my mei

today did nth la...juz slack around...sleep a lot...rot a lot...haiz...everything is falling apart...i hav to pull myself together...i cannot continue lik tt...
after telling her tt i giv up i feel lik i hav no goal...i even feel useless...haiz...i duno how u feel...but i guess it doesnt bother u a lot...the moz is u replied my msgs...i dun tink u take more time to sit down n seriously tink abt the issue...but mayb i m wrong...n the truth is...i m always wrong...i used to b rtie all the time...in a bossy way...sumone pted it out...so i changed...but is dis better ...i duno... i duno when can i start to blive in my 6 sense again...i hope soon...
---------------------------------------------------------
24hr{S}a{E}:i decided to write a emergency coloumn today afterreading mt's od...dis coloumn is dedicated to mt...my mei...remember when i said u were my favouriter mei...i meant it...i still remember when i first saw u i knew tt u were the perfect mei...so i didnt waste anitime...n asked u to b my gan mei...n i told myself i will try to treat u lik my real mei...n try not to let u get hurt in any form...i didnt tell u dis ocz i tot tt it is rather embrassing...but now tt i hav failed to do so...i guess i hav to play a part in the blame...
i was veri shocked by ur entry...i tot tt u r better after things had settled...but i realises tt dere r mani under lying things tt i duno...dere will b nth i can do if u dun open urself up to mi...all i can do is to make u happi in any other way possible...i guess i couldnt even do tt now since i m tied down by my job...i m so useless...i juz cant do anithing rite...haiz...mayb i my fated dis way...but i still wan to try...so i hav put u first priority...
i duno did i tell u dis but my abit lik u...i dun tell ppl anithing...not even u or mao...i keep everything to myself...so if i get angry...the fire can b easily flared up by anithing...coz i guess i cant handle the pressure...i tink mayb u hav a similar case wit mi...i can tell a bit from daryl's issue...but fortunately it is resolved...the peacful way...
now i m sitting in front of my com typing dis entry...feeling lousy...i realli dun feel gd rite now...juz now when mother tok to mi...i didnt even reply a word...i guess she oso roughly no i m not in a gd mood...actually now if sumone get on my toes...i will explode immediately...i hadt been a gd kor...not to u...not to the rest of my meis...not to anione...i m such a failure in life...so wat if i got into a jc...does dis mean i can get cocky...NO!...firstly dere r ppl better off den mi...secondly my best friends arent dere wit mi...i had a tough time deciding...i duno wat to do wit life...i m afriad to trust my instinct...i m afraid tt i will make a wrong move in life again...
now i hav no aim wad so eva...my ambition...ha...i wun get dere if i lose my senses n instinct...my love...i cant even get her to go out wit US...haiz...wat a useless chap...if she sees dis she will start tinking "wat a realli useless chap...after all i hav told u...u r still so pessimistic...haiz..."...but the truth is i m juz lik tt...its hard to change...i m realli trying veri hard to bcum optimistic...but when sad things "trigger" of my memory i juz bcum the moz pessimistic person on earth...i realli duno wat to do wit life...now i c u lik tt i oso duno m i fit to b ur friend...b ur gor...haiz...
msg of the day:when u get stuck in pessimism, u r on a one way track n u tink onli one way...(excuse?)