ok...finally i can blog liao...coz its onli 10 plus n tml no work...haha...but lik wat i juz told zhongyi...i kinda forget wat i wan to blog abt initially when i wrote the previous entry...haha...veri lame...i no...haha...
but anyways i tink i shld update on a few highlights first...
dere was the sec4 ROD...well dere r gd n bad things abt how it was carried out la...but hu cares...as long as it serves its purpose can liao...
den syf trainin finally ended oso...well i shld say hardwork was put in...but sumhow i feel tt sth is missin...it juz doesnt feel veri syf...
finally mich turned 18...legal age worz...haha...well mich u hav realli grown a lot since i no u...ur tots hav matured a lot too...i m happi n proud of u...anyways i oso wan to take dis chance to 10q u for always being dere for mi...always forkin out time to meet mi n listen to mi complain abt my crappy life...i realli veri touched...DONGED!!haha...esp recently...b it true a not...u giv mi a feelin tt u were willin to "fly" down at a call of the phone...makes mi feel so special...so honored...10z again my dear sis...=)
anyway i tink after dis i goin to blog an entry in nhds blog too...mayb u all wan to read it too...haha...it has been a while since i blog dere...not lik zhongyi...haha...
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24hr信徒
~~~~~~
i feel so stupid...i cant blive wat i did...haiz...well wats done is done...no pt cryin over spilled milk...well as muc as i no tt if i do nth abt it n let things drag on lik tt...in a long run things will remain as it is now...or go back to wat it was b4...i still cant help but onli to take a back sit n let nature do my biddin...
but den a again kinda kan kai le...not in the sense tt i m goin to giv up...but in the sense tt i m ready for watever tt is goin to hit mi...
My mind was idling.Not really paying attention to whatever that was happening beside me. But, it hit me when I least expect it, when my guard was down. My mind just got flash banged. My heart skipped a beat. Only moments later, did I react to the shock. My mind just keep shouting, "Its not what you think!Really!" My mind just raced on and on like in a F1 race, flashing the pictures that might have appeared in your mind. But maybe, just maybe, the occurence was of no significance to you. If only I could read your mind, I would know what you were thinking about. And maybe I won't even be stuck in a situation like this. If only......
msg of the day:i finally understand y u named it the way u did...
~ Life has to end. Love doesn’t. ~
17 December 2006
10 December 2006
time...
tryin hard to find time to blog...but juz cant squeeze any to...today actually hav la...but today not feelin veri well...so ya...
anyways congrats to zhenyu turnin 19 yesterday...haha...
n oso congrats to one n all for the sucessful performance yesterday...
will blog soon...i hope....
msg of the day:bz..bz...i need more time...
anyways congrats to zhenyu turnin 19 yesterday...haha...
n oso congrats to one n all for the sucessful performance yesterday...
will blog soon...i hope....
msg of the day:bz..bz...i need more time...
29 November 2006
EQ test
Your EQ is 147
|
 50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar. |
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24hr信徒
~~~~~~
duno accurate a not...u guys try it out ba...haha...
msg of the day:
23 November 2006
不知如何说出口
juz came back from chingay prac...omg...all the pracs r on weekdays...die la...suan le la...bo bian...
actually i wanted to blog a long entry one...but i dun tink i wan to stay up too late la...tml still hav duty...sianz...so hav to b short lor...
summore duno how to pen my tots either...alot has been goin thru my mind...
but anyways...i will b more bz den usual...bcoz of all the involvements...so ya...well...i will still blog if i find the need...but mayb lesser la(as if i blog a lot)...
lastly...to ppl hu i haven realli been in contact wit for a while...hey...u r still remembered...so dun worri...altho all of us has our own commitments...but still if we make effort...we still can still keep in touch...i no i m a veri bad eg...but i will try to jia you...u too...=)
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
i can feel wind blowin...ah...wat a relaxin feelin...dis is the life...i can almost feel myself floatin...flyin even...slowly i feel my feets being carried by the wind...i m realli floatin...flyin...i feel lik a bird...soon i will join dem...i can c everything from here...everyone is enjoyin demselves...i m so happi...i can almost understand how a sun will feel...all sunny wich is gd n happi...
whats dis...a dark cloud...no not 1...i m surrounded...thunder...lightin...its goin to rain...everyone is no longer enjoyin...dey r runnin...the frowns created by deir brows copied from the upsetted smiley...wa...i m fallin...wit the rain...i feel shitty...not onli m i all wet...i m fallin...m i goin to die...will i juz hit the grd n splat...omg...dis isnt how it started out...dis is not rite...
msg of the day:happiness may slip by u if u dun cherish it, dun take it for granted...
actually i wanted to blog a long entry one...but i dun tink i wan to stay up too late la...tml still hav duty...sianz...so hav to b short lor...
summore duno how to pen my tots either...alot has been goin thru my mind...
but anyways...i will b more bz den usual...bcoz of all the involvements...so ya...well...i will still blog if i find the need...but mayb lesser la(as if i blog a lot)...
lastly...to ppl hu i haven realli been in contact wit for a while...hey...u r still remembered...so dun worri...altho all of us has our own commitments...but still if we make effort...we still can still keep in touch...i no i m a veri bad eg...but i will try to jia you...u too...=)
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
i can feel wind blowin...ah...wat a relaxin feelin...dis is the life...i can almost feel myself floatin...flyin even...slowly i feel my feets being carried by the wind...i m realli floatin...flyin...i feel lik a bird...soon i will join dem...i can c everything from here...everyone is enjoyin demselves...i m so happi...i can almost understand how a sun will feel...all sunny wich is gd n happi...
whats dis...a dark cloud...no not 1...i m surrounded...thunder...lightin...its goin to rain...everyone is no longer enjoyin...dey r runnin...the frowns created by deir brows copied from the upsetted smiley...wa...i m fallin...wit the rain...i feel shitty...not onli m i all wet...i m fallin...m i goin to die...will i juz hit the grd n splat...omg...dis isnt how it started out...dis is not rite...
msg of the day:happiness may slip by u if u dun cherish it, dun take it for granted...
