darkness

today is a normal sun...wake up eat play...den go c my grandfather...but on the way to dinner...suddenly got overwhelmed wit sadness...duno y...now as i write dis entry i feel better oredi...

lookin at the tots tt went thru my mind juz now...i tink i m juz afraid of the future ba...the uncharted territory tt is shrouded by darkness...n i realise recently tt more n more of us r feelin dis way...u guys might not say it...but i m sure u guys feel it...yes its normal...but den i duno...its not gd...is it?

well i guess if we were to b more confident abt ourselves...mayb we wun feel it as often...n not onli will we feel afraid...sumtimes we oso will feel empty...lost...for dose hu r attached...will u may still feel it at times one rite? i no i m in no position to say so since i m not attached... but i guessed as muc...

anyways so muc said...i realli wan to remind all my dear friends tt this kind of feelins has an ez method to get over...companionship...i no juz now i said tt ppl hu r attached may feel dis oso...well... even if we r by each other...if at tt pt of time u dun feel connected to the person even when u r side by side...sadness will draw u into tt overwhelmin darkness...i duno whether my dear readers no wat i m tokin abt...n i oso cant realli phrase it properly...

anyway back to my pt of usin companionship to cure it...well its abt the same as rubbin passion...juz tt dis is to rub away...tt dark patch...tok it out wit the person u feel most comfortable wit...it may not necessary b ur bf or gf...i mean i m sure sths u will feel relunctant to tok to dem abt...mayb coz u dun wan dam to worry...or mayb its coz its deir flaw tt u r willin to overlook but juz wan to complain abt...all sorts of things...

my pt of dis entry is y bottle urself up n suffer alone...n complain tt nobody cares for u n all...once u tok it out...ur darkness bcomes apparently onli loneliness onli...n once the light shines on it...u will feel all better...dun let urself get stuck in the well...stop fallin oredi...if u need a hand...i can reel u up...

remember our future may b bleak as it is...but den y whine abt how bad it is...instead we shld put our time n energy to tink of how to make it better...jia you ba my dear friends...now i oso hav to jia you too...haha...
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24hr信徒
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dere r mani things tt i m worried abt...tts y i dun dare to tink abt the future...but sumtimes i juz cant help it to take a peek of wat it may b...

i hav been thru a lot from where i was...n i hav seen even more from others lives...dere is no need to compare hus life is worse off or better off...everyone live deir own unique life...everyone has deir view of wat is sad n wats not...

when 2 solutions r place together...dere is onli 2 possiblities...either dere is a reaction or dere isnt...if dere is a reaction...dere is a reaction...if dere isnt a reaction...dere isnt a reaction...no matter how muc more of each solution u add...the result will still b same...

so if u ask mi whether izzit worth it to put the solution in the first place...den i will tell u if u dun try u will nv no...life is a gamble...i m willin to risk it again...if i succeed...i reap the product...if i fail...den juz start over again n tink abt another mixture...

life is juz lik tt...a game of trial n error...u juz hav to b able to endure the cost of startin n endin the experiment...love is such an interestin chemistry...

msg of the day:if tml nv comes, wld she no how muc i loved her...

ambition

tt day by luck i got to watch a documentary on channel U...i tink the name of the show is called tou shi yan...i hav watched the show for a couple of times oredi...its quite a nice show to watch...enrichin i shld say...haha...

anyways tt days epi was abt the ambition of 8 youths+kids...dere was a mixture of dem...sum of deir ambitions were quite normal...but out of the 8... dere were sum veri outstandin ones...

the first one was a 10 year old kid who was a hardcore nature lover...haha...i mean realli veri power...i mean at dis age...he is oredi a volunteer nature walk guide...dam pro la...haha...dis was not as pro la...but den quite stunnin...

the second one was a 18 year old gal...who was a blogger...but wat is so special abt her is tt she blogs veri political entries targeting at the singapore govt system...despite her age...she portrayed a veri serious...

the third one was a 13-14 year old boy...he kana i tink is leukemia...den stop goin to sch for abt 1 n half years...he manage to fight it n survived up till today...

the forth one was another 19 year old gal...hu was the same batch as mi in jj...she has been workin together wit father at her fathers coffee stall since she grad from jc...didnt no tt she was this "kind" of person...as in sch she portrayed an image of a veri in person...always go out wit friends kind...but apparently not...she had a sad story to tell...although not tt sad...

but her crisis juz reminds mi again tt we shldnt take things for granted...and shld b more thankful for wat we hav...she had a choice of goin out wit her friends n hav fun...but she chose to stay back n help her father...n i oso remind mi tt shi qing wang wang bu shi wo men xiang xiang de na yang...

i duno y i blog abt the show almost...coz it occurs to mi tt... dis entry other den mayb the 4 person...the rest i didnt realli write sth worth readin...juz hav to urge to do so lor...
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24hr信徒
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"r u better off?u seem happier..."

hmm...dis was the qn...i wanted to say a loud YES...but paused to look at how things r now...i dun hav the confidence to say it...

