turn into a monster

today go out wit mao zhi yan zhenyu daryl kai wei...we went to k-box...wa...so song...veri long nv sing lik tt le...realli relief mi a lot of stress...den went to newton to eat bbq seafood...not bad...but veri ex...recently i realli veri bothered lor...i had tried all ways to divert my attention...but its always tempo...lik today singin...i realli tried to sing everything out...its lik the songs r expressin my feelins...but i tink the 5 of dem dun realise tt i m tt stressed up...how i miss the gd old times...when we wld slack at one corner of the hall n tok cok...tokin abt all sorts of things...but one veri delighting fact is dey still remember sum things i told dem...
lik dey wld say "lang sway ci jiao bian gong gui"...but i dun agree it is always true...sumtimes u ci jiao bian gong gui is ur own fault...lik mi...i tink i flunk my results for dis common test...n i definite coz my friendships to capsize...i no its too late to do anything to change the fact now...onli can recover...but how can i recover...haiz...i realli feel veri depressed now...its almost lik its worse den THE OTHER TIME...if duno wat THE OTHER TIME refers to den i guess u dun play enuff attention to my life...after all i m not worth it...haiz...i realli m not...lookin at the note leavers i can tell liao...dey get lesser n lesser...oredi got 2 blank entries liao...haiz...
i realli duno wat to say lor...i hav changed...realli changed...i use to b vuglar free...but now i gettin more vuglar n more vuglar...summore last time i used to b veri sensitive to others...keepin in mind tt i shldnt harm others or offend others in anyway...now i m doin the opposite...it has coz mi my priceless friendship...i hav lost my 2 veri closed friends...i tell almost everything to dem...but now without dem i duno hu to tell dem to...haiz...hu to blame but mi...so no need to crap so much...if i dun do sth abt all dis i mine even lose the rest of my friends...haiz...i dun feel the need of my existance...
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24hr!:i realise sth my told mi is veri true...i dun wan to forget her...i admit it i dun...but the prob is i hav to...dis is so torturin...i cant even tok to her one to one other den on phone...always hav to go thru sumone as a "connector"...but everytime i start to tok... she will keep quiet...i duno izzit mi tinking too muc or she avoids tokin to mi...haiz...dun u feel tt its so sad tt u cant even b friends wit the one u luv...haiz...i wan to forget her...but i dun wan to at the sum time...veri confusin n contradictin...i no...i m so deep in luv tt i juz cant pull myself out...i cant possibly try to avoid her all the time...its impossible...i will c her sooner or later...haiz...she said b4 time heals all wounds...will it heal mine?
m?#291;  ŧħέ d?#947;:my existance is redundant