10 November 2010

Trying


Time and time again, I tell myself that I should try and try again. Not to give up when it gets tough, but I just can't seem to make things work. It's really sad or just not meant to be.

I don't know how I landed up in this state of emotion but I guess it probably has something to do with do with all the random thoughts have all the time.

I know sometimes I come across as pathetic and desperate, in my pursue for what I deem as a happy life. But, I guess no matter how much I mature and grow, I still need this.

I admit what is over is over, but I would like to keep what was lovely and sweet. The bitter part should treated as lessons learnt and part aside.

I know I have inadequacies in which I attempt to make up in behavior. If it seems offensive, maybe attempting to overlook it isn't as polite as one would think.

It's long past the dream frame, it is no longer a dream. I am just hoping that the result won't be too far off target.

Hopefully what seems to be a curse is just a blessing in disguise.

There is only so much shit I can take. After all, I am only human.


I miss Splitza...I miss her...

13 August 2010

Social Comparison - Continued

As promised, I will talk about the Social Comparison question that I posted. In any case, you are probably more normal choosing A under the Social Comparison theory. Because, people tend to compare upwards and it makes them unhappy. So, since you were given a chance to be happy, you would be more likely to choose it. For those who picked B, you are probably just very logical in seeing that B has a higher value, or maybe you are just more practical. Haha...

In any case, this was carried before and majority of the respondents picked A. So, I didn't decide on my own to say people who picked A are normal.

Hope you like this little piece of Psy fact. Till next time ~

10 August 2010

Social Comparison




I just finished my assignment and submitted it awhile ago. Now, I am waiting for my iPhone to finishing sync-ing. So, here's a little 'test' I came across while doing the assignment.

Choose 1:
World A - You earn $50k while others earn $25k
World B - You earn $100k while others earn $200k

I will talk about this on the next post.

08 August 2010

It's been a long long time/Splitza: Alternate storyline Revealed.




Yes, I know. It has been a freaking long time since my last post.

Let's see, what was I up to... I stopped blogging to prepare for my exams which ended in late May. Results were mediocre, but I can't expect too much considering the amount of effort I put in.

Then, had a break in June till recently when class started. Didn't really do anything significant, I think.

Now...Quite a bit of changes in office. Recently, reassigned to help out in a project and will need to travel in September. As a result of the project, I was pulled out from daily work and also RE Club (can't remember whether I mentioned about it on blog before).

The thing about RE Club is that I have been working in the club for more than half a year and planning of events such as D&D are in progress. So, I kind of feel bad about having to left halfway, though it wasn't my choice. RE Care(which is something I volunteered for which is about community services) is something that I was looking forward to, but didn't get to follow through for the same reason.

But, all that being said, I am not complaining or unhappy about the arrangement. In fact, it is quite exciting. I mean I get to go overseas as a junior. And all this recognition of my efforts at work with new responsibilities and training opportunities. It is all very nice.


Recently, I have been thinking. (yeah right, since when do I not think about something) Because I am doing Positive Psychology this semester and constantly coming across positive thinking during various training programs at work, I tend to think in a more positive light now. Consciously, at least.

It's a good thing. I am now revisiting certain bad memories from the past and doing a proper closing to that chapter of my life. It's not exactly the easiest thing to do, since emotions are involved. After doing that, I feel a whole lot better. Maybe that is why I haven't been blogging, because I didn't need to anymore. No emotion dumping was required.

Maybe now, I can start to blog about the stuff I intended to in the very very first place. Things about how I see and think about this complicated world of ours. Not that my views are special or THE WAY or anything of that sort, but I always believe that everyone's perspective would probably be unique in their own way. And maybe through this way we can learn from each other.

Years back, I started working towards my ideal world with the ideology from a simple movie. Now, I still am and I hope that I can make a difference in even just one persons life. And maybe it will be paid forward like how the theory should work.