19 November 2006
sori to make u all worri
ok i guess i m more or less back to normal...tho i didnt realli tell u guys wat realli happened...but well i guess it isnt impt anymore...since i m alrite le...at least i hope to keep it tt way...haha...but dun worri la...i wun giv in so ezily...i mean lik wats life not puttin up a fight...
anyway juz came back watchin conevant wit mt n mao...the movie together with the bk "burnt journal" tt i m readin at the moment...lead mi to tink abt wat happen the other day...
anyway juz a brief intro abt the movie n the bk n the link of the both to my tots...
for conevant...dere r sum guys wit "witch" blood n can cast spells n stuff...but the catch to it is tt dey exhaust deir own life span doin so...if u c it my way...its lik fast forwardin ur life...its lik in the movie dey can inject real powerful punches tt creates shockwaves...if u look at it in terms of the fast forward theory...its lik doin strong punches mani mani times till u get tt effect...the onli diff is tt u did it in a spilt sec...wich is where the fast forward comes in...
for burnt journal...its abt a kid how tried to commit suicide by burnin himself...but he survived n the bk toks abt his path to recovery...
coz in the movie the main guy called caleb tries to protect his loves one from the evil guy...by usin his powers to fight it out wit him...but at the same time he is exhaustin his life span doin so...its lik sacrificin his life to save others...tho in the movie the "damage" is not visible...but if u tink abt it...its quite a selfless act...but i guess most ppl wld b willing to do it if dey were put in tt situation...but the reality wakes us to the fact tt we cant do tt...but still altho we cant realli b so wei da n save ppl by shortin our life span...but we can still help others when dey need it...i mean dere r mani ways to la...depends on the need of the person in need of help...
n for the bk...its lik the boy reflects later tt wat he decided to kill himself for is not such a big deal afterall...n tink feels stupid n all...n kinda regretted his actions...we dun need to burn ourselves to regret wat we had or had not done in life...we juz need to help ourselves more...tink abt wat is our prob...n if can solve it with the help of other ppl...
so its lik we shld help others n oso not forgettin ourselves in the process...i guess dis is called balance...sum ppl help others too muc while others help others too little...juz hav to figure wich u lack n juz do the other more...life can b more meaningful n hav less regrets if we do sth abt it...
today...now...altho i feel stupid tt i submitted to the evils tt lived within mi...but i didnt regret writing the previous entry...altho i feel bad to make everyone worri...esp hope...but at least i m reminded y i was here to start wit...the things tt i blived in...n oso the things i wan to blive in...
for now i need to help myself n take a break from helpin others...bad guy gd guy...hu cares...as long as i m doin the rite thing...i can kill a guy n b bad in the lights of law...but at least the guy i killed was a murder wich made wat i did at least rite in the eyes of the victims family...
life is wasnt smooth sailin...it has been a bumpy ride till now...but i muz continue to blive...continue to si le dou yao ai...
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24hr信徒
~~~~~~
changes...i guess tt was the evil dis time rd...all shld no tt i m a constant lover...i dun lik changes...i can get pretty fed up if u tell mi last min tt the meetin is cancelled...altho over the years of livin n workin wit other ppl...i hav started to b more flexible towards changes...but i still cant accept it whole...
human relationships is my strength n my weakness at the same time...combo-ed wit changes...i guess it can realli wooble my knees...there r things in life tt i nv wan to hav live with...but bcoz of certain changes...i face the danger of gettin struckdown...
as muc as i fear wat might happen...one day it might still happen...altho realli realli realli hope tt it doesnt...i still hav to face it anyway...i mean wat else can i do...run away?lik the boy did in the bk...i will end up in the same spot...but diff as i will regret runnin in the first place...
i no its goin to b hard...when was facin ur fears n probs ez...if dey were...den dey wun even exist...i hope can get thru dis stayin true...n oso to dose hu is facin evil now...all the best n blive in urself...
msg of the day:永远的信徒，死了都要爱。
anyway juz came back watchin conevant wit mt n mao...the movie together with the bk "burnt journal" tt i m readin at the moment...lead mi to tink abt wat happen the other day...
anyway juz a brief intro abt the movie n the bk n the link of the both to my tots...
for conevant...dere r sum guys wit "witch" blood n can cast spells n stuff...but the catch to it is tt dey exhaust deir own life span doin so...if u c it my way...its lik fast forwardin ur life...its lik in the movie dey can inject real powerful punches tt creates shockwaves...if u look at it in terms of the fast forward theory...its lik doin strong punches mani mani times till u get tt effect...the onli diff is tt u did it in a spilt sec...wich is where the fast forward comes in...
for burnt journal...its abt a kid how tried to commit suicide by burnin himself...but he survived n the bk toks abt his path to recovery...
coz in the movie the main guy called caleb tries to protect his loves one from the evil guy...by usin his powers to fight it out wit him...but at the same time he is exhaustin his life span doin so...its lik sacrificin his life to save others...tho in the movie the "damage" is not visible...but if u tink abt it...its quite a selfless act...but i guess most ppl wld b willing to do it if dey were put in tt situation...but the reality wakes us to the fact tt we cant do tt...but still altho we cant realli b so wei da n save ppl by shortin our life span...but we can still help others when dey need it...i mean dere r mani ways to la...depends on the need of the person in need of help...
n for the bk...its lik the boy reflects later tt wat he decided to kill himself for is not such a big deal afterall...n tink feels stupid n all...n kinda regretted his actions...we dun need to burn ourselves to regret wat we had or had not done in life...we juz need to help ourselves more...tink abt wat is our prob...n if can solve it with the help of other ppl...
so its lik we shld help others n oso not forgettin ourselves in the process...i guess dis is called balance...sum ppl help others too muc while others help others too little...juz hav to figure wich u lack n juz do the other more...life can b more meaningful n hav less regrets if we do sth abt it...
today...now...altho i feel stupid tt i submitted to the evils tt lived within mi...but i didnt regret writing the previous entry...altho i feel bad to make everyone worri...esp hope...but at least i m reminded y i was here to start wit...the things tt i blived in...n oso the things i wan to blive in...
for now i need to help myself n take a break from helpin others...bad guy gd guy...hu cares...as long as i m doin the rite thing...i can kill a guy n b bad in the lights of law...but at least the guy i killed was a murder wich made wat i did at least rite in the eyes of the victims family...
life is wasnt smooth sailin...it has been a bumpy ride till now...but i muz continue to blive...continue to si le dou yao ai...
