It has been a long time since I did an entry. I missed so many traditional entries that I used to do. Maybe I am busy, tired or had no inspiration. But, deep down I know the real reason is cause I was avoiding it. There are many times that I feel that I have to stop relying on my blog to vent my emotions and just be stronger. To endure things that came my way. I guess I can't do it. No matter what, I can't do without my sanctuary. At least not until then...
Many things happened since the last entry. I last a place I enjoyed hanging out, a place that I could really relax. It was where I sought refuge other than here. Now, its gone and I probably won't be able to find the same place, same feeling. I also lost a friend. Maybe I should be more sad than I am, but seem to have got so numb with emotions, I really hate myself for that.
I still can't seem to get it right dealing with relationships. Always seem like the things I do is wrong. I don't hope for much, I just wish to have a lasting friendship. Yet, I can't seem to keep it. Humans are such complicated creatures and I am so stupid.
Some Goodbyes can't be helped, some can be avoided if one wished. I longed for 2011 to be over and for 2012 to begin. But, now I feel that it came too fast. Time is running out and I don't wish to face it.
I am not good with Goodbyes. I have being able to dodge some. I always wished that I could cry when I really wish to, but I don't want to have to when I don't wish to.
If only...
~~~~~
M by Princess Princess (1988)
Itsumo issho ni itakatta
tonari de warattetakatta
kisetsu wa mata kawaru no ni
kokoro dake tachidomatta mama
Anata no inai migigawa ni
sukoshi wa nareta tsumori de ita no ni
doushite konna ni namida ga deru no
mou kanawanai omoinara
anata wo wasureru yuuki dake
Hoshii yo imademo oboete iru
anata no kotoba
kata no mukou ni mieta keshiki saemo
So once again
Hoshi ga mori he kaeru you ni
shizen ni kiete chiisana shigusa mo
hasshaida ano toki no watashi mo
Itsumo issho ni itakatta
tonari de warattetakatta
kisetsu wa mata kawaru no ni
kokoro dake tachidomatta mama
Deatta aki no shashin ni wa
hanikan da egao tada ureshikute
konna hi ga kuru to omowanakatta
Ah mabataki mo shinai de
anata wo mune ni yakitsuketeta
Koishikute anata no koe kikitakute
kesenai Adoresu
M no peeji wo yubi de tadotteru dake
So once again
yume mite me ga sameta
kuroi jaketto ushiro sugata ga
dareka to mienakute natteiku
So once again
hoshi ga mori he kaeru youni
shizen ni kiete chiisana shigusa mo
itsumademo anata shika mienai
watashi mo
I wanted to be with you always
I wanted to be smiling beside you
Even though the season is changing again
My heart has stopped in place
I thought I was starting to get used to
Not having you beside me on my right
So then why am I crying so many tears?
If my love won’t come true
Then I just want the courage to forget about you
You are only in my fantasy
Even now, I remember your words
And the scenery I saw beyond your shoulders, so once again
Leavin’ for the place without your love
Like stars returning to the forest
Your little nuances spontaneously disappear
Along with the playful person I once was
I wanted to be with you always
I wanted to be smiling beside you
Even though the season is changing again
My heart has stopped in place
The photo of when we met that fall
Shows a bashful smile, it just fills me with joy
I never thought a day like this would come
Without blinking
I burn an image of you in my heart, my love
You are only in my fantasy
I want to hear your voice
But all I’m doing is tracing the address I can’t erase
On the page with the letter M, so once again
Leavin’ for the place without your love
I awaken from a dream
Someone in a black jacket with their back turned
I’m not able to make out who it is anymore, so once again
You are only in my fantasy
Like stars returning to the forest
Your little nuances spontaneously disappear
Along with me, who only had eyes for you
~~~~~
I long to see you, Shiori.
But, I know I have to say goodbye.
I try very hard, but I can never seem to do it.
Whenever I hear the sound of a piano, I begin to cry.
Why did you have to go?
Why didn't you take me with you?
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