happi birthday

today is my birthday...n mani others as well...lik wen bing...but dere r 4 more wich has the same birthday as mi...one is my mothers friends son...the other 3 is boon hwee jun jie n shafit...all from jj...but too bad junjie not in jj liao...haiz...nvm...i hope all dis ppl had a happi birthday...may ur wishes cum true...
dis years birthday was rather similar wit the one last year...no celebrations lor...den go home eat wit family onli lor...lik tt lor...quite sad la...presents reduced...but birthday msgs increased...so not tt bad la...after all its the tot tt counts...so nvm la...summore i wldnt wan u ppl to waste ur money wat...:)
hmm...my birthday wish came true...or rather sort of a birthday wish la...she msged mi today...wishin mi happi birthday...although it was later den the others...but still it was enuff to mi...at tt pt of time i felt so happi...felt as though i was the happiest person around...but i had to cum back to reality...she doesnt lik mi...not today...not yesterday...not tml...not for hu noes how long...forever?
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24hr!:although i no tt to mi...w/o her in my life i wld feel as though i will die...but i still hav to stay strong n face it...n let it go...but i feel so weak sia...say tt let go for duno how long liao...until now still always tinkin of her...haiz...duno wat to do...wat to say...but i no in the end i still hav to go...
add
i cant blive it man...i was at first onli disappointed n stuff onli...but now i m dam moody liao lor...u can say i m pissed...i m angry...wateva u wan to call it la...today is realli a veri unhappi day...n onli i no the real cause of it...i m juz being childish...n jealous of friends around mi...f*** sia...
m?#291;  ŧħέ d?#947;:ni de bei shang shi ying wei wo de cuo

nan guo

feelin sad...y i duno...haiz...tml is my birthday...i m sayin dis not bcoz i wan to ask for presents...in fact i hope u all dun giv mi anithing...coz u juz waste ur money...ur wishes is enuff...anyway...i say my birthday here is bcoz although tml is my birthday...i dun feel excited...but sad...haiz...i dun hav a person realli realli realli close to spend it wit...but i dun expect tt things will change overnite...but all i wish is she remember my birthday...but if she doesnt...ppl hu no hu she is pls dun remind her...mayb things would b better off tt way...pls treat it as my birthday present ba...
i look around mi a lot of my friends hav steads...sumtimes i realli cannot stand it...haiz...but wat can i do...the ironic things is tt dey hav a chance to b together n yet dey qurrael...either dey dun no hav to cherish deir relationship or dey r juz not into the relationship enuff...wateva la...its none my business...it shldnt bother mi...
n recently i realised...the amount of notes has decreased drastically...in the past it used to hav a lot of notes...now it is so pitiful...either ppl hu reads my entry dun bother to leave a note or dere r less ppl hu r concern wit my life...but hus to blame...i myself oso nv do my part as a friend...when was the last time i visited any of my friends od...at least a week...sum even mths...haiz...
on sat i m goin to perform in yishun...i takin part in the wushu under dance inspiration...i m subin botaks part...coz he cannot make it...haiz... juz learned the set of dao...scare cannot remember my steps...if i mess dis up i will b puttin the efforts of everyone down the drain...i wan to b in the tip top condition for the event...but fri got jj nite...wich ends at 1130...so late...i still cant decide if i shld go a not...haiz...i m always tied up by dis trivial things...y cant i b more decisive...haiz...
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24hr!:yesterday nite i had a dream tt i had been havin for mani years...it appears abt once per year...n i dun lik its content...i tink i would classify it in nightmares...its abt sumone tt i m veri close to hu had gone missin or had died...i would b goin to her house to search for clues off where she might b or how did she die...as i look thru her stuff i would start to remember stuff abt her...the memories were so happi yet in the dream i feel so sad...haiz...the worst thing is tt when i woke up i feel terriblely sad...haiz...mayb tts oso the reason y i m sad now ba...
does dis repeatin dream hav a meanin...i mean if i has no meanin y did if keep repeatin...as in sum of my other dreams wich onli occur once came thru...one example is tt i dream of a place tt wasnt in the state it was in the dream at tt pt of time...later on i find tt i fits the state in the dream after sum time when the environment changed...its lik so creepy lor...does it mean tt in the future sth similar wld happen...or izzit last time in my previous life it had occur once...n now its here to haunt mi again...
haiz...now its playin gui ji on 933...i realli hope tt forgettin sumone wld bas ez as it is in the lyrics of the song...haiz...
m?#291;  ŧħέ d?#947;:wo hui fa zhe dai,ren hou wang ji ni

donged!