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
changes...i guess tt was the evil dis time rd...all shld no tt i m a constant lover...i dun lik changes...i can get pretty fed up if u tell mi last min tt the meetin is cancelled...altho over the years of livin n workin wit other ppl...i hav started to b more flexible towards changes...but i still cant accept it whole...
human relationships is my strength n my weakness at the same time...combo-ed wit changes...i guess it can realli wooble my knees...there r things in life tt i nv wan to hav live with...but bcoz of certain changes...i face the danger of gettin struckdown...
as muc as i fear wat might happen...one day it might still happen...altho realli realli realli hope tt it doesnt...i still hav to face it anyway...i mean wat else can i do...run away?lik the boy did in the bk...i will end up in the same spot...but diff as i will regret runnin in the first place...
i no its goin to b hard...when was facin ur fears n probs ez...if dey were...den dey wun even exist...i hope can get thru dis stayin true...n oso to dose hu is facin evil now...all the best n blive in urself...
msg of the day:永远的信徒，死了都要爱。
14 November 2006
I CANT STAND IT ANYMORE!!!!
i realli cant stand it anymore...
i m rippin myself apart...
i m tired of runnin away...
i m tired of always been the nice guy...
everything juz sux...
nth is rite...
or mayb everything is rite...
but i m wrong...
i m always wrong...
i m always the bad guy...
resolution...angels...my foot...
everything is juz fucking screwed up...
i duno wat to do...
sumone teach mi...
scold mi...slap mi...
i hate myself...
i shld stop deceivin myself...
dis IS reality...
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24hr信徒
~~~~~~
i m tired of apologizin...i m tired of lookin on the bright side...m i realli always the wrong one...y do everyone hav to force mi to it... Y!!!
i realli feel terrible now...realli...n dere is lik no apparent reason for it...everything is juz fuckin screwed up...isnt dere sth left in dis world tt i can blive in...i cant even blive myself...hah...
hu can i blame?myself?but deres noone else...sumtimes i realli hope dere was realli sumone to juz push the blame to...but no...i cant do tt...coz...coz...its not rite?ah...fuck it...
everything is collaspin...cave in...i m suffocatin... isnt dere sumone out dere hu understands mi...not even a little?
hope-if u r readin dis...please please please...dun go tinkin tt wat is happenin betw us led mi to writin dis...its juz tt...its juz tt...certain things i cant bring my heart to tok abt it to u...but realli tink tt shldnt...n now is not exactly the rite time...it realli isnt ur fault...i realli hope u understand...to a certain extent i no dis entry will hav certain impact on u...but i hav no choice...i hav already delayed n delayed...i cant bottle up anymore...i need to shout it out...sori...
once i empty things...i will b back to normal...
msg of the day:i hav realli fallen deep...r u goin to reel mi in?
i m rippin myself apart...
i m tired of runnin away...
i m tired of always been the nice guy...
everything juz sux...
nth is rite...
or mayb everything is rite...
but i m wrong...
i m always wrong...
i m always the bad guy...
resolution...angels...my foot...
everything is juz fucking screwed up...
i duno wat to do...
sumone teach mi...
scold mi...slap mi...
i hate myself...
i shld stop deceivin myself...
dis IS reality...
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24hr信徒
~~~~~~
i m tired of apologizin...i m tired of lookin on the bright side...m i realli always the wrong one...y do everyone hav to force mi to it... Y!!!
i realli feel terrible now...realli...n dere is lik no apparent reason for it...everything is juz fuckin screwed up...isnt dere sth left in dis world tt i can blive in...i cant even blive myself...hah...
hu can i blame?myself?but deres noone else...sumtimes i realli hope dere was realli sumone to juz push the blame to...but no...i cant do tt...coz...coz...its not rite?ah...fuck it...
everything is collaspin...cave in...i m suffocatin... isnt dere sumone out dere hu understands mi...not even a little?
hope-if u r readin dis...please please please...dun go tinkin tt wat is happenin betw us led mi to writin dis...its juz tt...its juz tt...certain things i cant bring my heart to tok abt it to u...but realli tink tt shldnt...n now is not exactly the rite time...it realli isnt ur fault...i realli hope u understand...to a certain extent i no dis entry will hav certain impact on u...but i hav no choice...i hav already delayed n delayed...i cant bottle up anymore...i need to shout it out...sori...
once i empty things...i will b back to normal...
msg of the day:i hav realli fallen deep...r u goin to reel mi in?
02 November 2006
where to look...
dis entry was inspired by sumone when we she was tellin mi abt her dialema of whether to wear her contacts a not...the agruement being tt if she wears her contact she tend to look at things further as she normally do without her contacts...n thus she wld tend to "neglect" the things next to her...but if she was not to wear her contacts...she wld b afraid of missin out things tt might b out of her vision...
well basically dis simple eg speaks for the general population...we nv no where to look at(dun xiang y y)...sum ppl tend to look far...while others prefer to look next to dem...if where we look was to b compared to datin...den ppl hu looks far wld b dose hu throw deir nets out n try to fish for the best...while the ones tt looks next to dem simply becomes grateful for the ones hu standby dem...its lik the sayin...dun bcoz of 1 tree n let down the whole forest...the first kind wld b the forest kind of ppl...while the latter will b the 1 tree kind...
in terms of survival in watever sense...b it work or studies...ppl hu looks far tend to plan ahead n do more consistant work...while dose hu looks near wld tend to do last min sprints...
in the 2 comparisons...for both kinds i wld say tt i m the look near kind...but if u asked wat wld b my ideal kind of where to look... i wld look near when datin n look far when survivin...but dis can b diff for diff ppl...its all abt perception...dere is no rite or wrong...dere r pros n cons for all the choices we make in life...mayb dey r less acceptable as the majority of the ppl feel tt ur choice is diff from deirs...
