This is what you get..

This is what Ixxxn gets for pissing me off with the 30sec craps. Anyway, I recommend people who watch one piece to look at the one piece video. I cant' shuffle the list, so please click on menu to see the full list. At the moment, there are 15 titles.

Sony copyrighted all YUIs videos, now youtube no longer host YUIs videos!!!
That is why you might realise the LACK of YUI songs. =(

Shortlived

Who would have known that the effects were so shortlived?

What's the rush?/Accidentally Enlightenment

Today, I decided to blog because of 2 reasons(not the topic of the day).

1) I was feeling damn irritated in the morning.
2) Felt slacky today and decided to take the day from studying. (which lead to a right decision)

Time and time again people will say that we are all too fast paced. Zoom here and there, everything has been ASAP. I am one of those people who say and do the zooming at the same time. Yes, I know I just openly contradicted myself. But, I am sure I am not the only one(not saying that to make myself feel better).

But, an encounter today made be realised how zooming around can knock people down in the process. Basically, a customer called to ask for some information, which I tried to give him, but he wasn't satisfied with my answer. I tried to ask if he wanted me to transfer his call to the appropriate person in charge he refused saying its too long winded(I was like 'Huh?'). In the end he got fed-up and hang up on me. I shan't go into details of what happen and technically speaking that person wasn't talking to me logically in the first place. In the end, has still has to come back to us for help. As the Chinese saying goes '早知如此， 何必当初。' So, after while of feeling upset about it(because initially I feel that I didn't handle the situation well), I decided that I should forgive him for his fallacy.



Fortunately, someone reminded me of some things in life that I should think about and now I deem as important. Maybe they have occured to me before, but I guess I forgot about them or they simply didn't register then.

Sometimes because we feel that since its the norm, we just follow it blindly. Later, then we realise that the norm does not coincide with our beliefs. At that point time, people who are strong minded might decide to change their behaviour and do as they deem fit, ignoring the fact that they may be same as the out- lyer.

Nobody says that you have to get a degree, drive a car, live in big houses, earn big money and many more to be happy. That's what most people think that lies at the end of the road, which is true if you are one of those who things that happiness can't be achieved without wealth. Right now let's be realistic, we all agree that we need to earn enough at least to feed , clothe and probably put a shelter over our heads. This norm would probably fit most people, although I am sad to say not all are able to achieve this.

So, after achieving this, what's next? I believe everyone has their own set of beliefs and values, which is shaped by many factors to list. And along the way, our beliefs gets shaken because of the so called society norms. This is the time where we should ask, 'What is it we really want? What is it that truely brings happiness to our lives?'

For those whose wants is the same as the society norms, then good for them. For those who don't, then maybe you should take time to think about it.

Once you have decided to embark on a journey, don't complain or blame. Because you chose this path(even if it was because of other circumstances, YOU still CHOSE this path). As the army term goes, suck thumb lor...

Anyways, I not sure whether I make sense a not because I am just typing as it flows in my head. It may be circular logic, but I guess you guys should get the rough picture.

I want to thank the person who give me this accidentally enlightenment or maybe just a reminder, a wake up call. Although, I am not sure whether she has any idea what she has done or said in the first place, I guess it's not important.

Relationships are fragile.
Things happen.
I guess somestimes we have to accept reality for what it is.
I have to accept myself for who I am.
I will be appreciated.

Life should be the way it is that you see it,
not as the way people paint it.

Everyday

I wake up to the melodies of the alarm.
Rub my eyes and shake my dreams away.

I lumber here and there.
Typing here scribbling there.
My legs are aching, fingers are numb.

I use laughter to and humor to fill my head.
I scan around for social attachment.

Sometimes I go back to the cycle...
...today I don't.

There has been much struggle, I have yet to come to a conclusion.
Everytime, I wished that it wasn't this hard.

Have you been touched?

Not long ago, someone asked me, "So, what's your motivation?"

I thought that was easy. For a very long time, I have always wanted to help people in the ways I am good at. That was why, I joined CDC where I learned first-aid. I also decided to embark on my journey to get my Degree in Psychology.

I must say from time to time I would complain to myself for not studying harder for my A levels and hence landing me in the current predicament. But, I guess I learned a lot taking this other route. Studying at uniSIM is not exactly fun as university should be, which is why I call the current situation a predicament. But, because of uniSIM I am able to work and support myself. So, I guess despite the difference from my ideal, I am on a different but right track.

After getting the degree, I would love to become a school counsellor and devote my time in helping students who are caught in some shit. I always believe that whatever that happens to us when we are young is going to have a big impact on our lives. Although, my teaching says that it is not necessary and that in the later parts of our lives the impact might get corrected and we will be fine. But, why take those chances?

Some people may have a bright future but end up destroying that light due to some mistake they make or even mistakes that others make. Worst of all, is that they can't seem to find help. Thats where I hope to come in.

Its funny that I have such ambition. Ideally, I would sound like a great Samitarian. But, I don't think I am. Nonetheless, the inspiration of people who tried to make a difference in my life has brought me thus far. So, this is not where the train stops.

However, its sad to say that over the years which I spent trying to make a difference in other people's lives, it always seems that I didn't succeed. Everything I devote time and effort to make that difference, whether big or small, I hope that somehow I have touched them. But, everytime when I thought I did, I realised I overestimate my significance. Its not that I help to be acknowledged, but it definitely motivates me to be acknowledged.

But, I guess it can't be blamed. Humans are by nature weird creatures. I guess the way people think is getting more and more unpredictable with the advancement of technology and the use of internet. It always intrigues me that people who don't msn, sms or call each other, in other words distant, can seem so close and "in contact". The same goes to the fact that when people seemed excited and happy to see friends on the streets, despite the fact that they actually "see" each other online everyday. The only difference is that they don't talk online. I am sure all this has theories that can explain them in ways that I would agree. But, till then, it will remain a mystery.

So, what's my motivation? To help people? To touched people? To be acknowledge by people?

You are smiling at me.
That makes me happy.
Oh...that was just a picture of you.

I hear a beep.
That makes me excited.
Oh...you only wanted directions.

I feel stupid and childish.
Its all unnecessary, unrequited.
The pain won't go away.
It is taking just too long.
The 100 days countdown just keeps reseting.
I lack determination.
Either of us has to go.
But, I know its not fair for you.
You didn't do anything wrong.
So...I guess its all clear.
Please wash it away.