now i m in the office doin nth...smsin onli...borin...it went to the extent tt i was lookin at classified la...but also bo bian...i finished all the assigned work chief gave me...den today she not ard...so cant assign more work...now onli can wait here n c how lor...i tired to read mr LOTR...but den read a bit tired liao...lol...lousy...well i still cant get along wit books...lol...
tml is the prom liao...duno wat to expect leh...gd or bad duno...but i hope i m not the onli one wearin so formal tml...den the followin day new year day eve...duno wat things r being planned...hope it will b gd... if not one day will b wasted...lol...
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
recently my mind veri lost...cant tink straight...i tink if my patients come to mi now...i will hav a terrible time tryin to tink of wat to say...let alone help them...dis is actually irritating...zzz...need time for tunin...i used to b a speed writer...now i feel tt as if my mind got some sort of blockage or sth...veri cham...now ask mi to write sth simple...i also muz take a veri long time...this better not b permanent man...i mean there are little things tt i can b proud of myself...n dis is one of dem...at work...dey ask mi to tink of suggestions...i take a bloody long time to tink...crap... n worse nth came out lor...wats wrong man...ya la i no tt i onli here for officially the 2nd day...but den it still sux to feel dis way...
actually i hope i can do more to help...GA...GA...GA dun help is bullshit lor...life is so short n finite...realli wan to make the best for the rest...i no dis sounds crazy or crappy...but ever since tt accident i feel as tho i hav been entrusted wit the job of being a GA...an Angel's advocate...n sumhow regardless of the sacrifice i hav to make to make one person happy...i will still feel charged n ready to go again...actually i got tink b4 leh...if i cld leave dis world bcoz i saved sumone i wld feel veri accomplished...as tho i m promoted to heaven...but of course its not coz i wan tt person to carry guilt for the rest of his or her life la...
but at the end of the day...helpin others is one thing...others helpin u is another...i no a lot of ppl ard mi r helpin mi lot...but seriously la...where is my GA...i no dis sounds veri despo la...but sumtimes i juz cant help feelin the chips in my heart...everytime sumone leaves...dey hav to take one piece n walk off juz lik tt...does anyone no how torturous tt is...so i m not askin for a promotion... i onli wish to find my GA...one tt is able to fill my heart...
Fate...Destiny...if u ppl arent my GA...den hu cld it b...my flame is dyin out...
msg of the day:take my wings n shin mi tt i will bring happiness...will u too?
~ Life has to end. Love doesn’t. ~
29 December 2005
26 December 2005
Boy to man 4 & 5
basically dis entry will b bloggin abt wat happened on the 4th n 5th day...coz dose days i didnt hav time to write...coz was bz crappin wit my bunkmates...
anyway on thur we did summore foot drills...n had our xmas lunch...it was great...at least given the consideration of being in army n all...lol...den had another lecture...n shortly after tt we got to no where we r posted to...for mi i m posted to HQ RSAF...well altho so...i m asked to report to CMPB instead...i guess we hav to go thru a introductory course or sth lik tt ba...lol...den at nite crap a lot wit my bunkmates...n oso navy...tt nite we tok to him more n understood him more...well at least now we no tt sum of his actions r coz of his sickness...so i guess cant blame him ba...anyway all of us chat until so engrossed...tt we didnt even notice the time...lol...den go to bed shortly at lights out...
den the next day...nth muc lor...we all packed up our stuff...n waited for bk out lor...everyone was veri high...lol...coz bk out day wat...den got one idoit loss his hp...den made all of us wait coz of him...in the end oso nv find...den after tt took a cab home lor...den got bz wit the unpackin n the orientation of the new stuff online...
so tt abt sum up my slacky 5 days 4 nite stay in tekong...well as slack as it got...it was at least enrichin...at least i was able to bring stuff back wit mi...as in learnt now stuff...n oso c now aspect n perspective of life...it was short but fruitful...
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
juz now after sendin her home...i was waitin for the bus...well hav a lot of tots...mayb coz of wat i told her b4 she went up...coz i was tellin her abt my fear for the transition period from sec sch to jc...as in for her la...even if only as a friend...well...i hav admitted b4...i dun lik changes...so it can partly explain y i feel so insecure abt the whole thing...
as i was sayin...i was runnin a lot of tots thru my mind at the bus stop...its suppose to b a normal rountine la...but den...haiz...i dare to tink abt wat the future holds...i feel insecure abt my future...now things may look ok...but if sth goes wrong...den i tink i might fall back into depression again...i duno la...i shldnt tink...i shld focus on pullin myself out first...its more logical n oso impt...haiz...
i guess i m still not ready for reality...altho i did face it...but i guess i still cldnt stand it yet...happy man? not yet...being "stabbed" in the heart few times in a row dis few days...pain ar...bleedin lik hell lor...tong ku ar...duno hu to tell...hu to confide...lost once again...i guess i will once again drown myself wit work as usual...haiz...
aiya...complain oso no use...endure n endure lor...
PS:Fate if u r readin dis...pls understand tt dere is no need to b any reaction to dis tots...as in in the whole blog in fact...coz if dere is a need to get response from u...i will do it personally one...dis is juz my ave to destress...so dun wori...my tots may sumtimes get out of control at times...dis is y i blog...so hey...maintain balance...smilez =)
msg of the day:once u step in...pls dun step out...
anyway on thur we did summore foot drills...n had our xmas lunch...it was great...at least given the consideration of being in army n all...lol...den had another lecture...n shortly after tt we got to no where we r posted to...for mi i m posted to HQ RSAF...well altho so...i m asked to report to CMPB instead...i guess we hav to go thru a introductory course or sth lik tt ba...lol...den at nite crap a lot wit my bunkmates...n oso navy...tt nite we tok to him more n understood him more...well at least now we no tt sum of his actions r coz of his sickness...so i guess cant blame him ba...anyway all of us chat until so engrossed...tt we didnt even notice the time...lol...den go to bed shortly at lights out...
den the next day...nth muc lor...we all packed up our stuff...n waited for bk out lor...everyone was veri high...lol...coz bk out day wat...den got one idoit loss his hp...den made all of us wait coz of him...in the end oso nv find...den after tt took a cab home lor...den got bz wit the unpackin n the orientation of the new stuff online...
so tt abt sum up my slacky 5 days 4 nite stay in tekong...well as slack as it got...it was at least enrichin...at least i was able to bring stuff back wit mi...as in learnt now stuff...n oso c now aspect n perspective of life...it was short but fruitful...
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
juz now after sendin her home...i was waitin for the bus...well hav a lot of tots...mayb coz of wat i told her b4 she went up...coz i was tellin her abt my fear for the transition period from sec sch to jc...as in for her la...even if only as a friend...well...i hav admitted b4...i dun lik changes...so it can partly explain y i feel so insecure abt the whole thing...
as i was sayin...i was runnin a lot of tots thru my mind at the bus stop...its suppose to b a normal rountine la...but den...haiz...i dare to tink abt wat the future holds...i feel insecure abt my future...now things may look ok...but if sth goes wrong...den i tink i might fall back into depression again...i duno la...i shldnt tink...i shld focus on pullin myself out first...its more logical n oso impt...haiz...
i guess i m still not ready for reality...altho i did face it...but i guess i still cldnt stand it yet...happy man? not yet...being "stabbed" in the heart few times in a row dis few days...pain ar...bleedin lik hell lor...tong ku ar...duno hu to tell...hu to confide...lost once again...i guess i will once again drown myself wit work as usual...haiz...
aiya...complain oso no use...endure n endure lor...
PS:Fate if u r readin dis...pls understand tt dere is no need to b any reaction to dis tots...as in in the whole blog in fact...coz if dere is a need to get response from u...i will do it personally one...dis is juz my ave to destress...so dun wori...my tots may sumtimes get out of control at times...dis is y i blog...so hey...maintain balance...smilez =)
msg of the day:once u step in...pls dun step out...
21 December 2005
boy to man3
juz come back from foot drill trainin...the onli physical activity we will b doin for dis 5 days...not bad la...learned the basic drills onli...hope can remember dem...
wa...here bath in the mornin cold lik hell sia...its lik bathin back in AUS...freakin cold sia...den make my back so bloody pain...sianz...shld hav brought my wheat bag den use iron to heat it up...lol...
i realised tt i startin to use more vulgarities now...last time the most i use is onli "nin lao heia" wich means sth lik "hello friend"...unless i veri angry den mayb i will scold fcuk...well i no its normal to for guys to scold vulgarities...but personally i tink dun say too vulgar is the best...coz lik when i tok to the kids i use vulgarities not nice la...i mean dey might juz pick it up from mi...summore...many girls oso dun lik wat...so its not nice...so i tink tt makes the diff...coz in army dere arnet girls(ok la got sum) n kids ard...den when surrounded by a grp of guys scoldin vulgarities...u will oso tend to pick it up...
but all tt said...i will only keep to my " nin lao heia"...anyways after dis...later is the ceremony to get our core values bk...wich is suppose to b rather a big event...tts y we havc to waer our no.3 uni instead of our usual PT kit...well tts all for now...mayb later den continue...
1705
wao lao...sianz...now slackin again...zzz...
1830
well sroi abt tt short para...coz juz now i start wrintin liao den my bunk mates ask mi play zhong ji mi ma...lol...forfeit drink water...since ppl all veri scared of drinkin water...anyway i was goin to say tt we r so slack sia...after the ceremony slack until dinner...den OC tell us we bookin out on fri at 2pm...at first shift from sat afternoon to fri evenin oredi...now worse shift all the way to fri afternoon...slack sia...not sayin tt i dun lik it la...but realli u hav to admit tt its slack...
in naother 15mins or so is routine oreders time again...a time everyone day we end wit...after RO den can free time liao...means today free time until 7+h...zzz...its goin to b a borin nite...
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
once my english teacher told mi tt our lives r juz not complete n fun w/o colourful ppl...dey r dose ppl tt i shld say hav rather diff ways of doin n sayin things...
well my platoon alone u can c at least 2 of dem oredi...one we call jr n the other we call navy...
jr is veri enthu one...chiong...lol...a lot of ppl wld say ppl lik tt r siao on one...i feel tt he oso abit over la...once he told mi to wake up in the lecture rm...when the officer not even dere...summore he ask mi to wake the guy next to mi wich is summore i duno one...dam pai seh sia...wao lao...zzz...den was dere was the other timehe asked us to sing song as we march...juz bcoz he feel tt the other pes ppl will look down on pes E ppl...so to prove tt we can he wans to cheer...lol...enthu but weird...but his enthuness came into use when navy make a mess in the toilet...lol...
now on to navy...FYI he is called navy coz the platoon veri little navy ppl...summore he veri "outstandin"...so call him navy lor...wao lao...he ar...got prob one leh...keep tokin back to the SGT one leh...wao lao...i tink if he pes A or B he sure kana screwed sia...den bcoz of his behaviour n the way he speaks...the whole platoon not happi wit him sia...sad case la...poor thing tho...but is he himself la...got one time my bunkmate say "hi" to him... but he told him to "get lost"...lik wat the hall la...den he bath muz bath 1-3 times per nite one leh...freakin shit sia...den at nite he shitted in his pants sia...summore is constipated for 3 days liao den shit one...den he washed his pants in the shower...leavin it dere...he procced to the cubicle to shit...omg...it is suc a sian news if u same platoon as him la...sianz...but later in the nite he lao sai n woke his whole section...den he go report sick lor...aiya dun tok abt him oredi la...lik sinner lik tt...
anyway my pt is tt colourful ppl mayb odd n diff from us...but u muz admit tt wit dem ard...our lives are far more interestin...so sumtimes... we shld take time to tok to dem n at least let dem feel welcomed...instead of shooin dem away...
msg of the day:the colours of our life is up to us to retain...
wa...here bath in the mornin cold lik hell sia...its lik bathin back in AUS...freakin cold sia...den make my back so bloody pain...sianz...shld hav brought my wheat bag den use iron to heat it up...lol...
i realised tt i startin to use more vulgarities now...last time the most i use is onli "nin lao heia" wich means sth lik "hello friend"...unless i veri angry den mayb i will scold fcuk...well i no its normal to for guys to scold vulgarities...but personally i tink dun say too vulgar is the best...coz lik when i tok to the kids i use vulgarities not nice la...i mean dey might juz pick it up from mi...summore...many girls oso dun lik wat...so its not nice...so i tink tt makes the diff...coz in army dere arnet girls(ok la got sum) n kids ard...den when surrounded by a grp of guys scoldin vulgarities...u will oso tend to pick it up...
but all tt said...i will only keep to my " nin lao heia"...anyways after dis...later is the ceremony to get our core values bk...wich is suppose to b rather a big event...tts y we havc to waer our no.3 uni instead of our usual PT kit...well tts all for now...mayb later den continue...
1705
wao lao...sianz...now slackin again...zzz...
1830
well sroi abt tt short para...coz juz now i start wrintin liao den my bunk mates ask mi play zhong ji mi ma...lol...forfeit drink water...since ppl all veri scared of drinkin water...anyway i was goin to say tt we r so slack sia...after the ceremony slack until dinner...den OC tell us we bookin out on fri at 2pm...at first shift from sat afternoon to fri evenin oredi...now worse shift all the way to fri afternoon...slack sia...not sayin tt i dun lik it la...but realli u hav to admit tt its slack...
in naother 15mins or so is routine oreders time again...a time everyone day we end wit...after RO den can free time liao...means today free time until 7+h...zzz...its goin to b a borin nite...
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
once my english teacher told mi tt our lives r juz not complete n fun w/o colourful ppl...dey r dose ppl tt i shld say hav rather diff ways of doin n sayin things...
well my platoon alone u can c at least 2 of dem oredi...one we call jr n the other we call navy...
jr is veri enthu one...chiong...lol...a lot of ppl wld say ppl lik tt r siao on one...i feel tt he oso abit over la...once he told mi to wake up in the lecture rm...when the officer not even dere...summore he ask mi to wake the guy next to mi wich is summore i duno one...dam pai seh sia...wao lao...zzz...den was dere was the other timehe asked us to sing song as we march...juz bcoz he feel tt the other pes ppl will look down on pes E ppl...so to prove tt we can he wans to cheer...lol...enthu but weird...but his enthuness came into use when navy make a mess in the toilet...lol...
now on to navy...FYI he is called navy coz the platoon veri little navy ppl...summore he veri "outstandin"...so call him navy lor...wao lao...he ar...got prob one leh...keep tokin back to the SGT one leh...wao lao...i tink if he pes A or B he sure kana screwed sia...den bcoz of his behaviour n the way he speaks...the whole platoon not happi wit him sia...sad case la...poor thing tho...but is he himself la...got one time my bunkmate say "hi" to him... but he told him to "get lost"...lik wat the hall la...den he bath muz bath 1-3 times per nite one leh...freakin shit sia...den at nite he shitted in his pants sia...summore is constipated for 3 days liao den shit one...den he washed his pants in the shower...leavin it dere...he procced to the cubicle to shit...omg...it is suc a sian news if u same platoon as him la...sianz...but later in the nite he lao sai n woke his whole section...den he go report sick lor...aiya dun tok abt him oredi la...lik sinner lik tt...
anyway my pt is tt colourful ppl mayb odd n diff from us...but u muz admit tt wit dem ard...our lives are far more interestin...so sumtimes... we shld take time to tok to dem n at least let dem feel welcomed...instead of shooin dem away...
msg of the day:the colours of our life is up to us to retain...
20 December 2005
boy to man2
now i am waiting for either goin to c the doc abt my headache or juz go for lacture...if the officer IC nv call... den mayb i dun go c doc le lor...juz go lecture...
anyway up till now everything still slack...juz now area cleanin & interview by platton commander...dey hav to record all the soldiers probs...well i voiced out sum of dem oredi...well of course the more impt ones...i mean this is serious stuff... at least to tthe army... as for the rest i guess it is insignificant...i mean lik if i wan to say everything the pg is not goin to b enuff lor...
well its now well past the report sick time...zzz...i guess mayb not goin le ba...we c how...mayb go tml ba...well tts all for now...since dere isn't muc things since i wrote last nite...o y...the temp is veri cold sia...keep wakin up in the middle of the nite...zzz...till at nite...cya...
1630
zzz...wao lao... cant take it la...from juz now 2+ slack until now...juz bcoz the lecture ended earlier...by a lot...
tml got foot drill...wearin my airforce no. 3 uni...quite cool la...i tink if i sheared sum weight den shld b even better...but some how the top looks lik nan hua uni...but the beret looks veri out when wearin the uni...tink tonite dun write le anything i fill in tml entry ba...coz i tink nth interestin is goin to happen for the rest of the day...
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
yesterday write until too rush...forgot to write abt my first dream in tekong...
i was in the lecture rm waitin for my platoon ppl to finish takin deir photos...so i fell aslp...too tired la... tt day overnite nv slp...lol...anyways...i dreamed of 3 other ppl tokin...i dun realli remember the contentes of the dream...but i remember she was one of dem...omg...so happi...summore in the dream she was happily tokin to mi...i was oso veri happi den...ok enuff abt the happi part...
the pt is i tink i miss her too muc...altho i last saw her on sun...omg...i tot tt army can help mi forget her...but i guess i was wrong...coz it juz proves how muc i am in love wit her...haiz...
msg of the day:love makes the world go rd,so wat is world when love is nowhere to b...
anyway up till now everything still slack...juz now area cleanin & interview by platton commander...dey hav to record all the soldiers probs...well i voiced out sum of dem oredi...well of course the more impt ones...i mean this is serious stuff... at least to tthe army... as for the rest i guess it is insignificant...i mean lik if i wan to say everything the pg is not goin to b enuff lor...
well its now well past the report sick time...zzz...i guess mayb not goin le ba...we c how...mayb go tml ba...well tts all for now...since dere isn't muc things since i wrote last nite...o y...the temp is veri cold sia...keep wakin up in the middle of the nite...zzz...till at nite...cya...
1630
zzz...wao lao... cant take it la...from juz now 2+ slack until now...juz bcoz the lecture ended earlier...by a lot...
tml got foot drill...wearin my airforce no. 3 uni...quite cool la...i tink if i sheared sum weight den shld b even better...but some how the top looks lik nan hua uni...but the beret looks veri out when wearin the uni...tink tonite dun write le anything i fill in tml entry ba...coz i tink nth interestin is goin to happen for the rest of the day...
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
yesterday write until too rush...forgot to write abt my first dream in tekong...
i was in the lecture rm waitin for my platoon ppl to finish takin deir photos...so i fell aslp...too tired la... tt day overnite nv slp...lol...anyways...i dreamed of 3 other ppl tokin...i dun realli remember the contentes of the dream...but i remember she was one of dem...omg...so happi...summore in the dream she was happily tokin to mi...i was oso veri happi den...ok enuff abt the happi part...
the pt is i tink i miss her too muc...altho i last saw her on sun...omg...i tot tt army can help mi forget her...but i guess i was wrong...coz it juz proves how muc i am in love wit her...haiz...
msg of the day:love makes the world go rd,so wat is world when love is nowhere to b...
19 December 2005
boy to man
day 1 in tekong...today first day here...omg... its so slack...admin work all day long...so siazn...shit...goin to lights out oredi...sianz...tink can't write too muc...anyway quite happi tt i made sum friends oredi... and oso i kana posted to airforce...rather excited...