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24hr信徒
~~~~~~
standin at the sides of field watchin the match...as the crowd cheers the home team on...juz when the home team is abt to score...the a foul was given to the home team...the away team is given a chance to take a free kick...coach decided to sum mi in...
i hesitated n stared into the air tinkin tt mayb coach wasnt tokin to mi...but reality set in when he snapped his fingers in front of mi...i m up...its my turn...its my go at the goal...as in dragged myself into the field tinkin whether dis is a gd idea...the home team captain exchanged looks wit mi...he was determined to win...he is not goin to back down...
at tt pt i knew tt if i was juz goin to take it ez...deres no way i can win...my team is bhind by 1 goal...n dis is the decidin match...we had to win...if not its over for us...we might hav to b disbanded...the team may hav to end...as all dis tots raced thru my mind...i tot my position n await for my teammate takin the free kick to get it started...the wait seemed to b lik years...i still duno whether i m up to it...i still hav no confidence in the match...i looked ard...
n i saw coach...he rubbed his temples n started to what seemed lik a prayer...i cldnt bare to look...i no coach was worried...he cldnt bare the fact tt his team was abt to b disbanded in another few mins...dis was the onli chance for us to drag dis into over time...
juz when i was abt to turn back to focus my tots on the ball...the shiny golden cup on the grandstand caught my eye...the trainings tt my teammates n i went thru flashed thru my mind...the injuries...the jokes...the tears...we had been thru it all...n we r now here...all for one reason...
i clenched my fist n shouted "guys!lets win dis"
"Yeah!"the teams voice echoed in the stadium as if drownin the forever deafenin crowd cheers...
tt morale boost worked lik a war cry...my goal was certain...n was more determined den when i entered the field...
n we r off again as the free kick was taken n the ball flys thru the air...
"Shin!run far!i got it..."shouted Destiny...
destiny lobed the ball across the field...n i was able to catch the ball at my feet...but to find myself being marked down...i cldnt budge...
"Shin!over here...pass it to mi..."it was fate...
fate received the ball n zipped thru the field lik a streak of lightnin...but was still held up by the home team captain...deres no way he can get thru him...n dose hu were markin mi went over to deir captains aid...
"shoot!Shin!dere is no time...u hav to giv it a try..."without another word...fate crossed the ball back to mi...
i no tt if we r goin into overtime...dis will b THE ball...i had to act fast...we r down to the injury time...without tinkin...i pulled my leg back to giv it my most...n as my leg drop back down i cld feel as tho my leg was combined wit the legs of all the teammates...
"beep beep"
"Shin! we did it...it went in...it went in..."shouted the team...
i was glad...at least we got into extra time...we still hav chance to turn the tide...
i turned to look at the goal post again...n saw wat seemed lik an angel...i smiled...as i knew tt my guardian angel was ard...
msg of the day:
well basically dis simple eg speaks for the general population...we nv no where to look at(dun xiang y y)...sum ppl tend to look far...while others prefer to look next to dem...if where we look was to b compared to datin...den ppl hu looks far wld b dose hu throw deir nets out n try to fish for the best...while the ones tt looks next to dem simply becomes grateful for the ones hu standby dem...its lik the sayin...dun bcoz of 1 tree n let down the whole forest...the first kind wld b the forest kind of ppl...while the latter will b the 1 tree kind...
in terms of survival in watever sense...b it work or studies...ppl hu looks far tend to plan ahead n do more consistant work...while dose hu looks near wld tend to do last min sprints...
in the 2 comparisons...for both kinds i wld say tt i m the look near kind...but if u asked wat wld b my ideal kind of where to look... i wld look near when datin n look far when survivin...but dis can b diff for diff ppl...its all abt perception...dere is no rite or wrong...dere r pros n cons for all the choices we make in life...mayb dey r less acceptable as the majority of the ppl feel tt ur choice is diff from deirs...
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
standin at the sides of field watchin the match...as the crowd cheers the home team on...juz when the home team is abt to score...the a foul was given to the home team...the away team is given a chance to take a free kick...coach decided to sum mi in...
i hesitated n stared into the air tinkin tt mayb coach wasnt tokin to mi...but reality set in when he snapped his fingers in front of mi...i m up...its my turn...its my go at the goal...as in dragged myself into the field tinkin whether dis is a gd idea...the home team captain exchanged looks wit mi...he was determined to win...he is not goin to back down...
at tt pt i knew tt if i was juz goin to take it ez...deres no way i can win...my team is bhind by 1 goal...n dis is the decidin match...we had to win...if not its over for us...we might hav to b disbanded...the team may hav to end...as all dis tots raced thru my mind...i tot my position n await for my teammate takin the free kick to get it started...the wait seemed to b lik years...i still duno whether i m up to it...i still hav no confidence in the match...i looked ard...
n i saw coach...he rubbed his temples n started to what seemed lik a prayer...i cldnt bare to look...i no coach was worried...he cldnt bare the fact tt his team was abt to b disbanded in another few mins...dis was the onli chance for us to drag dis into over time...
juz when i was abt to turn back to focus my tots on the ball...the shiny golden cup on the grandstand caught my eye...the trainings tt my teammates n i went thru flashed thru my mind...the injuries...the jokes...the tears...we had been thru it all...n we r now here...all for one reason...
i clenched my fist n shouted "guys!lets win dis"
"Yeah!"the teams voice echoed in the stadium as if drownin the forever deafenin crowd cheers...
tt morale boost worked lik a war cry...my goal was certain...n was more determined den when i entered the field...
n we r off again as the free kick was taken n the ball flys thru the air...
"Shin!run far!i got it..."shouted Destiny...
destiny lobed the ball across the field...n i was able to catch the ball at my feet...but to find myself being marked down...i cldnt budge...
"Shin!over here...pass it to mi..."it was fate...
fate received the ball n zipped thru the field lik a streak of lightnin...but was still held up by the home team captain...deres no way he can get thru him...n dose hu were markin mi went over to deir captains aid...
"shoot!Shin!dere is no time...u hav to giv it a try..."without another word...fate crossed the ball back to mi...
i no tt if we r goin into overtime...dis will b THE ball...i had to act fast...we r down to the injury time...without tinkin...i pulled my leg back to giv it my most...n as my leg drop back down i cld feel as tho my leg was combined wit the legs of all the teammates...
