y izzit not you

recently hav been veri bz in office i feel lik i m livin 2 lives now...one army...one GA...here tired...dere oso tired...everyday come home onli feel lik sleepin...come home c my gundam...i onli can feel sad...haiz...wat to do...

ppl may tink how can i complain when others r out dere chiongin...n sloggin deir ass off...well of course i cant compare our physical exercises...but seriously the mental stress here is no ez feat...sumtimes i juz dun get it...how come sum of my colleagues lik veri free n nth to do...den i work n work...lik no end...altho i do get sum time here n dere to browse the forum...but tts abt it...m i workin too hard...or izzit juz tt i duno how to lay back...

wat is rite...wat is wrong...wat is too muc or too little...wat is juz rite...i cant find the balance...tml is goin to b a hectic day...half day in office...n got 6 tasks to do...out of the 6 got 4 is urgent...got one is tml deadline...i duno whether i can meet the deadline a not...onli can try my best...
---------------------------------------------------------------------
24hrGA
~~~~~~
i duno y yesterday n today so not in mood...mayb i m juz more ezily pissed coz i not feelin well...

but one thing is for sure...i cant keep runnin from things tt r infront of mi...even if i try to not tink...i will still b reminded...the other day was chattin on the phone wit sumone...told tt person tt i m not continuing wit my song...as i hav decided tt it has lost its meanin...even if i do continue with the song...its onli for the sake of wholeness...but i guess tt wld b abt it ba...but i doubt i will continue...since ling gan has stopped flowin for quite a while...

now i feel lik my song...in pieces...here a bit dere a bit...its not ez tryin to pick myself up...mayb i m juz sensitive...but i keep feelin tt everytime humpty dumpty is tryin to get together again...all king's horses n all king's man hav to trample all over again...no wonder dey cldnt put humpty dumpty together again...lame but expresses my pt...juz giv mi my life b...u had ur share...10q

altho u dun say it...but i no sumtimes u blame mi for not sayin anything...the fact is i got a lot to say...but i duno where to start wit...i dun even no if u r the least interested to listen...but i guess i shld stop decievin myself...coz i no wats the prob...i m juz pretendin tt i didnt c it...dun wori...its not u...it has nv been u...it cld b the world but u...but ironically its mi...lik wtf m i tokin abt...crap...crap...

i m juz goin in circles...i hav always been...i had been in circles b4...i got out of the circle n got into another circle...how fun...but y m i complainin...i m showered wit all the blessin n happiness tt sum ppl may nv get... sumtimes i feel so sad hearin things tt were once said by u...yes its nice...i appreciate it...but y izzit not u...

sumtimes i juz dun get things abt life...y m i always qnin my life...wat is enuff...wat is balance...

msg of the day:幸福认识你，可惜不是你

hey its my birthday

juz celebrated my birthday the usual ppl until wee hours in the mornin...realli enjoyed myself...i had a little bit of everything...its lik a all in 1 package...so yeah...i liked it...den the gift...wa...altho i oredi no b4 hand la...but still gan dong ren shen lor...even my parents didnt giv mi such a expensive gift b4...ya la...its shared la...but i still say...its the tot tt counts...realli veri gan dong...10z guys for fufilin my 10 year dream...actually i was goin to buy it myself today one...but its juz so diff when its bought by u guys...it juz adds to the desire to possess it...increasin its value in my heart...omg...haha...

anyway...i wan to 10 those hu had come to the party...not a veri party party...sori ar...but still 10z for ur attendance and bday wishes...i oso wan to specially 10q dose in the plannin commitee...each one helpin to plan n do diff things...kw daryl jun cheng n mei fang...n esp ZHENYU...realli 10z man...he ar...dam nice...i duno wat to say la...but hey zhenyu initially dere was a agreement abt dis years bday...but i guess u forgot...or u juz tink tt u dun wan to take tt risk...wichever the case...still 10z ppl...

dis is the kind of event tt juz makes mi wan to make the next bday better...daryl...urs comin up...n ya...ur gift...haha...;P
---------------------------------------------------------------------
24hrGA
~~~~~~
sumtimes being ignorant is better...mt shld b abt to relate to dis part better...