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
juz now b4 dis was on the phone wit her...ok la... no awkward atmoshpere... had a quick but enjoyable chat...too bad lights out so early and oso tekong can't charge hp...so sianz...nvm...chat again tml...well tts all for today...
msg of the day:being away from home is so sianz...
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
juz now b4 dis was on the phone wit her...ok la... no awkward atmoshpere... had a quick but enjoyable chat...too bad lights out so early and oso tekong can't charge hp...so sianz...nvm...chat again tml...well tts all for today...
msg of the day:being away from home is so sianz...
17 December 2005
juz slipped by?!?!?
well...today nite rather sianz...nth muc to do...no phone...no sms...finish watchin all my anime n manga...den initially didnt wan to blog oso...but as i was rottin away infront of my com...i was tinkin tt dere is sth tt i forgot to do...but until now i still cant remember wat was it...cant b packin bag for either DI overnite or tekong...coz i dun tink i wan to pack tonite...to tired to tink abt wat to bring n all...so as i was tinkin abt wat i forgot...i browsed sum of the dancers blogs...
well i woke up to a fact...tt is i tink i m too preoccupied wit my current projects...tt i neglected ppl tt i might realli need attention...i shant say names...but ya...i actually let dis ppl juz slipped by...omg...i no its not my fault or watever la...but omg...i feel so sinful n all...zzz...i hav gone thru so muc myself...i shld b able to understand dem better...but i aint dere to help...so guilty...
hey ppl juz wait a min b4 u try to console or tok mi out of dis...in case u still duno my past...i m wat i m today bcoz of tt accident tt tok place when i was in sec 1...i shld say it was the turnin pt of my life...it is not tt i lik to keep remindin everyone abt tt incident...i mean dere is nth to b proud of...but anyways...bcoz of my past...i made a promise to myself...i dedicated my life...to the purpose n coz of mankind...sound veri ambious or veri wei da or watever rite?but no its not tt...
zzz y m i tryin to explain sth tt can nv b put into words...well i onli can say sth is suppose onli suppose to b known u n onli u...wich is y u cant explain dem in words...so i guess for such situations...we shld leave it as it is...argh...wat m i tokin abt...
shit la...my mind is dartin ard too fast...i cant catch my tots...kao...cant blog lik dis...break pt liao ar...FCUK...
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
i dun understand y...y lik tt...is dis fear...is dis anger...is dis disappointment...i freakin duno the ans...onli no dis is a veri scary feelin...zzz...how to stop it...normally blog will do the trick one...but wth sia...kao...
msg of the day:look dun help is as gd as being devil's advocate...
well i woke up to a fact...tt is i tink i m too preoccupied wit my current projects...tt i neglected ppl tt i might realli need attention...i shant say names...but ya...i actually let dis ppl juz slipped by...omg...i no its not my fault or watever la...but omg...i feel so sinful n all...zzz...i hav gone thru so muc myself...i shld b able to understand dem better...but i aint dere to help...so guilty...
hey ppl juz wait a min b4 u try to console or tok mi out of dis...in case u still duno my past...i m wat i m today bcoz of tt accident tt tok place when i was in sec 1...i shld say it was the turnin pt of my life...it is not tt i lik to keep remindin everyone abt tt incident...i mean dere is nth to b proud of...but anyways...bcoz of my past...i made a promise to myself...i dedicated my life...to the purpose n coz of mankind...sound veri ambious or veri wei da or watever rite?but no its not tt...
zzz y m i tryin to explain sth tt can nv b put into words...well i onli can say sth is suppose onli suppose to b known u n onli u...wich is y u cant explain dem in words...so i guess for such situations...we shld leave it as it is...argh...wat m i tokin abt...
shit la...my mind is dartin ard too fast...i cant catch my tots...kao...cant blog lik dis...break pt liao ar...FCUK...
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
i dun understand y...y lik tt...is dis fear...is dis anger...is dis disappointment...i freakin duno the ans...onli no dis is a veri scary feelin...zzz...how to stop it...normally blog will do the trick one...but wth sia...kao...
msg of the day:look dun help is as gd as being devil's advocate...
16 December 2005
Celebrate? 2
well now i m sittin in front of my com...juz kana ps by sum person...say wan to chat...duno wat happen...muz b fall aslp liao...dun disturb tt person la...later not enuff slp...
anyway...i juz finished transferin the things tt i wrote in kbox from my note bk to my blog...now i remember y i wanted to buy a note bk liao...for mobile bloggin...haha...erm...anyways now the feelin veri diff from juz now...veri high...tts y one shot blog 2 time...lol...later need to settle sth else den i go slp le i tink...haha...
anyway realli touched by all my friends...muz mention names liao...erm no particular order hor...zhongyi...zhenyu...zhi yan...mao rong...kai wei...daryl...jun cheng...jeremy...koon hui...mei fang...wen hui...jeanette...ivy...dis r the ppl hu went to kbox wit mi juz now...a realli big 10q...i realli started to enjoy the fun after penin down my tots...realli veri happi...so high...haha...i tink it beats alcohol lor...
i m sure everyone if not most of us enjoy our time a lot...10z again everyone...i might b onli b gone for a while...but i tink it will seem lik eternity...lol...dun wori...i will bring a note bk to tekong...if got anything...i can update when i m back...=) cya u guys soon...
PS:sumone gav mi a rather ex partin gift...altho i onli gone for short while...realli 10z...dis is the first time in my whole life sumone hu juz got to no mi as a real friend has done sth so touchin to mi b4...aiya heck the phrasin la...no wat i mean can liao...10z again...dun so no ar...lol...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
btw...ppl hu duno wat dis coloumn is for hor...i update u guys again...its for my msg to my "patients" or my tots durin the day...tt has nth to do wit the mean topic of the day... so ard dere la... so most likely the first part n the second part has no link one...so dun try to guess anything...10z...haha...
B HAPPI!WOO HOO!!TAKE CARE PPL!!
msg of the day:we came to dis world w/o dem...but we leave wit dem weepin...tts the magic abt friends...friends forever...
anyway...i juz finished transferin the things tt i wrote in kbox from my note bk to my blog...now i remember y i wanted to buy a note bk liao...for mobile bloggin...haha...erm...anyways now the feelin veri diff from juz now...veri high...tts y one shot blog 2 time...lol...later need to settle sth else den i go slp le i tink...haha...
anyway realli touched by all my friends...muz mention names liao...erm no particular order hor...zhongyi...zhenyu...zhi yan...mao rong...kai wei...daryl...jun cheng...jeremy...koon hui...mei fang...wen hui...jeanette...ivy...dis r the ppl hu went to kbox wit mi juz now...a realli big 10q...i realli started to enjoy the fun after penin down my tots...realli veri happi...so high...haha...i tink it beats alcohol lor...
i m sure everyone if not most of us enjoy our time a lot...10z again everyone...i might b onli b gone for a while...but i tink it will seem lik eternity...lol...dun wori...i will bring a note bk to tekong...if got anything...i can update when i m back...=) cya u guys soon...
PS:sumone gav mi a rather ex partin gift...altho i onli gone for short while...realli 10z...dis is the first time in my whole life sumone hu juz got to no mi as a real friend has done sth so touchin to mi b4...aiya heck the phrasin la...no wat i mean can liao...10z again...dun so no ar...lol...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
btw...ppl hu duno wat dis coloumn is for hor...i update u guys again...its for my msg to my "patients" or my tots durin the day...tt has nth to do wit the mean topic of the day... so ard dere la... so most likely the first part n the second part has no link one...so dun try to guess anything...10z...haha...
B HAPPI!WOO HOO!!TAKE CARE PPL!!
msg of the day:we came to dis world w/o dem...but we leave wit dem weepin...tts the magic abt friends...friends forever...
15 December 2005
Celebrate?
today actually wanted to blog in the mornin...but den coz i was in a hurry...so in the end didnt...well now i m at kbox wit a rather big grp...
well now kinda hav a mix feelin...suppose to b happi one...but den duno y leh...the atmosphere was kinda weird at least to mi...
dose hu were dere muz b tinkin...den y didnt i voice it out...yeah i no its for mi...the party tt is...but i myself oso duno how to ans tt qn...i realli dun feel tt things r alrite...once again at least for mi...
btw i m writin dis by hand as we r singin...i duno is ppl dun wan to disturb mi or wat la... o well...it doesnt matter...
i realli wan to feel high n happi...juz lik the happi man i m aimin to b... but the reality is tt it is not so ez to do it even for the mi now...i feel not alrite now... i can choose to continue lik tt or try to force myself to high...i dun wan to spoil the nite juz bcoz of mi...
acutally now i dun realli hav a headache or anything...but i can feel it comin on tho...well if i wan to put things in a crude way...i m a veri demandin man...dun try to satisfy mi...i will try to do tt on own... actually if u guys happi its gd enuff for mi le...i m veri touched by everyone oredi liao...realli... so regardless of whether i got thank everyone for comin a not... i wish to thank everyone again...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
i m strugglin wit the demon within mi now...i feel so alone...so sad...i duno wat to say... i m sufferin...realli veri xing ku...
but i no i hav to go thru dis myself...noone can help mi except myself...i need time...giv mi time...realli...i duno how long...mayb a few years...i dun wish to tink abt it...
mayb goin to the army now is a gd idea...at least now i no i had made the rite decision...now u r happier...i m happi for u too...
but now i juz hav to fight myself...b wit mi...Fate...
msg of the day:sacrifice is inevitable,but it is bearable as long as u r by myside...
well now kinda hav a mix feelin...suppose to b happi one...but den duno y leh...the atmosphere was kinda weird at least to mi...
dose hu were dere muz b tinkin...den y didnt i voice it out...yeah i no its for mi...the party tt is...but i myself oso duno how to ans tt qn...i realli dun feel tt things r alrite...once again at least for mi...
btw i m writin dis by hand as we r singin...i duno is ppl dun wan to disturb mi or wat la... o well...it doesnt matter...
i realli wan to feel high n happi...juz lik the happi man i m aimin to b... but the reality is tt it is not so ez to do it even for the mi now...i feel not alrite now... i can choose to continue lik tt or try to force myself to high...i dun wan to spoil the nite juz bcoz of mi...
acutally now i dun realli hav a headache or anything...but i can feel it comin on tho...well if i wan to put things in a crude way...i m a veri demandin man...dun try to satisfy mi...i will try to do tt on own... actually if u guys happi its gd enuff for mi le...i m veri touched by everyone oredi liao...realli... so regardless of whether i got thank everyone for comin a not... i wish to thank everyone again...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
i m strugglin wit the demon within mi now...i feel so alone...so sad...i duno wat to say... i m sufferin...realli veri xing ku...
but i no i hav to go thru dis myself...noone can help mi except myself...i need time...giv mi time...realli...i duno how long...mayb a few years...i dun wish to tink abt it...
mayb goin to the army now is a gd idea...at least now i no i had made the rite decision...now u r happier...i m happi for u too...
but now i juz hav to fight myself...b wit mi...Fate...
msg of the day:sacrifice is inevitable,but it is bearable as long as u r by myside...
14 December 2005
appreciation
well...i finally finished readin the happiness bk le...i hav a refreshed view of life le...feel happier...but duno if its onli temp...den now feel veri happi veri high...haha...den hav the urge to do a rd of appreciation to ppl tt r impt to mi...anyway...juz wan to remind everyone tt the position of ur name doesnt hav any meanin one hor...so dun ask mi y ur name is infront or at the back...
[Fate]-well i m goin to ns soon le...i no la...my one is 9-5...so i m still free n ez till a certain extent...but i m glad i made the decision juz in time...coz i realli dun wan to regret in camp...tinkin y didnt i juz tell u...now at least u r happier...n i m too bcoz u r...well i no i hav done dis oredi...in the letters tt i write to u...but i juz wan to say a big THANK YOU again...the times wit u were realli happi...regardless of wat was the definition of our relationship...i m veri happi n honored to hav spend dose happi times wit u...especially ur bday...i no dis is veri demandin but i do hope to get another chance next year...now u r movin on to a brand new chap in ur life le...so i hope u enjoy watever u do n b happi always...remember wat u "gav" mi..."smile" so i hope u smile more too...=) life wld nv b the same w/o u...i duno if u wld c dis a not...but if u do get to c dis...u wld b reminded of the happi times...=) may the lengend continue to soar wit the lite of ur motivatin faith...
[Xiaoyu]-well for the past year we hav gotten closer...mainly bcoz of msn...lol...always kpin things to each other over the msn...den encouragin each other coz we r the ones hu r always regulars online...the oldest of the batch(excludin the over aged ones) n the youngest of the batch...i duno wat to say la...i guess veri impt in my life especially dis year...gav mi a lot of moral support...hey bro...go ns liao dun forget everyone hor...
[Zhongyi]-dis is the first time u r recievin a appreciation entry from mi...well...ever since u joined our grp...u nv seize to amaze mi...n bcoz of tt...wit u ard i m nv short of new things to learn...i guess its bcoz u had seen diff parts of life tt we might nv get to c...so muz thank you for bringin knowledge as a membership fee...lol...n i m so glad tt i cld find sumone hu goes so far for nhds...it relites my passion...
[Zhi Yan]-well i realise we got more n more common topics to tok abt liao...especially recently...i dun tink u wan mi to spell dem out either...quite sensitive if u no wat i mean...lol...go tink ba...but i guess after so mani things tt had happened u shld start to understand how i felt in the past n still feel now ba...well dun wori...coz u r not the onli one...i duno y...but tok to u gives mi a veri calm feelin...so sumtimes when i get hasty i will tok to u...den my molecules will start to slow down...anyway gd luck wit ur gal...=)
[Mao Rong]-hey u notti boy...still dun wan to tell mi wat bad things u hav tokin abt mi in sec sch...haha...if u realise we tok less as compared to the past...especially compared to sec 4...so erm... ya lor...muz b ur gfs la...aye dun lik tt la...dun lik pink n red cloud ur eyes...lol...dun care mi...i m being lame...but watever it is...u had been thru a lot too dis year...hope u gain a little from each event...best wishes to u n her...
[Daryl]-hey...i realise u r startin to balance out ur prorities le...jia you worz...i m sure u can do it if u put ur heart to it...n remember dun b so hasty wit wat u do...take things slowly...u will b able to c the big pic dis way...u realli hav come a long way...remember tt my helpin hand is juz in a reach of ur phone...n o ya...may u n jun xiang last forever...
[Kai Wei]-mr alrite la...i dun tink u will read dis la...but i will still write it anyway...i no u r veri troubled...n hav a lot of things to say...so pls dun hesitate to...i no sth cant anyhow say...since i m oredi involved... juz look for mi la...dun torture urself...its ptless...2 heads is always better den one...so do look for mi...n dun get all stressed up den smoke...later smoke ur mouth away ar...
[Michelle]-hey...we hardly tok nowadays liao hor...n one thing i dun understand is tt when we online we got so little to say...but on phone it lik machine gun lik tt...haha...i no u got a lot of things to tell mi...so do i...i hope we can hav a hearty tok on fri...hey lets not let the "mao rong curse"(mao u dun understand its ok one...mt understand can liao...) come true hor...haha...hav fun wit mr cow on thur...
[Allan]-hey...i didnt expect to end my jc life wit more friends den i oredi hav...coz seriously didnt hav faith wit the jc system...but well i m more den happi to hav u as my friend...at least in sch i can find sumone wit common topic to tok to other den games tt is...i duno will b readin dis...coz i mean we dun read each other blogs one...but if u happen to come across...juz wan to say 10z...especially for the other day...veri touched...haha...if u got prob oso can come to mi too...
[The person hu still owes mi Mcfly songs]-i dun tink anyone will no hu dis person is...but i dun tink i wan to say either...but the person will no...coz still owe mi Mcfly song...duno from when...lol...anyway 10z for always listenin to mi complain abt my life...lol...veri hard to get u to complain...but succeed a couple of times...nvm...i will squeeze more out of u...haha...n now i wan to n i purposely wan to say a big 10Q to u...go ahead n stop mi la...haha...gd luck to u n ur soulmate...
[Dance]-well a batch of wonderful ppl...i dun get tired of sayin dis do i...lol...dis is so lame...but watever it is...i hope the spirit is forever strong...stronger den energizer ar...haha...jia you ba nhds...yi qi chen mo yi qi zhou...
[Everyone else]-10z to hu ever i haven 10 personally...i juz wan u to no tt u r not forgotten...although ur name mayb not b spelt here...but as long as u hav done sth for mi one time or another...b it givin mi advise or makin mi laugh...u hav left ur shadow in my mind oredi...friends forever...you yi wan shui...=)
anyway juz to clear the doubts of ppl hu r wonderin y i changed my blog...well its personal...so not tellin...lol...anyway y i change to guardian angel leh...its coz i wan to watch over ppl hu i care for...n ppl hu r dear to mi...n at the same time giv dem happiness...shinmywings...i will guide u dere...10z for being here wit mi everyone...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
today dis coloumn is for the readin pleasure of my bro...but others hu wans to read as well by all means...but it might not make sense though...so ya la...
well where do i start...well i tink dere may sum unhappiness btwn us over diff stuff...i guess most of dem r trival...so i dun tink u put it on ur mind la...but i no dere r times where i m being unreasonable...n i find it ptless to debate over it again...i mean its the past...but i seriously all dis time wish to hav a strong relationship wit u...i mean u R my bro wat...
so mayb we shld try to work things out a bit sumtimes...n i understand sumtimes its hard for 2 big man to sit in the same rm tokin abt deir stuff...so i tink its fine if we juz continue wit the blog thingy...at least its better den nth at all...
duno wat else to say liao leh...juz now got a lot to say...now lik nth...lol...but impt thing is u get wat i mean la...so lik tt lor...
msg of the day:one of happiness key is to nv stop lettin ppl no tt how impt dey r to u...
[Fate]-well i m goin to ns soon le...i no la...my one is 9-5...so i m still free n ez till a certain extent...but i m glad i made the decision juz in time...coz i realli dun wan to regret in camp...tinkin y didnt i juz tell u...now at least u r happier...n i m too bcoz u r...well i no i hav done dis oredi...in the letters tt i write to u...but i juz wan to say a big THANK YOU again...the times wit u were realli happi...regardless of wat was the definition of our relationship...i m veri happi n honored to hav spend dose happi times wit u...especially ur bday...i no dis is veri demandin but i do hope to get another chance next year...now u r movin on to a brand new chap in ur life le...so i hope u enjoy watever u do n b happi always...remember wat u "gav" mi..."smile" so i hope u smile more too...=) life wld nv b the same w/o u...i duno if u wld c dis a not...but if u do get to c dis...u wld b reminded of the happi times...=) may the lengend continue to soar wit the lite of ur motivatin faith...
[Xiaoyu]-well for the past year we hav gotten closer...mainly bcoz of msn...lol...always kpin things to each other over the msn...den encouragin each other coz we r the ones hu r always regulars online...the oldest of the batch(excludin the over aged ones) n the youngest of the batch...i duno wat to say la...i guess veri impt in my life especially dis year...gav mi a lot of moral support...hey bro...go ns liao dun forget everyone hor...
[Zhongyi]-dis is the first time u r recievin a appreciation entry from mi...well...ever since u joined our grp...u nv seize to amaze mi...n bcoz of tt...wit u ard i m nv short of new things to learn...i guess its bcoz u had seen diff parts of life tt we might nv get to c...so muz thank you for bringin knowledge as a membership fee...lol...n i m so glad tt i cld find sumone hu goes so far for nhds...it relites my passion...
