Drowned cries

It has been a really long time since I came back here. Many times has happened since then. There are happy things and, of course, sad things - From careers to relationships. Sometimes I no longer know whether the things that I do is right or wrong. I no longer know how to trust my own instincts  At times, I feel very stress out my how I look at things as a result I linger at the doorsteps of depression. I know very well that this is not depression but it still bothers me. I know there are people out there who are worse off than I am. But, can't I just whine and cry for once? Is that so wrong? I am not trying to compare and win any competition. This is not to gain pity from others.

Sometimes I just want to be selfish and ignore everyone, but I just can't do it. I am worried about the road ahead. Maybe it is because I am just trying to run away all the problems I have by drowning myself in problems of others. I know for a fact that this is indeed true but it doesn't change the fact that I continue to do it.

I just want to release my emotions. I just want to cry. But, I can't do it. I really can't. Why?!

My voice is not reaching anyone...

Say goodbye/Splitza Special

It has been a long time since I did an entry. I missed so many traditional entries that I used to do. Maybe I am busy, tired or had no inspiration. But, deep down I know the real reason is cause I was avoiding it. There are many times that I feel that I have to stop relying on my blog to vent my emotions and just be stronger. To endure things that came my way. I guess I can't do it. No matter what, I can't do without my sanctuary. At least not until then...

Many things happened since the last entry. I last a place I enjoyed hanging out, a place that I could really relax. It was where I sought refuge other than here. Now, its gone and I probably won't be able to find the same place, same feeling. I also lost a friend. Maybe I should be more sad than I am, but seem to have got so numb with emotions, I really hate myself for that.

I still can't seem to get it right dealing with relationships. Always seem like the things I do is wrong. I don't hope for much, I just wish to have a lasting friendship. Yet, I can't seem to keep it. Humans are such complicated creatures and I am so stupid. 

Some Goodbyes can't be helped, some can be avoided if one wished. I longed for 2011 to be over and for 2012 to begin. But, now I feel that it came too fast. Time is running out and I don't wish to face it. 

I am not good with Goodbyes. I have being able to dodge some. I always wished that I could cry when I really wish to, but I don't want to have to when I don't wish to.

If only...

~~~~~

M by Princess Princess (1988)

Itsumo issho ni itakatta

tonari de warattetakatta

kisetsu wa mata kawaru no ni

kokoro dake tachidomatta mama

Anata no inai migigawa ni

sukoshi wa nareta tsumori de ita no ni

doushite konna ni namida ga deru no

mou kanawanai omoinara

anata wo wasureru yuuki dake

Hoshii yo imademo oboete iru

anata no kotoba

kata no mukou ni mieta keshiki saemo

So once again 

Hoshi ga mori he kaeru you ni

shizen ni kiete chiisana shigusa mo

hasshaida ano toki no watashi mo

Itsumo issho ni itakatta

tonari de warattetakatta

kisetsu wa mata kawaru no ni

kokoro dake tachidomatta mama

Deatta aki no shashin ni wa

hanikan da egao tada ureshikute

konna hi ga kuru to omowanakatta

Ah mabataki mo shinai de

anata wo mune ni yakitsuketeta

Koishikute anata no koe kikitakute

kesenai Adoresu

M no peeji wo yubi de tadotteru dake

So once again 

yume mite me ga sameta

kuroi jaketto ushiro sugata ga

dareka to mienakute natteiku

So once again 

hoshi ga mori he kaeru youni

shizen ni kiete chiisana shigusa mo

itsumademo anata shika mienai 

watashi mo

I wanted to be with you always

I wanted to be smiling beside you

Even though the season is changing again

My heart has stopped in place

I thought I was starting to get used to

Not having you beside me on my right

So then why am I crying so many tears?

If my love won’t come true

Then I just want the courage to forget about you

You are only in my fantasy

Even now, I remember your words

And the scenery I saw beyond your shoulders, so once again

Leavin’ for the place without your love

Like stars returning to the forest

Your little nuances spontaneously disappear

Along with the playful person I once was

I wanted to be with you always

I wanted to be smiling beside you

Even though the season is changing again

My heart has stopped in place

The photo of when we met that fall

Shows a bashful smile, it just fills me with joy

I never thought a day like this would come

Without blinking

I burn an image of you in my heart, my love

You are only in my fantasy

I want to hear your voice

But all I’m doing is tracing the address I can’t erase

On the page with the letter M, so once again

Leavin’ for the place without your love

I awaken from a dream

Someone in a black jacket with their back turned

I’m not able to make out who it is anymore, so once again

You are only in my fantasy

Like stars returning to the forest

Your little nuances spontaneously disappear

Along with me, who only had eyes for you

~~~~~

I long to see you, Shiori.