its no fun to no the endin b4 u even finish the prologue of a bk...it juz forces u to go search for new bks...but due the contrains...ur amt of bks can onli b dis amt onli...so wat can we do...do we continue to read the bk altho we no the endin...worse still if the endin u no is veri lame n sucky...ha...i guess sumtimes we juz dun hav the choice ba...haiz...choice again...

lookin at a sphere...i c black...darkness...i feel sad...but i no deres white on the other side...so do i walk over to the white side or do i stay here on the black side...yes its choice again...but it juz cant b helped...coz the black juz sumhow stones u to the spot...not allowin u to move...its lik a metal ball chain to my feet...is my will power stronger den the strongest metal?

i duno wat funni tricks u wan to pull...but if u goin to b a coward doin tt den i got nth to say abt u...r u tryin to tell mi tt its sth tt cant c the light...n pls dun tok abt being afraid of hurtin others feelins if u dun mean wat u say...yes all i say r base on ungrounded assumption...but i dun care whether i m correct a not...coz i can no longer b bothered...furthermore i hav decided to go on a journey...things has been packed...i m leavin...so i tink dis issue shld no longer concern mi...u can hav the whole pie...i dun wan to fight over it...u r not worth my time...coz i dun c u as a man...btw dun choke...

PS: ppl readin...pls dun try to guess the person i m tokin abt...coz "she" is not our league...given the fact tt ppl hu reads dis r ppl mostly from nanhua...so dun tink u guys wld no "her" n wat happen...=)but 10z...coz its the tot tt counts...

msg of the day:in dota...greedy ppl feed...

y wait?

i juz attended my great grandmother funeral recently...n history repeated itself again...juz lik wat happened at my great grandfather funeral...ppl cried lik no end on the last day...but other den tt dey look alrite to mi...at least tt is wat dey display...but i m not here to criticise abt how dey feel durin the funeral...the thing is if dey meant so muc to dem...y didnt dey visit dem more when dey were still ard...y wait until cant c le den cry...i m not sayin tt i wun end up lik dem...but b4 i do such things...i tink i m still in position to say such things...

y muz ppl wait till dey loss sth den wan to cherish it...its too late le lor...y muz we wait...dere r so mani things tt we get all frusrated waitin for...lik waitin for others,food,bus blah blah blah...but yet we can stand waitin n delay the time we cld hav used to cherish the ones we love...i m not sayin tt dey shld b 24/7 dere...but the thing is...a occasional dinner is not bad...how muc time wld it cost...even if u r sum big boss hu earns millions in sec...tt doesnt mean tt u cld b excused from showin tt bit of filial piety...i duno how often dey do it...but i tink its evident enuff to tell tt its not a lot...

y muz we wait to love? hav u guys heard the song "if tml nv comes"...he/she wld nv no how muc u loved dem...so y wait? i mean ok la...lets b reasonable...sum amt of waitin is acceptable to remove uncertainty...but dun drag n delay...

this 3 qns was asked awhile b by zhenyu to mi...i tink its relevant here...so i m bringin it b here...sum of u might hav seen dis in mt's blog...

If u r goin to leave dis world soon n u onli hav time for 1 phone call,hu wld it b?
den wat wld u say to him/her?
>
>
>
>
>
finishin tinkin?den wat r u waitin for?go n tell him/her now!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
24hrGA
~~~~~~
DI is goin malacca dis wkend...haiz...its goin to b a borin wkend...i mean ya la...sumtimes i find sun pracs borin n frustratin at times too...but i rather dis den to hav none...seriously speakin...i cld hav gone...IF i had put in more effort to make arrangements...

as muc as i wan to go n enjoy my time dere...since it is not a everyday thing tt DI goes overseas...altho so near...but at the same time...i no tt goin over dere wld mean i hav to bear wit all my tots...coz i no i wld surely hav lots of tots dere...sum may no where i m comin from...but the thing is tt over dere i dun tink i wld hav the chance to blog...n not being to blog down my tots is quite a torture for mi...it juz tears mi apart...tt is the reason y i keep draggin...until finally its too late to do anything...n all i cld do was to go down n c the last prac dey had on tue...

msg of the day:就算我有多少舍不得，我还是要骗自己担心是多余的。
虽然不能走，我还是会留。