hidden truth

now i m in the office doin nth...smsin onli...borin...it went to the extent tt i was lookin at classified la...but also bo bian...i finished all the assigned work chief gave me...den today she not ard...so cant assign more work...now onli can wait here n c how lor...i tired to read mr LOTR...but den read a bit tired liao...lol...lousy...well i still cant get along wit books...lol...

tml is the prom liao...duno wat to expect leh...gd or bad duno...but i hope i m not the onli one wearin so formal tml...den the followin day new year day eve...duno wat things r being planned...hope it will b gd... if not one day will b wasted...lol...
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
recently my mind veri lost...cant tink straight...i tink if my patients come to mi now...i will hav a terrible time tryin to tink of wat to say...let alone help them...dis is actually irritating...zzz...need time for tunin...i used to b a speed writer...now i feel tt as if my mind got some sort of blockage or sth...veri cham...now ask mi to write sth simple...i also muz take a veri long time...this better not b permanent man...i mean there are little things tt i can b proud of myself...n dis is one of dem...at work...dey ask mi to tink of suggestions...i take a bloody long time to tink...crap... n worse nth came out lor...wats wrong man...ya la i no tt i onli here for officially the 2nd day...but den it still sux to feel dis way...

actually i hope i can do more to help...GA...GA...GA dun help is bullshit lor...life is so short n finite...realli wan to make the best for the rest...i no dis sounds crazy or crappy...but ever since tt accident i feel as tho i hav been entrusted wit the job of being a GA...an Angel's advocate...n sumhow regardless of the sacrifice i hav to make to make one person happy...i will still feel charged n ready to go again...actually i got tink b4 leh...if i cld leave dis world bcoz i saved sumone i wld feel veri accomplished...as tho i m promoted to heaven...but of course its not coz i wan tt person to carry guilt for the rest of his or her life la...

but at the end of the day...helpin others is one thing...others helpin u is another...i no a lot of ppl ard mi r helpin mi lot...but seriously la...where is my GA...i no dis sounds veri despo la...but sumtimes i juz cant help feelin the chips in my heart...everytime sumone leaves...dey hav to take one piece n walk off juz lik tt...does anyone no how torturous tt is...so i m not askin for a promotion... i onli wish to find my GA...one tt is able to fill my heart...

Fate...Destiny...if u ppl arent my GA...den hu cld it b...my flame is dyin out...

msg of the day:take my wings n shin mi tt i will bring happiness...will u too?

Boy to man 4 & 5

basically dis entry will b bloggin abt wat happened on the 4th n 5th day...coz dose days i didnt hav time to write...coz was bz crappin wit my bunkmates...

anyway on thur we did summore foot drills...n had our xmas lunch...it was great...at least given the consideration of being in army n all...lol...den had another lecture...n shortly after tt we got to no where we r posted to...for mi i m posted to HQ RSAF...well altho so...i m asked to report to CMPB instead...i guess we hav to go thru a introductory course or sth lik tt ba...lol...den at nite crap a lot wit my bunkmates...n oso navy...tt nite we tok to him more n understood him more...well at least now we no tt sum of his actions r coz of his sickness...so i guess cant blame him ba...anyway all of us chat until so engrossed...tt we didnt even notice the time...lol...den go to bed shortly at lights out...

den the next day...nth muc lor...we all packed up our stuff...n waited for bk out lor...everyone was veri high...lol...coz bk out day wat...den got one idoit loss his hp...den made all of us wait coz of him...in the end oso nv find...den after tt took a cab home lor...den got bz wit the unpackin n the orientation of the new stuff online...

so tt abt sum up my slacky 5 days 4 nite stay in tekong...well as slack as it got...it was at least enrichin...at least i was able to bring stuff back wit mi...as in learnt now stuff...n oso c now aspect n perspective of life...it was short but fruitful...
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
juz now after sendin her home...i was waitin for the bus...well hav a lot of tots...mayb coz of wat i told her b4 she went up...coz i was tellin her abt my fear for the transition period from sec sch to jc...as in for her la...even if only as a friend...well...i hav admitted b4...i dun lik changes...so it can partly explain y i feel so insecure abt the whole thing...