[Zhi Yan]-well i realise we got more n more common topics to tok abt liao...especially recently...i dun tink u wan mi to spell dem out either...quite sensitive if u no wat i mean...lol...go tink ba...but i guess after so mani things tt had happened u shld start to understand how i felt in the past n still feel now ba...well dun wori...coz u r not the onli one...i duno y...but tok to u gives mi a veri calm feelin...so sumtimes when i get hasty i will tok to u...den my molecules will start to slow down...anyway gd luck wit ur gal...=)
[Mao Rong]-hey u notti boy...still dun wan to tell mi wat bad things u hav tokin abt mi in sec sch...haha...if u realise we tok less as compared to the past...especially compared to sec 4...so erm... ya lor...muz b ur gfs la...aye dun lik tt la...dun lik pink n red cloud ur eyes...lol...dun care mi...i m being lame...but watever it is...u had been thru a lot too dis year...hope u gain a little from each event...best wishes to u n her...
[Daryl]-hey...i realise u r startin to balance out ur prorities le...jia you worz...i m sure u can do it if u put ur heart to it...n remember dun b so hasty wit wat u do...take things slowly...u will b able to c the big pic dis way...u realli hav come a long way...remember tt my helpin hand is juz in a reach of ur phone...n o ya...may u n jun xiang last forever...
[Kai Wei]-mr alrite la...i dun tink u will read dis la...but i will still write it anyway...i no u r veri troubled...n hav a lot of things to say...so pls dun hesitate to...i no sth cant anyhow say...since i m oredi involved... juz look for mi la...dun torture urself...its ptless...2 heads is always better den one...so do look for mi...n dun get all stressed up den smoke...later smoke ur mouth away ar...
[Michelle]-hey...we hardly tok nowadays liao hor...n one thing i dun understand is tt when we online we got so little to say...but on phone it lik machine gun lik tt...haha...i no u got a lot of things to tell mi...so do i...i hope we can hav a hearty tok on fri...hey lets not let the "mao rong curse"(mao u dun understand its ok one...mt understand can liao...) come true hor...haha...hav fun wit mr cow on thur...
[Allan]-hey...i didnt expect to end my jc life wit more friends den i oredi hav...coz seriously didnt hav faith wit the jc system...but well i m more den happi to hav u as my friend...at least in sch i can find sumone wit common topic to tok to other den games tt is...i duno will b readin dis...coz i mean we dun read each other blogs one...but if u happen to come across...juz wan to say 10z...especially for the other day...veri touched...haha...if u got prob oso can come to mi too...
[The person hu still owes mi Mcfly songs]-i dun tink anyone will no hu dis person is...but i dun tink i wan to say either...but the person will no...coz still owe mi Mcfly song...duno from when...lol...anyway 10z for always listenin to mi complain abt my life...lol...veri hard to get u to complain...but succeed a couple of times...nvm...i will squeeze more out of u...haha...n now i wan to n i purposely wan to say a big 10Q to u...go ahead n stop mi la...haha...gd luck to u n ur soulmate...
[Dance]-well a batch of wonderful ppl...i dun get tired of sayin dis do i...lol...dis is so lame...but watever it is...i hope the spirit is forever strong...stronger den energizer ar...haha...jia you ba nhds...yi qi chen mo yi qi zhou...
[Everyone else]-10z to hu ever i haven 10 personally...i juz wan u to no tt u r not forgotten...although ur name mayb not b spelt here...but as long as u hav done sth for mi one time or another...b it givin mi advise or makin mi laugh...u hav left ur shadow in my mind oredi...friends forever...you yi wan shui...=)
anyway juz to clear the doubts of ppl hu r wonderin y i changed my blog...well its personal...so not tellin...lol...anyway y i change to guardian angel leh...its coz i wan to watch over ppl hu i care for...n ppl hu r dear to mi...n at the same time giv dem happiness...shinmywings...i will guide u dere...10z for being here wit mi everyone...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
today dis coloumn is for the readin pleasure of my bro...but others hu wans to read as well by all means...but it might not make sense though...so ya la...
well where do i start...well i tink dere may sum unhappiness btwn us over diff stuff...i guess most of dem r trival...so i dun tink u put it on ur mind la...but i no dere r times where i m being unreasonable...n i find it ptless to debate over it again...i mean its the past...but i seriously all dis time wish to hav a strong relationship wit u...i mean u R my bro wat...
so mayb we shld try to work things out a bit sumtimes...n i understand sumtimes its hard for 2 big man to sit in the same rm tokin abt deir stuff...so i tink its fine if we juz continue wit the blog thingy...at least its better den nth at all...
duno wat else to say liao leh...juz now got a lot to say...now lik nth...lol...but impt thing is u get wat i mean la...so lik tt lor...
msg of the day:one of happiness key is to nv stop lettin ppl no tt how impt dey r to u...
13 December 2005
100% reality restored
yes finally... i haven blogged for a veri long time...a lot of things happened in btwn...but either didnt find time or didnt find energy to blog it down...tts y the blog is so quiet...but i told myself i today will try to blog...so i leave sum work aside so tt i cld blog...but dun wori la... its nth impt la...so its alrite...
anyway ppl hu has seen my nick oredi muz b wonderin wat i mean rite...well for ppl hu shld no i guess u shld oredi no by now...juz tt mayb u didnt catch tt the reality in dis case means wat...as for ppl hu do not need to no...well i m not goin to spell it out here...all i can say is...i made my decision...ahead of time...b4 the time i set for myself to do the tinkin...
reality in dis sense pt to several things...the more sensitive part is the part tt i wun touch on a lot..but i will write sth abt it at the btm...as for the other parts...i juz realise yesterday nite...as in the true meanin of wakin up to reality...
well basically yesterday was hell of a day... coz i discovered mani things...ok la...mayb its more of admittin things den to discover...coz i no tt i hav been decievin myself abt things...n i dun wan to admit up to dem...den after tt when i m reminded abt dem i feel sad...n dis keeps on goin...so yesterday i more or less woke myself up...
so here i now officially admit tt i no i hav been actin as if i was sumone hu cant b done w/o sumone great...sumone to b remembered...but at the same time...in reality i wasnt...i tink dis is the biggest prob wit mi...n bcoz of dis i hav committed countless mistakes in the past...i tink dis was destined to b dis way...as in for mi to b the one to realise dis on my own...n not let sumone else tell mi dis...but dere was once where sumone came close to tellin mi dis... i duno if tt person still remembers...i doubt she does...coz she forgot on the day she said it...she said sth lik "stop assumin tt u no everything...coz u duno everything..." sth lik tt...quite awhile back...so i oso cant remember clearly...
well the pt is...now tt i hav officially admit dis prob of mine...i will try to suppress it...i dun wish to make anymore mistakes bcoz of dis...i mean i m comin to a new chap in life...in another 2 + years i will b officially a adult...so dere isnt much space for mi to make such ridiculous mistakes...ppl readin might tink tt i m tinkin too muc...yes mayb u r rite...but u hav to admit tt i hav a pt here...dis i no...
so i will wake up to reality now...tt is i m juz a normal guy lik everyone else...nth great abt mi...so i shall keep my profile low when i go army to prevent the same shit from araisin again...
anyway i tink i will b bloggin more dis few days if i hav the time to...coz i wun b bloggin for a week while in tekong...haiz... although its onli a week away from humanity...but the feelin is realli so unbearable...juz feel tt lik i m not ready leh...duno la...
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24hrRu!
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dis few days i hav been tinkin abt how to make my life n lives of ppl ard mi happier...well...tts y i made tt decision...i guess miraculousfate is nv to b...so i shld stop decievin myself...n make the best out of both our lives...u may relate to the love movies where the guy make sacri for the gal in order for her to b happi...well i wun say i m so wei da...but i realli hope for her to b happi...
tts y i prepared a special present dis xmas...its nth veri ex...but i guess its veri meaninful...hope she will lik it...n catch the msg i m tryin to send across to her...
anyway i started to read a bk abt happiness...the bk teaches ppl how to b happi...n i came to a conclusion tt...it still boils down to a choice of whether u wan to b happi a not...coz we cld always choose btwn being optimistic or pessimistic...doin the rite choice is veri impt...n of course the standard ans for the rite choice is to b happi...n true enuff... the bk goes on to giv sum stats wich is the results of the findins of scientists... regardin wat happiness will bring...eg is tt happiness has a direct link to performance...the exact figures r even given...
well i wun say recommend the bk...coz dis kind of bks r all over the place...i m sure all the author hav more or less the same contents...n if u wan to read dem dey r always avaible in the libraries...its onli whether if u r interested in readin dem in the first place... for mi...i lik to enrich myself...n b a human psychology no it all...n of course durin the course of time...configure a better mi...but the bk did remind ppl lik mi to first b able to accept the original self...b4 attemptin to change myself...tt way i wld happier...n hav less disappointment if i fail to change myself...so wit tt i end dis entry...hope i hav provided a food for tot here...
msg of the day:All i can do is pt n hope u look...
anyway ppl hu has seen my nick oredi muz b wonderin wat i mean rite...well for ppl hu shld no i guess u shld oredi no by now...juz tt mayb u didnt catch tt the reality in dis case means wat...as for ppl hu do not need to no...well i m not goin to spell it out here...all i can say is...i made my decision...ahead of time...b4 the time i set for myself to do the tinkin...
reality in dis sense pt to several things...the more sensitive part is the part tt i wun touch on a lot..but i will write sth abt it at the btm...as for the other parts...i juz realise yesterday nite...as in the true meanin of wakin up to reality...
well basically yesterday was hell of a day... coz i discovered mani things...ok la...mayb its more of admittin things den to discover...coz i no tt i hav been decievin myself abt things...n i dun wan to admit up to dem...den after tt when i m reminded abt dem i feel sad...n dis keeps on goin...so yesterday i more or less woke myself up...
so here i now officially admit tt i no i hav been actin as if i was sumone hu cant b done w/o sumone great...sumone to b remembered...but at the same time...in reality i wasnt...i tink dis is the biggest prob wit mi...n bcoz of dis i hav committed countless mistakes in the past...i tink dis was destined to b dis way...as in for mi to b the one to realise dis on my own...n not let sumone else tell mi dis...but dere was once where sumone came close to tellin mi dis... i duno if tt person still remembers...i doubt she does...coz she forgot on the day she said it...she said sth lik "stop assumin tt u no everything...coz u duno everything..." sth lik tt...quite awhile back...so i oso cant remember clearly...
well the pt is...now tt i hav officially admit dis prob of mine...i will try to suppress it...i dun wish to make anymore mistakes bcoz of dis...i mean i m comin to a new chap in life...in another 2 + years i will b officially a adult...so dere isnt much space for mi to make such ridiculous mistakes...ppl readin might tink tt i m tinkin too muc...yes mayb u r rite...but u hav to admit tt i hav a pt here...dis i no...
so i will wake up to reality now...tt is i m juz a normal guy lik everyone else...nth great abt mi...so i shall keep my profile low when i go army to prevent the same shit from araisin again...
anyway i tink i will b bloggin more dis few days if i hav the time to...coz i wun b bloggin for a week while in tekong...haiz... although its onli a week away from humanity...but the feelin is realli so unbearable...juz feel tt lik i m not ready leh...duno la...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
dis few days i hav been tinkin abt how to make my life n lives of ppl ard mi happier...well...tts y i made tt decision...i guess miraculousfate is nv to b...so i shld stop decievin myself...n make the best out of both our lives...u may relate to the love movies where the guy make sacri for the gal in order for her to b happi...well i wun say i m so wei da...but i realli hope for her to b happi...
tts y i prepared a special present dis xmas...its nth veri ex...but i guess its veri meaninful...hope she will lik it...n catch the msg i m tryin to send across to her...
anyway i started to read a bk abt happiness...the bk teaches ppl how to b happi...n i came to a conclusion tt...it still boils down to a choice of whether u wan to b happi a not...coz we cld always choose btwn being optimistic or pessimistic...doin the rite choice is veri impt...n of course the standard ans for the rite choice is to b happi...n true enuff... the bk goes on to giv sum stats wich is the results of the findins of scientists... regardin wat happiness will bring...eg is tt happiness has a direct link to performance...the exact figures r even given...
well i wun say recommend the bk...coz dis kind of bks r all over the place...i m sure all the author hav more or less the same contents...n if u wan to read dem dey r always avaible in the libraries...its onli whether if u r interested in readin dem in the first place... for mi...i lik to enrich myself...n b a human psychology no it all...n of course durin the course of time...configure a better mi...but the bk did remind ppl lik mi to first b able to accept the original self...b4 attemptin to change myself...tt way i wld happier...n hav less disappointment if i fail to change myself...so wit tt i end dis entry...hope i hav provided a food for tot here...
msg of the day:All i can do is pt n hope u look...
01 December 2005
burnetaf?
wonderin wat the title means? go figure...well basically i manage to get all the presents in dis 2 days...now onli left mt, connie n wei xuan one..wich is later in dec...but o well...i will worri abt tt later on...
juz now was playin the WoW board game wit my bro...its quite interestin...but sad to say...since we r not familiar...the whole game took super long...we decided to end it at abt rd8? lol...but at least we agree tt it is fun...den now i m here bloggin...first coz nobody is online...second is coz now actually feelin rather blue from sum tots n sms from earlier on...wich is y the title is burnetaf...
tml nth muc la...yu comin over...take a look at my guitar n the board game...den later we go settle sum stuff regardin the tshirt tt we designin for all the REAL brothers...its open to anyone we see worthy to wear it...anyway juz a brief description of the current design...on the right chest dere will b a "xin(trust)" chi char wit fire spreadin out...den the fire will spread over the right shoulder to the back linkin to the name of the wearer...den in the front left btm corner...there is a explosion of the word "SH!N"...den left sleeve dere is a dragon...
basically the shirt is for everyone hu we regard as brother...although it is still decorated wit SH!N... but i wld lik to remind everyone tt the basis of SH!N is the word itself in chi...wich means trust...n wat other word to better link a bunch of gd friends together wit trust...wich is y my batch ppl originally was called SH!N-13 in the first place...but we decided tt as time goes by we make more gd friends...so thus dis decision...hope the others dun mistaken the meanin of the shirt n is reframed from gettin one too...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
haiz...juz now my mother asked mi how r things...so i told her the situation...den her comment same as usual...i m still young...
well i oso no...but i duno la...i mean i dun lik uncertainties one...ya i no everyone oso dun lik...but u ppl shld no tt wat a big fuss i will kick up if i dun get all the info i need to do sth...eg plan an outin...
all along i myself no my chances one la...but i m juz being stubborn lor...i juz dun wan to sumbit to reality...always wan to tink tt sumtimes reality will take a shortcut into fantasy...but juz now when smsin her...sumhow the lite from reality shone into my fantasy land again...i was awaken...at least up till now la...i tink tml will b another story liao...
tt is the reason y i say i feelin blue...haiz...
will u juz giv mi one small chance to show u concern...will u giv mi one small chance to giv u my luv...
msg of the day:i juz wan to live my life wit u...
juz now was playin the WoW board game wit my bro...its quite interestin...but sad to say...since we r not familiar...the whole game took super long...we decided to end it at abt rd8? lol...but at least we agree tt it is fun...den now i m here bloggin...first coz nobody is online...second is coz now actually feelin rather blue from sum tots n sms from earlier on...wich is y the title is burnetaf...
tml nth muc la...yu comin over...take a look at my guitar n the board game...den later we go settle sum stuff regardin the tshirt tt we designin for all the REAL brothers...its open to anyone we see worthy to wear it...anyway juz a brief description of the current design...on the right chest dere will b a "xin(trust)" chi char wit fire spreadin out...den the fire will spread over the right shoulder to the back linkin to the name of the wearer...den in the front left btm corner...there is a explosion of the word "SH!N"...den left sleeve dere is a dragon...
basically the shirt is for everyone hu we regard as brother...although it is still decorated wit SH!N... but i wld lik to remind everyone tt the basis of SH!N is the word itself in chi...wich means trust...n wat other word to better link a bunch of gd friends together wit trust...wich is y my batch ppl originally was called SH!N-13 in the first place...but we decided tt as time goes by we make more gd friends...so thus dis decision...hope the others dun mistaken the meanin of the shirt n is reframed from gettin one too...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
haiz...juz now my mother asked mi how r things...so i told her the situation...den her comment same as usual...i m still young...
well i oso no...but i duno la...i mean i dun lik uncertainties one...ya i no everyone oso dun lik...but u ppl shld no tt wat a big fuss i will kick up if i dun get all the info i need to do sth...eg plan an outin...
all along i myself no my chances one la...but i m juz being stubborn lor...i juz dun wan to sumbit to reality...always wan to tink tt sumtimes reality will take a shortcut into fantasy...but juz now when smsin her...sumhow the lite from reality shone into my fantasy land again...i was awaken...at least up till now la...i tink tml will b another story liao...
tt is the reason y i say i feelin blue...haiz...
will u juz giv mi one small chance to show u concern...will u giv mi one small chance to giv u my luv...
msg of the day:i juz wan to live my life wit u...
