i made a mistake...i m sorry...

bad day...go office...chief clerk bad mood...as usual always as mi do things...the most pissin thing is she ask mi to help do thing when i goin for lunch break...den after tt kana kan by officer...go busstop...missed the bus...juz when u tink tt shld b it...now i m here at home feelin sorry for myself...for the mistake tt i hav made yet again...
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
i guess i made the wrong decision not goin...again...

i duno m i givin myself false hopes...but when u saw mi...u seem happi...n my bad day seem lik nth at tt moment...i was happi too...

but when i not goin...ur face changed...

mayb i m readin too muc into all dis...all dis may or may not hav anything to do wit mi...but i duno...but today is definitely not the day to lose my temper...

i duno y...my heart sunk as time went by...i cldnt help it or control it...it is still sinkin...

mayb after a nite's slp...i mayb i will start a fresh pg of my life...but everyday no matter how happi i m...dere will always still b a part of mi in tt dark lonely corner...turnin myself into a nutcase...i m juz lik a timebomb...tickin away...hu noes when all the pressure tt i hav built all dis years will explode out...leavin mi in broken pieces...

my life is drivin mi crazy...i need sumone to stand by mi...I NEED YOU!

msg of the day:dun ask mi y...coz the onli ans u will get is love...

i gav my first to MOS...

well i gav my first clubbin exp to MOS...well i dun lik the poundin music n the smoke(wich accordin to zi xiang was worse last time b4 the ban)...other tt its ok la...i mean its sumwhere u can make friends ezly...ppl r more open dere...but of course dis kind of friend will b diff from the kind u make at work sch or sum other way...coz i mean ppl go dere to play... so the definition of friends bcomes broader...

but i m sure dere r eg of ppl meetin deir companion at clubs...lik dose fairytales tt we c on tv...but i can gurantee tt the chance of tt happenin is veri slim...makin friends as in dose normal go out tok cok other den clubbin kind oredi heng enuff le...let alone companions...

i was offered chances to dance wit a few gals...but i onli do normal dancin bside dem...didnt take it a step higher...u all shld no wat i mean...i mean lik its a angel devil situation...i m a normal guy...u put a gal infront of mi n ask mi to dance wit her...my devil will pounce at her man...but thing is tt i resisted the temptation...i mean lik my angel tells mi its not style...i m juz not comfortable wit it...i cant say its wrong...but i juz feel tt i shldnt do it...

n come to tink of it...i dun lik gals hu clubbin...but if gals dun clubbin...den dere will b no clubs...n when u step into a club u will hope tt guy gal ratio b better...coz its always lobe sided...the whole dancin issue is veri contradictary...but hu noes wat might happen the next time i go...but the prob is when will the next time b...its quite hard to make mi go to club...even yan was stun tt i agree to go today...

in conclusion...my angel told mi to listen to my heart as usual...n i did...coz ultimately...i no dis is not i wan...my body was dere shakin away...while my soul was guardin by her...i guess till the day my mind takes over the tinkin...it will remain as it is for now...
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
the thing abt love songs...is tt seriously generally dere r onli 3 kinds...stun? y 3 not 2...haha...

yes deres the most common sad one...wich includes everything from breakup to unreqitted love...for the sad singles out dere...to find a home for deir lonely soul...to hav an ave of expressin deir sadness towards the situation...

n oso dere is the oppo one...the happi ones...dose i love u...u love mi kind...but barney not counted hor...haha...to share the sweetness of the relationship...to spread the wonderful feelin of love...

finally u hav the last kind...n wat do u tink it is...dang dang dang dang...its songs to humor gals/guys(but realli veri little)...to show how muc dey love the other...to move the other's heart...

all dis songs hav diff purpose n r catered for diff ppl of diff status...but lik other genre of songs...dey r way to relate ur xin shen...listenin to such songs may make u feel better...sumtimes ppl say when u r sad...u shldnt listen to sad songs...but i feel tt its not true...coz sumtimes when u feel lonely esp for dose listenin to the first kind of love songs...dey get to relate to the song's sad story...n sumwhere out dere another person shares the sad but same fate as himself/herself...so if one can understand dis...mayb afterwhile(of coz not immediately la) dey shld feel better...n mayb tts the time to switch to happier songs...

but anyways its up to personal preferrence n perception to decide whether dis method works or not...

but anyway sth to pounder abt...wich is longer..."eternity" or "till the end of time"...

msg of the day:if i hav the ability to giv my love for u a time limit, i will make sure its beyond the end of time...

wat is happenin...