But, I know I have to say goodbye.

I try very hard, but I can never seem to do it.

Whenever I hear the sound of a piano, I begin to cry.

Why did you have to go?

Why didn't you take me with you?

Not looking

Do you find yourself doing this at horror movies?

Scare?

Then, why watch?

We often find ourselves doing the same in life.

Afraid, yet curious.

Or maybe we don't have a choice but to watch.

I find it difficult to face the situation.

The things that you never did

It's amazing how we find ourselves doing things that we usually don't. Maybe for me, it was a break from routine? I find myself browsing NHDS blog, sending message to a junior about it and just awhile ago I was reading my own entries.

Sometimes it is nice to look back at what happen and realize how differently you think from that time. During the browsing, I was reminded of my one wish for the year and sadly it reminded me of something that happened the other day, just last week. Looks like another unfulfilled wish.

Being forced to face the truth is cruel, that's why sometimes I think ignorance is a bliss. But, I guess reality is better for me. It is probably time to get things together.

It's hard to understand or explain what is the matter. Emo-bu probably knows better.
~~~

Yes, but.
No, but.
There is always a but because there is something else to it.
But, there isn't.

Living in the past

Watching sweet romantic comedy has always been a double edge sword for me. I like watching them but they leaves me emo. As a result, sometimes I turn to Splitza to displace that feeling. But, it is getting harder and harder to continue the story.

Constantly I have been reminded, directly and indirectly, of how I am still living in the past. I don't really know which past it is, not that it matters. The truth is that I haven't moved forward, since I don't know when.

It's kind of depressing to start the morning with these sort of thoughts. But, the thought of the possible endings, together with the nervous from releasing of the results, makes it almost inevitable.

Seeking refuge in music, in YUI, is not going to work forever. Furthermore, it changes the mood, nothing changed nor solved. I need a solution.

The people you meet

Exams are finally over, but now I am busy with work. I am not complaining, I wouldn't have much other things to do anyway. So, better than letting my time go to waste. Now that my 3 years with uniSIM is done, I shall wait for the results and see if I will do my fourth year. But, done to objective and development setting at work, I reviewed my decision I set out 2 years ago when I joined Elsevier.

I must admit along the way things have change(If they didn't, something must be wrong.) and it's not like I didn't expect it. So, basically the situation now is open-ended. But, I still want to do what I set out to do, question is where and when. But, I guess I want to take a break and wait for my results first.

U.N.I 2011 is just next week and I made it a point that I take part in at least one item(excluding guest starring in Zhongyi's item). I guess my reason was that I wish to perform once more. Furthermore, I don't think I will be performing again after this.

In any case, if life was to stay status quo now, I would have no complains. Although, not the best, good enough.

~~~~~

Today, I was thinking about the idea of fate, about the people you meet in life. Everyone that you meet in your life has a role to play in your life or at least that is the ideology that I subscribe to. Yes, even those that pisses you off. They are in your life to piss you off, but I am sure it happened for a reason. Maybe they are there to piss you off now, so that you don't get pissed off in another similar occasion which might have a detrimental impact if you do. Or maybe it's so that you don't piss others off the same way. I wish to see it as a learning experience.

But, of course, we don't see things that way every single time and we miss out the role of some people that we crossed path with. At times, I try to remind myself of this and somehow it provides a new perspective to how I see someone. At the same time, I found that when I actively do that, I avoid pitfalls in thinking that I learn in psychology.

So, from time to time, it is good to think about people whom you have crossed path with. At least, those that have contributed to growth of you, contributed to the you in the mirror today.

How much do you understand?

Everytime I thought that I got it, but I realised shortly that I don't. No matter the number of times I thought I got it, I never did.