as i was sayin...i was runnin a lot of tots thru my mind at the bus stop...its suppose to b a normal rountine la...but den...haiz...i dare to tink abt wat the future holds...i feel insecure abt my future...now things may look ok...but if sth goes wrong...den i tink i might fall back into depression again...i duno la...i shldnt tink...i shld focus on pullin myself out first...its more logical n oso impt...haiz...

i guess i m still not ready for reality...altho i did face it...but i guess i still cldnt stand it yet...happy man? not yet...being "stabbed" in the heart few times in a row dis few days...pain ar...bleedin lik hell lor...tong ku ar...duno hu to tell...hu to confide...lost once again...i guess i will once again drown myself wit work as usual...haiz...

aiya...complain oso no use...endure n endure lor...

PS:Fate if u r readin dis...pls understand tt dere is no need to b any reaction to dis tots...as in in the whole blog in fact...coz if dere is a need to get response from u...i will do it personally one...dis is juz my ave to destress...so dun wori...my tots may sumtimes get out of control at times...dis is y i blog...so hey...maintain balance...smilez =)

msg of the day:once u step in...pls dun step out...

boy to man3

juz come back from foot drill trainin...the onli physical activity we will b doin for dis 5 days...not bad la...learned the basic drills onli...hope can remember dem...

wa...here bath in the mornin cold lik hell sia...its lik bathin back in AUS...freakin cold sia...den make my back so bloody pain...sianz...shld hav brought my wheat bag den use iron to heat it up...lol...

i realised tt i startin to use more vulgarities now...last time the most i use is onli "nin lao heia" wich means sth lik "hello friend"...unless i veri angry den mayb i will scold fcuk...well i no its normal to for guys to scold vulgarities...but personally i tink dun say too vulgar is the best...coz lik when i tok to the kids i use vulgarities not nice la...i mean dey might juz pick it up from mi...summore...many girls oso dun lik wat...so its not nice...so i tink tt makes the diff...coz in army dere arnet girls(ok la got sum) n kids ard...den when surrounded by a grp of guys scoldin vulgarities...u will oso tend to pick it up...

but all tt said...i will only keep to my " nin lao heia"...anyways after dis...later is the ceremony to get our core values bk...wich is suppose to b rather a big event...tts y we havc to waer our no.3 uni instead of our usual PT kit...well tts all for now...mayb later den continue...

1705
wao lao...sianz...now slackin again...zzz...

1830
well sroi abt tt short para...coz juz now i start wrintin liao den my bunk mates ask mi play zhong ji mi ma...lol...forfeit drink water...since ppl all veri scared of drinkin water...anyway i was goin to say tt we r so slack sia...after the ceremony slack until dinner...den OC tell us we bookin out on fri at 2pm...at first shift from sat afternoon to fri evenin oredi...now worse shift all the way to fri afternoon...slack sia...not sayin tt i dun lik it la...but realli u hav to admit tt its slack...

in naother 15mins or so is routine oreders time again...a time everyone day we end wit...after RO den can free time liao...means today free time until 7+h...zzz...its goin to b a borin nite...
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24hrGA
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once my english teacher told mi tt our lives r juz not complete n fun w/o colourful ppl...dey r dose ppl tt i shld say hav rather diff ways of doin n sayin things...

well my platoon alone u can c at least 2 of dem oredi...one we call jr n the other we call navy...

jr is veri enthu one...chiong...lol...a lot of ppl wld say ppl lik tt r siao on one...i feel tt he oso abit over la...once he told mi to wake up in the lecture rm...when the officer not even dere...summore he ask mi to wake the guy next to mi wich is summore i duno one...dam pai seh sia...wao lao...zzz...den was dere was the other timehe asked us to sing song as we march...juz bcoz he feel tt the other pes ppl will look down on pes E ppl...so to prove tt we can he wans to cheer...lol...enthu but weird...but his enthuness came into use when navy make a mess in the toilet...lol...