28 November 2005
zzz
wa lao...i feelin super f up now...sianz ar...nth is goin rite lor...i realli duno wat to say...i sumtimes realli wonder if the super beings lik to watch mi suffer...watch mi in pain n agony...i realli feel lik lettin everything out now...i feel so stuffed up...realli realli bottled up...i wan to find sumone to turn to...but nobody is ever dere...wao lao i dun even no wat i m doin n wat i shld do...
sumtimes i realli doubt myself...do i realli hav the capability to go on lik dis...honestly...i recieve more complains abt others life den mi complainin abt my own life...i guess sad enuff its as muc as my blog entries...nth more...zzz
sumtimes i realli dun understand how ppl tink one leh...i mean lik y dun ppl get wat u mean...even after lik 1 million times of naggin...lik omg la...dis is so tirin...i realli wan to collaspe le...
sumtimes i tink all my probs come from all dis stress tt collect over time lor...my STM n my tendcy of fallin aslp in almost any place...duno la...i realli need a break from reality man...but i dun wan to face up to the fact tt it is impossible...
i feel as if i m fightin alone...sum of the things i face alone...sum even if got others ard still will hav the alone in the crowd feelin...my life force is weakenin...nowadays i no longer hav the drive to face my life...i dun understand y noone can understand wat i m tokin abt...let alone wat i m goin thru...m i tt complicated tt i cant b understood...
everyone hav limited amt time...tt includes mi...but seriously i sumtimes hav to literally rot my time away so tt i numb myself...i always wan to try to do as muc as i can wit my time...but izzit worth it...
after writin so long liao...i dun even no wat else is dere to write...i realli still got a lot a lot to say...but i nv hav the heart to say it all out...coz i scared i will b being selfish n wan to hog all the attention to myself...by keep tokin abt my stuff...so i nv realli complete wat i wan to say...i realli juz wan to spit it all out...but can i do it...CAN I? zzz...dis is ptless...nth ever works...
i realli muz being a hell of a sinner in my previous life...now i guess its time for mi to suffer the torture of dis lifetime...
the more i crap the more i duno wat else to do for myself...all i ever no is others...it was nv abt myself in the first place...i guess i juz hav too little self worth for myself...zzz...o well...i dun wan to write le la...the more i write...the more lost i feel...but watever it is la...ppl readin...tt is if u r still readin...juz ignore all dis la...i mean lik...to mi i m brainwashed everyday...so by the time i blog again...i wld hav forgotten wat i blog the last time...n i will juz cock the same shit over again...o well i guess my life was destined to b lik tt...fate was nv fair...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
i was chattin wit ppl...ok consolin is more the word...but watever...so i was browsin the net in btwn the replies...den i saw her photos...new uploaded ones...yeah she looked darn chio n all...but i duno y...weird enuff...i got all blue...zzz...wich is y i was tinkin abt how f up my life is...n mayb the birth of dis entry came abt...
i m no longer sure shld i continue to try to win her heart...in the past i always stick to my beliefs...my philosophy...i dun care wat others tink or wat others say...i always wan to stay true to my heart...but now...i m so staggered by everything tt is goin on btwn us...i m no longer sure not coz i hav started losin interest in her...in fact i m sinkin deeper...but the prob is i dun tink tt i m the rite match for her...lookin at the cases ard mi...i realli feel tt mayb she deserve sumone better...mayb sumone hu wld provide better care n concern...n mayb more handsome n tall den mi...
true love tells mi to stay strong...my sixth sense tells mi tt i m buggin her...holdin her back...my personality tells mi to b stubborn...n stay put...but my brains tells mi tt she is tired of mi...hey come on la...hu m i kiddin la...it is so obvious tt things r nv goin to work out...mircales nv happen...at least not to mi...although for once i tot i didnt make the wrong choice to stay alive...but i guess i m wrong again...
sumtimes i realli hate my sixth sense...always tellin mi things tt i dun wish to no...i oso hate my brains for deductin things wit logic n psychology...resultin in unwanted stress...wish i cld juz throw dem away...haiz...being innocent n simple is always the best...but i guess tt will nv b mi...
i realli wan to b the one...but reality has checked in again...the lite is extinguishin...the next wld the life...
msg of the day:pls insert credits...
sumtimes i realli doubt myself...do i realli hav the capability to go on lik dis...honestly...i recieve more complains abt others life den mi complainin abt my own life...i guess sad enuff its as muc as my blog entries...nth more...zzz
sumtimes i realli dun understand how ppl tink one leh...i mean lik y dun ppl get wat u mean...even after lik 1 million times of naggin...lik omg la...dis is so tirin...i realli wan to collaspe le...
sumtimes i tink all my probs come from all dis stress tt collect over time lor...my STM n my tendcy of fallin aslp in almost any place...duno la...i realli need a break from reality man...but i dun wan to face up to the fact tt it is impossible...
i feel as if i m fightin alone...sum of the things i face alone...sum even if got others ard still will hav the alone in the crowd feelin...my life force is weakenin...nowadays i no longer hav the drive to face my life...i dun understand y noone can understand wat i m tokin abt...let alone wat i m goin thru...m i tt complicated tt i cant b understood...
everyone hav limited amt time...tt includes mi...but seriously i sumtimes hav to literally rot my time away so tt i numb myself...i always wan to try to do as muc as i can wit my time...but izzit worth it...
after writin so long liao...i dun even no wat else is dere to write...i realli still got a lot a lot to say...but i nv hav the heart to say it all out...coz i scared i will b being selfish n wan to hog all the attention to myself...by keep tokin abt my stuff...so i nv realli complete wat i wan to say...i realli juz wan to spit it all out...but can i do it...CAN I? zzz...dis is ptless...nth ever works...
i realli muz being a hell of a sinner in my previous life...now i guess its time for mi to suffer the torture of dis lifetime...
the more i crap the more i duno wat else to do for myself...all i ever no is others...it was nv abt myself in the first place...i guess i juz hav too little self worth for myself...zzz...o well...i dun wan to write le la...the more i write...the more lost i feel...but watever it is la...ppl readin...tt is if u r still readin...juz ignore all dis la...i mean lik...to mi i m brainwashed everyday...so by the time i blog again...i wld hav forgotten wat i blog the last time...n i will juz cock the same shit over again...o well i guess my life was destined to b lik tt...fate was nv fair...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
i was chattin wit ppl...ok consolin is more the word...but watever...so i was browsin the net in btwn the replies...den i saw her photos...new uploaded ones...yeah she looked darn chio n all...but i duno y...weird enuff...i got all blue...zzz...wich is y i was tinkin abt how f up my life is...n mayb the birth of dis entry came abt...
i m no longer sure shld i continue to try to win her heart...in the past i always stick to my beliefs...my philosophy...i dun care wat others tink or wat others say...i always wan to stay true to my heart...but now...i m so staggered by everything tt is goin on btwn us...i m no longer sure not coz i hav started losin interest in her...in fact i m sinkin deeper...but the prob is i dun tink tt i m the rite match for her...lookin at the cases ard mi...i realli feel tt mayb she deserve sumone better...mayb sumone hu wld provide better care n concern...n mayb more handsome n tall den mi...
true love tells mi to stay strong...my sixth sense tells mi tt i m buggin her...holdin her back...my personality tells mi to b stubborn...n stay put...but my brains tells mi tt she is tired of mi...hey come on la...hu m i kiddin la...it is so obvious tt things r nv goin to work out...mircales nv happen...at least not to mi...although for once i tot i didnt make the wrong choice to stay alive...but i guess i m wrong again...
sumtimes i realli hate my sixth sense...always tellin mi things tt i dun wish to no...i oso hate my brains for deductin things wit logic n psychology...resultin in unwanted stress...wish i cld juz throw dem away...haiz...being innocent n simple is always the best...but i guess tt will nv b mi...
i realli wan to b the one...but reality has checked in again...the lite is extinguishin...the next wld the life...
msg of the day:pls insert credits...
25 November 2005
dance camp/tots
erm...tt day i ended the entries rather in a hurry...today wun le...coz i not goin to play after dis...anyway to jun cheng rite...erm i no hu r the ones readin la...the usual ones i will no one...even if u dun tag i oso will no...but seriously if u r dose hu follow mi to blogger from my open diary u will understand better wat i mean...den to mt...actually i dun realli understand ur tag...mayb u wan to elaborate a bit...n oso y u nv go dance camp ar ...bluff mi...cheat mi onli...
anyway back to the camp...erm...basically i feel tt the flow of the whole camp was rather smooth...except for the ORD...erm...seriously i duno wat to say...all tt i shld say i oredi told yi hang today...i was realli veri sad abt it...not onli tt it was not done properly...but oso coz dis is my dear 89 batch leh...of course i hope dey grad wit a ORD dey deserve...i no when i sort of take over the ORD i oso didnt do a veri gd job...tts y i oso veri sad...now i m lik tinkin if i shld hav a backup plan to support the sec 3 wit deir plans...
i realli duno la... izzit mi or my i losin my skills to impromto...mayb i shld revise my style in nhds...n try to let wei hong n the rest do more of the upfront work...i will juz do the tinkin...i duno la...veri disoriented wit everything...argh...when u tot tt studies is everything...now no more studies i dun even no wat else i can b stressed abt...life is so complicatin for mi sia...goin to break pt...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
i dun lik things to b ambigious...tts y i always ask a lot of things...so tt everything i need to no is well defined...but life juz hav to b so interestin...in a way tt not everything we can no n can ask one...at dis kind of situations i m always at a lost...den i will always go for impromto n dun tink too muc...but it doesnt work everytime...in fact it hardly works well...i duno...i realli hope things falls into place nicely in the way in wish dem to b...but at least i dun lik the hangin feelin...i no dis para here veri vague abt the msg i m tryin to put across...but sumtimes dere is realli reason for y dey r left so vagued...contradictin para rite ?
msg of the day:forcin doesnt giv happiness,but will nature giv?
anyway back to the camp...erm...basically i feel tt the flow of the whole camp was rather smooth...except for the ORD...erm...seriously i duno wat to say...all tt i shld say i oredi told yi hang today...i was realli veri sad abt it...not onli tt it was not done properly...but oso coz dis is my dear 89 batch leh...of course i hope dey grad wit a ORD dey deserve...i no when i sort of take over the ORD i oso didnt do a veri gd job...tts y i oso veri sad...now i m lik tinkin if i shld hav a backup plan to support the sec 3 wit deir plans...
i realli duno la... izzit mi or my i losin my skills to impromto...mayb i shld revise my style in nhds...n try to let wei hong n the rest do more of the upfront work...i will juz do the tinkin...i duno la...veri disoriented wit everything...argh...when u tot tt studies is everything...now no more studies i dun even no wat else i can b stressed abt...life is so complicatin for mi sia...goin to break pt...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
i dun lik things to b ambigious...tts y i always ask a lot of things...so tt everything i need to no is well defined...but life juz hav to b so interestin...in a way tt not everything we can no n can ask one...at dis kind of situations i m always at a lost...den i will always go for impromto n dun tink too muc...but it doesnt work everytime...in fact it hardly works well...i duno...i realli hope things falls into place nicely in the way in wish dem to b...but at least i dun lik the hangin feelin...i no dis para here veri vague abt the msg i m tryin to put across...but sumtimes dere is realli reason for y dey r left so vagued...contradictin para rite ?
msg of the day:forcin doesnt giv happiness,but will nature giv?
23 November 2005
clash of the titans...
well...bascially i had a stressful day at dance today...ppl hu were dere today shld no wat happened la...haiz... i hav to say my headaches is back again...y huh...everytime i stressed up i get headache...i wonder if its a curse...haha...jk la...i dun tink so myself...
but realli...i was in a dilema today...duno wat to do...stuck...n in the end of the whole clash i found myself left alone again...suan le...i used to it...sumtimes its realli lik tt lor...no matter how mani ppl r fightin by urside...dere r always times u feel tt u r alone...coz its seriously dam hard to hav same passion for mani ppl at once...its rather sad lor...but o well...i dun wan to tok too muc abt it le la...
i duno izzit bcoz ppl dun tag or wat...i feel tt less ppl readin dis blog now...at least compared to my open diary...sumtimes i feel lik switchin into a private blog...den can write more crap...dun need to care...duno la...tt one still got time to tink...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
today my discman spoilt...dam...my bus ride companion...zzz...sianz lor...i tink i might wan to get one soon...if not dere goes my rottin on buses...
juz now i replaced my companion wit radio on phone...den manage to catch ying yue re ji...omg... another lame yet sad love story...sianz...was tinkin of her again...sumtimes i no reality is painful...but i realli cant help feelin pessimistic abt our relationship...i duno how to put it in better words...i tink u guys shld no how i feel...zzz...
anyway dis entry was typed rather in a hurry...so i guess its a bit brief...mayb i will elaborate next time....
msg of the day:不能给你未来，我还你现在
but realli...i was in a dilema today...duno wat to do...stuck...n in the end of the whole clash i found myself left alone again...suan le...i used to it...sumtimes its realli lik tt lor...no matter how mani ppl r fightin by urside...dere r always times u feel tt u r alone...coz its seriously dam hard to hav same passion for mani ppl at once...its rather sad lor...but o well...i dun wan to tok too muc abt it le la...
i duno izzit bcoz ppl dun tag or wat...i feel tt less ppl readin dis blog now...at least compared to my open diary...sumtimes i feel lik switchin into a private blog...den can write more crap...dun need to care...duno la...tt one still got time to tink...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
today my discman spoilt...dam...my bus ride companion...zzz...sianz lor...i tink i might wan to get one soon...if not dere goes my rottin on buses...
juz now i replaced my companion wit radio on phone...den manage to catch ying yue re ji...omg... another lame yet sad love story...sianz...was tinkin of her again...sumtimes i no reality is painful...but i realli cant help feelin pessimistic abt our relationship...i duno how to put it in better words...i tink u guys shld no how i feel...zzz...
anyway dis entry was typed rather in a hurry...so i guess its a bit brief...mayb i will elaborate next time....
msg of the day:不能给你未来，我还你现在
17 November 2005
failure
today is suppose to b a happi day...since tml is the last day of A lvl...n i goin out on sat...but things took a big turn...haiz...
i initially still wanted to come home n prac sum chem...now i tink i wun hav any mood le...duno la...its still early to decide...
u might ask wat thing so power one...well wat else m i being so concerned abt...of course its abt dance...not tryin to blame anyone for my sadness...but today zhongyi commented on the kids again...although the topic is abt the same...but still dere always bound to b sth tt is new but bad...i duno wats wrong la...mayb coz i took too long a break from everything...now the things pile up liao veri hard to handle le...
i not sayin tt i m the best all watever...n oso not sayin tt onli i can or hav the ability to solve dis kind of human relations prob...but seriously its veri hard to find sumone hu can work hand in hand wit mi...dis few days go b is not for no purpose...especially today...i m tryin to immerse myself in the atmosphere...tryin to bring the feel b...but i find it veri tirin now...i seriously feel tt i cant keep my job goin on onli on my own...its too tiring...n time will reduce my influence over the ppl from the diff cohort...
sumtimes i duno whether if i m gettin too personal wit the kids a not...to the extent tt i find it hard to make my decisions clear n sharp...tts y i still feel i need a partner...sumone to keep remindin mi to keep myself b4 the line...i tot i hav found a few suitable candidates...but den it might not b the case as i tink...haiz...wat shld i do...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
anyway juz another reminder to ppl readin...i m not tryin to make of u feel guilty for not being able to help or wat u feel la...coz it is not intentional one...so do forgive mi...but i realli need to let it out...i need to remind myself how i feel...n wat i tink...n more...mayb tts the sole purpose i write entries ba...
but seriously lookin b in dis past few mths...i hav rather being a failure...a loser...juz look at my A lvls...i dream of NUS but i m not fightin veri hard...juz cant find the str...although i cant say tt i confirm i cant get into a NUS or NTU...but den the chance is sth tt i dare not calculate...
den dance lik tt...yes its not my fault...even if it was it wld nv b entirely...but still i realli hav to brand myself as a failure lor...i cant even take care of the kids closer to mi liao...let alone dose i hardly speak to...i no i m not god...but i do ask a lot from myself as an individual...so at times i can get too demandin on myself...n dis is the result everytime...depression...
i no longer no wats the will tt is drivin mi from inside...i feel as if i m a robot...movin unconsiously...mayb its a gd thing since at least i m still movin...but izzit goin to last...n even more imptly...izzit goin to work...i duno the ans...n dun feel lik answerin dem now anyway...
msg of the day:failure nv comes till u giv up...
i initially still wanted to come home n prac sum chem...now i tink i wun hav any mood le...duno la...its still early to decide...
u might ask wat thing so power one...well wat else m i being so concerned abt...of course its abt dance...not tryin to blame anyone for my sadness...but today zhongyi commented on the kids again...although the topic is abt the same...but still dere always bound to b sth tt is new but bad...i duno wats wrong la...mayb coz i took too long a break from everything...now the things pile up liao veri hard to handle le...
i not sayin tt i m the best all watever...n oso not sayin tt onli i can or hav the ability to solve dis kind of human relations prob...but seriously its veri hard to find sumone hu can work hand in hand wit mi...dis few days go b is not for no purpose...especially today...i m tryin to immerse myself in the atmosphere...tryin to bring the feel b...but i find it veri tirin now...i seriously feel tt i cant keep my job goin on onli on my own...its too tiring...n time will reduce my influence over the ppl from the diff cohort...
sumtimes i duno whether if i m gettin too personal wit the kids a not...to the extent tt i find it hard to make my decisions clear n sharp...tts y i still feel i need a partner...sumone to keep remindin mi to keep myself b4 the line...i tot i hav found a few suitable candidates...but den it might not b the case as i tink...haiz...wat shld i do...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
anyway juz another reminder to ppl readin...i m not tryin to make of u feel guilty for not being able to help or wat u feel la...coz it is not intentional one...so do forgive mi...but i realli need to let it out...i need to remind myself how i feel...n wat i tink...n more...mayb tts the sole purpose i write entries ba...
but seriously lookin b in dis past few mths...i hav rather being a failure...a loser...juz look at my A lvls...i dream of NUS but i m not fightin veri hard...juz cant find the str...although i cant say tt i confirm i cant get into a NUS or NTU...but den the chance is sth tt i dare not calculate...
den dance lik tt...yes its not my fault...even if it was it wld nv b entirely...but still i realli hav to brand myself as a failure lor...i cant even take care of the kids closer to mi liao...let alone dose i hardly speak to...i no i m not god...but i do ask a lot from myself as an individual...so at times i can get too demandin on myself...n dis is the result everytime...depression...
i no longer no wats the will tt is drivin mi from inside...i feel as if i m a robot...movin unconsiously...mayb its a gd thing since at least i m still movin...but izzit goin to last...n even more imptly...izzit goin to work...i duno the ans...n dun feel lik answerin dem now anyway...
msg of the day:failure nv comes till u giv up...
15 November 2005
juz to clear the atmosphere of anxiety
abt the previous entry...i tink can ignore le...coz the thing is solved...surprisinly veri smooth...haha...didnt expect to b as smooth...o well...10z to my gd friend...zhenyu...wootz...haha...
but bad news...he goin to bk in on 2 dec...omg...den wat abt the chalet...omg...zzz...aiya...well c how lor...
tts it for today...nth muc to blog today la...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
juz one comment...i wori for nhds...i duno wat happen...n worse is i m out of juice on wat i cld do...haiz...guess i shld take things at a time...i guess it will b serious tinkin after my A lvls...
anyway i m tinkin of a "tinkin" session by the seaside sumtime after A lvl...hu wans to join mi in a peaceful day by the seaside n enjoy the sea breeze?
msg of the day:things r juz so unpredictable,u nv no wat will happen next...
but bad news...he goin to bk in on 2 dec...omg...den wat abt the chalet...omg...zzz...aiya...well c how lor...
tts it for today...nth muc to blog today la...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
juz one comment...i wori for nhds...i duno wat happen...n worse is i m out of juice on wat i cld do...haiz...guess i shld take things at a time...i guess it will b serious tinkin after my A lvls...
anyway i m tinkin of a "tinkin" session by the seaside sumtime after A lvl...hu wans to join mi in a peaceful day by the seaside n enjoy the sea breeze?
msg of the day:things r juz so unpredictable,u nv no wat will happen next...
14 November 2005
o screwed...
omg...i screwed myself up big time...haiz...y did i get so hasty...summore is 2 times in a row...in a day...i feel veri fucked up now...dun realli hav the mood to study...but still hav to study...coz didnt realli complete wat i wan to complete...tsk tsk tsk...haiz...
i duno wat to do to save myself...now no matter wat thing i do to clear up dis mess...i will hav to forgive sth...haiz...its such a sucky position...haiz...i realli duno wat to do...summore i cant seek help from others...n seriously i dun wan to unless i realli hav to...argh...haiz...
all i can blame is my hastiness...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
sumtimes i feel veri blessed wit all the things i hav been given...n oso my "power" to hu feng huan yu...when i need sth...i will hav the method to get it...if i need help...help will b dere...
but not dis time rd...actually i no where to seek help...but its juz not rite la...i m realli in a dilema now...i m sure if u no how i feel now...u will oso b stretched to make a decision...
i realli wan to ask myself...m i doin the rite thing? haiz...
msg of the day:to feel disappointed or to feel sorry...
i duno wat to do to save myself...now no matter wat thing i do to clear up dis mess...i will hav to forgive sth...haiz...its such a sucky position...haiz...i realli duno wat to do...summore i cant seek help from others...n seriously i dun wan to unless i realli hav to...argh...haiz...
all i can blame is my hastiness...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
sumtimes i feel veri blessed wit all the things i hav been given...n oso my "power" to hu feng huan yu...when i need sth...i will hav the method to get it...if i need help...help will b dere...
but not dis time rd...actually i no where to seek help...but its juz not rite la...i m realli in a dilema now...i m sure if u no how i feel now...u will oso b stretched to make a decision...
i realli wan to ask myself...m i doin the rite thing? haiz...
msg of the day:to feel disappointed or to feel sorry...