"haha.yeah...mayb since now i dun need to worry abt u...but of course i still got other worries..."

now my mind is in a mess...i can no longer tell wats goin on...plus i mean once bitten twice shy...but den i juz cant control myself from doin the same crap again...i mean if everything goes alrite...den ok la...i wun hav anything to say...but den if thins flopped again...den it wld juz feel as if i threw a rock on my own toes...sianz...

i m startin to tink tt i m a freak for information...i feel so in the dark now...i mean i feel tt i no nth abt wats goin on...it feels kind of irritatin...but den the worse thing is tt i wun get to no...at least not for now...ba...

msg of the day:i wished i knew wat is goin on...

cherish

i duno y...but i tink i startin to get the habit of bloggin EARLY in the mornin...after i reach home tt is...i mean i m tired...but my mind juz refuse to switch off until i 'save' the last updates to the blog...n the main topic for today juz poped up when i was bathin juz now...haha...veri impromtu...

anyways...i may hav tok abt dis topic b4 in the past...but i cant remember la...anyways...its kind of depressin lookin at ppl nowadays...i mean lik...we r not being thankful enuff...not cherishin wat we hav in hand...takes things for granted...we r juz dam spoiled...i mean lets look at things from diff levels...

globally...humans as a whole dun cherish deir resources...esp the natural ones...its no wonder earth is sick...n no wonder the wrath of mother nature(yeah...dis sounds lik gp essay)...juz reminds mi of tt canto song by eason in his recent album...tokin abt battle of human n god(in dis case nature)...until now we still arent cherishin it...ppl juz dun bother...i mean ya...i admit...i oso quite wastin on the resources...it mayb small...but if everyone oso lik tt...den a lot liao...quite scary if u ask mi...

community level...i duno how to apply cherishin here...but i heard n said b4 dis...in dis world dere r 8 billion ppl...but how mani of dese ppl were chosen to b in ur life...i mean lets juz tok abt the weird uncle tt lives in ur blk...but u hav nv tok to him b4...juz found him weird coz u tink so...u c him ard sumtimes...but how come he was the one chosen to b the weird one...but not sum other ppl...i mean look at the odds of another person takin his place...i mean ya la...his existance may not hav anything to do wit ur life...or mayb tts wat u tink...u nv no until u find out...for all u no he was the one hu always pick up junkmail tt is thrown onto the floor everyday other den the cleaners...he may or may not hav impacted ur life in the slightest way...my pt is tt person is dere for a reason...if duno the reason...its ok...giv a smile to it...n things mayb nicer...

individual level...dis one no need to say liao la...its obvious la...i mean sum ppl prefer not to put cherish into words of appreciation...but tink abt it...if u onli say it out when its too late...the onli thing u can do is regret...yeah it mayb mushy...but sumtimes u nv no how muc tt line can brighten up tt persons day...n oso improve ur relationships...but of course not askin u to say it everyday la...tt will make it quite ptless...although i find the japanese culture of doin so veri nice...but i tink singaporeans shld keep deir own style...

anyways say so muc...i oso duno whether u all catch my ball a not...but the thing is cherishin sth or sumone can b in mani forms...feelin...action...speech...but the thing is dun hesitate to let sumone no tt u appreciate dem...dun get caught in the situation whereby u gettin reprimanded by the old sayin...只等到失去了，才懂得珍惜。den its too late...coz sths cant get back one...juz lik water pour out...u cant keep back...
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24hr信徒
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time was nv on my side...not for the past 19+ years...my timin was always off...seriously la...its dam sickenin...

patience may b one of my strenghts...but the waitin i do in my life is lik more den other ppl lor...in case u guys duno...we spend 1/3 of our lives waitin for sth or sumone...den plus our slpin time...we r onli realli doin things 1/3 time of lives...

so wats my pt? my pt is since time was nv on my side...every sec shld b cherished...everytime i get down on my feet... i take a rather long time to stand up again...but i shldnt b wastin time away lik tt... dere r more things to b accomplished...but while standin up...i nv forget to pickup wat is learned in tt lesson...everytime i learn new stuff...

now i shld say i m in a now chap of my life...not the army one...but the view towards life...recently dere may b a lot of ups n downs...but i need to stay strong...coz dere r ppl out dere dependin on mi...

i haven been successful in anything up till now...but i aint goin to stop here...i wan to strive for sth...

now tt i hav found hope...i hav a new target in life...goals tt i hav to accomplish to meet my target...life hav nv felt so hopeful...realli...from the bottom of my heart...

i may not b able to blog abt it openly yet...but i hope one day...one day i wld b able to shout out loud wat hope has brought into my life...n y i wan to cherish her so muc...

i hope u guys hav at least sth in life tt u realli wan to cherish...other den the usual stuff...one eg is the friendship of SH!N-13...its rather broken into pieces...coz of lost of contact n mayb friction...or mayb it wasnt SH!N-13 to start wit...now i tink onli left SH!N-6 onli...rather sad...but i cherish dose time we had...although i m quite happi to say tt although SH!N-13 is more or less no more...but the grp is slowly gainin new membership...wich is gd...haha...

anyways i tink i shall stop here... dis entry is luan enuff liao...esp the 2nd part... i dun even no wat i m tokin abt...haha...but impromtu is lik tt one la...

msg of the day:u r in my life not by chance, its by destiny...