now on to navy...FYI he is called navy coz the platoon veri little navy ppl...summore he veri "outstandin"...so call him navy lor...wao lao...he ar...got prob one leh...keep tokin back to the SGT one leh...wao lao...i tink if he pes A or B he sure kana screwed sia...den bcoz of his behaviour n the way he speaks...the whole platoon not happi wit him sia...sad case la...poor thing tho...but is he himself la...got one time my bunkmate say "hi" to him... but he told him to "get lost"...lik wat the hall la...den he bath muz bath 1-3 times per nite one leh...freakin shit sia...den at nite he shitted in his pants sia...summore is constipated for 3 days liao den shit one...den he washed his pants in the shower...leavin it dere...he procced to the cubicle to shit...omg...it is suc a sian news if u same platoon as him la...sianz...but later in the nite he lao sai n woke his whole section...den he go report sick lor...aiya dun tok abt him oredi la...lik sinner lik tt...

anyway my pt is tt colourful ppl mayb odd n diff from us...but u muz admit tt wit dem ard...our lives are far more interestin...so sumtimes... we shld take time to tok to dem n at least let dem feel welcomed...instead of shooin dem away...

msg of the day:the colours of our life is up to us to retain...

boy to man2

now i am waiting for either goin to c the doc abt my headache or juz go for lacture...if the officer IC nv call... den mayb i dun go c doc le lor...juz go lecture...

anyway up till now everything still slack...juz now area cleanin & interview by platton commander...dey hav to record all the soldiers probs...well i voiced out sum of dem oredi...well of course the more impt ones...i mean this is serious stuff... at least to tthe army... as for the rest i guess it is insignificant...i mean lik if i wan to say everything the pg is not goin to b enuff lor...

well its now well past the report sick time...zzz...i guess mayb not goin le ba...we c how...mayb go tml ba...well tts all for now...since dere isn't muc things since i wrote last nite...o y...the temp is veri cold sia...keep wakin up in the middle of the nite...zzz...till at nite...cya...

1630
zzz...wao lao... cant take it la...from juz now 2+ slack until now...juz bcoz the lecture ended earlier...by a lot...

tml got foot drill...wearin my airforce no. 3 uni...quite cool la...i tink if i sheared sum weight den shld b even better...but some how the top looks lik nan hua uni...but the beret looks veri out when wearin the uni...tink tonite dun write le anything i fill in tml entry ba...coz i tink nth interestin is goin to happen for the rest of the day...
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24hrGA
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yesterday write until too rush...forgot to write abt my first dream in tekong...

i was in the lecture rm waitin for my platoon ppl to finish takin deir photos...so i fell aslp...too tired la... tt day overnite nv slp...lol...anyways...i dreamed of 3 other ppl tokin...i dun realli remember the contentes of the dream...but i remember she was one of dem...omg...so happi...summore in the dream she was happily tokin to mi...i was oso veri happi den...ok enuff abt the happi part...

the pt is i tink i miss her too muc...altho i last saw her on sun...omg...i tot tt army can help mi forget her...but i guess i was wrong...coz it juz proves how muc i am in love wit her...haiz...

msg of the day:love makes the world go rd,so wat is world when love is nowhere to b...

boy to man

day 1 in tekong...today first day here...omg... its so slack...admin work all day long...so siazn...shit...goin to lights out oredi...sianz...tink can't write too muc...anyway quite happi tt i made sum friends oredi... and oso i kana posted to airforce...rather excited...
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24hrGA
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juz now b4 dis was on the phone wit her...ok la... no awkward atmoshpere... had a quick but enjoyable chat...too bad lights out so early and oso tekong can't charge hp...so sianz...nvm...chat again tml...well tts all for today...