"beep beep"
"Shin! we did it...it went in...it went in..."shouted the team...
i was glad...at least we got into extra time...we still hav chance to turn the tide...
i turned to look at the goal post again...n saw wat seemed lik an angel...i smiled...as i knew tt my guardian angel was ard...
msg of the day:
23 October 2006
the battle wit time
it seems that i m always in a war wit time...n it seems tt i lose all the battles tt we hav fought even since...n once again i lost...
but sumtimes doubt whether its time tt i had fallen to...i mean i cld hav fallen due to other reasons...its hard to tell when u r in the battle...bullets showering in a 2 way traffic....u nv no when u will b forced to surrender...or defeated by the 2 way bullets...
in a war...no sympathy shld b carried into the field...otherwise the one to die is u...but at our lvl of humanity...does tt tinkin still hold...does winnin always mean to defeat or to force the enemy into submission...
we r hu we r...the definition of winnin isnt always the same dictionary meanin tt is of easy reach to the so called champions...for dose hu hav or tink dey hav deir own set of criteria to meet b4 dey consider demselves to b victrous...even with ur own definition we normally arent able to meet it...m i not rite?well for most ppl...its coz we normally set sth tt is either achievable or higher den wat we r capable of...tts wat goals shld b abt...but more imptly...while goals make us aim high n far...we shld keep in mind tt the definition of accomplishin our goal is wat we set upon ourselves...but at the same time we shld let ourselves c tt we hav not lost everything...at least not the war...
yeah all dis shit may require ourselves to b quite a degree of a optimist to b able to accept such a philosophy ba...haha...but mayb dis story may help abit in understandin where i m comin from...anyway dis story is being written from memory...so mayb a bit off from wat i read...but i hope it is gd enuff...
one day a man brought his son to a farm to spend the weekend...the man wanted to take the oppurtunity to let his son c how rich n fortunate dey r as compared to the veri poor farmers...
"So...Son, how did u find the farm?Hu do u tink is richer?"said the man.
"Now, I finally know how poor we are."sighed the boy, "The farmers kids are so lucky."
"Omg?!?!?Why do u tink so?"the man questioned in shock.
"We have electricity and lights but they have the whole sky of stars. We own the land that our house is on but they own everything beyond the horizon. We can buy food to eat but they grow their own food. We have a nice garden behind our house but they have a big field behind their house."the boy complained.
So, hu do you tink is richer?
haha...so wat u guys tink...wat i type for the boy's reasonin is onli part of wat i read...but i juz cant remember dem...but i m sure u guys get my pt...so the key to the whole thing is perspective...
so wit dis i m goin to leave sth for u all to tink abt...i lost my battle wit time...but time didnt win the battle...c wat u all make out of dis...tag ur view...n we shall c hu gets the closest to my version...haha...
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
May I love you
Singer:张智成
*Extract*
Love you, Love you
May I love you?
Tell me what to do
才能让你不孤单
我不孤独 一起找幸福
当这个世界一步一步华丽到荒芜
请放心 我还是你的信徒
Love you, Love you
May I love you?
Tell me you love me too
我可以继续付出
付出就够我满足
不相信爱情对我永远(的)残酷
我奢望 时间会为我祝福
i hav pasted the lyrics of a song here...i dun tink i hav to explain wat it means...haha...
msg of the day:I dun lik changes...since i hav grown so used...
but sumtimes doubt whether its time tt i had fallen to...i mean i cld hav fallen due to other reasons...its hard to tell when u r in the battle...bullets showering in a 2 way traffic....u nv no when u will b forced to surrender...or defeated by the 2 way bullets...
in a war...no sympathy shld b carried into the field...otherwise the one to die is u...but at our lvl of humanity...does tt tinkin still hold...does winnin always mean to defeat or to force the enemy into submission...
we r hu we r...the definition of winnin isnt always the same dictionary meanin tt is of easy reach to the so called champions...for dose hu hav or tink dey hav deir own set of criteria to meet b4 dey consider demselves to b victrous...even with ur own definition we normally arent able to meet it...m i not rite?well for most ppl...its coz we normally set sth tt is either achievable or higher den wat we r capable of...tts wat goals shld b abt...but more imptly...while goals make us aim high n far...we shld keep in mind tt the definition of accomplishin our goal is wat we set upon ourselves...but at the same time we shld let ourselves c tt we hav not lost everything...at least not the war...
yeah all dis shit may require ourselves to b quite a degree of a optimist to b able to accept such a philosophy ba...haha...but mayb dis story may help abit in understandin where i m comin from...anyway dis story is being written from memory...so mayb a bit off from wat i read...but i hope it is gd enuff...
one day a man brought his son to a farm to spend the weekend...the man wanted to take the oppurtunity to let his son c how rich n fortunate dey r as compared to the veri poor farmers...
"So...Son, how did u find the farm?Hu do u tink is richer?"said the man.
"Now, I finally know how poor we are."sighed the boy, "The farmers kids are so lucky."
"Omg?!?!?Why do u tink so?"the man questioned in shock.
"We have electricity and lights but they have the whole sky of stars. We own the land that our house is on but they own everything beyond the horizon. We can buy food to eat but they grow their own food. We have a nice garden behind our house but they have a big field behind their house."the boy complained.
So, hu do you tink is richer?
haha...so wat u guys tink...wat i type for the boy's reasonin is onli part of wat i read...but i juz cant remember dem...but i m sure u guys get my pt...so the key to the whole thing is perspective...
so wit dis i m goin to leave sth for u all to tink abt...i lost my battle wit time...but time didnt win the battle...c wat u all make out of dis...tag ur view...n we shall c hu gets the closest to my version...haha...
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
May I love you
Singer:张智成
*Extract*
Love you, Love you
May I love you?
Tell me what to do
才能让你不孤单
我不孤独 一起找幸福
当这个世界一步一步华丽到荒芜
请放心 我还是你的信徒
Love you, Love you
May I love you?
Tell me you love me too
我可以继续付出
付出就够我满足
不相信爱情对我永远(的)残酷
我奢望 时间会为我祝福
i hav pasted the lyrics of a song here...i dun tink i hav to explain wat it means...haha...
msg of the day:I dun lik changes...since i hav grown so used...