Ok...I am starting to ramble, I shall stop here for now. =)

~~~~~~


Author Notes: As long as the entries has stopped, Splitza has also been on hold. I had no luck for the UNI item I intended to do. I guess I am still no good with offline creativity. Not trying to say that I have much creativity online. But, just this bit. That I have.

In any case, I won't start the chapters yet as I haven't figure out how to continue the story. If you know me well enough, it is probably unusual of me. Since, I am the kind of person who plans ahead quite a bit. Well, I did plan ahead and had a plot for quite a few chapters.

Remember I was saying that there was suppose to be an unfolding of a mentioned plot on 26 Mar 10. Well, Shiori was supposed to die on that chapter and also there was suppose to be a new character. But, after my little positive review (mentioned above) , I decided not to do it.

The truth is, Shiori was model after someone. Someone I wanted to forget and someone whom I had buried in my mind for quite a while. But, after my review, I had a different take of the situation and decided that she can continue to live in my heart as the perfect girl she was. (Hmm...Why did I put a picture of YUI there?)

It is right that people should calm down before they revisit the problem. It would probably look a whole lot less problematic.

In any case, Shiori won't die and the new character just have to find others ways of surfacing. And in doing this reveal regarding the original plot, some of you may start to think that in other words the characters and events are based on my life. My answer would be its up to your imagination and logical deduction as to whether it is based on my life. ;)

28 March 2010

Birthday #23 - Arigatou/ Splitza Hiatus again~



In a blink of an eye, we are through with the first 3months of 2010. I have to say this the year has been great so far. I got my bonus(not bad~) and pay rise too. Although, I haven't really fulfilled my target of losing weight and getting more serious with my studies, I will not stop trying.

For a while now, I have been trying to figure out what is causing my "mood swings" which is quite a problem for my studies and maybe determination to lose weight(though I think, it is more of an excuse). I have tried my methods to deal with the problem, nothing seems to the really work. But, deep down, I may already have the answer which I refuse to face. Nonetheless, that's that for now.

I know I have been "complaining" about the amount of birthday wishes I had received this year, but I just don't understand how come, that's all. Curious~ By the end of the day, I still ended up being contented with my birthday this year, though I there was a hint of sadness, disappointment and maybe regret. I don't wish to point fingers. I had a part to play too, which is why I don't wish to let such things happen again(or at least try to prevent it from happening).

Sometimes, I forgot that if we wanted something, we should work for it rather than waiting for it to come. I bet everyone will go something like "Of course la...you think will drop from the sky meh?". Cliche but for obvious reasons.

So, I will try to my best to make it work.

I am not sure whether I did this consistently for all the years, but I think from time to time I will thank people for being part of my life.

So, if I had to choose someone, that would be Rei-chan. Why? It's hard to put it all in words. I won't know how to explain as well. But, spending time just listening to your whims can already be enjoyable. What's more I have told you before, you are the best thing that happened me so far for 2010. I couldn't ask more for a birthday present. So, I don't care being too nice or just being around you might hurt my chances with other girls, it just means my time has yet to come. Although, I have failed with other people in the past and that made me weary about this kind of relationships, I wish to believe it would be different this time.

I hope you don't cry after reading because that's not my purpose. And I shall stop here before I get more and more mushy which I am sure none of us likes =P

Arigatou Rei-Chan~

~~~~~~

Author Notes: Sorry dear readers, I know I mentioned previously about the planned plot for Splitza which was suppose to unfold on 26 Mar 10. But, wasn't in the mood to get in down and now I am going(trying) into a intensive revision for my up coming exams. So, I have to put it on hiatus again. After my exams, I will be sitting down trying to draft the script for my item next year, maybe I will use the existing plot or something totally different.