msg of the day:being away from home is so sianz...

juz slipped by?!?!?

well...today nite rather sianz...nth muc to do...no phone...no sms...finish watchin all my anime n manga...den initially didnt wan to blog oso...but as i was rottin away infront of my com...i was tinkin tt dere is sth tt i forgot to do...but until now i still cant remember wat was it...cant b packin bag for either DI overnite or tekong...coz i dun tink i wan to pack tonite...to tired to tink abt wat to bring n all...so as i was tinkin abt wat i forgot...i browsed sum of the dancers blogs...

well i woke up to a fact...tt is i tink i m too preoccupied wit my current projects...tt i neglected ppl tt i might realli need attention...i shant say names...but ya...i actually let dis ppl juz slipped by...omg...i no its not my fault or watever la...but omg...i feel so sinful n all...zzz...i hav gone thru so muc myself...i shld b able to understand dem better...but i aint dere to help...so guilty...

hey ppl juz wait a min b4 u try to console or tok mi out of dis...in case u still duno my past...i m wat i m today bcoz of tt accident tt tok place when i was in sec 1...i shld say it was the turnin pt of my life...it is not tt i lik to keep remindin everyone abt tt incident...i mean dere is nth to b proud of...but anyways...bcoz of my past...i made a promise to myself...i dedicated my life...to the purpose n coz of mankind...sound veri ambious or veri wei da or watever rite?but no its not tt...

zzz y m i tryin to explain sth tt can nv b put into words...well i onli can say sth is suppose onli suppose to b known u n onli u...wich is y u cant explain dem in words...so i guess for such situations...we shld leave it as it is...argh...wat m i tokin abt...

shit la...my mind is dartin ard too fast...i cant catch my tots...kao...cant blog lik dis...break pt liao ar...FCUK...
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24hrGA
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i dun understand y...y lik tt...is dis fear...is dis anger...is dis disappointment...i freakin duno the ans...onli no dis is a veri scary feelin...zzz...how to stop it...normally blog will do the trick one...but wth sia...kao...

msg of the day:look dun help is as gd as being devil's advocate...

Celebrate? 2

well now i m sittin in front of my com...juz kana ps by sum person...say wan to chat...duno wat happen...muz b fall aslp liao...dun disturb tt person la...later not enuff slp...

anyway...i juz finished transferin the things tt i wrote in kbox from my note bk to my blog...now i remember y i wanted to buy a note bk liao...for mobile bloggin...haha...erm...anyways now the feelin veri diff from juz now...veri high...tts y one shot blog 2 time...lol...later need to settle sth else den i go slp le i tink...haha...

anyway realli touched by all my friends...muz mention names liao...erm no particular order hor...zhongyi...zhenyu...zhi yan...mao rong...kai wei...daryl...jun cheng...jeremy...koon hui...mei fang...wen hui...jeanette...ivy...dis r the ppl hu went to kbox wit mi juz now...a realli big 10q...i realli started to enjoy the fun after penin down my tots...realli veri happi...so high...haha...i tink it beats alcohol lor...

i m sure everyone if not most of us enjoy our time a lot...10z again everyone...i might b onli b gone for a while...but i tink it will seem lik eternity...lol...dun wori...i will bring a note bk to tekong...if got anything...i can update when i m back...=) cya u guys soon...

PS:sumone gav mi a rather ex partin gift...altho i onli gone for short while...realli 10z...dis is the first time in my whole life sumone hu juz got to no mi as a real friend has done sth so touchin to mi b4...aiya heck the phrasin la...no wat i mean can liao...10z again...dun so no ar...lol...

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24hrRu!
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btw...ppl hu duno wat dis coloumn is for hor...i update u guys again...its for my msg to my "patients" or my tots durin the day...tt has nth to do wit the mean topic of the day... so ard dere la... so most likely the first part n the second part has no link one...so dun try to guess anything...10z...haha...