18 October 2006
the wait
waitin has taken up a giangantic chunk of my life...most of the time its coz i m too early... come to tink of it i m early for almost anything...i m early for sch, work, meeting, gatherin, trainin...even love...
so its lik i hav to wait for so mani things...for most ppl waiting takes up to 1/5 of deir lives(if i remember correctly)...seriously i dun mind waitin...as long as i hav mp3 to listen to or a bk of my interest...i can wait for hours...haha...but sumtimes i do snap at the late comer la...but if i do...most of the time is jokin onli...unless i m realli dam pissed...but i dun tink the late comin is the main reason ba...haha...
i hav been waitin for a week now...in fact i m anticipatin for it to come...for dose hu r updated...shld no wat i m waitin for...n fyi...i haven receive it yet...i seriously hope i can get it by tml...y sum may ask...its definitely not bcoz i cant wait...i hav my reasons...
sumtimes i feel tt my reasons may sound so ridiculous to sum ppl tt i feel veri reluctant to explain...makin mi lose my patience towards the more persistant ones...sumtimes it gets irritatin...
ok enuff side track...now back to the main topic...i wonder how muc longer the wait is goin to b...as far as my patience is concerned...it has no probs...but den since emotions r involved...the longer it drags...the more i tink...tink of the diff perspective...tink of how things cld hav or cld not hav been...its always my perspective...o well...my patience can onli entertain one person...since its entertainin the wait...i guess i hav to use sth else to keep my emotions in place n my perspective straight...at least until the wait is over...
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
not suppose to b bloggin now...oredi tired from the days work n duty oso...still down here bloggin...but i juz cant help it la...juz feelin terrible...i shldnt hav toked abt tt thing...how stupid of mi...
i no the ans still go n ask...den makin hope seemed lik the oppo...i dun even no whether stupid is a strong enuff word...ha...
now all thanks to my genius tinkin...i m makin myself feel terrible n painful inside...now i hav to bear wit my fatigue n finish up an entry juz to exhaust myself physically mentally n emotionally...if not i no i will hav to face wit another slpless nite again...
although i dun say...but sumtimes i realli hoped hope noes how i feel n wat i tink...yes yes...its all abt mi...but on my end i wld love to no how hope feels n tinks...but its lik my hands r tied...or rather my mouth...since i m still obligated to certain rules of the game...tts y now i m onli down to my blog...not noin whether hope still reads a not...since the last time i no abt hope readin my blog was lik almost 2 mths ago...sumtimes i wished i had a way to track down all my visitors w/o dem findin out...den i wld at least b satisfied for the time being...
but since i m not satisfied in any of the ways i wished i was...i guess i juz hav to live wit it...
msg of the day:i dun lik triangles...esp if i was a isosceles triangle...
so its lik i hav to wait for so mani things...for most ppl waiting takes up to 1/5 of deir lives(if i remember correctly)...seriously i dun mind waitin...as long as i hav mp3 to listen to or a bk of my interest...i can wait for hours...haha...but sumtimes i do snap at the late comer la...but if i do...most of the time is jokin onli...unless i m realli dam pissed...but i dun tink the late comin is the main reason ba...haha...
i hav been waitin for a week now...in fact i m anticipatin for it to come...for dose hu r updated...shld no wat i m waitin for...n fyi...i haven receive it yet...i seriously hope i can get it by tml...y sum may ask...its definitely not bcoz i cant wait...i hav my reasons...
sumtimes i feel tt my reasons may sound so ridiculous to sum ppl tt i feel veri reluctant to explain...makin mi lose my patience towards the more persistant ones...sumtimes it gets irritatin...
ok enuff side track...now back to the main topic...i wonder how muc longer the wait is goin to b...as far as my patience is concerned...it has no probs...but den since emotions r involved...the longer it drags...the more i tink...tink of the diff perspective...tink of how things cld hav or cld not hav been...its always my perspective...o well...my patience can onli entertain one person...since its entertainin the wait...i guess i hav to use sth else to keep my emotions in place n my perspective straight...at least until the wait is over...
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
not suppose to b bloggin now...oredi tired from the days work n duty oso...still down here bloggin...but i juz cant help it la...juz feelin terrible...i shldnt hav toked abt tt thing...how stupid of mi...
i no the ans still go n ask...den makin hope seemed lik the oppo...i dun even no whether stupid is a strong enuff word...ha...
now all thanks to my genius tinkin...i m makin myself feel terrible n painful inside...now i hav to bear wit my fatigue n finish up an entry juz to exhaust myself physically mentally n emotionally...if not i no i will hav to face wit another slpless nite again...
although i dun say...but sumtimes i realli hoped hope noes how i feel n wat i tink...yes yes...its all abt mi...but on my end i wld love to no how hope feels n tinks...but its lik my hands r tied...or rather my mouth...since i m still obligated to certain rules of the game...tts y now i m onli down to my blog...not noin whether hope still reads a not...since the last time i no abt hope readin my blog was lik almost 2 mths ago...sumtimes i wished i had a way to track down all my visitors w/o dem findin out...den i wld at least b satisfied for the time being...
but since i m not satisfied in any of the ways i wished i was...i guess i juz hav to live wit it...
msg of the day:i dun lik triangles...esp if i was a isosceles triangle...
15 October 2006
review of things...
haha...haven been updatin on things...well 3 major event passed since my last update r namely my grandfather passin away, hope's bday n yan's bday...haha...
well durin dis period of mayb 1 mth or more...i hav lot of tot abt life...n new resoultions formed...i blive i hav strenghten my philosophy...haha...durin den actually dere were a couple of times tt i feel tt i needed to blog...but sumhow i didnt in the end...either i found sth else to drown my emotions or i m juz too down to even blog...
haha...but o well...i survived...n summore after witnessin so muc saddenin stuff first person or second person exp...i figured tt i shldnt b so depressed wit my life...since dere r worsed...not tryin to put others down...but juz tt i shldnt b so low juz bcoz of small stuff...shld fight on...n make things better for myself...
but at the same time i no tt i hav been sayin dis kind of stuff for mani times...n veri long liao...but haha...i will keep tryin until i ultimately can do it...haha...yong yuan de xin tu...haha...
today actually not in the mood to blog one...but tot tt i shld keep record briefly of my tots...if not my blog will die...n my brain will overload oso...haha...summore suddenly got so mani ppl tok to mi...my train of tots oso luan...haha...but i will update soon la...coz i anticipate tt sth big is goin to happen...n i tink i will blog abt it one...