10 November 2005
in the midst of the tension
i m always amazed wit the lvl of relacness i can keep even in the midst of such tension...but yet i can b dam anxious wit things tt shldnt b of my concern in the first place...
well one simple exam is dis few nitez...coz dis few nitez i cant realli slp well...but its not bcoz of exams...stunin rite...lol...surprisinly i keep tinkin abt my song n guitar...well...i haven get my guitar yet though...but i will get it soon...late next week but definitely by the end of the mth...i duno if i m being too ambious wit the guitar thingy a not...coz wat i hav in mine is to compose a tune for my song on my own...but hey...i m juz goin for a simple ez tune...but its not goin to b ez...since i m an instrument idiot...i mean i had nv being gd wit music instruments...so i hav to start from scratch wit the tunes...
another eg is nan hua...i mean strictly speakin watever happens to nan hua has nth to do wit mi...not at least directly...so strictly speakin i shldnt b gettin all worried over the kids...but dis is the part where we make a choice in life again...goin back is not bcoz it has anything to do wit mi...to mi i feel tt its a kind of responsibility i wld lik to take up...not bcoz of anything...onli bcoz i choose to...responsiblity of a senior(tt once again is not an obligation but a choice)...responsibility of a friend...responsibility of a student/disciple...the list juz goes on...coz all dis things is the things tt made u decide on wat u hav decided...n the reasons can b totally diff for ppl decidin on doin the same thing...
ok la...i tink i dun wan to continue on tt...i tink its gettin veri confusin...nvm...i will juz summarise...wat we do in life is all a choice...u mayb facin great stress...but its ur choice to stay true n happi...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
i hav been talkin dis "song" for a while now...for ppl interested to take a look at it(look coz the tune is not done yet...actually the lyrics needs fine tuning too...)i onli can say...u all hav to wait lor...but den again hor...i duno whether i shld post it...coz its composed for sumone special...now onli the 2 of us hav the lyrics to the song...sum of the SHIN guys hu hav saw it b4 surely hav forgotten how its lik by now...so ya lor...we will c how ba...its up to my choice...haha...but if u realli realli wan to take look den...talk to mi again ba...(not say its a master piece tt can compare to jay or hu ever la...but dere r still ppl hu might wan to take a look one...out of curiousity? haha...)
msg of the day:dun let fate decide for u...let choice b ur light....
well one simple exam is dis few nitez...coz dis few nitez i cant realli slp well...but its not bcoz of exams...stunin rite...lol...surprisinly i keep tinkin abt my song n guitar...well...i haven get my guitar yet though...but i will get it soon...late next week but definitely by the end of the mth...i duno if i m being too ambious wit the guitar thingy a not...coz wat i hav in mine is to compose a tune for my song on my own...but hey...i m juz goin for a simple ez tune...but its not goin to b ez...since i m an instrument idiot...i mean i had nv being gd wit music instruments...so i hav to start from scratch wit the tunes...
another eg is nan hua...i mean strictly speakin watever happens to nan hua has nth to do wit mi...not at least directly...so strictly speakin i shldnt b gettin all worried over the kids...but dis is the part where we make a choice in life again...goin back is not bcoz it has anything to do wit mi...to mi i feel tt its a kind of responsibility i wld lik to take up...not bcoz of anything...onli bcoz i choose to...responsiblity of a senior(tt once again is not an obligation but a choice)...responsibility of a friend...responsibility of a student/disciple...the list juz goes on...coz all dis things is the things tt made u decide on wat u hav decided...n the reasons can b totally diff for ppl decidin on doin the same thing...
ok la...i tink i dun wan to continue on tt...i tink its gettin veri confusin...nvm...i will juz summarise...wat we do in life is all a choice...u mayb facin great stress...but its ur choice to stay true n happi...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
i hav been talkin dis "song" for a while now...for ppl interested to take a look at it(look coz the tune is not done yet...actually the lyrics needs fine tuning too...)i onli can say...u all hav to wait lor...but den again hor...i duno whether i shld post it...coz its composed for sumone special...now onli the 2 of us hav the lyrics to the song...sum of the SHIN guys hu hav saw it b4 surely hav forgotten how its lik by now...so ya lor...we will c how ba...its up to my choice...haha...but if u realli realli wan to take look den...talk to mi again ba...(not say its a master piece tt can compare to jay or hu ever la...but dere r still ppl hu might wan to take a look one...out of curiousity? haha...)
msg of the day:dun let fate decide for u...let choice b ur light....
06 November 2005
chong dong
well...today is the usual sunday post...although i dun always post on sundays...but a lot of the recent entries r written on sundays...well...juz finish watchin 2002...well although its sort of an action film...it nv failed to add a bit of romance to it...well...i duno wat to say...i always get dis dampenin feelin everytime i watch romance...new age sensitive man? haha...duno...mayb...
anyways now typin in the dark...coz the bulb spoil...so cant study...i mean i cant study in dis rm...n any of the other rms since my mother n bro is slpin oredi...den livin rm my father watchin tv...kitchen leh...erm...its weird la...nvm la...i goin to slp early n wake up early to study...mayb after dis entry ba...as long as dere is nth left to do tt is...
well... juz now while typin dis...she sms mi...its a gd luck sms for my exams...i oso sms back to wish her gd luck n all dose la...well i do get sms from her from time to time...hav short chats durin her breaks...seriously...i haven realli said anything abt her in my blog b4...i dun even no if she got visit a not...but anyways...i always hold the stand tt i write i wan on my blog...n ppl hu reads it r close friends...so i dun realli mind...so if U r readin...i hope u dun mind...anyway...if u haven being readin n happen to come across dis...i nv reveal ur identity here b4...so ppl readin wun no...
anyways kind of missed her...o hu m i kiddin...kind of...haha...although i do catch a glimpse of her sumtimes when i go b to sch...but i onli dare to watch from far...nv dared to approach...aiya...its always lik tt one la...its lik either way i will lose her...does it realli mean we will stay the way we r forever...mayb it was juz fated to b dis way...
its such a joke man...dere is so muc things in dis world tt r totally unreasonable...yet i can accept dem...but i juz cant accept dis kind of things...ppl always say u juz haven meet ur rite one...i oso always say tt to ppl...but...y izzit nv the rite one...
yesterday nite...for the past week...i hav been tinkin abt the song tt i wrote for her...n i felt a rush to finish edittin the song dere n den...but o well...it cant b done...coz i m tied down by A lvl...n i oso haven get my guitar...but i oredi decided...i will get it ASAP...well i m pretty determine to do sum stuff after my A lvl...i dun wan to lose dis chance to do wat i realli wan...i dun wan to regret...i can regret abt anything but dis...U stand a veri impt position in my life...no matter wat is the outcome betw us...
i wan to take dis chance to thank u...b4 i fall into dispair again...if i ever do again...realli...coz u realli meant a lot to mi...i haven realli tell a lot ppl abt y i lik u...but after tt day i straighten things out wit my mother n bro...i feel the more tt i need to let u no dis...u realli hav been the most carin person i hav ever meet...u hav shown concern to mi den anyone hav ever did...u might ask wat abt my mother...yes i no she cares for mi...but o well...i m odd...i lik to c n hear it...but not juz no it...
u were able to relief mi from the loniness down in mi...care n concern has nv being anything lik dis...it is realli as if u r the angel sent to bring mi lite...n for once in my life...i felt realli motivated to do sth tt is rite...although tt motivation didnt last long due to uther disappointment...but realli it is oredi so muc so muc tt u hav done for mi...n takin into consideration the amt of time tt we realli took to no each other...its realli a miracle...a miracle i say...so doesnt tt giv mi enuff reason to say I Love U...if no...i cld support myself wit more evidence...but wats the pt...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
i realli hate it when ppl walk into my life n wants to exit the moment dey step in...i mean wats wrong wit mi tt u hav to do dis...did i do anything wrong to deserve dis at all...y muz it b lik tt...i m a person hu holds any kind of relationship dearly...so pls dun play ard wit my feelins...i no dis may sound gay or sissy or watever la...but i m ezly hurt...
in the past when i m hurt...i cld juz relieve myself by tearin...but it seems tt my tear glands hav stop functionin ever since duno when...emotions can onli b traped deep within...
argh...wat the crap...i duno y i m bloggin dis entry in the first place...
msg of the day:reality is always the last place i wan to b...
anyways now typin in the dark...coz the bulb spoil...so cant study...i mean i cant study in dis rm...n any of the other rms since my mother n bro is slpin oredi...den livin rm my father watchin tv...kitchen leh...erm...its weird la...nvm la...i goin to slp early n wake up early to study...mayb after dis entry ba...as long as dere is nth left to do tt is...
well... juz now while typin dis...she sms mi...its a gd luck sms for my exams...i oso sms back to wish her gd luck n all dose la...well i do get sms from her from time to time...hav short chats durin her breaks...seriously...i haven realli said anything abt her in my blog b4...i dun even no if she got visit a not...but anyways...i always hold the stand tt i write i wan on my blog...n ppl hu reads it r close friends...so i dun realli mind...so if U r readin...i hope u dun mind...anyway...if u haven being readin n happen to come across dis...i nv reveal ur identity here b4...so ppl readin wun no...
anyways kind of missed her...o hu m i kiddin...kind of...haha...although i do catch a glimpse of her sumtimes when i go b to sch...but i onli dare to watch from far...nv dared to approach...aiya...its always lik tt one la...its lik either way i will lose her...does it realli mean we will stay the way we r forever...mayb it was juz fated to b dis way...
its such a joke man...dere is so muc things in dis world tt r totally unreasonable...yet i can accept dem...but i juz cant accept dis kind of things...ppl always say u juz haven meet ur rite one...i oso always say tt to ppl...but...y izzit nv the rite one...
yesterday nite...for the past week...i hav been tinkin abt the song tt i wrote for her...n i felt a rush to finish edittin the song dere n den...but o well...it cant b done...coz i m tied down by A lvl...n i oso haven get my guitar...but i oredi decided...i will get it ASAP...well i m pretty determine to do sum stuff after my A lvl...i dun wan to lose dis chance to do wat i realli wan...i dun wan to regret...i can regret abt anything but dis...U stand a veri impt position in my life...no matter wat is the outcome betw us...
i wan to take dis chance to thank u...b4 i fall into dispair again...if i ever do again...realli...coz u realli meant a lot to mi...i haven realli tell a lot ppl abt y i lik u...but after tt day i straighten things out wit my mother n bro...i feel the more tt i need to let u no dis...u realli hav been the most carin person i hav ever meet...u hav shown concern to mi den anyone hav ever did...u might ask wat abt my mother...yes i no she cares for mi...but o well...i m odd...i lik to c n hear it...but not juz no it...
u were able to relief mi from the loniness down in mi...care n concern has nv being anything lik dis...it is realli as if u r the angel sent to bring mi lite...n for once in my life...i felt realli motivated to do sth tt is rite...although tt motivation didnt last long due to uther disappointment...but realli it is oredi so muc so muc tt u hav done for mi...n takin into consideration the amt of time tt we realli took to no each other...its realli a miracle...a miracle i say...so doesnt tt giv mi enuff reason to say I Love U...if no...i cld support myself wit more evidence...but wats the pt...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
i realli hate it when ppl walk into my life n wants to exit the moment dey step in...i mean wats wrong wit mi tt u hav to do dis...did i do anything wrong to deserve dis at all...y muz it b lik tt...i m a person hu holds any kind of relationship dearly...so pls dun play ard wit my feelins...i no dis may sound gay or sissy or watever la...but i m ezly hurt...
in the past when i m hurt...i cld juz relieve myself by tearin...but it seems tt my tear glands hav stop functionin ever since duno when...emotions can onli b traped deep within...
argh...wat the crap...i duno y i m bloggin dis entry in the first place...
msg of the day:reality is always the last place i wan to b...
29 October 2005
armagedon
Your #1 Match: ENFJ |
| The Giver You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed.Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections.Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down.You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine. You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist. |
Your #2 Match: ESFJ |
| The Caregiver You are sympathetic and caring, putting friends and family first.A creature of habit, you prefer routines and have trouble with change.You love being in groups - whether you're helping people or working on a project.You are good at listening, laughing, and bringing out the best in people. You would make a great nurse, social worker, or teacher. |
Your #3 Match: INFJ |
| The Protector You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them. You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher. |
Your #4 Match: ISFJ |
| The Nurturer You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal.A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways.In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music.You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for. You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist. |
Your #5 Match: ENFP |
| The Inspirer You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller! You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist. |
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
i exploded le...finally...after all dis time...wat will happen next...
msg of the day:fanstasy is happier den reality,so life is sad...
25 October 2005
how muc r u worth?
dis is a short test to c how muc u r worth...take the test n c how muc u r worth...hu noes...u might b more "worthed" den mi...haha...
I am worth $1,687,070 on HumanForSale.com
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24hrRu!
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msg of the day:
I am worth $1,687,070 on HumanForSale.com
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
msg of the day:
23 October 2005
finally i c reality...but izzit too late?
kk...its 12am...after dis i m goin to turn in n wake up to another day of muggin...zzz...today mug the whole day...wit a short gamin break of abt 1h...n durin certain times of the day watchin tv while i mug...not veri productive...haiz...juz dun hav enuff determination...wat to do...tml i tink i wan to try to b more discipline wit myself...mayb keep myself in my rm...dere no tv n com...onli radio n my hp...i tink tt amount of distraction wun b too muc ba...
well today marks the last day for my maths revision...but i still 16 topics haven cover...ok la...actually not a lot...since the tys break dem up into small parts...but still i failed my plan...not discipline enuff...once again...lets hope i can squeeze time from the other subj...i blive if i work harder the next 2 wks might b able to do tt...
i duno wat holds for mi in the future...dare not tink abt wat kind of grades i will recieve next year march...coz i myself "knowin" myself "well enuff" i duno how i will b goin to react if i get grades even lower den expectation...well i duno wat to say...but dis wkend realli let mi feel the press for time when my maths revision days r goin to b over...luckily i m left wit 2wks...i wldnt imagine how bad things wld b if i onli feel it at the end of dis 3 wks of study break...
now all i can do is to regret tt i haven been workin hard durin term time...i c reality...finally...i hope i m still in time...coz i dun wan to b late...i hate been late...haiz...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
well actually i didnt no wat to write for dis coloumn...but juz now when i ended the entry i ended it wit the comments on being late...it spark of a tot in mi...well ppl hu no mi well n goes out wit mi often...sure no i m a person hu is veri time consious...i m seldom late...even if i m late...i normally will still b the first to arrive...duno y...haha...but the thinng is i hate being late la...coz i dun lik ppl to wait for mi...but the weird thing is tt i dun mind waitin for ppl...haha...
mayb coz i can get to live the moment for tt short period...i mean u get to listen to ur fav songs on ur disc man...n watch as the world walk by...lookin at the ppl rushin thru deir hectic life...n at the clouds floatin thru the clear blue sky...tinkin abt things tt had happened b4...gd or bad...sounds veri touchy rite...well i guess it is kind of sedimental lik wat zhenyu wld say...if i tink of gd things...i nv fail to giv a smile to it...but if i tink of bad things...i hav nv been able to release from it...at least not emotionally...
the feelin is lik being locked in a world w/o sound & sight...today i watched one the epi of bleach...dere is dis captain tt can use bunkai tt puts his oppo in a world w/o sight sound n smell...a world of total darkness...total fear...well i kinda feel lik tt at veri bad times...
well i shant continue on the feelin part...anyway being late sumtimes will coz u to regret...yet u cldnt do anything to change it in the first place...since u dun even no u r late for it...until u r oredi too late...den will u realise...u might tink wat the hell m i tokin abt...well...i m tokin abt fate...well i duno m i tinkin too muc or wat la...i seriously tink tt i m always late in fate...up till now at least...n bcoz of dis...i hav a lot of regrets...regrets tt not a simple sori or pai seh will do...coz nth will change the fact tt u r being late in fate...onli regrettin is left...
msg of the day:if onli i didnt hesitate to take the first step back den...
...den mayb things wldnt b the way dey r now.
well today marks the last day for my maths revision...but i still 16 topics haven cover...ok la...actually not a lot...since the tys break dem up into small parts...but still i failed my plan...not discipline enuff...once again...lets hope i can squeeze time from the other subj...i blive if i work harder the next 2 wks might b able to do tt...
i duno wat holds for mi in the future...dare not tink abt wat kind of grades i will recieve next year march...coz i myself "knowin" myself "well enuff" i duno how i will b goin to react if i get grades even lower den expectation...well i duno wat to say...but dis wkend realli let mi feel the press for time when my maths revision days r goin to b over...luckily i m left wit 2wks...i wldnt imagine how bad things wld b if i onli feel it at the end of dis 3 wks of study break...
now all i can do is to regret tt i haven been workin hard durin term time...i c reality...finally...i hope i m still in time...coz i dun wan to b late...i hate been late...haiz...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
well actually i didnt no wat to write for dis coloumn...but juz now when i ended the entry i ended it wit the comments on being late...it spark of a tot in mi...well ppl hu no mi well n goes out wit mi often...sure no i m a person hu is veri time consious...i m seldom late...even if i m late...i normally will still b the first to arrive...duno y...haha...but the thinng is i hate being late la...coz i dun lik ppl to wait for mi...but the weird thing is tt i dun mind waitin for ppl...haha...
mayb coz i can get to live the moment for tt short period...i mean u get to listen to ur fav songs on ur disc man...n watch as the world walk by...lookin at the ppl rushin thru deir hectic life...n at the clouds floatin thru the clear blue sky...tinkin abt things tt had happened b4...gd or bad...sounds veri touchy rite...well i guess it is kind of sedimental lik wat zhenyu wld say...if i tink of gd things...i nv fail to giv a smile to it...but if i tink of bad things...i hav nv been able to release from it...at least not emotionally...
the feelin is lik being locked in a world w/o sound & sight...today i watched one the epi of bleach...dere is dis captain tt can use bunkai tt puts his oppo in a world w/o sight sound n smell...a world of total darkness...total fear...well i kinda feel lik tt at veri bad times...
well i shant continue on the feelin part...anyway being late sumtimes will coz u to regret...yet u cldnt do anything to change it in the first place...since u dun even no u r late for it...until u r oredi too late...den will u realise...u might tink wat the hell m i tokin abt...well...i m tokin abt fate...well i duno m i tinkin too muc or wat la...i seriously tink tt i m always late in fate...up till now at least...n bcoz of dis...i hav a lot of regrets...regrets tt not a simple sori or pai seh will do...coz nth will change the fact tt u r being late in fate...onli regrettin is left...
msg of the day:if onli i didnt hesitate to take the first step back den...
...den mayb things wldnt b the way dey r now.