B HAPPI!WOO HOO!!TAKE CARE PPL!!

msg of the day:we came to dis world w/o dem...but we leave wit dem weepin...tts the magic abt friends...friends forever...

Celebrate?

today actually wanted to blog in the mornin...but den coz i was in a hurry...so in the end didnt...well now i m at kbox wit a rather big grp...

well now kinda hav a mix feelin...suppose to b happi one...but den duno y leh...the atmosphere was kinda weird at least to mi...

dose hu were dere muz b tinkin...den y didnt i voice it out...yeah i no its for mi...the party tt is...but i myself oso duno how to ans tt qn...i realli dun feel tt things r alrite...once again at least for mi...

btw i m writin dis by hand as we r singin...i duno is ppl dun wan to disturb mi or wat la... o well...it doesnt matter...

i realli wan to feel high n happi...juz lik the happi man i m aimin to b... but the reality is tt it is not so ez to do it even for the mi now...i feel not alrite now... i can choose to continue lik tt or try to force myself to high...i dun wan to spoil the nite juz bcoz of mi...

acutally now i dun realli hav a headache or anything...but i can feel it comin on tho...well if i wan to put things in a crude way...i m a veri demandin man...dun try to satisfy mi...i will try to do tt on own... actually if u guys happi its gd enuff for mi le...i m veri touched by everyone oredi liao...realli... so regardless of whether i got thank everyone for comin a not... i wish to thank everyone again...
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24hrRu!
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i m strugglin wit the demon within mi now...i feel so alone...so sad...i duno wat to say... i m sufferin...realli veri xing ku...

but i no i hav to go thru dis myself...noone can help mi except myself...i need time...giv mi time...realli...i duno how long...mayb a few years...i dun wish to tink abt it...

mayb goin to the army now is a gd idea...at least now i no i had made the rite decision...now u r happier...i m happi for u too...

but now i juz hav to fight myself...b wit mi...Fate...

msg of the day:sacrifice is inevitable,but it is bearable as long as u r by myside...

appreciation

well...i finally finished readin the happiness bk le...i hav a refreshed view of life le...feel happier...but duno if its onli temp...den now feel veri happi veri high...haha...den hav the urge to do a rd of appreciation to ppl tt r impt to mi...anyway...juz wan to remind everyone tt the position of ur name doesnt hav any meanin one hor...so dun ask mi y ur name is infront or at the back...

[Fate]-well i m goin to ns soon le...i no la...my one is 9-5...so i m still free n ez till a certain extent...but i m glad i made the decision juz in time...coz i realli dun wan to regret in camp...tinkin y didnt i juz tell u...now at least u r happier...n i m too bcoz u r...well i no i hav done dis oredi...in the letters tt i write to u...but i juz wan to say a big THANK YOU again...the times wit u were realli happi...regardless of wat was the definition of our relationship...i m veri happi n honored to hav spend dose happi times wit u...especially ur bday...i no dis is veri demandin but i do hope to get another chance next year...now u r movin on to a brand new chap in ur life le...so i hope u enjoy watever u do n b happi always...remember wat u "gav" mi..."smile" so i hope u smile more too...=) life wld nv b the same w/o u...i duno if u wld c dis a not...but if u do get to c dis...u wld b reminded of the happi times...=) may the lengend continue to soar wit the lite of ur motivatin faith...

[Xiaoyu]-well for the past year we hav gotten closer...mainly bcoz of msn...lol...always kpin things to each other over the msn...den encouragin each other coz we r the ones hu r always regulars online...the oldest of the batch(excludin the over aged ones) n the youngest of the batch...i duno wat to say la...i guess veri impt in my life especially dis year...gav mi a lot of moral support...hey bro...go ns liao dun forget everyone hor...