Recently, there has been multiple dashes of spices into my life. Meeting new people, going through feelings so new yet so familiar. I though that yet another chapter has began. Until someone goes questioning me, "Aren't you still on the first page?" I would normally say something not concrete and it hits me right home that the person was right. I never left.

I realised I always try to mask the fact or try to deny the fact. I don't really know why I do that. To protect myself? Or trying to skip ahead?

I probably have the answers be it technical or emotional, but Id seems want to keep it this way.

~~~~~

Why did you tell me that?

Was there some hidden message?

Are you hinting me?

Making yourself feel better?

Or maybe just trying to make me feel better?

What if, and only what if, its mutual?

Happy Birthday to me!

One more year has gone by and now I am 24. I think this is becoming a tradition for me to blog my thoughts on my birthday(although sometimes I don't do it on the day itself). Year 23 was rather smooth and was able to finally get my promotion just before my birthday. To some it may be a small promotion, but a promotion is a promotion and I am glad my efforts are being recognized. Work has really been fun and enjoyable and like some of guys say, "This is how some gets sucks in." I do admit that there is a possibility of that happening, but I shall make it a point to venture out.

Yesterday, one of colleagues from another department asked her boss(whom I am on rather good terms with), "Is Sam leaving? He seems rather unhappy recently." Do I? I don't think I have said anything to that colleague that might have suggested that. But, it did get me wondering was it written on my face? I do admit that these two weeks haven't been very good in fact was rather lousy and I am still recovering from it. But, I didn't think it was to the extent that it was observable. The only reason I can think of is that patience wears out faster these two weeks.

Somehow, it seems that every year I will experience a downhill just before my birthday. But, like one of my trainers said, "Lower your expectations and you will feel better." True enough, I seem to lower my expectation for some stuff, though it wasn't enough for me to avoid being quick tempered.

At age 24, I have not quite achieve some of the things that I hope to achieve, but I guess there is still time. Ok, the entry is getting rather heavy, I shall try to end with something lighter.

Now the time is 6.12am and I am sitting outside of the gate to the plane due for KL. My wish for this year is to be able to meet her again and maybe be able to forge something meaningful out of our fate.

~~~~~~

In this world with population of 6.9 billion, the probability of meeting someone is very low, let alone to having a meaningful relationship.

Take time to slow down your pace and think about if there is anyone in your life that you are neglecting.

Don't let chance pass you by because you hesitated or procrastinated.

You may only have that one chance.

Or if you are given multiple chances, the more you should take action.

Emo: Good or Bad?

I have just attended my first creativity lecture yesterday and I realized that sometimes people tend to regress to increase their creativity temporarily. So, I am starting to see the link between why I find the Emo me more creative. It's probably because when I Emo, I regress and let lose my Id. So, in that sense, maybe being Emo is not that bad?

But, I think it's probably possible to control the regression, though the results might not be as good as genuinely letting lose of your Id.

I feel that life now is not eventful and can probably be deemed as stagnant. Of course, not being a fan of changes, naturally I avoid being happening by nature. But, I decided to just throw myself at adventure itself by going to KL alone next week. I can come up with tons of reasons for the decision, but I think the bottom line is I needed sometime alone, to think.

What about? I don't know. Maybe during or after my trip, I would have an answer. I guess this may be what some call finding oneself? Maybe I felt that there was a need to re-look at myself and get things straight.

~~~~~

It appears when you are not searching, but disappears when you look.

It hurts when it is around, but you miss it when its gone.

It's a game of contradiction, but never know who's playing.

All you want to know is how to get started, but the rule book was never included.

Post# 400 - 8 years of blog / Splitza# 7

Wow, this blog is already 8 years old! Although, the number of posts doesn't seem to justify the its age... >.< Many things has changed over the years, from the skin to the name of the blog to the big move from open diary. More importantly, the content changed as I changed and improved over the years. The blog has grown a lot, I too have grown. Hoping that I will continue to blog my memories here and may they be good ones.

