Its different when you are up there

Well, Chingay is coming to an end and I must say this year is the year that I hate most. Why? I feel that the organisation of the group is a total disaster. Although, last year I was also dancing for PA, it was not as bad.



I don't know what went wrong or what changed, my gut feeling tells me that its most likely because of the theme this year. So, the sponsors has different kind of expecations, so much so that it is totally not what the choreographers had in mind. I guess its not easy to come up with a dance let alone making it please people who has little or even no knowledge about dance choreography. But, I guess thats "showbiz" for you.



A lot of people, including myself, are really not happy with the management, be it for whatever reason. But regardless, I have to say that sometimes they can't help it with the demands pressing down on them. I am quite sure handling the PA dancers is much harder than handling DIY dancers. So, if I was to be the one up there, I might get the same response from people.



Of course, we all have to agree that either way, the system now is actually not working. And since PA, is always involved in Chingay every year, shouldn't there be a system set down for easier handling of things? Just like what Si Ping said about the Chingay brief the other day, since it is an event with such a rich history and it is a annually bigt scale event for PA, it should have a system laid down for whoever is handling the project. This way experience gets collected along the way and past down.



But, so much said, I am first of all in no position to say anything and its always easier said than done. Well, nonetheless, I still hope that I needn't go through "the system" for the third time.

Reaching out

Reach out of the darkness,
extend towards the light.
Shower me with happiness,
give me strength and might.

But with your doors shut,
I can only stay out.
I called out to you,
all I get is absence, of you.

I tried, yet I failed.
All that is left, is all about to drift.

Great loss

Today, I had a 6h window between my driving lesson and my tuition lesson. I didn't go home, instead I went to Lot 1 to shop around and camped at the library. I spent my time there thinking of ideas for The Project and was reading through the old entries of my blog. There is so much that I haven't even finish looking through half of them.

Anyway, thats not the main point of today's entry. Today, when looking through the old entries, I realised that during the course my life I had many close friends from time to time. But, as we moved on with our own lives, these close friends became "not so close", which I think is a pity.

I guess this is the way of life, although its very sad, so I guess it can't be helped. What a great loss!

But, on a lighter note, we get to make new friends as time goes by at the same time. Although, I have to admit that it does not offset the loss that we would have made, not anywhere near.

Pros & Cons

After 1 day of using Vista, I conclude that like any other thing, there are pros and cons. But to me, I feel that I still prefer XP. Its more advance and has a lot of cool functions, but because its too advance some of my programs actually are not compatible with Vista.

But, thats how things are everything has their pros and cons, even directions there is left and right. But at times there are things that are only either right or either wrong. There is no space for grey area.

New Laptop

Just more or less finish "restoring" my new laptop to the settings of the the old laptop. Anyway just a bit of joke from the purchase. Zhongyi and Zhi Yan will enjoy this.

Salesperson:I can give you a free ram upgrade and 5-years warranty. But sorry, I can't give you your 1399 reward points.

Me:The points are not the cause of concern.

And I was right...

For 1000pts:
PC 5031 Mini Vacuum Cleaner USB (U.P.: $ 18.90)

For 1500pts:
Either

Verbatim CDR Gold 100pcs (U.P.: $14.90)

Or

Imation DVD-R 16x

50 Spindle Cake Box (U.P.:$29.90)

Or

Imation DVD-R 16x

50 Spindle Cake Box (U.P.:$29.90)

The free upgrade would have otherwise cost $199 and the 5-years warranty about $400(?). So, you people do your maths, was the points ever a cause of concern?Lol.

Resolution

Finally, started to do something about the The Project. After a long struggle, maybe I won't use the pictures for the project. Why try something that I am not good at and take the risk of messing it up when it can be simple and sweet? Anyway, that day I was doing a bit of cleanup and I realised that some of the materials for The Project are missing. Doh! Oh well, I guess I just have to make do with wait I have. After I finish Lord of the Rings(Book) and Prison Break(Video), I am going to put my heart and soul into The Project. I should still have ample time for it.