[Zhongyi]-dis is the first time u r recievin a appreciation entry from mi...well...ever since u joined our grp...u nv seize to amaze mi...n bcoz of tt...wit u ard i m nv short of new things to learn...i guess its bcoz u had seen diff parts of life tt we might nv get to c...so muz thank you for bringin knowledge as a membership fee...lol...n i m so glad tt i cld find sumone hu goes so far for nhds...it relites my passion...

[Zhi Yan]-well i realise we got more n more common topics to tok abt liao...especially recently...i dun tink u wan mi to spell dem out either...quite sensitive if u no wat i mean...lol...go tink ba...but i guess after so mani things tt had happened u shld start to understand how i felt in the past n still feel now ba...well dun wori...coz u r not the onli one...i duno y...but tok to u gives mi a veri calm feelin...so sumtimes when i get hasty i will tok to u...den my molecules will start to slow down...anyway gd luck wit ur gal...=)

[Mao Rong]-hey u notti boy...still dun wan to tell mi wat bad things u hav tokin abt mi in sec sch...haha...if u realise we tok less as compared to the past...especially compared to sec 4...so erm... ya lor...muz b ur gfs la...aye dun lik tt la...dun lik pink n red cloud ur eyes...lol...dun care mi...i m being lame...but watever it is...u had been thru a lot too dis year...hope u gain a little from each event...best wishes to u n her...

[Daryl]-hey...i realise u r startin to balance out ur prorities le...jia you worz...i m sure u can do it if u put ur heart to it...n remember dun b so hasty wit wat u do...take things slowly...u will b able to c the big pic dis way...u realli hav come a long way...remember tt my helpin hand is juz in a reach of ur phone...n o ya...may u n jun xiang last forever...

[Kai Wei]-mr alrite la...i dun tink u will read dis la...but i will still write it anyway...i no u r veri troubled...n hav a lot of things to say...so pls dun hesitate to...i no sth cant anyhow say...since i m oredi involved... juz look for mi la...dun torture urself...its ptless...2 heads is always better den one...so do look for mi...n dun get all stressed up den smoke...later smoke ur mouth away ar...

[Michelle]-hey...we hardly tok nowadays liao hor...n one thing i dun understand is tt when we online we got so little to say...but on phone it lik machine gun lik tt...haha...i no u got a lot of things to tell mi...so do i...i hope we can hav a hearty tok on fri...hey lets not let the "mao rong curse"(mao u dun understand its ok one...mt understand can liao...) come true hor...haha...hav fun wit mr cow on thur...

[Allan]-hey...i didnt expect to end my jc life wit more friends den i oredi hav...coz seriously didnt hav faith wit the jc system...but well i m more den happi to hav u as my friend...at least in sch i can find sumone wit common topic to tok to other den games tt is...i duno will b readin dis...coz i mean we dun read each other blogs one...but if u happen to come across...juz wan to say 10z...especially for the other day...veri touched...haha...if u got prob oso can come to mi too...

[The person hu still owes mi Mcfly songs]-i dun tink anyone will no hu dis person is...but i dun tink i wan to say either...but the person will no...coz still owe mi Mcfly song...duno from when...lol...anyway 10z for always listenin to mi complain abt my life...lol...veri hard to get u to complain...but succeed a couple of times...nvm...i will squeeze more out of u...haha...n now i wan to n i purposely wan to say a big 10Q to u...go ahead n stop mi la...haha...gd luck to u n ur soulmate...

[Dance]-well a batch of wonderful ppl...i dun get tired of sayin dis do i...lol...dis is so lame...but watever it is...i hope the spirit is forever strong...stronger den energizer ar...haha...jia you ba nhds...yi qi chen mo yi qi zhou...