well...juz when i tot my luck is better oredi...more things happen...dis juz sucks man...

goin to byebye to my ah gong soon...haiz...although i not veri close wit him coz i stop goin to my grandparents house regularly at abt 6...but still i realli saddens mi to c how muc he has to suffer...den my ah ma oso...tt day when i visited dem...she seem veri pessimistic abt her life oso...i mean lik y lik tt...haiz...i tried to tok sense into her...but i dun tink it worked...

i no shen lao bing si is the path of nature...but timin cld nv b worse...everything is turnin mi into a zombie...even in orchard rd i walk as if i m a zombie...it juz reminds mi of tt essay i wrote in sec 4...alone in the crowd...i mean i cant help feelin lonely...coz its lik i feel helpless...n dere r sths tt ppl cant help one...

i was lucky to hav hope to support mi...till recently...i feel tt sth is wrong...but i duno wat...mayb i m been too sensitive...wich always gets mi into trouble...but sumhow sth juz feels wrong...
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
hope...i duno whether u will b readin dis a not...but i no if u r...u will feel guilty n apologitic...

but u muz understand tt i will b fine as long as i no tt u r fine...at dis pt of time i dun expect tt u to help mi fight my probs...coz realli...u r not obliged...yet sths u still do...wich i m veri thankful for...

so if sth is wrong...pls tell mi...i no certain things u find it hard to put in words...or mayb u dun wish let mi no...but if can... i rather u share it wit mi...at least let mi share ur burden...i hav been dere n i hav done tt...mayb not the same situation...but back den how i wished tt sumone was dere to share my burden...n now tt u r here...u always shared mine...so i dun tink its too muc to ask to share urs back...

tt nite... i no i was been veri harsh wit my words...but the thing is wat u said to mi is sth tt nv crossed my mind...n it will not cross in the near future...i no where u r comin from...but i wan u to understand tt when i say i will always be dere...i always will...

msg of the day:readin a bk takes more den readin the words...

stun of the century...

omg...i realli muz write abt dis first man...xiao hei propose to his gf at the stadium after the NDP parade via the big screen tv man...omg... its so romantic man...siao...if i the gf sure kana donged one ... i mean lik...first he propose in front of so mani ppl...use such stun...sth tt we will onli tink exist in tv shows...den summore is at the stadium juz after NDP...den summore its the last NDP at the old stadium...its so memorable...omg...salutes to xiao hei man... i hav to learn a thing or 2 from him...

hu says fairytales wun come true...i was dere to witness it happen...juz lik i was dere to witness history go into the bk...haiz...its all over...NDP is over...n guess its gdbye to the stadium...n the guards ppl...n sort of to nan hua...but i mean everything will come to an end wat...so deres nth muc we do or say...

but realli though it has always been so stress n tirin doin NDP...but i had fun...made new friends...got new exposure n exp...n the sweet things tt the kids say n do for u...omg...it juz makes mi wan to melt...i tink the journey was a tough but no doubt an enjoyable one...now tt its comin to an end...i will definitely miss dose times where i hav to shout at ppl for losin deir visors...n for foolin ard...

wit dis lik wat si ping says...we close yet another chap of our lives...n tml we start a chap...but i learnt a lot of valuable lessons...
1)sumtimes we need to b more flexible wit the way we do things...
2)we shldnt judge a student by deir cca...
3)dancers realli hav to work harder if dey wan to uphold deir repuation...
4)how to work under super impromto conditions...
last but the most impt of all)short friendships can oso b strong as well...

so to all tt i hav interact in a way or another...10z for the great exp...n sori if i offendin any in the course...

to class 2/2...although i onli took ur class for 2 shows...i was great to no u guys...n 10z again for the impromto card...realli appreciate it...btw...work on ur bondin hor...haha...

AI wit special 10z to yan long...i admit at the start i didnt tink tt i wld enjoy workin wit u all...but now i wan to take dose words back...coz u guys r juz great...although we all hav diff workin styles...but hey if we r all the same we wun b us liao rite? haha...but anyways gd job guys... keep in contact worz...n yan long(my potential senior to be) 10z for makin dis journey so enjoyable...

seniors...dis cldnt hav been a success without u guys...lets keep the nhds spirit burnin...woo...

dancers...NDP is over le...now hav to work hard for SYF lor...haha...anyways i got to no u all better thru NDP...its as if i m still in dance lik tt...haha...jia you ba...