~~~~~

Previously, Shiori invited Sam to her her piano recital... (If you need a recap on the full story, use the tags to find the related entries. Sorry for such a long break in the chapters)
Ah Long: Oi! You still don't want to go prepare ar? What time oredi!
Emo-bu:就是说嘛。。。
Sam: I still haven't decided whether to go a not...
Ah Long:Hello friend! Not for you to decide la... People ask you go you still act "dua pia"(Big shot). Still need to think what think!
Emo-bu:你不去的话她一定会佷失望的。。。
Sam: But...
Ah Long: Ah! Ler gou ga wa but! (Ah! You still say but!)
Sam:Ok ok...
Emo-bu:不要忘记买花！


*At the reception after the recital
Shiori: Sam! Over here!
*Sam walks over and hands over the the sunflower he bought
Sam: H...Hi Shiori... You were mesmerizing as usual.
Shiori: Honto ni? Arigatou!
*Sam lets out a shy smile
Shiori: Sam honto ni kawaii ne!
*Sam blushes
Sam: Stop teasing me...
Shiori: Haha. Sam blushes so easily. Okok, I shall stop. Anyway, can you wait here for me while I go talk to some people?
Sam: Sure.

*After 15minutes
Shiori: Thanks for waiting! We can go now.
Sam: Erm...where are we going?
Shiori: Sorry, I need to get home, otherwise we can go for supper or something. Gomen ne!
Sam: Na...it's ok. It's late anyway. Let me send you home.
Shiori: Sweet as usual. ;)

*While Shiori and Sam walked towards Shiori's house, their hands brushed.

*Shiori blushed and looked away
Sam: I'm sorry.
Shiori: iee, it's ok.
*Awkward silence all the way to Shiori's drop step
*Shiori looks at the ground
Shiori: I am home. Thank you for sending me back.
Sam: It's no problem.
*Awkward silence
Sam: Ok, I should be going.
Shiori: Be safe.

*Sam turns around and leave
*Stops and calls out to Shiori
Sam: Shiori...
Shiori: Hmm?
Sam: You know about the other day where Jax got rough with me? The reason was because I refused to help him ask you to be her girlfriend.
Shiori: Jax is such a jerk.
Sam: And the reason I help him was because...
Shiori: Because?
Sam: Because...because...wa...watashi...dai...daisuki...Shiori desu!
*Shiori blushes and turned around and walked towards the door
Sam: Will you let me hold your hand?
*Shiori opens the door and enters the house.
*Shiori closes the door behind her
Sam: ...
*Sam turns around with his head hanging low and leaves.
*Sound of the door opening
Shiori: You would have to be boyfriend.
Sam: Huh?! What do you mean? Does that mean you agree to be my girlfriend?
*Shiori smiles
Shiori: Sam Baka! Bye Sam.

Author notes: I attempted to add in some other language elements to make the characters more alive. If I deem the lines might not be understood by many, I would add the translated meaning in brackets. Please do leave comments so that I can improve the writing.

Love is selfish / Splitza's Idea

Now, I better understand why people cannot just be contented with the fact that they are together with the person they love, be it just physically or emotionally. I was told that because of how this society is, sometimes just being together with the person you love is good enough. It doesn't matter whether the person truly loves you, since the only thing that matters is that you are happy being with the person.

However, I would say such a relationship won't last and it would take a very good control of emotions to not get overwhelmed with the fact that she/he doesn't love you. Humans are selfish, love is selfish. Humans feel dissatisfied knowing that their companion doesn't reciprocate their love.