Till next time~

03 March 2010

Delivering/Splitza #6


For some reason, I can't seem to deliver what I promised, not to myself. Although, I am not in any shit right now, if I continue doing it, I will be in shit soon. I don't know, maybe the dream from last night is hinting me, whats actually going on with my Id.

~~~~~

Previously(Quite a while ago), Jax asked Sam to help him date Shiori out. Now, Jax is checking on the progress of the plan with Sam...

Jax: Sam my man! Have you done what I told you to do?
Sam: Erm... about that Jax... I...
Jax: Don't tell that you haven't asked Shiori?
Sam: But, I really don't know how to help you...
Jax: It's such a simple task and you CAN'T EVEN SETTLE IT?!?!
*Jax grabs Sam by the shirt.
Emo-Bu: 你你...要干什么?
Jax: Wa... since when did you become so Chee-na... Maybe after giving you a good whack you can even speak Jap and you can go ask Shiori for me!
*Jax raises his other fist
Shiori: Jax! What are you doing?!
Jax:*Turns around* Shiori? No... I was just...
Shiori:
Let Sam down now!
*Jax lets go of Sam
Shiori: *Running to Sam* Are you alright? Are you hurt?
Sam:*Cough cough* (Oh my god! Shiori is stroking my back) *Blush* I...am fine. Don't worry.
Shiori: How can you be fine? You are coughing so badly, come let's get you something to drink.
*Jax totally being ignored walked away disappointed

Sam: *Gulp* Thank you for stopping Jax back then.
Shiori: What was he trying to do?
Sam: Oh, it was nothing...
Shiori: You can't even tell me?
Sam: No no no....it's not that. It's just that...
Shiori: Hehe...you don't have to tell me. I was just teasing you.
Sam: Oh...haha...
Shiori: You are so cute!
Sam: *Blush* Huh?!
Shiori: Haha...you are blushing!
Sam: ANYWAY...how come you will appear there where Jax and I were?
Shiori: Oh, I forgot! I was looking for you and your classmates said you were with Jax. So, I came looking for you.
Sam: Looking for me?
Shiori: Yeap. Here. *Passes a piece of paper*
Sam: This is?
Shiori: This is the invitation to my piano recital this Sunday.
Sam: Aren't your parents going?
Shiori: No, they will be out of town. Whats more, you are my number one fan. It would be mean not to invite you, ain't it?
*Sam blushes
Shiori: You are blushing again!Haha...you are just adorable!
*Beep beep*
Shiori: Oh, I got to go. You have to come, ok? I will be waiting! Bye!
*Shiori waves goodbye and runs towards the car porch
Sam: Bye...

Ah Long: Sia la! Swee la!
Emo-Bu: Jax 真可怜...
Ah Long: Oi! Emo-Bu... you want kana from me izzit?
Emo-Bu: =x

To be continue...

Author's notes: This chapter was a bit unexpected, because I didn't think I will have time and energy to do it until maybe next week. In addition, this was not the original plot. But, I guess I stopped to long, I forgot the initial plot. =x

21 February 2010

Working for it/Hiatus for Splitza?


How is everyone? I hope good and well. We are halfway through CNY and Chingay 2010 has enjoyed with a nice supper at our usual Holland V spot and talk cock session at Indian street.

I have been busy with Chingay, assignments and sorting out some issues with myself. As a result, Splitza was put on hold for longer then I expected. But, I do anticipate myself to be busy for the coming weeks as well, so I decided to put temporary put Splitza on hiatus indefinitely. I don't know how many actually reads it and looks forward to the publishing of the new chapters, but I am sorry I would have to disappoint any of you. Hopefully, when I am back, I would have better ideas for the development and give an unexpected twist to the story to make it more interesting.


Sometimes, we tend to hope some this and that, but we often forget that there are certain things in life that is still more or less subjected to our influence. So, rather than just hoping for it to happen, wouldn't working for it improve the chances of whatever we hope for? But, maybe we tend to miss this blind spot or maybe it's just me.

I have always understood this simple rule of life, but I don't seem to be able to remember to follow it. Why leave it up to fate when you still have control? I can just see all the contradictory things I do, despite understanding and believing in this simple rule.

Nonetheless, at least I remember now, so I shall avoid being passive about it. Although, experience already has given me a glimpse of the future, I don't wish to give in before fighting for it. Not this battle, this battle is a battle I will fight.

It, I cherish.
It, I regret not.

29 January 2010

Solving x


Sometimes I thought that I have things all figure out, but I realise that I still can't find the value of x. I guess skipping steps out of complacency always has its risks. But, sometimes we just can't help it, because we are actively looking for ways to make our lives easier. By taking the equation for its face value, usually leads to a wrong solution. So, we shouldn't just dive in and crash into the concrete. But, there are times that the problem is really just that simple. Yet, these are the kind of situations people choose to think that things are not so simple. So, is it right for me to conclude that people trivialize complex issues and complicate simple issues?

I find myself always going back to the question.

Don't try to find the x in my equation.
Because you will just end with an error on your calculator.
Just as I did.
Let's just stick with 1 + 1.

25 January 2010

Splitza Stage/Splitza #5


I have been thinking about how I can present Splitza on stage for Anyhow Art '10. I have thought of many different ways of presenting and portraying the story. But, it seems that it is the story is more suited for platforms like TV and radio. I think maybe it is because Anyhow Art is not a conventional art event, so a lot of the stage elements that can help project the characters are missing.

But, oh well, I shall continue in search for my answer and hoping can fulfill one of my life goals.