[Everyone else]-10z to hu ever i haven 10 personally...i juz wan u to no tt u r not forgotten...although ur name mayb not b spelt here...but as long as u hav done sth for mi one time or another...b it givin mi advise or makin mi laugh...u hav left ur shadow in my mind oredi...friends forever...you yi wan shui...=)

anyway juz to clear the doubts of ppl hu r wonderin y i changed my blog...well its personal...so not tellin...lol...anyway y i change to guardian angel leh...its coz i wan to watch over ppl hu i care for...n ppl hu r dear to mi...n at the same time giv dem happiness...shinmywings...i will guide u dere...10z for being here wit mi everyone...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
today dis coloumn is for the readin pleasure of my bro...but others hu wans to read as well by all means...but it might not make sense though...so ya la...

well where do i start...well i tink dere may sum unhappiness btwn us over diff stuff...i guess most of dem r trival...so i dun tink u put it on ur mind la...but i no dere r times where i m being unreasonable...n i find it ptless to debate over it again...i mean its the past...but i seriously all dis time wish to hav a strong relationship wit u...i mean u R my bro wat...

so mayb we shld try to work things out a bit sumtimes...n i understand sumtimes its hard for 2 big man to sit in the same rm tokin abt deir stuff...so i tink its fine if we juz continue wit the blog thingy...at least its better den nth at all...

duno wat else to say liao leh...juz now got a lot to say...now lik nth...lol...but impt thing is u get wat i mean la...so lik tt lor...

msg of the day:one of happiness key is to nv stop lettin ppl no tt how impt dey r to u...

100% reality restored

yes finally... i haven blogged for a veri long time...a lot of things happened in btwn...but either didnt find time or didnt find energy to blog it down...tts y the blog is so quiet...but i told myself i today will try to blog...so i leave sum work aside so tt i cld blog...but dun wori la... its nth impt la...so its alrite...

anyway ppl hu has seen my nick oredi muz b wonderin wat i mean rite...well for ppl hu shld no i guess u shld oredi no by now...juz tt mayb u didnt catch tt the reality in dis case means wat...as for ppl hu do not need to no...well i m not goin to spell it out here...all i can say is...i made my decision...ahead of time...b4 the time i set for myself to do the tinkin...

reality in dis sense pt to several things...the more sensitive part is the part tt i wun touch on a lot..but i will write sth abt it at the btm...as for the other parts...i juz realise yesterday nite...as in the true meanin of wakin up to reality...

well basically yesterday was hell of a day... coz i discovered mani things...ok la...mayb its more of admittin things den to discover...coz i no tt i hav been decievin myself abt things...n i dun wan to admit up to dem...den after tt when i m reminded abt dem i feel sad...n dis keeps on goin...so yesterday i more or less woke myself up...

so here i now officially admit tt i no i hav been actin as if i was sumone hu cant b done w/o sumone great...sumone to b remembered...but at the same time...in reality i wasnt...i tink dis is the biggest prob wit mi...n bcoz of dis i hav committed countless mistakes in the past...i tink dis was destined to b dis way...as in for mi to b the one to realise dis on my own...n not let sumone else tell mi dis...but dere was once where sumone came close to tellin mi dis... i duno if tt person still remembers...i doubt she does...coz she forgot on the day she said it...she said sth lik "stop assumin tt u no everything...coz u duno everything..." sth lik tt...quite awhile back...so i oso cant remember clearly...

well the pt is...now tt i hav officially admit dis prob of mine...i will try to suppress it...i dun wish to make anymore mistakes bcoz of dis...i mean i m comin to a new chap in life...in another 2 + years i will b officially a adult...so dere isnt much space for mi to make such ridiculous mistakes...ppl readin might tink tt i m tinkin too muc...yes mayb u r rite...but u hav to admit tt i hav a pt here...dis i no...

so i will wake up to reality now...tt is i m juz a normal guy lik everyone else...nth great abt mi...so i shall keep my profile low when i go army to prevent the same shit from araisin again...