Anyway just now when I was doing something for The Project, I was thinking about what Meijee said the other day about the meaning of keeping a blog. Well, although I have different definition of a blog, I realised that I have forgotten my intial intention for keeping a blog and that was to keep track of the stages of my life and thoughts I had. And I realised that in the pass when I used to blog everyday, I was able to keep to that. So, why can't I now? So, I have decided to make daily blogging a resolution for this year.



But, that is of course after I get my laptop. Nowadays, I don't really get to use the computer unless my brother is not at home. Not that I mind, but I just feel "crippled" if you know what I mean. Sad but true, thats the problem with people these days.

Below the ranks

After so many "complains" from my fellow "fans", I decided that I will blog on the stuff that I thought was worth blogging on this long enter.

I went to work part time at PA for a week last week. I have to admit that I learned some stuff from the job(like liaison related stuff and the rough outline of how to make props using Styrofoam), I can't help but think that I was rather ignored during the week.

This was the situation:
I was hired to cover the job of another temp. staff who had to help out at a workshop. So, I do my admin work and soon enough I completed my work. Since, the work assigned was rather easy, other than the fact that I try not to be accountable for the work as I am only working for 1 week, I had to ask my boss regarding everything I do. Since, for the admin part there wasn't much to do, I had a lot of free time, which left me to conclude that hiring me was actually not really necessary.

Then, I was asked to help out at the workshop as they think they won't be able to finish the props in time for the media brief. Although, when I accepted the job, I was only told that I would be required to do admin stuff. I thought that since I am free anyway, why not? But, as the course was already halfway when I went there, I was a bit disorientated and don't know how to start helping. Yet, there was no one there to orientate me. I know I should take initiative and look for areas to help, but I admit I this form of art is just not my play field. I know nuts about it, so I don't really know what I should do.

Later, I got orientated, but only until much later. Then, I was asked to OT to help meet the deadline and I agreed. But, I ended with really bad backache. During the whole thing, I was rather ignore. I know this is childish but somehow I felt as if I was back in school where people have their own cliques. Except, this time there was only 1 and I was outside.

So, basically I didn't like my week working at PA. But, I guess I learned something else because of this. Usually, when I am assigned work, I am usually assigned as at least one of the leaders. So, there is at least some say in what the group is doing. Even, when I was not the leader, I was still able to give comments and suggestions as the things I do are mostly around the areas of my expertise. But, when you are below the ranks and know nuts about the subject, then I suggest you "suck thumb" follow.

Alright, that is quite a lot of complaining for one entry. Some of you may not really catch what I am really trying to express as a lot of things I choose not to elaborate, as it would take too long, you can ask me personally. Anyway, I think I might be blogging again tomorrow, since there is something else, but I don't want the entry to be too long.

A dream

I had a dream yesterday night. It seemed like an reenactment of what happened the other day, it just ended with that question. The question that I gave a very lousy reason to answer. It was only part of truth, part of truth which I really have no idea whether to reveal.

My heart stopped when you popped the question. I was really caught off guard. I told you it is only natural, but there was more to it. I don't know what will happen if I told you the truth. Maybe you already know the truth and was just testing me.

I don't know what I should tell you and what I should not. It takes effort to make things happen, but it takes more effort to make things not happen.

I don't know where I stand and where I should stand.

Messed up

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I am just not feeling fine(if that is the word to describe it). I just feel so disinterested in anything and everything. The mood that I am in nowadays, I myself can't understand(not that I ever had). I just feel so...so...broken and tired. Life is just not the same anymore. Change is constant, sad but true. There are things that will never change, but it might if the fuel runs out. How I wish you could just give me a tight slap and leave me...

Its a new year, but an old problem.

Something so familiar, yet I don't understand.
Things are just so messed up.