17 October 2005
juz a dream?
well...i juz woke up...hav been slpin for almost 9h liao...but still veri tired...duno y...i tink mayb coz of the tt veri veri long dream i had...weird thing is i still remember most of it...the dream stirs up a lot of feelins...tts y i decided to blog it...so c if u guys can giv mi any view on it...
ok...the front part of the dream was crap la...so i dun wan to bother to tok abt it...at the end dis male character chasin after a female character...for ur info...i cant realli figure out the identity of dis 2 characters...apparently...the female character is leavin the place...apparently its not singapore...so she is goin back to singapore...so the guy tired to chase after her...but was caught by sum other man...n locked up...by the time he escaped...the gal had been long gone...
but he still haven giv up on chasin...so he decided to go back to singapore to look for the gal...all along i was lookin at the whole scene as a third person...lik u c it as a movie...but from dis pt on... i "bcome" the guy...weird huh...haha...coz i escaped...so i had no shoes...so i hav to walk bare footed...painful sia... sum how can feel it...den sumhow i managed to get but to singapore...
den i arrived at dis flat...wich i dun remember comin b4...so i went up to the seventh floor...den i stand outside of the door...duno wat to do...(hu is in the house?)i decided not to do anything...n left...mayb this house is the house of sumone impt...n i will get to no in the future...hu noes tt person might b tt new YOUNG friend of mine...haha...anyways after i left...i went to her house...left a letter under the door...but sumone caught my hand from inside...so i quickly withdraw my hand n fled the scene...
well the dream cld hav continued...if not for my neighbours kids...woke mi up...the dreams seem a bit bits n pieces here n dere...i duno abt u guys...but to mi...if i can remember a dream to such extend...i feel tt dere muz b sum meanin to it...but o well...i cant figure it out...so wat abt u guys...
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24hrRu!
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msg of the day:is dis fate or trickery...
ok...the front part of the dream was crap la...so i dun wan to bother to tok abt it...at the end dis male character chasin after a female character...for ur info...i cant realli figure out the identity of dis 2 characters...apparently...the female character is leavin the place...apparently its not singapore...so she is goin back to singapore...so the guy tired to chase after her...but was caught by sum other man...n locked up...by the time he escaped...the gal had been long gone...
but he still haven giv up on chasin...so he decided to go back to singapore to look for the gal...all along i was lookin at the whole scene as a third person...lik u c it as a movie...but from dis pt on... i "bcome" the guy...weird huh...haha...coz i escaped...so i had no shoes...so i hav to walk bare footed...painful sia... sum how can feel it...den sumhow i managed to get but to singapore...
den i arrived at dis flat...wich i dun remember comin b4...so i went up to the seventh floor...den i stand outside of the door...duno wat to do...(hu is in the house?)i decided not to do anything...n left...mayb this house is the house of sumone impt...n i will get to no in the future...hu noes tt person might b tt new YOUNG friend of mine...haha...anyways after i left...i went to her house...left a letter under the door...but sumone caught my hand from inside...so i quickly withdraw my hand n fled the scene...
well the dream cld hav continued...if not for my neighbours kids...woke mi up...the dreams seem a bit bits n pieces here n dere...i duno abt u guys...but to mi...if i can remember a dream to such extend...i feel tt dere muz b sum meanin to it...but o well...i cant figure it out...so wat abt u guys...
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24hrRu!
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msg of the day:is dis fate or trickery...
03 October 2005
sianz
well...the time now is 1215am...suppose to b goin to bed liao...but after juz now blog at nhds...got a bit of tots flowin...plus...juz now after twin effect i came online to find nobody to tok to...quite disappointed although it made mi turn to my hw...so in a way its a gd thing la...so ya lor...
erm anyway...a lvl comin liao...wa...stress...prelim didnt do well...i seriously duno wat will happen to my grades after dis 1 mth or so...veri scared...but i m still not workin hard enuff...mayb i m juz not cut out for theory la...well i m a more hands on person...but seriously its not my choice to b jc either...i mean poly is hands on...but nth i realli lik...so no pt goin dere either...tt day heard sum of my friends tokin abt psychology in uni...in addition to the fact tt a lot ppl r "interested" in it...coz dey find it interestin n tink tt its the kind of course for dem...a lot of ppl r goin dere too coz the requirements r oso quite ezly met...to my best knowledge...u onli need a maths pass n 45 marks to quite safely secure a place dere...but wit all the competition...mayb 60 oso cant...sianz...
but o well...tts the future...i dare not tink so far...lookin at the present is scary enuff...now i onli can hope tt sumone has the key tt can start my engine again...izzit her? i mean she did start it once...once...haiz...
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24hrRu!
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well seriously i m veri fascinated by myself...juz now while i was doin hw...i cld listen to my fav tune...wich is wat is playin on the blog...sing to it...n at the same time reflect n tink abt the happenins tt happen to strike my mind...sum memories can b sweet...sum can b sad...n now it is makin mi feel empty n lonely...
i m always dere for others...but nv m i dere for myself...well i guess all humans r lik tt...sumtimes i realli need sumone to realli come n tok to mi n show sum concern...but i guess its hard...duno y...but juz hard...not sayin tt ppl ard mi dun show mi concern...but juz tt it juz doesnt fill up my emptiness...mayb i m too used to dis ppl concernin...tt i no longer "crave" for such concern...as for ppl hu suddenly show concern i might get wary...tinkin tt sth might b fishy...but ppl complainin is juz complainin...no need to specially come n show concern...coz it wld b diff...n in a way... it might not hav the effect i need...but anyway 10z in advance...i no dere r ppl out dere hu still cares...
well all i can say is i m not ezly satisfied emotionally...tts y i keep seekin emotionally relieve aves...but dey r so limited...n sadly bcoz of a lvl i hav shut out sum of the aves...haiz...if onli i cld find new aves...if onli...
msg of the day:time nv stops,tts y i hate it...
erm anyway...a lvl comin liao...wa...stress...prelim didnt do well...i seriously duno wat will happen to my grades after dis 1 mth or so...veri scared...but i m still not workin hard enuff...mayb i m juz not cut out for theory la...well i m a more hands on person...but seriously its not my choice to b jc either...i mean poly is hands on...but nth i realli lik...so no pt goin dere either...tt day heard sum of my friends tokin abt psychology in uni...in addition to the fact tt a lot ppl r "interested" in it...coz dey find it interestin n tink tt its the kind of course for dem...a lot of ppl r goin dere too coz the requirements r oso quite ezly met...to my best knowledge...u onli need a maths pass n 45 marks to quite safely secure a place dere...but wit all the competition...mayb 60 oso cant...sianz...
but o well...tts the future...i dare not tink so far...lookin at the present is scary enuff...now i onli can hope tt sumone has the key tt can start my engine again...izzit her? i mean she did start it once...once...haiz...
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24hrRu!
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well seriously i m veri fascinated by myself...juz now while i was doin hw...i cld listen to my fav tune...wich is wat is playin on the blog...sing to it...n at the same time reflect n tink abt the happenins tt happen to strike my mind...sum memories can b sweet...sum can b sad...n now it is makin mi feel empty n lonely...
i m always dere for others...but nv m i dere for myself...well i guess all humans r lik tt...sumtimes i realli need sumone to realli come n tok to mi n show sum concern...but i guess its hard...duno y...but juz hard...not sayin tt ppl ard mi dun show mi concern...but juz tt it juz doesnt fill up my emptiness...mayb i m too used to dis ppl concernin...tt i no longer "crave" for such concern...as for ppl hu suddenly show concern i might get wary...tinkin tt sth might b fishy...but ppl complainin is juz complainin...no need to specially come n show concern...coz it wld b diff...n in a way... it might not hav the effect i need...but anyway 10z in advance...i no dere r ppl out dere hu still cares...
well all i can say is i m not ezly satisfied emotionally...tts y i keep seekin emotionally relieve aves...but dey r so limited...n sadly bcoz of a lvl i hav shut out sum of the aves...haiz...if onli i cld find new aves...if onli...
msg of the day:time nv stops,tts y i hate it...
21 September 2005
Guilty Gear X personality test
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24hrRu!
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msg of the day: I know well what I am fleeing from but not what I am in search of
19 September 2005
明年今日
although i change song to there with you liao...but i still lik dis one better...dis one is a song called 明年今日 by eason...nice song...but in canto...but heres the lyrics translated to chinese...
PS its diff from the chinese version...onli the tune same...so enjoy...=)
若这一束吊灯倾泻下来 或者我 已不会存在
即使你不爱 亦不需要分开
若这一刻我竟严重痴呆 跟本不需要被爱
永远在床上发梦 余生都不会再悲哀
#人总需要勇敢生存 我还是重新许愿
例如学会 承受失恋
明年今日 别要再失眠 床褥都改变 如果有幸会面
或在同伴新婚的盛宴 惶惑地等待你出现
明年今日 未见你一年 谁舍得改变 离开你六十年
但愿能认得出你的子女 临别亦听得到你讲再见
Repeat #
在有生的瞬间能遇到你 竟花光所有运气
到这日才发现 曾呼吸过空气
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24hrRu!
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msg of the day:默默等待你的出现
PS its diff from the chinese version...onli the tune same...so enjoy...=)
若这一束吊灯倾泻下来 或者我 已不会存在
即使你不爱 亦不需要分开
若这一刻我竟严重痴呆 跟本不需要被爱
永远在床上发梦 余生都不会再悲哀
#人总需要勇敢生存 我还是重新许愿
例如学会 承受失恋
明年今日 别要再失眠 床褥都改变 如果有幸会面
或在同伴新婚的盛宴 惶惑地等待你出现
明年今日 未见你一年 谁舍得改变 离开你六十年
但愿能认得出你的子女 临别亦听得到你讲再见
Repeat #
在有生的瞬间能遇到你 竟花光所有运气
到这日才发现 曾呼吸过空气
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24hrRu!
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msg of the day:默默等待你的出现
13 September 2005
There with you
here's a song by sly featured in shooting stars...i lik the song although i m not a sly fan...it juz catches mi the first time i hear it...the lyrics may wrong...coz is sumone hear liao write one...so tell mi if u no the actually lyrics...or u figured out any wrong words...
all this time while you're with me
i've been in the dark
didn't think for life of me
you won't do me wrong
we had it all
but you chose not to know
you'll always knew my heart was wrong
now we know i'm not who you want
i should let you go
i love you with your disguise
you've proven that love is blind
there are no answers i find
to stop the tears from my eyes
now everything looks black and white
you've taken away clear blue skies
thought it is time to go
i know my heart has always been
and it'll be there with you
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24hrRu!
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msg of the day:i love you with your disguise, you've proven my love is blind...
all this time while you're with me
i've been in the dark
didn't think for life of me
you won't do me wrong
we had it all
but you chose not to know
you'll always knew my heart was wrong
now we know i'm not who you want
i should let you go
i love you with your disguise
you've proven that love is blind
there are no answers i find
to stop the tears from my eyes
now everything looks black and white
you've taken away clear blue skies
thought it is time to go
i know my heart has always been
and it'll be there with you
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
msg of the day:i love you with your disguise, you've proven my love is blind...
04 September 2005
gd things nv last,bad things come n come again...
ppl always say gd things nv last, sum say bad things come n come again...well i kinda hav to agree wit it...in the previous entries i had been given veri bright inspiration n stuff lik tt...but i guess all dis motivation tt i giv others isnt recieved by myself...even if it was...i guess it didnt stay...
left 7 days to prelim le...n yet today i had done nth...i duno wat has gotten into mi...m i juz plain lazy or is dere more to it...life is so difficult...i longer hav tt sense of direction i use to follow...my sixth sense abt things r diluted...the possiblity of dem comin true is gettin lesser n lesser...sumtimes i realli feel lik givin up on lookin for the answer n juz rot myself away...
but is dis it...m i suppose to juz giv up on myself now...or izzit my time is almost over...life force slowin drainin away...first my energy...den my memory...den slowin vanish into thin air...it might happen...hu noes...feelin helpless...feelin tt i need a rest...realli rest...but wat is the shity thing is tt i cant even sit for one sec not tinkin abt the bloody a lvl comin up...
life is so hard in sg...its so stressful...i dun lik it...but i dont hav a say in it...do i...argh...spare the crap la...its no use...i m juz tryin to avoid things...
haiz...sumtimes i hope miracles realli happened...but most of all its now...as most of u all shld no by now...it takes more den persuadin to convince mi to do sth...especially if its sth tt i resist...onli logic n inspiration can do the trick...all along i had been dependin on friends teachers n family to giv mi tt...but it seems tt i had gotten too used to it oredi...now i kinda not affected by "low lvl" persuadin...so rather a tough nut to crack...suan le ba...its no use sittin n waitin...though i realli hope sum angel get it into tt thick skull of mine...
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24hrRu!
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i realised i realli hav a prob expressin myself especially recently...i mean lik when i m dam sad...sumtimes i feel lik cryin...but den its lik juz blocked up...nth comin out...veri cham...tormentin sia...haiz...
the other time... i was bloody pissed wit the ginas...zhenyu shld no best abt the atmosphere back den...wao lao...oredi pissed enuff liao...den i recieved a bloody saddenin msg...wa...i tell u huh...its lik fallin into a btmless pit sia...wan to cry cant cry...wan to shout cant shout...veri helpless at tt pt of time...wa...sianz ar...
den now...got a lot of emotions welled up in mi...wan to express out oso cant...wanted to write a song out of it...but nth seems to come out...but dun write lik cant leh...veri sianz lor...btw in case u ppl r wonderin abt the song part...yes i do compose songs...but mostly not publish...coz dey r mostly veri private...haha...anyway cant write songs...so i wrote poems...but seriously i feel tt dey lack content n feel la...no value one...juz crap...argh...giv mi back my inspiration...later even gp oso cant write i die ar...
msg of the day:dun hide ur emotions, it will juz well up...one day it will b totally blocked...
left 7 days to prelim le...n yet today i had done nth...i duno wat has gotten into mi...m i juz plain lazy or is dere more to it...life is so difficult...i longer hav tt sense of direction i use to follow...my sixth sense abt things r diluted...the possiblity of dem comin true is gettin lesser n lesser...sumtimes i realli feel lik givin up on lookin for the answer n juz rot myself away...
but is dis it...m i suppose to juz giv up on myself now...or izzit my time is almost over...life force slowin drainin away...first my energy...den my memory...den slowin vanish into thin air...it might happen...hu noes...feelin helpless...feelin tt i need a rest...realli rest...but wat is the shity thing is tt i cant even sit for one sec not tinkin abt the bloody a lvl comin up...
life is so hard in sg...its so stressful...i dun lik it...but i dont hav a say in it...do i...argh...spare the crap la...its no use...i m juz tryin to avoid things...
haiz...sumtimes i hope miracles realli happened...but most of all its now...as most of u all shld no by now...it takes more den persuadin to convince mi to do sth...especially if its sth tt i resist...onli logic n inspiration can do the trick...all along i had been dependin on friends teachers n family to giv mi tt...but it seems tt i had gotten too used to it oredi...now i kinda not affected by "low lvl" persuadin...so rather a tough nut to crack...suan le ba...its no use sittin n waitin...though i realli hope sum angel get it into tt thick skull of mine...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
i realised i realli hav a prob expressin myself especially recently...i mean lik when i m dam sad...sumtimes i feel lik cryin...but den its lik juz blocked up...nth comin out...veri cham...tormentin sia...haiz...
the other time... i was bloody pissed wit the ginas...zhenyu shld no best abt the atmosphere back den...wao lao...oredi pissed enuff liao...den i recieved a bloody saddenin msg...wa...i tell u huh...its lik fallin into a btmless pit sia...wan to cry cant cry...wan to shout cant shout...veri helpless at tt pt of time...wa...sianz ar...
den now...got a lot of emotions welled up in mi...wan to express out oso cant...wanted to write a song out of it...but nth seems to come out...but dun write lik cant leh...veri sianz lor...btw in case u ppl r wonderin abt the song part...yes i do compose songs...but mostly not publish...coz dey r mostly veri private...haha...anyway cant write songs...so i wrote poems...but seriously i feel tt dey lack content n feel la...no value one...juz crap...argh...giv mi back my inspiration...later even gp oso cant write i die ar...
msg of the day:dun hide ur emotions, it will juz well up...one day it will b totally blocked...
01 September 2005
meanin of life
today went out wit zhenyu dey all...had a great chat...woo...was tt destressin or wat...haha...nice i muz say...
mao asked abt meanin of life in the conversation...den i triggered sum tots in mi...well...lik i explained to mao my perspective...meanin of life is sth tt onli can b discovered by urself...noone can define it for u...coz tt definition tt is given to u is probably tt persons meanin of life...n to mi i feel tt meanin of life of diff ppl r diff...in fact i feel tt dey might b unique...coz everyone hav a unique exp of in deir life wat...if u generally define ur meanin of life mayb u will find sumone wit a common meanin la...but i feel tt dere will still b sum diff...
for mi ponderin abt meanin of life is not the onli qn...i oso hav to ponder abt y was i given a second chance back den...anyway b4 u read on...dis para will b abit of the dark tinkin...so if u dun wan to b influence to tink dis way...skip dis para...anyway as i was sayin...if u ppl still remember...i almost died in an accident back in sec 1...well i had mi tinkin y was i given another chance to live...after muc tot...i felt tt mayb its coz i haven fufil my purpose/meanin of life...tts y i muz complete first b4 i m allowed to leave...well hu noes sum day i might die after the instance it is fufil...coz my second chance has expired at the moment its fufilled...or even sadder if i m takin too long den death is gettin impatient n takes away my privillege of my second chance...hu noes...life is so unpredictable...
but wat ever is ur meanin of life...at dis pt of time...i hav a theory tt i tot of myself...mayb it might help u tink abt ur meanin of life...or help u find or fufil ur meanin of life...tt is fate is decided by destiny...n destiny is decided by u...so u hav the ability to decide n change wat will happen to u...so bottomline is...fate is in ur hands...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
a lot of ppl r turnin deir blogs into a story writin tool...well i might wan to giv it a shot sum day...but for now i dun tink so...coz its rather drainin...i guess zhongyi will agree wit mi...
anyway juz sth to encourage ppl out dere still fightin the battle wit watever tt is u r facin...
when u r weary from the fight,
n a step back will bring blight.
take a look left n right,
ur friends will take u thru the plight.
wit ur target in ur sight,
together we will c the light.
not veri gd...but at least tink it might at least giv u sum drive ba...i hope...anyway i tempted to play ard wit the words...so tt all the words at the back rhyme yet still make sense...haha...
msg of the day:fate is in ur hands
mao asked abt meanin of life in the conversation...den i triggered sum tots in mi...well...lik i explained to mao my perspective...meanin of life is sth tt onli can b discovered by urself...noone can define it for u...coz tt definition tt is given to u is probably tt persons meanin of life...n to mi i feel tt meanin of life of diff ppl r diff...in fact i feel tt dey might b unique...coz everyone hav a unique exp of in deir life wat...if u generally define ur meanin of life mayb u will find sumone wit a common meanin la...but i feel tt dere will still b sum diff...
for mi ponderin abt meanin of life is not the onli qn...i oso hav to ponder abt y was i given a second chance back den...anyway b4 u read on...dis para will b abit of the dark tinkin...so if u dun wan to b influence to tink dis way...skip dis para...anyway as i was sayin...if u ppl still remember...i almost died in an accident back in sec 1...well i had mi tinkin y was i given another chance to live...after muc tot...i felt tt mayb its coz i haven fufil my purpose/meanin of life...tts y i muz complete first b4 i m allowed to leave...well hu noes sum day i might die after the instance it is fufil...coz my second chance has expired at the moment its fufilled...or even sadder if i m takin too long den death is gettin impatient n takes away my privillege of my second chance...hu noes...life is so unpredictable...