anyway i tink i will b bloggin more dis few days if i hav the time to...coz i wun b bloggin for a week while in tekong...haiz... although its onli a week away from humanity...but the feelin is realli so unbearable...juz feel tt lik i m not ready leh...duno la...
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24hrRu!
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dis few days i hav been tinkin abt how to make my life n lives of ppl ard mi happier...well...tts y i made tt decision...i guess miraculousfate is nv to b...so i shld stop decievin myself...n make the best out of both our lives...u may relate to the love movies where the guy make sacri for the gal in order for her to b happi...well i wun say i m so wei da...but i realli hope for her to b happi...

tts y i prepared a special present dis xmas...its nth veri ex...but i guess its veri meaninful...hope she will lik it...n catch the msg i m tryin to send across to her...

anyway i started to read a bk abt happiness...the bk teaches ppl how to b happi...n i came to a conclusion tt...it still boils down to a choice of whether u wan to b happi a not...coz we cld always choose btwn being optimistic or pessimistic...doin the rite choice is veri impt...n of course the standard ans for the rite choice is to b happi...n true enuff... the bk goes on to giv sum stats wich is the results of the findins of scientists... regardin wat happiness will bring...eg is tt happiness has a direct link to performance...the exact figures r even given...

well i wun say recommend the bk...coz dis kind of bks r all over the place...i m sure all the author hav more or less the same contents...n if u wan to read dem dey r always avaible in the libraries...its onli whether if u r interested in readin dem in the first place... for mi...i lik to enrich myself...n b a human psychology no it all...n of course durin the course of time...configure a better mi...but the bk did remind ppl lik mi to first b able to accept the original self...b4 attemptin to change myself...tt way i wld happier...n hav less disappointment if i fail to change myself...so wit tt i end dis entry...hope i hav provided a food for tot here...

msg of the day:All i can do is pt n hope u look...

burnetaf?

wonderin wat the title means? go figure...well basically i manage to get all the presents in dis 2 days...now onli left mt, connie n wei xuan one..wich is later in dec...but o well...i will worri abt tt later on...

juz now was playin the WoW board game wit my bro...its quite interestin...but sad to say...since we r not familiar...the whole game took super long...we decided to end it at abt rd8? lol...but at least we agree tt it is fun...den now i m here bloggin...first coz nobody is online...second is coz now actually feelin rather blue from sum tots n sms from earlier on...wich is y the title is burnetaf...

tml nth muc la...yu comin over...take a look at my guitar n the board game...den later we go settle sum stuff regardin the tshirt tt we designin for all the REAL brothers...its open to anyone we see worthy to wear it...anyway juz a brief description of the current design...on the right chest dere will b a "xin(trust)" chi char wit fire spreadin out...den the fire will spread over the right shoulder to the back linkin to the name of the wearer...den in the front left btm corner...there is a explosion of the word "SH!N"...den left sleeve dere is a dragon...

basically the shirt is for everyone hu we regard as brother...although it is still decorated wit SH!N... but i wld lik to remind everyone tt the basis of SH!N is the word itself in chi...wich means trust...n wat other word to better link a bunch of gd friends together wit trust...wich is y my batch ppl originally was called SH!N-13 in the first place...but we decided tt as time goes by we make more gd friends...so thus dis decision...hope the others dun mistaken the meanin of the shirt n is reframed from gettin one too...
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24hrRu!
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haiz...juz now my mother asked mi how r things...so i told her the situation...den her comment same as usual...i m still young...

well i oso no...but i duno la...i mean i dun lik uncertainties one...ya i no everyone oso dun lik...but u ppl shld no tt wat a big fuss i will kick up if i dun get all the info i need to do sth...eg plan an outin...

all along i myself no my chances one la...but i m juz being stubborn lor...i juz dun wan to sumbit to reality...always wan to tink tt sumtimes reality will take a shortcut into fantasy...but juz now when smsin her...sumhow the lite from reality shone into my fantasy land again...i was awaken...at least up till now la...i tink tml will b another story liao...

tt is the reason y i say i feelin blue...haiz...

will u juz giv mi one small chance to show u concern...will u giv mi one small chance to giv u my luv...

msg of the day:i juz wan to live my life wit u...