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
i duno y...but i startin to lose my artistic touch for composin...haha...its as if the companionship of certain ppl gives mi certain "ability"haha...but aiya...no composin touch nvm...haha...at least my HR tinkin still ard...tts gd enuff for mi...haha...
tt time fate said tt i look happier...i wasnt sure if she was rite...but well i tink i can safely say tt i m happier now...haha...but i hope tt it stays the way it is no matter wat happens...haha...
msg of the day:happiness is by choice not by chance...
well durin dis period of mayb 1 mth or more...i hav lot of tot abt life...n new resoultions formed...i blive i hav strenghten my philosophy...haha...durin den actually dere were a couple of times tt i feel tt i needed to blog...but sumhow i didnt in the end...either i found sth else to drown my emotions or i m juz too down to even blog...
haha...but o well...i survived...n summore after witnessin so muc saddenin stuff first person or second person exp...i figured tt i shldnt b so depressed wit my life...since dere r worsed...not tryin to put others down...but juz tt i shldnt b so low juz bcoz of small stuff...shld fight on...n make things better for myself...
but at the same time i no tt i hav been sayin dis kind of stuff for mani times...n veri long liao...but haha...i will keep tryin until i ultimately can do it...haha...yong yuan de xin tu...haha...
today actually not in the mood to blog one...but tot tt i shld keep record briefly of my tots...if not my blog will die...n my brain will overload oso...haha...summore suddenly got so mani ppl tok to mi...my train of tots oso luan...haha...but i will update soon la...coz i anticipate tt sth big is goin to happen...n i tink i will blog abt it one...
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
i duno y...but i startin to lose my artistic touch for composin...haha...its as if the companionship of certain ppl gives mi certain "ability"haha...but aiya...no composin touch nvm...haha...at least my HR tinkin still ard...tts gd enuff for mi...haha...
tt time fate said tt i look happier...i wasnt sure if she was rite...but well i tink i can safely say tt i m happier now...haha...but i hope tt it stays the way it is no matter wat happens...haha...
msg of the day:happiness is by choice not by chance...
13 October 2006
personality test:horoscope
Dominant Keyword: I AM.
Lucky Day: Tuesday
Lucky Numbers: 1 and 9
Birthstone: Diamond
Color(s): Red
Metal: Iron
Your most likeable trait: COURAGE
Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, the sign that symbolizes a new beginning. There is a dynamic restlessness to the Aries character. With the Sun in this sign you are an activist and doer. If you have a new plan or idea—if an enterprise strikes your fancy—you can't wait to plunge right in. The amusing little prayer, "Grant me patience NOW!" is typical of the Arien attitude.
When others first meet you their instant impression is of someone exciting, vibrant, talkative. Others will be lucky if they can get a word in edgewise. If someone brings up a topic, you will be delighted to tell in great detail exactly what you think about it.
As an Aries person you gravitate toward the center of action. You are a natural leader who exudes self confidence. From an early age you feel you are headed for success, and you treat opposition as an annoyance to be brushed out of the way.
There is nothing faint-hearted about an Arien. You are willing to take a gamble, follow a dream, set your mind on a goal, and pursue it with irresistible enthusiasm. Your supreme quality of optimism attracts others. Underneath there may lurk insecurity, but no one will ever know about it.
This is not to say you don't get depressed or moody. But the winter of despair doesn't last a week with Aries. You have an uncrackable optimism. It is true, however, that Aries people are notorious for taking offense at fancied slights and injuries. Hot tempers and childish tantrums abound, and your threshold of boredom is extremely low. If success is not immediate, you may lose interest and go in search of other excitement. As a result, patient, plodding types often get to the head of the class before you do.
Arien's have a well-deserved reputation for not finishing what they have begun. You sometimes spend your energy in too many different ways, like the Ring Lardner hero who mounted a horse and rode off in all directions at once.
Independence is a keyword. You can turn sulky and peevish if you have to take orders. You would much rather be the world's largest lizard than the world's smallest dragon. You want to run the whole show. If you can't, you pull up stakes and look for a situation in which you can show off your style and brilliance.
Should you come up against a superior force, you will bend but never break. Your aggressive and combative spirit cannot be broken by anyone—except yourself.
Though generally sincere and honest, you will tell a white lie if it seems advantageous. You are not a very adept liar, however; others see right through you. Sometimes you lack tact and diplomacy—but no malice is intended. Sagittarians also lack this quality of tact because they don't know how to be oblique or roundabout. With you, tactlessness is an impulsive act—a careless expression of your innate force. Too often you speak without thinking and say whatever pops into your mouth, and usually regret your impulsiveness later.
Aries is lucky with money, but can't hold on to it. You tend to run up big bills, live extravagantly, soar over budget. However, you usually find a way to pay off what you owe. You have too much pride to remain in anyone's debt.
In friendship you give magnanimously if someone is in need—but you want to get credit for your good deeds. In the garden of Aries, there are no shrinking violets.
You are creative, open-hearted, high-spirited, pioneering, also vain, feisty, and impatient. Those who deal with you on an intimate basis will have on chief problem: How are they going to keep up the pace?
Aries: The Amorous Nature
YOU AND ARIES MAN
It would be superfluous to say he has fiery emotions because he has practically no other kind. He's always in search of something that will satisfy his pioneering, ever-aggressive lust for adventure. He moves within a self-created aura of excitement and somehow things happen wherever he is.
He won't be easy to resist. Think it over before you say even a tentative no. Where else will you find a lover as adventurous, original, virile, and vital? A woman who is attracted to an Aries male should be willing to settle for a brilliant, exciting and generally short affair. Romantically, he dotes on challenge and novelty. To him the world is a garden of feminine flowers and he can't afford to miss the scent of a single lovely bloom. There are so many delights to sample—before winter comes. He is always eager for a new experience. At first, that's all a woman represents to him.
However, there is a vulnerable side to this man. he believes in the Eternal Woman, a romanticized version of the beautiful goddess whom he will sweep off her feet. He doesn't understand deviousness in a relationship, and if a woman appears innocent and yielding he won't look further. If he discovers that he has been duped and taken advantage of, his bewilderment and hurt quickly turn to anger.
Aries is an acter-out of sexual fantasies. The minute he finds himself daydreaming about a sexual situation, he sets to work trying to make it a reality. And something about his blunt, direct approach, "the battering ram," gets results where more subtle means might fail. He leaves no doubt of his intention from the first, but comes at you directly. His manner is forceful, aggressive, and winning. He is used to winning. On your first date you'll learn that you cannot take the lead. He will tell you where you're going and when; you can simply relax and leave it all in his capable hands.
He is impulsive to the point of rashness. When he wants you, he wants you. He has no control over his passions and must go anywhere his desires impel him. He doesn't worry about consequences.
This man has energy, imagination, and sheer physical exuberance. Any woman who has had an Aries man around the house will tell you she had an exciting time—while it lasted.