to all(not referin to the usual ppl...coz i no u all r readin) tt happen to come across my entry...pls do tag...haha...mayb we can keep in contact...haha...
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
haiz...i feel so torn...i realli duno wat to do...all i wan is for u to b happi...mayb i shldnt hav say anything to start with...but wats done cant b undone...i feel lik the devil...o man...dis feelin sucks...seriously...watever is the endin...i hope u will b happi...

msg of the day:if stayin here makes u more stressed, i will leave...but if u r happier wit mi ard, i will b more den happi to stay...

top 10 memories(up till now)

haven been writin quality stuff here for a while liao...but cant help it...keep gettin down...but i m tryin to pick myself up...anyways the other day i read wei hong blog...he wrote abt the 10 most valuable thing he possessed...i was quite inspired by his entry...but i dun realli hav muc of a top 10 items to tok abt...

i shall tok abt my top ten memories...no difference in rankin...coz watever i can tink of i write first...

1)her 16th birthday~although i m not her bf...but at least i made it a birthday she will remember...i felt happi enuff doin tt...although she is the past...i wun forget how muc i enjoyed it myself...i hope she will find her own happiness...all the best...

2)dance ORD~the day all the 13 of us sang tian gao di hou...tt day was so touchin...tt is the demostration of true friendship...although i feel tt we r not as close le...but to no dem its a blessin to mi oredi...dose times r one of the most happi times in my life...

3)sec1 ordeal~although it was scary...but it did giv mi a new perspective to life...i learned tt life is not to b taken for granted the hard way...tts y i wish to make my resurrection a worthy one...

4)sec4 graduation~dey may not b the closest ppl to mi...but dey were the healthy dose of relax from dance...when sumtimes dance got too stressful...a bit of 4/7 n sum MTG can realli take my mind off things...

5)A lvl results~although i didnt get a gd result...n coz mi to end up wit no uni at the moment...but at least it got mi to face the fact tt my life wld not always b so smooth goin...if i wanted sth i muz fight for it...

6)AUS study trip~2 weeks away from sg...i juz learn tt i m dose kind hu cant stay away long from home...feelin home sick is terrible ma...look at my phone bill u will no le...so as far as possible i hope i dun need to go overseas for long...home is the best...

7)NDP~it gives mi a preview abt how life as a teacher wld b lik...it can b tirin...but i bcomes rewardin when i c tt smile lit up on deir faces...it looks lik my journey towards education is inevitable...i hope i can make it dere...even next door will do fine for mi...

8)recievin of my gundam~although it may seem tt i m tryin to hint everyone to get it for mi...but i originally wanted to buy it for myself oredi...but o well...but i was realli veri touched to find out u guys actually bought it for mi...i juz hav to remind myself how lucky i m...

9)knowin abt my spine~of course i was devastated at first...but i wat else cld i do...i onli cld accept it...it has put a stop to my dangerous stunts...wich i m kinda sad abt...but at the same time it reminds mi tt sumtimes i hav to tink for myself...

10)all the fantasy tt my dreams n tv gives mi~although none of dem r reality...but gives mi a healthy dose of how to feel happi abt life...but of course need to remember tt it is not reality...but i cld always try to make it reality wat...haha...

as i wrote dis entry...i felt tt i m quite failure...coz i cldnt write smoothly...coz i cldnt tink of 10...either i m too picky over how i define as gd/meaningful memories or my life hav juz not been veri cong shi to start wit...summore the 10 r not all realli memories...but hu cares...i enjoyed writin dis entry...n i realli got mi tinkin...do i realli wan to live on lik tt...n keep a forever so depressin blog...ppl always say my entries r so depressin...i oso hope i can write sth happi to share wit everyone...haha...

anyway i hope dis entry can inspire sum of u to bcome more happi or even tink abt how u can b happier...juz lik wei hong's entry did...although not directly...but if i didnt read his entry i wun write dis entry...den i wun tink abt how my life has been so far...its a deep soul searchin n reflection on my past 19 years...
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
at the same time i m writing dis entry...i was enjoyin my healthy dose of fantasy from tv...n oso smsin...n sumhow hope gave mi an idea to write a happi song...hmm...haven hav any idea though...but i hope can b sth lik the song for hai you ming tian...ling gan ling gan...

although dis is not the first song i m writin...but the previous one is not realli finished...so i tink if i get to complete dis song...it wld b officially the first song i write...so lets hope i m able to finish dis song...n i may juz publish it on my blog to share wit u guys...


msg of the day:if life seems sad, u may wan to take a step back n a deep breath to find tt u r missin out on the whole picture...it may b so breathe takin tt u wld b surprised...tink positive...=)