dis few days rot at home...nth to do...veri sianz...wan to go out oso sianz...coz got a lot of chores to do...haiz...well...abt the previous entry...i dun tink the healin process has taken place yet...coz yesterday i was listenin to 933 yin yue re ji(duno izzit xuan ge ji yi instead)...i was so touched by the story...but at the same time my memories of her flashed back...haiz...i my so useless...y muz i keep clinging to her...i no deres no use...its meaningless...yet i still...haiz...dun wan to tok abt it anymore la...i dun tink today i will b listenin to tt section...coz tt section veri late...den tml goin dance...so muz sleep early lor...if not i still muz wake up at 6 leh...how can...haha...
actually i wanted to compose a song to express my feelins...but den i got 2 prob...i dun hav the mood to do it...n i dun hav the ability to put it down wit music...haiz...sad...hu will b so kind to help mi? nvm...mayb a poem instead ba...haiz...
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24hr!:ok...i tell u all jiz of the story i heard yesterday...
dis guy he likes dis gal...but nv had the courage to tell her...from young he had been lik a bodyguard...keepin bullies away...tellin off ppl hu tok bhind her back...n as time go past he got to her better n better...n eventually was the person hu understands her best...tt gal has a lot of suitors...but she rejected dem all in the end...one day the guy asked,"u keep rejectin dem...wat if in the end no one wans u...i c u how..."den the gal replied,"dun wan dun wan lor...i dun care...coz i no if everyone dun wan mi...u will still wan mi one...rite...u will still b here for mi...hehe..." the guy kept his silence...dey had nv realli leave each other for a veri long time...until the time when the gal had to go to u to study...n dis leave is 3 years...at first dey tot tt it was not veri long...n it will soon b over...but for the guy it is lik so so long...den one day the gal asked her out...n dey tok lik the gd old times...suddenly the gal told the guy she is in luv wit a guy...the guys heart shattered...but still managed to reply,"gd for u...i will support u one..." he no tt if he does not support her no one will...after tt day he nv c or tok to her until the grad day of the gal...n on tt day she showed the guy her bf...the guy was so heart-broken...he didnt say muc n juz leave silently...juz sendin her a msg to tell her tt he go liao...she ask him y so fast...he juz said he got sth to do...since den dey had not contacted each other...
its suc a dongin story...i was veri donged by it...it was so sad lor...haiz...tt guy was so nice to her...but yet she could not feel it...its such a sad endin...but guess although the guy was not the one to b her bf...but i tink he will b happi for her lor...after all u would wan the person u lik to b happi wat...haiz...my situation was abit lik tt...but i dun tink i was suc a guy lik him...i stink...i suck...i m a idoit hu is so insensitive...juz onli no how to hurt her...i m not even fit to b lik tt guy in the story...
m?#291;  ŧħέ d?#947;:b true to ppl n u will recieve truth from deir words...

16/3/03 was the day

haha...its so ironic sia...today i m goin to say it out...
for a moment last month i tot things had changed...changed better...but well i guess i was juz dreamin...fantasying...haiz...it did not change at all...haiz...
i tot i had let go...but i havnt...i tot i wld b able to start again...i wasnt rdy...i was still in luv wit her...haiz...
i no i cant...but i did...i no i shldnt...but i still...haiz...wat can i do...i realli luv her a lot...
today marks one year...but bcoz of leap year its 366 days...but wats the use of sayin all dis...its useless...its crap...things will nv change...ppl giv mi hope...my dreams giv mi hope...but dey were all juz smashed...haiz...
i realli m stuck...in dis web of luv...i tot i got out of it a few months ago...but i realise now tt the web is bigger den wat i tot...now i hav to start all over again...tryin to escape...
but its juz so hard...i m so charmed by u...i cant shake it off...haiz...i feel so sianz...i duno wat to do...i feel so sad...i duno wat to say...
i no tt things will nv change...i realli muz try to let go...i m juz makin myself suffer...but most of all...i dun wish to c u suffer again...
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24hr!:if onli time turn back...i wish i hadnt known u...n so i would not hav hurt myself...hurt friends...hurt U...
If wat u said was a dream,i wish i nv wake up from it...
m?#291;  ŧħέ d?#947;:?m鰉雗t u st雙p雂 !nt?my ?f? ! sw隺r雂 n鰐 t?ｋt u g? c鰖 ! v u