but wat ever is ur meanin of life...at dis pt of time...i hav a theory tt i tot of myself...mayb it might help u tink abt ur meanin of life...or help u find or fufil ur meanin of life...tt is fate is decided by destiny...n destiny is decided by u...so u hav the ability to decide n change wat will happen to u...so bottomline is...fate is in ur hands...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
a lot of ppl r turnin deir blogs into a story writin tool...well i might wan to giv it a shot sum day...but for now i dun tink so...coz its rather drainin...i guess zhongyi will agree wit mi...
anyway juz sth to encourage ppl out dere still fightin the battle wit watever tt is u r facin...
when u r weary from the fight,
n a step back will bring blight.
take a look left n right,
ur friends will take u thru the plight.
wit ur target in ur sight,
together we will c the light.
not veri gd...but at least tink it might at least giv u sum drive ba...i hope...anyway i tempted to play ard wit the words...so tt all the words at the back rhyme yet still make sense...haha...
msg of the day:fate is in ur hands
14 August 2005
if u care...
will i didnt intend to blog today...until i saw dis show wich i came across while switchin channels...i was so lucky tt i hav got to watch it...mani factors tt prevented mi from doin other stuff at tt time...so i guess i was fated to watch the show...so much said...y did i say until lik dis is a blockbuster or sum award winnin show...its non...n i tink its juz sum cheap film channel u picked up....
the eng name of dis chi show is if u care...its abt eason being a nasty guy...doin all the bad things...but he met wit an accident...den he got a gift of being able to understand others feelins wit the touch of the hand...he was saved by gillian from twins...hu happens to b his childhood friend...
basically gillian lik eason from young...n durin the show she posed as a veri inspirin character...even to characters in the show as well...i hav to praise the script writer for givin gillian her brillant lines...one of wich will b the msg of the day...anyway eason used to b veri nice kid hu is the "hero" everytime...tts y gillian likes him...but now being successful n rich...he is caught up wit a materialistic life...n thus bcome nasty...
its bcoz of dis accident he started to help ppl...but continued to do nasty things...as he didnt learn from the gift...until he was finally enlightened by the things tt gillian hav been sayin to him...den he decided to put down the project tt he stole from 2 companies wich worth a lot of money n went to help a collegue tt he hated a lot...den after helpin her...he realise tt gillian was the impt one...not money...so he went to chase after gillian hu is now headin for the airport...along the way...he didnt forget to stop to help the ppl in need along the way...in the end he fell down...
u ppl muz hav tot he surely got to the airport anyway...no...he fell n heard tt a nearby buildin caught fire...so he decided to go n help instead...if dis wasnt a movie...den gillian wld hav gone...but she manage to c him on the news...so she went to look for him...n dere u got ur happi endin...
ok after readin abt the movie...wat is so great abt the movie...patients...read on to find out...
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24hrRu!
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well basically i had a few learnin pts tt i learned from dis movie...
first...the part abt eason turnin into a bad guy from a "hero" in gillians heart...well basically he was too caught up by the wants of humans...u cant deny tt u r not tied down by dis wants...if not u wun b sittin here readin my crap...u wld b sumwhere else doin sth more meaninful...n mayb u might hav donated all ur mp3 computer branded shoes wallet blah blah blah...to benefit dose in the 3rd world country...but dun wori i m not blamin u for being lik tt...coz i m too...
but the pt is we r all too tied down by our wants tt we no longer c wat was our dream...we r all too stressed out by our life tt we move lik zombies...complainin abt how f up it can b...but slow down ur pace n tink for a while...we can take things wit a light hearted mind n take the positive path down our life...b it A lvl or relationship strains...juz take a step back...n take a look at ur target again...dun let wat u wan now blur ur aim...draw ur arrow n head for the bulleyes...
recently...i hav been so paranoid abt everything...tt i hav lost my old self...i bcome everything else but mi...but i was awaken when i saw eason in contrast wit his young self...i saw my shadows...now i realise watever i do i muz nv lose a grip of myself...now i muz redefine my goals of life...i m now alive not coz i hav debt to pay...but coz i hav things to contribute...
sum readin may tink tt yeah yeah...tok cok onli la...say until lik so ez...ya i no its not ez...i oso tink its a diff task too...tt brings us to the next pt...前方是绝路，希望在转角。life mayb diff but dere is always a way out of everything...all the tok abt faith fate destiny n the list goes on isnt for chitchat onli...its sth tt we can use to get a better more confident footin in life...as long as u blive...blivin is veri impt...u blive dere is a way dere will b a way...if u dun...den u can forget abt being successful...
for dose still feel tt u r not prepared for the up comin challenege...b it O or A lvl...juz giv urself a chance n giv it a shot...make sure tt u hav no regrets...even at the end...u dun reap wat u sow...at least u hav no regrets...n still can move on strongly...remember the things tt value most in ur life...let it b ur motivation in life...in the case of the movie...gillian treated eason as her motivation...as she saw him as a hero...wich served her well in her occupation of being a firewoman...
so wat has happened in the past doesnt realli matter anymore...it is wat u do abt it now tt matters the most...coz it will determine wat u get in the future...i no dis is wat teachers n parents hav been tryin to drill into us all along...but realli...until u r enlightened by URSELF...u will nv c wats the meanin bhind it...so wat i urge all of my readers to do is to juz do a bit of reflection on wat u hav done n wat u hav doin...last but not least wat u shld do now...take things one at a time...dun rush it...
life MAY not b long...but it ISNT short either...so y live a thousand years old crap when u can live half a century of miralces...no matter hu u r...wat u r doin...b it in ur cca studies relationship...remember...dun lose a grip of urself n ur life...take a step back n to take a better aim...n charge towards ur goal...leavin regrets grief anger everything bhind...dun let dem catch up...for ur miraculousfate awaits u at the finishin line...
PS to all...gd luck wit watever u r doin...n hope dis entry hav been proved to b a motivatin one...pls do leave ur encouragements n comments in the tag board... take care n jia you =)
信爱望（忘）弃：坚持信念，抱握真爱，相信希望，决不放弃
msg of the day:前方是绝路，希望在转角。
the eng name of dis chi show is if u care...its abt eason being a nasty guy...doin all the bad things...but he met wit an accident...den he got a gift of being able to understand others feelins wit the touch of the hand...he was saved by gillian from twins...hu happens to b his childhood friend...
basically gillian lik eason from young...n durin the show she posed as a veri inspirin character...even to characters in the show as well...i hav to praise the script writer for givin gillian her brillant lines...one of wich will b the msg of the day...anyway eason used to b veri nice kid hu is the "hero" everytime...tts y gillian likes him...but now being successful n rich...he is caught up wit a materialistic life...n thus bcome nasty...
its bcoz of dis accident he started to help ppl...but continued to do nasty things...as he didnt learn from the gift...until he was finally enlightened by the things tt gillian hav been sayin to him...den he decided to put down the project tt he stole from 2 companies wich worth a lot of money n went to help a collegue tt he hated a lot...den after helpin her...he realise tt gillian was the impt one...not money...so he went to chase after gillian hu is now headin for the airport...along the way...he didnt forget to stop to help the ppl in need along the way...in the end he fell down...
u ppl muz hav tot he surely got to the airport anyway...no...he fell n heard tt a nearby buildin caught fire...so he decided to go n help instead...if dis wasnt a movie...den gillian wld hav gone...but she manage to c him on the news...so she went to look for him...n dere u got ur happi endin...
ok after readin abt the movie...wat is so great abt the movie...patients...read on to find out...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
well basically i had a few learnin pts tt i learned from dis movie...
first...the part abt eason turnin into a bad guy from a "hero" in gillians heart...well basically he was too caught up by the wants of humans...u cant deny tt u r not tied down by dis wants...if not u wun b sittin here readin my crap...u wld b sumwhere else doin sth more meaninful...n mayb u might hav donated all ur mp3 computer branded shoes wallet blah blah blah...to benefit dose in the 3rd world country...but dun wori i m not blamin u for being lik tt...coz i m too...
but the pt is we r all too tied down by our wants tt we no longer c wat was our dream...we r all too stressed out by our life tt we move lik zombies...complainin abt how f up it can b...but slow down ur pace n tink for a while...we can take things wit a light hearted mind n take the positive path down our life...b it A lvl or relationship strains...juz take a step back...n take a look at ur target again...dun let wat u wan now blur ur aim...draw ur arrow n head for the bulleyes...
recently...i hav been so paranoid abt everything...tt i hav lost my old self...i bcome everything else but mi...but i was awaken when i saw eason in contrast wit his young self...i saw my shadows...now i realise watever i do i muz nv lose a grip of myself...now i muz redefine my goals of life...i m now alive not coz i hav debt to pay...but coz i hav things to contribute...
sum readin may tink tt yeah yeah...tok cok onli la...say until lik so ez...ya i no its not ez...i oso tink its a diff task too...tt brings us to the next pt...前方是绝路，希望在转角。life mayb diff but dere is always a way out of everything...all the tok abt faith fate destiny n the list goes on isnt for chitchat onli...its sth tt we can use to get a better more confident footin in life...as long as u blive...blivin is veri impt...u blive dere is a way dere will b a way...if u dun...den u can forget abt being successful...
for dose still feel tt u r not prepared for the up comin challenege...b it O or A lvl...juz giv urself a chance n giv it a shot...make sure tt u hav no regrets...even at the end...u dun reap wat u sow...at least u hav no regrets...n still can move on strongly...remember the things tt value most in ur life...let it b ur motivation in life...in the case of the movie...gillian treated eason as her motivation...as she saw him as a hero...wich served her well in her occupation of being a firewoman...
so wat has happened in the past doesnt realli matter anymore...it is wat u do abt it now tt matters the most...coz it will determine wat u get in the future...i no dis is wat teachers n parents hav been tryin to drill into us all along...but realli...until u r enlightened by URSELF...u will nv c wats the meanin bhind it...so wat i urge all of my readers to do is to juz do a bit of reflection on wat u hav done n wat u hav doin...last but not least wat u shld do now...take things one at a time...dun rush it...
life MAY not b long...but it ISNT short either...so y live a thousand years old crap when u can live half a century of miralces...no matter hu u r...wat u r doin...b it in ur cca studies relationship...remember...dun lose a grip of urself n ur life...take a step back n to take a better aim...n charge towards ur goal...leavin regrets grief anger everything bhind...dun let dem catch up...for ur miraculousfate awaits u at the finishin line...
PS to all...gd luck wit watever u r doin...n hope dis entry hav been proved to b a motivatin one...pls do leave ur encouragements n comments in the tag board... take care n jia you =)
信爱望（忘）弃：坚持信念，抱握真爱，相信希望，决不放弃
msg of the day:前方是绝路，希望在转角。
09 August 2005
sinkin
well...as the title has suggested...i m sinkin...in wat sense? well in mani areas if u ask mi...lets take things one at a time...
well back at home...i m basically less n less approachable if u no wat i mean...duno wat has gotten into mi....but juz dun feel lik being disturb...u no wats the worse part...tts i feel dis way when i m not doin anything at all...it realli sux...i mean bhaving lik tt...i mean lik i no its wrong n not nice...yet sub consiously...i m doin it...wats bcomin of mi man...haiz...
den sch work...well i practically wasted the whole long weekend...now i hav onli tml left to redeem myself...even if i m super hard workin tml...i dun tink its enuff...coz wat can i do in one compared to wat i cld hav done in 4 days...haiz...i realli hav to wake myself up man...in abt 1 mths time its prelims...n i no better den anyone else tt if i screw it up again...i will hav a hard time standin back up again...i no myself well enuff...sumtimes i tend to wan to perform...to prove to sth...but to myself not to others...well mayb my standard i set for myself is too high sumtimes...duno...
my social skills...well basically it refers to things lik conversational skills...influence...leadership...blah blah blah...well i guess i my rather concerned wit dis...as compared to other ppl la...i mean lik dis is practically the onli thing i m gd at...no boastin...but even if its boastin i onli hav dis one trump to boast abt...summore dis kind of things is my area of interest as well...ppl ask mi wat i wan to do next time...isnt it veri obvious if no wat i hav been doin...isnt early prac gd for ur future...well tts provided if i can push forward to the next stage of life wit my regrets...
my emotions...well...for dose hu hav been hangin out wit mi...u shld no how its been...more or less ba...but seriously...i tink its quite bad...its fluctuatin too muc...its oredi interferin wit my tinkin process...tots can juz intercept my work all of a sudden juz bcoz i hear or see sth tt i can relate to...wich in dis case...i keep tinkin abt her...i no i did say i will try to let things settle...leave things bhind at least until A lvl is over...but wat can i do if i cant keep her out of my head for juz dis few mths...seriously i feel as though i my sum sort of drug addict...but in a diff sense...its as if i hav to hav a "dose of her"(tink abt her) everyday in order to go on wit my daily life...if onli dere was any instant method to coz memory loss...
well...tts abt all tt i can tink of...so now do u understand wat i mean by sinkin liao rite...i always say i will b fine...i will get better...n i no i can...but doesnt seem to hav any progress...mayb my methods hav been vaccinated...my body no longer fall to such futile attacks...mayb i dun even no wat is wrong from the start...juz tryin to smoke myself into blivin in myself...den if tts the case is blivin wrong...izzit wrong to b optimistic...can sumone tell mi...haiz...not onli my i sinkin...i tink i m stuck...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
influence is such a amazin thing dun u all tink...i mean lik hav u even wondered y is sumone lik mr low able to coz us to giv him respect the lvl we giv...or hav u wondered y sth tt is said by mr low has diff weightin compared to ur our sch teachers...
since influence is so fascinatin...i wonder if it is sth we r born wit...or can we develop it...wat do u all tink...in my opinion...i tink its lik success...u need a combi of hard work n int...in the case of influence u need both gift n effort...coz i tink influence can b developed...via methods lik establishin a gd image...n maintain a certain lvl of popularity...hav certain talents wich ppl admire...other den tt i guess its up to ur gift on birth to add bonus pts to ur influence...eg wld b things lik charisma looks n "aura"...
the reason y i suddenly tok abt dis is coz lik i mentioned in the previous segment...i feel tt my ability to influence ppl has fallen...wit special reference to a big grp...i guess the reason is coz i haven been upkeepin my influence...n not muc effort was put in...futhermore...i discover tt influence cld b reduce by makin the wrong move...so mayb a combination of makin the wrong move n not upkeepin it has coz it to go down the chart...i oso feel tt i might hav sth to do wit my ability to sort out my tots wit speed...(mayb i will elaborate on wat i mean next time)
msg of the day:time heals all wound,but it oso drags u in if u r in quicksand...
well back at home...i m basically less n less approachable if u no wat i mean...duno wat has gotten into mi....but juz dun feel lik being disturb...u no wats the worse part...tts i feel dis way when i m not doin anything at all...it realli sux...i mean bhaving lik tt...i mean lik i no its wrong n not nice...yet sub consiously...i m doin it...wats bcomin of mi man...haiz...
den sch work...well i practically wasted the whole long weekend...now i hav onli tml left to redeem myself...even if i m super hard workin tml...i dun tink its enuff...coz wat can i do in one compared to wat i cld hav done in 4 days...haiz...i realli hav to wake myself up man...in abt 1 mths time its prelims...n i no better den anyone else tt if i screw it up again...i will hav a hard time standin back up again...i no myself well enuff...sumtimes i tend to wan to perform...to prove to sth...but to myself not to others...well mayb my standard i set for myself is too high sumtimes...duno...
my social skills...well basically it refers to things lik conversational skills...influence...leadership...blah blah blah...well i guess i my rather concerned wit dis...as compared to other ppl la...i mean lik dis is practically the onli thing i m gd at...no boastin...but even if its boastin i onli hav dis one trump to boast abt...summore dis kind of things is my area of interest as well...ppl ask mi wat i wan to do next time...isnt it veri obvious if no wat i hav been doin...isnt early prac gd for ur future...well tts provided if i can push forward to the next stage of life wit my regrets...
my emotions...well...for dose hu hav been hangin out wit mi...u shld no how its been...more or less ba...but seriously...i tink its quite bad...its fluctuatin too muc...its oredi interferin wit my tinkin process...tots can juz intercept my work all of a sudden juz bcoz i hear or see sth tt i can relate to...wich in dis case...i keep tinkin abt her...i no i did say i will try to let things settle...leave things bhind at least until A lvl is over...but wat can i do if i cant keep her out of my head for juz dis few mths...seriously i feel as though i my sum sort of drug addict...but in a diff sense...its as if i hav to hav a "dose of her"(tink abt her) everyday in order to go on wit my daily life...if onli dere was any instant method to coz memory loss...
well...tts abt all tt i can tink of...so now do u understand wat i mean by sinkin liao rite...i always say i will b fine...i will get better...n i no i can...but doesnt seem to hav any progress...mayb my methods hav been vaccinated...my body no longer fall to such futile attacks...mayb i dun even no wat is wrong from the start...juz tryin to smoke myself into blivin in myself...den if tts the case is blivin wrong...izzit wrong to b optimistic...can sumone tell mi...haiz...not onli my i sinkin...i tink i m stuck...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
influence is such a amazin thing dun u all tink...i mean lik hav u even wondered y is sumone lik mr low able to coz us to giv him respect the lvl we giv...or hav u wondered y sth tt is said by mr low has diff weightin compared to ur our sch teachers...
since influence is so fascinatin...i wonder if it is sth we r born wit...or can we develop it...wat do u all tink...in my opinion...i tink its lik success...u need a combi of hard work n int...in the case of influence u need both gift n effort...coz i tink influence can b developed...via methods lik establishin a gd image...n maintain a certain lvl of popularity...hav certain talents wich ppl admire...other den tt i guess its up to ur gift on birth to add bonus pts to ur influence...eg wld b things lik charisma looks n "aura"...
the reason y i suddenly tok abt dis is coz lik i mentioned in the previous segment...i feel tt my ability to influence ppl has fallen...wit special reference to a big grp...i guess the reason is coz i haven been upkeepin my influence...n not muc effort was put in...futhermore...i discover tt influence cld b reduce by makin the wrong move...so mayb a combination of makin the wrong move n not upkeepin it has coz it to go down the chart...i oso feel tt i might hav sth to do wit my ability to sort out my tots wit speed...(mayb i will elaborate on wat i mean next time)
msg of the day:time heals all wound,but it oso drags u in if u r in quicksand...
02 August 2005
passion
well as the title suggests i will b touchin on passion...actually i last time oredi wrote b4 on dis topic...but i guess its sth tt hav new views everyday one...so no harm writin again...
well...everyone hav diff passion for diff things...the thing can b livin or not livin...so basically it can b another under the sun la...
durin the process of havin passion for sth or sumone...ur passion may wear off or die off due to various reasons...its veri natural one...even if 2 ppl hav passion for the same thing or person...the way of showin ur passion may oso differ...so passion can b in all shapes n sizes...
wat interest mi more is how do u ignite or put out passion of sumone...well its realli undefinable one la...but to mi to ignite passion first time is a veri impt factor...u hav to hav contact wit the thing or person regularly in order to develop passion for it...to put out passion well its more or less the same to mi la...take the thing away for too long it will juz fade away...
but of course dere r exceptions...ppl all hav diff perspective...so things may vary...but i guess the bottomline is tt watever we r passionate for...go till the max...dun half hearted...from dere u n the reciepent of ur passion will benefit to the max...well...i dun tink dis is a veri well written entry...so i guess i will write another better one next time...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
anyway to giv a example of a person wit a great amount of passion for sth...
i will b writin it in the context of "I"...the person mayb anyone...even u...so after readin dis first u will get to feel how a passionate person feels lik...second u might b able to single out ppl hu dis character may resemble...anyway i will b usin dance as a example...coz its ezier for mi to relate...n pls b reminded tt dis character mayb anyone...although it is written from my context...i dun wan ppl to tink tt i m here to claim anithing...