~~~~~


Previously, Sam mentioned that Jax asked him to to set Jax up with Shiori and Sam was about to say another reason for being reluctant to do so...

Sam: Plus...I think I am in love with Shiori...

Ah Long: Sia la... No wonder la! I thought why you so bo liao, emo over such a small thing.

Emo-Bu: 真的吗? So sweet~ 是从几时开始的?

Sam: It started the day...

I was on my way home when I heard this angelic voice and that beautiful melody. I walked towards where the piano and saw Shiori there playing the piano and singing. I was so mesmerized by it that I just stood there listening till silence took over, then did I realised that she finished. I don't know why I did what I did, but I quickly went off before she realised that I was there. I think maybe a part of me was afraid that she might dislike my presence there. I also don't know why I thought that way too.

After a week, I realised that she would always stay back late to sing and play the piano everyday. Since then, I have been quietly standing there listening to her everyday without fail.

One day, while listening to her, I sneezed and my presence was announced.

Shiori: Hi Sam, were you standing there listening to...me?
Sam: Hi...Shiori...er...yes, I was...
Shiori: You have been coming to listen to me for a few times already, haven't you?
Sam: Huh!Er... how did you know?
Shiori: Actually, I don't I am just guessing. Because, sometimes I hear someone there, but when I turn to see who it was, I was always too slow.
Sam: I am sorry...Am I disturbing you? (Luckily, she doesn't know that I come everyday)
Shiori: Nono! Not at all...just that I am a bit shy... *Blush* and I always though I was alone here...This is so embarrassing!
Sam: Oh, no! You are actually very good, so there is no need to be embarrassed.
Shiori: Actually, you are here...everyday right? *Blush*
Sam: HUH! I mean...oops you noticed...(Oh my god! She knows!)
Shiori: Haha...You're cute~
Sam:... *blush*
Shiori: Erm...I have to go...
Sam: Oh, ok. I will see you class.
Shiori: Bye!

*Shiori runs off

Shiori: *Turns around*Come and listen again tomorrow! *Smile*

Emo-bu: So sweet~!

Ah Long: Wa...Sam, you strike jackpot liao la!

Sam: -_-oioi~ What are the two of you thinking about?! But, haiz, I am still worried about Jax... Zzz...

*Next day

Jax: Sam my man! Have you done what I told you to do?

To be continued...


Author notes: Actually, when thinking for a name for the female character, I was really very tempted to use YUI. Haha... But, I didn't. =P Anyway, after some feedbacks, I am now experimenting with the lenght of the chapters. Do you all think this chapter's lenght is better?

18 January 2010

Curse


I run and run, trying to escape from this terrible nightmare.
But, no matter how far I run, I end up back where I started.

I don't know why, I just can't get away.
No matter how I hide and shove it into a corner, it just pops up again.

I tied to a place, I wanted to move away from.
Everything just seems to remind me of the same old thing.

Why am I bind to this curse?

17 January 2010

Inspiration/Splitza #4


It has been a while since I took long bus rides and thanks to these long bus rides I was able to generate ideas for the plot of Splitza for the coming chapters. I almost forgot how much I love long bus rides.

~~~~~
Previously Ah Long and Emo-Bu were asking what was bothering Sam.

Sam: Ok, there is this bully in school called Jax...
Jax: Hey, Sam!My man!
Sam: He...llo Jax...What can I do for...you... *gulp*
Jax: I heard that you are very close to Shiori...
Sam: Yeah? I mean I am her assigned buddy in class...
Jax: Good... Very good... I want you to set me up for a date with her!
Sam: But...But...
Jax: No Buts! Unless, you want to eat my fist!
Ah Long: Chey... I thought what...This kind of small ka...can't be bothered...You two can handle la...

Emo-Bu*: Ah Long! 你还说你要帮忙!嗨...Sam, 那你要这么办?

Sam: I really don't know...I mean how do I even tell Shiori**? I really don't want to have to betray her trust...Plus...

Emo-Bu: Plus? Plus 什么?

To be continued...

* Authors notes: I decided to change Emo-Bu's character to speak in more chinese after I did some exploring for the character.
** Shiori - A girl who will be talked about more in the chapters. Special thanks to Vivian for the name.

11 January 2010

习惯/Why?


不管是晴天还是雨天,你总是陪在我身旁。
你让我感受爱的感觉, 让我习惯有你的时间。

在什么时候, 你已不再像从前。
你的背影,就像是昨天。

为什么要对我说, 你已习惯有我的日子?

