failure

today is suppose to b a happi day...since tml is the last day of A lvl...n i goin out on sat...but things took a big turn...haiz...

i initially still wanted to come home n prac sum chem...now i tink i wun hav any mood le...duno la...its still early to decide...

u might ask wat thing so power one...well wat else m i being so concerned abt...of course its abt dance...not tryin to blame anyone for my sadness...but today zhongyi commented on the kids again...although the topic is abt the same...but still dere always bound to b sth tt is new but bad...i duno wats wrong la...mayb coz i took too long a break from everything...now the things pile up liao veri hard to handle le...

i not sayin tt i m the best all watever...n oso not sayin tt onli i can or hav the ability to solve dis kind of human relations prob...but seriously its veri hard to find sumone hu can work hand in hand wit mi...dis few days go b is not for no purpose...especially today...i m tryin to immerse myself in the atmosphere...tryin to bring the feel b...but i find it veri tirin now...i seriously feel tt i cant keep my job goin on onli on my own...its too tiring...n time will reduce my influence over the ppl from the diff cohort...

sumtimes i duno whether if i m gettin too personal wit the kids a not...to the extent tt i find it hard to make my decisions clear n sharp...tts y i still feel i need a partner...sumone to keep remindin mi to keep myself b4 the line...i tot i hav found a few suitable candidates...but den it might not b the case as i tink...haiz...wat shld i do...
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24hrRu!
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anyway juz another reminder to ppl readin...i m not tryin to make of u feel guilty for not being able to help or wat u feel la...coz it is not intentional one...so do forgive mi...but i realli need to let it out...i need to remind myself how i feel...n wat i tink...n more...mayb tts the sole purpose i write entries ba...

but seriously lookin b in dis past few mths...i hav rather being a failure...a loser...juz look at my A lvls...i dream of NUS but i m not fightin veri hard...juz cant find the str...although i cant say tt i confirm i cant get into a NUS or NTU...but den the chance is sth tt i dare not calculate...

den dance lik tt...yes its not my fault...even if it was it wld nv b entirely...but still i realli hav to brand myself as a failure lor...i cant even take care of the kids closer to mi liao...let alone dose i hardly speak to...i no i m not god...but i do ask a lot from myself as an individual...so at times i can get too demandin on myself...n dis is the result everytime...depression...

i no longer no wats the will tt is drivin mi from inside...i feel as if i m a robot...movin unconsiously...mayb its a gd thing since at least i m still movin...but izzit goin to last...n even more imptly...izzit goin to work...i duno the ans...n dun feel lik answerin dem now anyway...

msg of the day:failure nv comes till u giv up...