As much as I wish to convince myself that I am ready, my Id tells me otherwise. Sometimes, I wonder if it's just random projections or really my true sub-conscious.

~~~~~~

How long has it been the last chapter? One year? Anyway, through all these thoughts, I think i got the idea of how to continue the story. So, probably will start working on it soon.

Although, I really feel very sad about the fact I can't put it into action like I wanted to. I guess sometimes what is meant to be is meant to be. Splitza was probably destined to be for private audience.

Confess to gamble

Yesterday night before I went to bed, the about confessions being like a gamble struck me. Maybe at least for people in my generation.

When you have 2 higher possibilities, one being a happy ending where you get together and the other you simply destroy whatever relationship that was built. For some rare cases, you may be able to reconstruct a certain degree of friendship after a large amount of effort. It's tough work!

Sad to say, the first scenario seems to only happen in fiction, at least in my experience. As much as I wish to define myself with the word 'belief', it can be mentally draining. Is it a social norm or is it just me?

Trying

Time and time again, I tell myself that I should try and try again. Not to give up when it gets tough, but I just can't seem to make things work. It's really sad or just not meant to be.

I don't know how I landed up in this state of emotion but I guess it probably has something to do with do with all the random thoughts have all the time.

I know sometimes I come across as pathetic and desperate, in my pursue for what I deem as a happy life. But, I guess no matter how much I mature and grow, I still need this.

I admit what is over is over, but I would like to keep what was lovely and sweet. The bitter part should treated as lessons learnt and part aside.

I know I have inadequacies in which I attempt to make up in behavior. If it seems offensive, maybe attempting to overlook it isn't as polite as one would think.

It's long past the dream frame, it is no longer a dream. I am just hoping that the result won't be too far off target.

Hopefully what seems to be a curse is just a blessing in disguise.

There is only so much shit I can take. After all, I am only human.

I miss Splitza...I miss her...

Social Comparison - Continued

As promised, I will talk about the Social Comparison question that I posted. In any case, you are probably more normal choosing A under the Social Comparison theory. Because, people tend to compare upwards and it makes them unhappy. So, since you were given a chance to be happy, you would be more likely to choose it. For those who picked B, you are probably just very logical in seeing that B has a higher value, or maybe you are just more practical. Haha...

In any case, this was carried before and majority of the respondents picked A. So, I didn't decide on my own to say people who picked A are normal.

Hope you like this little piece of Psy fact. Till next time ~

Social Comparison

I just finished my assignment and submitted it awhile ago. Now, I am waiting for my iPhone to finishing sync-ing. So, here's a little 'test' I came across while doing the assignment.

Choose 1:
World A - You earn $50k while others earn $25k
World B - You earn $100k while others earn $200k

I will talk about this on the next post.

It's been a long long time/Splitza: Alternate storyline Revealed.

Yes, I know. It has been a freaking long time since my last post.

Let's see, what was I up to... I stopped blogging to prepare for my exams which ended in late May. Results were mediocre, but I can't expect too much considering the amount of effort I put in.

Then, had a break in June till recently when class started. Didn't really do anything significant, I think.

Now...Quite a bit of changes in office. Recently, reassigned to help out in a project and will need to travel in September. As a result of the project, I was pulled out from daily work and also RE Club (can't remember whether I mentioned about it on blog before).

The thing about RE Club is that I have been working in the club for more than half a year and planning of events such as D&D are in progress. So, I kind of feel bad about having to left halfway, though it wasn't my choice. RE Care(which is something I volunteered for which is about community services) is something that I was looking forward to, but didn't get to follow through for the same reason.

But, all that being said, I am not complaining or unhappy about the arrangement. In fact, it is quite exciting. I mean I get to go overseas as a junior. And all this recognition of my efforts at work with new responsibilities and training opportunities. It is all very nice.


Recently, I have been thinking. (yeah right, since when do I not think about something) Because I am doing Positive Psychology this semester and constantly coming across positive thinking during various training programs at work, I tend to think in a more positive light now. Consciously, at least.

It's a good thing. I am now revisiting certain bad memories from the past and doing a proper closing to that chapter of my life. It's not exactly the easiest thing to do, since emotions are involved. After doing that, I feel a whole lot better. Maybe that is why I haven't been blogging, because I didn't need to anymore. No emotion dumping was required.

Maybe now, I can start to blog about the stuff I intended to in the very very first place. Things about how I see and think about this complicated world of ours. Not that my views are special or THE WAY or anything of that sort, but I always believe that everyone's perspective would probably be unique in their own way. And maybe through this way we can learn from each other.

Years back, I started working towards my ideal world with the ideology from a simple movie. Now, I still am and I hope that I can make a difference in even just one persons life. And maybe it will be paid forward like how the theory should work.

Ok...I am starting to ramble, I shall stop here for now. =)

~~~~~~

Author Notes: As long as the entries has stopped, Splitza has also been on hold. I had no luck for the UNI item I intended to do. I guess I am still no good with offline creativity. Not trying to say that I have much creativity online. But, just this bit. That I have.