I luv dance a lot...i practically go to every prac dere is...i wanted to no everything dere is to no abt wats goin in dance...wich might make mi seem veri kpo at times...but i dun care...i feel tt it benefits dance...so y bother wat other ppl tinks...
sumtimes i hav to work alone bcoz ppl dun c my vision...but i no i hav to strive on...in order for my vision to b reality...bcoz i no tt my vision will definitely help dance...in a way or another...i wanted to make an impact to dance...i wanted to b sumone to b remembered...not bcoz i made an impact...but for remindin everyone of deir belongin here...
dance hav gone thru its ups n downs...i was dere too...so i didnt let her walk alone...neither did i wan my juniors to walk alone...i wanted to b dere when in need...i may not b thank or appreciated...but seein things go smoothly is oredi a silent 10q...
i m not god...i cant do n no everything...but i no tt wat i hav done...is my purest effort...my heart n soul into it...n true enuff...i begin to c the seedling of wat i sowed...my vision had finally been realised...a new blood had matured...
my passion will not stop its blaze...its now lyin low b4 i come ragin back wit my new partner...to start another round of sowin of our passion...for the vision for my passion is to spread it...
msg of the day:
if only we were fated to meet earlier,i might not have being destined to leave
well...everyone hav diff passion for diff things...the thing can b livin or not livin...so basically it can b another under the sun la...
durin the process of havin passion for sth or sumone...ur passion may wear off or die off due to various reasons...its veri natural one...even if 2 ppl hav passion for the same thing or person...the way of showin ur passion may oso differ...so passion can b in all shapes n sizes...
wat interest mi more is how do u ignite or put out passion of sumone...well its realli undefinable one la...but to mi to ignite passion first time is a veri impt factor...u hav to hav contact wit the thing or person regularly in order to develop passion for it...to put out passion well its more or less the same to mi la...take the thing away for too long it will juz fade away...
but of course dere r exceptions...ppl all hav diff perspective...so things may vary...but i guess the bottomline is tt watever we r passionate for...go till the max...dun half hearted...from dere u n the reciepent of ur passion will benefit to the max...well...i dun tink dis is a veri well written entry...so i guess i will write another better one next time...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
anyway to giv a example of a person wit a great amount of passion for sth...
i will b writin it in the context of "I"...the person mayb anyone...even u...so after readin dis first u will get to feel how a passionate person feels lik...second u might b able to single out ppl hu dis character may resemble...anyway i will b usin dance as a example...coz its ezier for mi to relate...n pls b reminded tt dis character mayb anyone...although it is written from my context...i dun wan ppl to tink tt i m here to claim anithing...
I luv dance a lot...i practically go to every prac dere is...i wanted to no everything dere is to no abt wats goin in dance...wich might make mi seem veri kpo at times...but i dun care...i feel tt it benefits dance...so y bother wat other ppl tinks...
sumtimes i hav to work alone bcoz ppl dun c my vision...but i no i hav to strive on...in order for my vision to b reality...bcoz i no tt my vision will definitely help dance...in a way or another...i wanted to make an impact to dance...i wanted to b sumone to b remembered...not bcoz i made an impact...but for remindin everyone of deir belongin here...
dance hav gone thru its ups n downs...i was dere too...so i didnt let her walk alone...neither did i wan my juniors to walk alone...i wanted to b dere when in need...i may not b thank or appreciated...but seein things go smoothly is oredi a silent 10q...
i m not god...i cant do n no everything...but i no tt wat i hav done...is my purest effort...my heart n soul into it...n true enuff...i begin to c the seedling of wat i sowed...my vision had finally been realised...a new blood had matured...
my passion will not stop its blaze...its now lyin low b4 i come ragin back wit my new partner...to start another round of sowin of our passion...for the vision for my passion is to spread it...
msg of the day:
if only we were fated to meet earlier,i might not have being destined to leave
24 July 2005
drift
sad to say...but still my mood recently is still rather no change...rather worryin if u ask mi...i mean lik A lvl is ard the corner...n here i m...stayin up late...but not bcoz of work...sianz sia...
i realli hope tt my mood will stop driftin n get to shore quickly...so tt i can get sum solid work done...i no sum may think tt i m juz not being strong willed enuff...n juz givin myself excuses...but it cant b helped...
i realli missed her...but sadly nth can b done...i guess its a burnetaf(its code figure out urself)...first a burnedestiny n a burnetaf...when will everything end happily...n settle...i dun lik the feelin of driftin...everyday i m driftin...no aim no nth...i tink abt irrelevant stuff juz to run away from the probs i hav in reality...
dis is not funi...i seriously hav a prob here...no shld b probs...n cant do no shit abt it...i wonder hu can...dis is the one of the most crucial part of my life...it marks my pride...my future...my everything...haiz...its so sad n sway...to hav everything showerin down on mi...too bad it isnt blessin...
seriously i wish i dun hav to deal wit so muc other not so impt or not suppose or shldnt happen now probs...it is juz not the rite time...when will i get my own time...i guess i nv will in the next few mths...
relaxation is heaven...enjoyin is life...when will it come...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
ever since i saw the msg u sent mi the other day
everything turn dark even in the sun
i no dooms day has come once again
life was nv being same again
i tried to ignore my heart
i tried to hide my tears
but it was too muc to take
y muz dis day come again
where did i go wrong
was it sth i said
or was it sth i did
the ans nv satisfy my qn
hopes were dashed
dreams were crashed
armageddon strikes again
burnin up the onli destiny n fate i hav
till the last min tt is left
i will b ur shield
n b4 the end
i wan to c u smile
for i wan to remember u...
actually i wanted to write a song out of dis la...but songs r too troublesome...sum of the songs i wrote in the past oso haven edited for singin purposes yet...so i guess for tt a poem will do...haha...but dun seem veri poem lik to mi leh :P....will same as last post...pls do leave comments...10z...:)
msg of the day:爱情已变成回忆
i realli hope tt my mood will stop driftin n get to shore quickly...so tt i can get sum solid work done...i no sum may think tt i m juz not being strong willed enuff...n juz givin myself excuses...but it cant b helped...
i realli missed her...but sadly nth can b done...i guess its a burnetaf(its code figure out urself)...first a burnedestiny n a burnetaf...when will everything end happily...n settle...i dun lik the feelin of driftin...everyday i m driftin...no aim no nth...i tink abt irrelevant stuff juz to run away from the probs i hav in reality...
dis is not funi...i seriously hav a prob here...no shld b probs...n cant do no shit abt it...i wonder hu can...dis is the one of the most crucial part of my life...it marks my pride...my future...my everything...haiz...its so sad n sway...to hav everything showerin down on mi...too bad it isnt blessin...
seriously i wish i dun hav to deal wit so muc other not so impt or not suppose or shldnt happen now probs...it is juz not the rite time...when will i get my own time...i guess i nv will in the next few mths...
relaxation is heaven...enjoyin is life...when will it come...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
ever since i saw the msg u sent mi the other day
everything turn dark even in the sun
i no dooms day has come once again
life was nv being same again
i tried to ignore my heart
i tried to hide my tears
but it was too muc to take
y muz dis day come again
where did i go wrong
was it sth i said
or was it sth i did
the ans nv satisfy my qn
hopes were dashed
dreams were crashed
armageddon strikes again
burnin up the onli destiny n fate i hav
till the last min tt is left
i will b ur shield
n b4 the end
i wan to c u smile
for i wan to remember u...
actually i wanted to write a song out of dis la...but songs r too troublesome...sum of the songs i wrote in the past oso haven edited for singin purposes yet...so i guess for tt a poem will do...haha...but dun seem veri poem lik to mi leh :P....will same as last post...pls do leave comments...10z...:)
msg of the day:爱情已变成回忆
19 July 2005
wat do u no!?!??!
dis entry is juz to show my unhappiness for sumone in sch...so ppl hu duno dis person might juz wan to ignore dis entry altogether...
hey can u lik stop tinkin as if u no everything...coz u dun ok...u tink u hav seen it all...u no every kind of ppl n personality on dis world...but u r not even close ok...u tink ur method works on everyone...but let mi tell u sth...no it isnt workin...coz at least it is not workin on mi...in fact...i tink it has a adverse effect...now i dread to c u in sch...so muc so i juz turn myself off when u r dere...
yeah i m not benefitin from being stubborn n all...but izzit my fault...well i admit its my fault for being selfish n not ptin out the prob...but even if i did...will it b of use...
u dun decide anyones fate nor can u predict dem...coz u nv no wat will happen...n nv r u goin to decide my fate for mi...wat happens doesnt necessary mean tt i will occur as well in the future...
so mr no it all...stop ur bull shit n wake up to the 21st century...u r no longer in the kampong days where everyone is pure...(although seriously speakin i wld prefer tt) so instead of being such a pain...can u b more supportive wich i once tot u were...i m lik tt...i can either b ur best friend or ur worse nightmare...wich one? u choose...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
the past is in the black n white onli memories
we learn knowlegde
wich is y we we take history
we forget our lessons
the future is in the uncharted territories tt we cant c
we fear the unknown
precisely y we fear the future
we breakdown
the present is where we r now
we luv to cherish
so we muz cherish the present
to no wats luv
well i anyhow write one...no muc theme in it...juz write out of flow...duno makes sense a not...it can b seen as lyrics or poem la...wich ever u tink it resemble more...giv mi feedbacks no matter if it makes sense a not...:)
msg of the day:如果我不能给你未来，我就补你现在
hey can u lik stop tinkin as if u no everything...coz u dun ok...u tink u hav seen it all...u no every kind of ppl n personality on dis world...but u r not even close ok...u tink ur method works on everyone...but let mi tell u sth...no it isnt workin...coz at least it is not workin on mi...in fact...i tink it has a adverse effect...now i dread to c u in sch...so muc so i juz turn myself off when u r dere...
yeah i m not benefitin from being stubborn n all...but izzit my fault...well i admit its my fault for being selfish n not ptin out the prob...but even if i did...will it b of use...
u dun decide anyones fate nor can u predict dem...coz u nv no wat will happen...n nv r u goin to decide my fate for mi...wat happens doesnt necessary mean tt i will occur as well in the future...
so mr no it all...stop ur bull shit n wake up to the 21st century...u r no longer in the kampong days where everyone is pure...(although seriously speakin i wld prefer tt) so instead of being such a pain...can u b more supportive wich i once tot u were...i m lik tt...i can either b ur best friend or ur worse nightmare...wich one? u choose...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
the past is in the black n white onli memories
we learn knowlegde
wich is y we we take history
we forget our lessons
the future is in the uncharted territories tt we cant c
we fear the unknown
precisely y we fear the future
we breakdown
the present is where we r now
we luv to cherish
so we muz cherish the present
to no wats luv
well i anyhow write one...no muc theme in it...juz write out of flow...duno makes sense a not...it can b seen as lyrics or poem la...wich ever u tink it resemble more...giv mi feedbacks no matter if it makes sense a not...:)
msg of the day:如果我不能给你未来，我就补你现在
16 July 2005
clear things up
hey ppl...well today blog is not abt how bad or gd i m doin blah blah blah...but i tink i hav to clear sum things up...if not hor everyone will b goin own the wrong path...
anyway first things first...10z ppl for the tags on my blog...glad to no tt so mani ppl care...esp when i saw danny tag...lol...u mean u hav been readin my blog? lol...but anyway 10z man...
bcoz of dis tags i got to realise tt sum of u might hav the misconception on wat izzit tt i m stressed up wit...coz my fault la...say things always so...half half...haha...anyway...sum of u might tink tt i m sad n stressed bcoz of a gal...true i admit it does hav sth to do wit her...but pls its not entirely...
i mean lik for dis case deres nth muc i can do...as ppl say...love cant force...so i hav to juz take the cold hard facts...but the thing is still will b affected de...u all shld no...unless u playin a fool wit love...den u odd to b slapped la...wich i hope non tt r readin dis r lik tt...so regardin dis prob...its sth tt can b solved by time n time alone...unless things take a turn...aiya...lets not go dere shall we...haha...ya so dun wori abt dis...i no how to pick myself up from here...juz giv mi time...
as for y i m so sad n stressed up...its realli coz of mani reasons...studies...dance...n sum others tt i tink so remain private...can ask mi in private if u wish to no...n sumtimes i m juz stress n sad...i m sure sum of u feel tt at certain pts of time in ur life one...so i dun tink it wld b surprisin...
sum of u might b tinkin lik...dance is no longer of ur concern stress for wat...but the thing is dere is a sense of belongin i feel pullin mi back...its hard to explain...i guess dis kind of things realli muz exp den will understand one...i mean lik if u try to explain it to a junior hu has not been thru the things b4...it is oredi a tough job...n oso dey might still not understand wat izzit tt u r tryin to say...let alone to a non dancer hu might nv exp wat u hav gone thru...although i feel tt ns might hav chance to exp similar stuff...but oso not confirm...n summore since the age is diff...things might not b as pure as it is...furthermore...i hav sum exclusive events tt onli applies to mi tt had happened in dance...so its realli hard to understand tt kind of pull...seriously i dun expect anyone to...u can onli feel the pull...but not understand...its the same case as i can onli feel the pull tt keeps zhongyi comin back too...but i wun understand...coz its a totally diff exp altogether...coz we r 2 diff person...
n as for y i dun wan to tok things out so tt i can feel better...instead of complainin here n lettin ppl no onli half of the story...well i oso duno wat excaltly is the reason...but the thing is i feel tt when the time comes i will speak one...serious...i mean is not dose kind lik now situation not suitable den cant say or sth lik tt...i guess its a feelin thing ba...when times comes...feelin will b correct...n will speak up one...its sth lik a door tt need mani keys to open the lock together one...juz to name a few...mood...atmosphere...person...place...n mani others tt even i might not b aware tt it might pose as a factor...
after so muc said...i hope u ppl understand a bit more abt wat excaltly is goin on la...so dun need to wori...i will do fine...if in the event i m not...i will seek help one...but still as usual...u ppl r welcome to come n ask mi qn abt wats goin on n stuff lik tt...i mean its veri heart warmin to no tt dere r ppl out dere tt care...
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24hrRu!
~~~~~~
ops...haha...juz now while typin i hav oredi decided wat to write for dis coloumn le...but den hor...now lik forget wat i wan to type liao leh...lol...so i tink suan le la...i shall type abt it another time if i remember lor...coz now realli cant recall...
anyway since dis coloumn kind of empty...juz to do a bit of complainin...haha...
MT...u huh...everytime so bz...lik even bzier den mi lik tt...wan to catch up oso cant...win liao lor...now councilor liao ps mi liao lor...make some time for ur poor kor la...lol...but realli la...bz gui bz...dun bz until forget to do ur daily things lik the essential slp u need each day...hw...blah blah blah...muz catch up sum day hor...if not later i forgot u hu le den game over liao ar...haha...jkjk...
msg of the day:Y do we fall down?So, tt we can learn to get up.(from batman begins)
anyway first things first...10z ppl for the tags on my blog...glad to no tt so mani ppl care...esp when i saw danny tag...lol...u mean u hav been readin my blog? lol...but anyway 10z man...
bcoz of dis tags i got to realise tt sum of u might hav the misconception on wat izzit tt i m stressed up wit...coz my fault la...say things always so...half half...haha...anyway...sum of u might tink tt i m sad n stressed bcoz of a gal...true i admit it does hav sth to do wit her...but pls its not entirely...
i mean lik for dis case deres nth muc i can do...as ppl say...love cant force...so i hav to juz take the cold hard facts...but the thing is still will b affected de...u all shld no...unless u playin a fool wit love...den u odd to b slapped la...wich i hope non tt r readin dis r lik tt...so regardin dis prob...its sth tt can b solved by time n time alone...unless things take a turn...aiya...lets not go dere shall we...haha...ya so dun wori abt dis...i no how to pick myself up from here...juz giv mi time...
as for y i m so sad n stressed up...its realli coz of mani reasons...studies...dance...n sum others tt i tink so remain private...can ask mi in private if u wish to no...n sumtimes i m juz stress n sad...i m sure sum of u feel tt at certain pts of time in ur life one...so i dun tink it wld b surprisin...
sum of u might b tinkin lik...dance is no longer of ur concern stress for wat...but the thing is dere is a sense of belongin i feel pullin mi back...its hard to explain...i guess dis kind of things realli muz exp den will understand one...i mean lik if u try to explain it to a junior hu has not been thru the things b4...it is oredi a tough job...n oso dey might still not understand wat izzit tt u r tryin to say...let alone to a non dancer hu might nv exp wat u hav gone thru...although i feel tt ns might hav chance to exp similar stuff...but oso not confirm...n summore since the age is diff...things might not b as pure as it is...furthermore...i hav sum exclusive events tt onli applies to mi tt had happened in dance...so its realli hard to understand tt kind of pull...seriously i dun expect anyone to...u can onli feel the pull...but not understand...its the same case as i can onli feel the pull tt keeps zhongyi comin back too...but i wun understand...coz its a totally diff exp altogether...coz we r 2 diff person...
n as for y i dun wan to tok things out so tt i can feel better...instead of complainin here n lettin ppl no onli half of the story...well i oso duno wat excaltly is the reason...but the thing is i feel tt when the time comes i will speak one...serious...i mean is not dose kind lik now situation not suitable den cant say or sth lik tt...i guess its a feelin thing ba...when times comes...feelin will b correct...n will speak up one...its sth lik a door tt need mani keys to open the lock together one...juz to name a few...mood...atmosphere...person...place...n mani others tt even i might not b aware tt it might pose as a factor...
after so muc said...i hope u ppl understand a bit more abt wat excaltly is goin on la...so dun need to wori...i will do fine...if in the event i m not...i will seek help one...but still as usual...u ppl r welcome to come n ask mi qn abt wats goin on n stuff lik tt...i mean its veri heart warmin to no tt dere r ppl out dere tt care...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
24hrRu!
~~~~~~
ops...haha...juz now while typin i hav oredi decided wat to write for dis coloumn le...but den hor...now lik forget wat i wan to type liao leh...lol...so i tink suan le la...i shall type abt it another time if i remember lor...coz now realli cant recall...
anyway since dis coloumn kind of empty...juz to do a bit of complainin...haha...
MT...u huh...everytime so bz...lik even bzier den mi lik tt...wan to catch up oso cant...win liao lor...now councilor liao ps mi liao lor...make some time for ur poor kor la...lol...but realli la...bz gui bz...dun bz until forget to do ur daily things lik the essential slp u need each day...hw...blah blah blah...muz catch up sum day hor...if not later i forgot u hu le den game over liao ar...haha...jkjk...
msg of the day:Y do we fall down?So, tt we can learn to get up.(from batman begins)
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