heart

hm...today nth muc ba...until now still not realli tired...dun feel lik sleepin...so decided to write sth...hm...haven been writing a lot...not lik last time everyday got write...haha...anyway...its been quite sumtime since i 10 the note leavers...so here i say a big 10Q to all u ppl...
hm...i remember i ask u ppl to evaluate mi last year in my od...but the response lik not so gd leh...haiz...nvm i decided to do it again...well i welcum gd or bad comments...but i realli would lik to hear the bad ones den the gd ones coz it can help mi bcum a better friend to u...:)
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24hr!:juz sth tt i feel lik writing...well it is a personification of a heart wich will stop beatin anytime...but sth or sumone has the cure to help it...well hu or wat izzit is for u imagine...:)
Heart
i feel myself slowin down...i can hardly move...i feel every move i make painful...i m startin to drown in the pain n agony...i may stop anytime...but until den i will keep beatin...coz of u i juz cant bear to leave...be my doc n my nurse...treat mi...treat mi...b4 i leave...
m?#291;  ŧħέ d?#947;:coz of u i juz cant bear to leave...

o...my life...haiz...

today go cc...wa...so long nv lian liao...veri tired...haha...den learn the chao kuai gan...haha...not bad la...still can make it...but tt zhong yi hor...wth lor...step my leg lik no feelin one leh...summore so forceful sia...sucker sia...dun care him le la...haiz...den after tt go makan wit sam kai yan n jolene...
den go home liao...haiz...i duno to b angry a not la...u all tell mi la...ever since i cum to jc i had been veri bz wit things...i hav to juggle between studies dance 4/7 illusion rohan og9 cca n 04S21...haiz...surely veri bz one wat...den my parents keep complainin tt i so bz...even seem bzier den dem...everyday cum back so late...now i go cc take part in kopi tiam...dey kao bei even more...coz the shedule veri packed oso...dey say wat wan mi go down shop help oso cannot...but pls lor...cant i choose how i live my life...goin to cc is the onli form of recreation tt i get to exercise...do dey wan to c mi everyday after sch straight away go home den happi...den bcum veri antisocial...always camp at home...lik idoit lik tt...summore being active is gd wat...i dun c wats the prob wit it...dey need help got my bro wat...everytime throw things giv mi do...i biggest so wat...do u expect mi to do everything...cant u giv my bro sth to do...ok i admit he goes to help out more den i do...so wat...the other things all i do...den all the excuse u ppl hav is... aiya he duno how to do one la...aiya he so clumsy...aiya dis aiya tt...pls lor its time he grow up lor...
tokin abt growin up...my bro realli duno how to think one lor...call him study he say study liao...its lik the time he use to study is lesser den the time i use last time lor...den things he duno lik cannot learn lik tt..."i duno la"...bloody hell sia...
cant i juz get my support for doin anything here...even being helpful oso can kana scolded one...u ppl shld no tt i m helpful by nature...den i go help ppl den go home late or sleep late or watever...my mother will keep scoldin one...haiz...now u ppl tell mi la...shld i b angry a not...or shld i even b sad...or do u juz tink tt i m being inmature n duno how to tink n look from another persceptive...
now another headache is my sunburn...now not pain le...but den hor the skin keep dropin...now i look lik dis got skin cancer or sth ppl lik tt...sux...den my skin litter the whole house...den hai my mother hav to keep cleanin...haiz...sad sia...anyone got solution to make it drop quickly or stop droppin...
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24hr!:the fun n joy sam has gone missing again...haiz...
m?#291;  ŧħέ d?#947;:i juz cant find anyone hu can understand mi