In any case, I won't start the chapters yet as I haven't figure out how to continue the story. If you know me well enough, it is probably unusual of me. Since, I am the kind of person who plans ahead quite a bit. Well, I did plan ahead and had a plot for quite a few chapters.

Remember I was saying that there was suppose to be an unfolding of a mentioned plot on 26 Mar 10. Well, Shiori was supposed to die on that chapter and also there was suppose to be a new character. But, after my little positive review (mentioned above) , I decided not to do it.

The truth is, Shiori was model after someone. Someone I wanted to forget and someone whom I had buried in my mind for quite a while. But, after my review, I had a different take of the situation and decided that she can continue to live in my heart as the perfect girl she was. (Hmm...Why did I put a picture of YUI there?)

It is right that people should calm down before they revisit the problem. It would probably look a whole lot less problematic.

In any case, Shiori won't die and the new character just have to find others ways of surfacing. And in doing this reveal regarding the original plot, some of you may start to think that in other words the characters and events are based on my life. My answer would be its up to your imagination and logical deduction as to whether it is based on my life. ;)

Birthday #23 - Arigatou/ Splitza Hiatus again~

In a blink of an eye, we are through with the first 3months of 2010. I have to say this the year has been great so far. I got my bonus(not bad~) and pay rise too. Although, I haven't really fulfilled my target of losing weight and getting more serious with my studies, I will not stop trying.

For a while now, I have been trying to figure out what is causing my "mood swings" which is quite a problem for my studies and maybe determination to lose weight(though I think, it is more of an excuse). I have tried my methods to deal with the problem, nothing seems to the really work. But, deep down, I may already have the answer which I refuse to face. Nonetheless, that's that for now.

I know I have been "complaining" about the amount of birthday wishes I had received this year, but I just don't understand how come, that's all. Curious~ By the end of the day, I still ended up being contented with my birthday this year, though I there was a hint of sadness, disappointment and maybe regret. I don't wish to point fingers. I had a part to play too, which is why I don't wish to let such things happen again(or at least try to prevent it from happening).

Sometimes, I forgot that if we wanted something, we should work for it rather than waiting for it to come. I bet everyone will go something like "Of course la...you think will drop from the sky meh?". Cliche but for obvious reasons.

So, I will try to my best to make it work.

I am not sure whether I did this consistently for all the years, but I think from time to time I will thank people for being part of my life.

So, if I had to choose someone, that would be Rei-chan. Why? It's hard to put it all in words. I won't know how to explain as well. But, spending time just listening to your whims can already be enjoyable. What's more I have told you before, you are the best thing that happened me so far for 2010. I couldn't ask more for a birthday present. So, I don't care being too nice or just being around you might hurt my chances with other girls, it just means my time has yet to come. Although, I have failed with other people in the past and that made me weary about this kind of relationships, I wish to believe it would be different this time.

I hope you don't cry after reading because that's not my purpose. And I shall stop here before I get more and more mushy which I am sure none of us likes =P

Arigatou Rei-Chan~

~~~~~~

Author Notes: Sorry dear readers, I know I mentioned previously about the planned plot for Splitza which was suppose to unfold on 26 Mar 10. But, wasn't in the mood to get in down and now I am going(trying) into a intensive revision for my up coming exams. So, I have to put it on hiatus again. After my exams, I will be sitting down trying to draft the script for my item next year, maybe I will use the existing plot or something totally different.

Till next time~

Delivering/Splitza #6

For some reason, I can't seem to deliver what I promised, not to myself. Although, I am not in any shit right now, if I continue doing it, I will be in shit soon. I don't know, maybe the dream from last night is hinting me, whats actually going on with my Id.

~~~~~

Previously(Quite a while ago), Jax asked Sam to help him date Shiori out. Now, Jax is checking on the progress of the plan with Sam...

