never easy.
But, I will keep doing it till it gets right.
Torn pages are not thrown away.
They are just kept somewhere I hope noone knows.
I am going to tear another page off and say goodbye.
But, this time it is different.
Stories are always told, but this time I never did.
It's a long time since I posted an entry. Well, this semester hasn't been the best one and I don't really look forward to receiving my results in Dec. But, it's too late to whine about it and I guess the best is not to let it happen again.
The last time I left off was in Aug, but I don't think there was much happening since there, nothing major. Exams are over and here comes the year end frenzy at Elsevier. But, I am not complaining, because I really like it there.
Recently, I made a promise to lose weigh and I even bought a weighing machine to make myself commit. I hope my willpower last enough for anything to take effect and maybe I could transfer the determination to my studies.
These few days was so enjoyable. I got to meet up with people, watch movies and just sit around without feeling guilty. In a few hours time(not exactly), I will be heading back to DI(finally). I really miss those days when I was in army when almost everything was about dance.
For now, I should just sit back relax and enjoy the breeze before I face the music.
Everything is reversed in your world. I seem to be walking backwards around you. I feel silly, but I am happy. It's a happy place to be. Maybe the day will come when I turn around facing you, maybe it won't come. But, let's just stop at this beautiful moment for now.
My arms are wide open, I am ready to embrace the world.
I am just waiting for something for me to hold tight.
I call out to you and watch time pass me by.
If you can hear my call, I am here.
I am not exactly missing one person here, so I just there is no point in asking who.
But, that person may be you. =)
Of these people that I miss, there are some who walked out of my life and some I let them walk out of my life.
It's probably too late to regret watching them just walk out like that without taking any actions.
Of course, I have wished that one day fate will bring us together again and maybe I could make up for lost time.
I could then say the things that I never said and do the things I that I never did.
But, all that is probably just dreaming because these things probably will forever stay as fantasies.
Unless one day, I see this fantasy coming true, its hard to believe.
Those that are still here might eventually leave one day, like the others did.
There is no dinner that lasts for ever.
But, yet I don't seem to be about to do anything about it.
It is always not the right time or feelings not right.
Most of all, I don't seem to be about express myself properly.
In the past, I over express myself.
But, now I can't seem to be able to even if I tried.
As I begin to uncover secrets to life, I discover keys to the unspoken closets in my heart.
I opened it to conclude that, its probably easier left shut.
Love is suppose to be irrational.
I couldn't explain my love for you.
Yet, when it is time to express my love.
I tried to rationalized something that never makes sense.
I really don't know how to express myself.
Looks like won't have a car to drive anytime soon...
We all have the Superego, Ego & Id which in layman term would mean stupid like "the angel and devil in your head".
The Superego is the angel and Id is devil.
The angel advocates morality and goodness and the devil advocates personal gains.
In a way, you end up as Ego balancing and keeping the 2 in check.
However, if it gets out of hand you probably become like this... 
Looked everywhere but just not there.
That little dark space just enough that I seem to care.
This is too big, that is too small.
Just can't seem to find the fit afterall.
I think of left, I take a right.
I just realised there is just no light.
I feel incomplete and need to know.
Where did the missing piece ever go?
I have no idea what is wrong with me, but I know the problem isn't you.
The things I do, the mistakes I make.
They just seem so wrong.
I need to get a grip and wake myself up.
Because it shouldn't bother me to this extent.
The more I learn, the more I discover.
There are things that I should know eariler.