~~~

Why did you walk in and left the door open?
Did you know that I was afraid that you would leave?
Why did you say the things that you did?
Did you know that I believed in all of them?
Why did you walk out and shut me in?
Did you know that I am still trapped inside?


~~~

一切都是虚幻, 都是谎言。
不要欺骗我, 不要说永远。

04 January 2010

Deadly Addiction


Take a dose, enjoy the pleasure.
Feel it swim through my body, defile my blood.
Pain spreads to every inch.
But, I just can't stop going back.

It frees me of worries, it makes me happy.
I am numbed and calls fail to resonate.
Suffering every moment, drained of my emotions.
But, I am stuck with this deadly addiction.

03 January 2010

Resolution/Splitza #3


I just realized I didn't make any resolution for this year yet. Although, I intended to do so yesterday in the entry, today during a conversation I concluded that I always have the same resolutions/wishes. Ha! I guess it is just not working or maybe it is really just me. Oh well, I guess the right way to think is to take it easy.

These days I am just getting more and more confused with the signals I receive from my dear friend(s) up there. So, sometimes I really don't what I should do. I guess maybe status quo is my best bet.



~~~~~~

Previously on Splitza, Ah Long offered to help share Sam's problems but Emo-Bu reminds him that he is not the most suitable candidate.


Emo-Bu: Remember that time...
Girl: Hey, why are you so quiet today?
Sam: ...
Girl: You haven't said anything since dinner.
Ah Long: No la...I was thinking about something only...
Girl: What were you thinking about?
Ah Long: Girl ah...I know you like me, so you want to go steady mai?
Girl: What?!?!

Girl slaps Sam and stomped off.
Ah Long: Wao lao...that girl really got like Sam ma...She like him, he like her...Stead la!

Emo-Bu: Even if she liked him, you can't talk to a girl like that one...

Sam: Ah Long, I know you just want to help but I think romance is just not your forte.

Ah Long: Ok la... Next time you want to jio jio za bor, ask Emo-Bu lor...He very sensitive one~

Emo-Bu: Oi oi~!

Ah Long: Ok ok! Enough crapping...Sam, ji bai simi dai ji?

To be continued...


Question about Splitza

Q: Are this stories about your life?
A: This is for the reader to interpret.

Q: Have many chapters do you intend to write?
A: I don't have a number in mind, probably on going.

02 January 2010

New Year/Splitza #2


It's a new year again. I should say 2009 was a lucky year. I didn't do so bad for my exams, especially for this semester despite the lack of revision. As for work, I think all is well. Colleagues are nice and caring, work is not too stressful. Just right for a part-time student like me. Finally, got back to DI. I managed to helped out in Anyhow Art '09 and I must say it was tiring. But, I enjoyed myself. Fitness was not as it was yesterday. although I wish to make it yesterday once more, but I just can't seem to see it through.

I hope all is well in 2010, maybe a pleasant surprise would be nice.


~~~~~~

Ah Long: Oi Sam, why you emo huh? It's X'mas leh! Time to PARTY!

Sam: Aiya...I also don't like party one.

Emo-Bu: Yeah lor, party so noisy right. Don't go good...

Ah Long: Oi Emo-Bu! You better tiam tiam hor I tell you. If not next time I make sure you wake up at Changi village ar!

Sam: The two of you keep quiet la! I want to be alone...

Ah Long: Hello friend...simi be alone? We are all in your head leh...How alone you want to be? Only sometimes heng heng can come out play only.

Emo-Bu: Ah Long he means he don't want us to disturb him. Not literally be alone la...

Ah Long: Ha-nah! You kiang la... Give you 2 clap! Happy?

Sam: Oh come on...!

Ah Long: Aye brother...simi dai ji...share la...Maybe we can help you ma...

Emo-Bu: Ha! Ah Long help? You don't get Sam into trouble already very good liao. Remember that time.....

To be continued on next entry...