22 December 2003

::her:: friend

i actually online not to write any entry one...but ur note had made mi done so...
i agree totally wit ur note...yes i realli do...no faking...but i hav to admit tt i was realli traumatized by the note...but i realli agree...i guess i juz cant accept the fact but...actually i could tell tt i m still hurting her...but i juz duno y i did all dose things...tts y everytime after i do dem i get veri upset n keep apologizing to her...but she will juz say nvm...sumtimes we even "fight"...i hate when tt happens...even if it happens between mi n a friend...i guess i m juz a insensitive jerk hu doesnt tink b4 doin anything...onli after...but after it dere will b no pt tinking coz it had oredi happened...i always do dis kind of things...wich get myself into trouble...u might tink tt i m a veri nice guy my friends...
but let tell u sth i m not...the ugly truth is so...nth can change it...i always tot myslef...i m so selfcentred tt i dun tink abt others...yes i m a jerk...ppl...after u read dis mayb u will agree tt i realli m a jerk...n u can decide to stop bfriendin mi anymore...i wun blame u...dun show mi sympathy...i dun deserve it...dun try to console mi...coz it wun work...i m juz so sturbborn...yes i m...now den u no ba...
anyway to ::her:: friend...i juz wan to say i no wat to do...juz giv mi time to finish wat i shld do...everything will b fine by den...mayb u wun even c mi anymore...ppl if u no wat dis means...dun try to tok to mi abt it coz i might get things worse...life is destinied...if i hav to die i will...btw ::her:: friend dun tink by leaving ur name lik tt i duno hu r u...coz i no...its juz a guess...but i got 80% feeling tt its hu i tink u r...n u oso say find sumone new...ya lik real...pls lor...i m sure u oso fall in love b4...how can anyone do tt in suc a short time...plus i m SO attached...u can blive if u wan to or not...i dun care...
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24hra}€:to her...this is the last time u will c dis coloumn ever again...coz dere will b no more after dis entry...if u r reading dis dun feel tt its ur fault tt i had bcum lik dis or anything lik tt...its not ur fault...stop blaming urself...dun let mi b ur burden...n will not b ur burden anymore after i finish wat i hav to do...mayb things will b better n happier for u dis way...i really duno wat to say anymore...i m now realli veri hostile at dis veri moment...hope tt i dun feel dis way tml...coz its dangerous...actually i was tinking of writing u a letter together wit the christmas gift lik i do for everyone hu has a share...now i look at things...mayb i will not b writing it anymore...i duno...it depends on how i feel after dis...i m sori tt i hav even coz any "injury" to u...tts all i can say...pls pls...dun let mi b ur burden...coz i m not...
to other ppl reading dis...lik i said above...dun try to tok sense into mi...coz i wun go in...get it...i might b veri hostile in the days to cum...so bcareful...i dun wan to hurt anyone...realli pls...i had done it b4...n i regretted it until dis day...i REALLI REALLI DUN WAN TO HURT ANYONE...
I REALLI FEEL LIK JUZ CRYING OUT RITE NOW...BUT I CANT...I JUZ CANT...I CANT EVEN FIND MY COURAGE TO DO WAT IS RITE...I M DEEPLY HURT DIS TIME...NOT BY HER...BY MYSELF...BY BLOODY STINKIN SELF...
msg of the day:BWARE OF MI

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