Jax: Sam my man! Have you done what I told you to do?
Sam: Erm... about that Jax... I...
Jax: Don't tell that you haven't asked Shiori?
Sam: But, I really don't know how to help you...
Jax: It's such a simple task and you CAN'T EVEN SETTLE IT?!?!
*Jax grabs Sam by the shirt.
Emo-Bu: 你你...要干什么?
Jax: Wa... since when did you become so Chee-na... Maybe after giving you a good whack you can even speak Jap and you can go ask Shiori for me!
*Jax raises his other fist
Shiori: Jax! What are you doing?!
Jax:*Turns around* Shiori? No... I was just...
Shiori: Let Sam down now!
*Jax lets go of Sam
Shiori: *Running to Sam* Are you alright? Are you hurt?
Sam:*Cough cough* (Oh my god! Shiori is stroking my back) *Blush* I...am fine. Don't worry.
Shiori: How can you be fine? You are coughing so badly, come let's get you something to drink.
*Jax totally being ignored walked away disappointed

Sam: *Gulp* Thank you for stopping Jax back then.
Shiori: What was he trying to do?
Sam: Oh, it was nothing...
Shiori: You can't even tell me?
Sam: No no no....it's not that. It's just that...
Shiori: Hehe...you don't have to tell me. I was just teasing you.
Sam: Oh...haha...
Shiori: You are so cute!
Sam: *Blush* Huh?!
Shiori: Haha...you are blushing!
Sam: ANYWAY...how come you will appear there where Jax and I were?
Shiori: Oh, I forgot! I was looking for you and your classmates said you were with Jax. So, I came looking for you.
Sam: Looking for me?
Shiori: Yeap. Here. *Passes a piece of paper*
Sam: This is?
Shiori: This is the invitation to my piano recital this Sunday.
Sam: Aren't your parents going?
Shiori: No, they will be out of town. Whats more, you are my number one fan. It would be mean not to invite you, ain't it?
*Sam blushes
Shiori: You are blushing again!Haha...you are just adorable!
*Beep beep*
Shiori: Oh, I got to go. You have to come, ok? I will be waiting! Bye!
*Shiori waves goodbye and runs towards the car porch
Sam: Bye...

Ah Long: Sia la! Swee la!
Emo-Bu: Jax 真可怜...
Ah Long: Oi! Emo-Bu... you want kana from me izzit?
Emo-Bu: =x

To be continue...

Author's notes: This chapter was a bit unexpected, because I didn't think I will have time and energy to do it until maybe next week. In addition, this was not the original plot. But, I guess I stopped to long, I forgot the initial plot. =x

Working for it/Hiatus for Splitza?

How is everyone? I hope good and well. We are halfway through CNY and Chingay 2010 has enjoyed with a nice supper at our usual Holland V spot and talk cock session at Indian street.

I have been busy with Chingay, assignments and sorting out some issues with myself. As a result, Splitza was put on hold for longer then I expected. But, I do anticipate myself to be busy for the coming weeks as well, so I decided to put temporary put Splitza on hiatus indefinitely. I don't know how many actually reads it and looks forward to the publishing of the new chapters, but I am sorry I would have to disappoint any of you. Hopefully, when I am back, I would have better ideas for the development and give an unexpected twist to the story to make it more interesting.


Sometimes, we tend to hope some this and that, but we often forget that there are certain things in life that is still more or less subjected to our influence. So, rather than just hoping for it to happen, wouldn't working for it improve the chances of whatever we hope for? But, maybe we tend to miss this blind spot or maybe it's just me.

I have always understood this simple rule of life, but I don't seem to be able to remember to follow it. Why leave it up to fate when you still have control? I can just see all the contradictory things I do, despite understanding and believing in this simple rule.

Nonetheless, at least I remember now, so I shall avoid being passive about it. Although, experience already has given me a glimpse of the future, I don't wish to give in before fighting for it. Not this battle, this battle is a battle I will fight.

It, I cherish.
It, I regret not.

Solving x

Sometimes I thought that I have things all figure out, but I realise that I still can't find the value of x. I guess skipping steps out of complacency always has its risks. But, sometimes we just can't help it, because we are actively looking for ways to make our lives easier. By taking the equation for its face value, usually leads to a wrong solution. So, we shouldn't just dive in and crash into the concrete. But, there are times that the problem is really just that simple. Yet, these are the kind of situations people choose to think that things are not so simple. So, is it right for me to conclude that people trivialize complex issues and complicate simple issues?

I find myself always going back to the question.

Don't try to find the x in my equation.
Because you will just end with an error on your calculator.
Just as I did.
Let's just stick with 1 + 1.