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
will i agree dis test is quite true for yan...but for mi i dun agree as muc...generally... i tink i m not tt impatient...of course unless it involves emotions den i wld hav no control over it...haha...n oso i dun tink i m as adventous as the test says i m...haha...so ya...wat do u guys tink...haha...
msg of the day:u r hu u r, wat the general states is onli a guide
Lucky Day: Tuesday
Lucky Numbers: 1 and 9
Birthstone: Diamond
Color(s): Red
Metal: Iron
Your most likeable trait: COURAGE
Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, the sign that symbolizes a new beginning. There is a dynamic restlessness to the Aries character. With the Sun in this sign you are an activist and doer. If you have a new plan or idea—if an enterprise strikes your fancy—you can't wait to plunge right in. The amusing little prayer, "Grant me patience NOW!" is typical of the Arien attitude.
When others first meet you their instant impression is of someone exciting, vibrant, talkative. Others will be lucky if they can get a word in edgewise. If someone brings up a topic, you will be delighted to tell in great detail exactly what you think about it.
As an Aries person you gravitate toward the center of action. You are a natural leader who exudes self confidence. From an early age you feel you are headed for success, and you treat opposition as an annoyance to be brushed out of the way.
There is nothing faint-hearted about an Arien. You are willing to take a gamble, follow a dream, set your mind on a goal, and pursue it with irresistible enthusiasm. Your supreme quality of optimism attracts others. Underneath there may lurk insecurity, but no one will ever know about it.
This is not to say you don't get depressed or moody. But the winter of despair doesn't last a week with Aries. You have an uncrackable optimism. It is true, however, that Aries people are notorious for taking offense at fancied slights and injuries. Hot tempers and childish tantrums abound, and your threshold of boredom is extremely low. If success is not immediate, you may lose interest and go in search of other excitement. As a result, patient, plodding types often get to the head of the class before you do.
Arien's have a well-deserved reputation for not finishing what they have begun. You sometimes spend your energy in too many different ways, like the Ring Lardner hero who mounted a horse and rode off in all directions at once.
Independence is a keyword. You can turn sulky and peevish if you have to take orders. You would much rather be the world's largest lizard than the world's smallest dragon. You want to run the whole show. If you can't, you pull up stakes and look for a situation in which you can show off your style and brilliance.
Should you come up against a superior force, you will bend but never break. Your aggressive and combative spirit cannot be broken by anyone—except yourself.
Though generally sincere and honest, you will tell a white lie if it seems advantageous. You are not a very adept liar, however; others see right through you. Sometimes you lack tact and diplomacy—but no malice is intended. Sagittarians also lack this quality of tact because they don't know how to be oblique or roundabout. With you, tactlessness is an impulsive act—a careless expression of your innate force. Too often you speak without thinking and say whatever pops into your mouth, and usually regret your impulsiveness later.
Aries is lucky with money, but can't hold on to it. You tend to run up big bills, live extravagantly, soar over budget. However, you usually find a way to pay off what you owe. You have too much pride to remain in anyone's debt.
In friendship you give magnanimously if someone is in need—but you want to get credit for your good deeds. In the garden of Aries, there are no shrinking violets.
You are creative, open-hearted, high-spirited, pioneering, also vain, feisty, and impatient. Those who deal with you on an intimate basis will have on chief problem: How are they going to keep up the pace?
Aries: The Amorous Nature
YOU AND ARIES MAN
It would be superfluous to say he has fiery emotions because he has practically no other kind. He's always in search of something that will satisfy his pioneering, ever-aggressive lust for adventure. He moves within a self-created aura of excitement and somehow things happen wherever he is.
He won't be easy to resist. Think it over before you say even a tentative no. Where else will you find a lover as adventurous, original, virile, and vital? A woman who is attracted to an Aries male should be willing to settle for a brilliant, exciting and generally short affair. Romantically, he dotes on challenge and novelty. To him the world is a garden of feminine flowers and he can't afford to miss the scent of a single lovely bloom. There are so many delights to sample—before winter comes. He is always eager for a new experience. At first, that's all a woman represents to him.
However, there is a vulnerable side to this man. he believes in the Eternal Woman, a romanticized version of the beautiful goddess whom he will sweep off her feet. He doesn't understand deviousness in a relationship, and if a woman appears innocent and yielding he won't look further. If he discovers that he has been duped and taken advantage of, his bewilderment and hurt quickly turn to anger.
Aries is an acter-out of sexual fantasies. The minute he finds himself daydreaming about a sexual situation, he sets to work trying to make it a reality. And something about his blunt, direct approach, "the battering ram," gets results where more subtle means might fail. He leaves no doubt of his intention from the first, but comes at you directly. His manner is forceful, aggressive, and winning. He is used to winning. On your first date you'll learn that you cannot take the lead. He will tell you where you're going and when; you can simply relax and leave it all in his capable hands.
He is impulsive to the point of rashness. When he wants you, he wants you. He has no control over his passions and must go anywhere his desires impel him. He doesn't worry about consequences.
This man has energy, imagination, and sheer physical exuberance. Any woman who has had an Aries man around the house will tell you she had an exciting time—while it lasted.
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
will i agree dis test is quite true for yan...but for mi i dun agree as muc...generally... i tink i m not tt impatient...of course unless it involves emotions den i wld hav no control over it...haha...n oso i dun tink i m as adventous as the test says i m...haha...so ya...wat do u guys tink...haha...
msg of the day:u r hu u r, wat the general states is onli a guide
17 September 2006
darkness
today is a normal sun...wake up eat play...den go c my grandfather...but on the way to dinner...suddenly got overwhelmed wit sadness...duno y...now as i write dis entry i feel better oredi...
lookin at the tots tt went thru my mind juz now...i tink i m juz afraid of the future ba...the uncharted territory tt is shrouded by darkness...n i realise recently tt more n more of us r feelin dis way...u guys might not say it...but i m sure u guys feel it...yes its normal...but den i duno...its not gd...is it?
well i guess if we were to b more confident abt ourselves...mayb we wun feel it as often...n not onli will we feel afraid...sumtimes we oso will feel empty...lost...for dose hu r attached...will u may still feel it at times one rite? i no i m in no position to say so since i m not attached... but i guessed as muc...
anyways so muc said...i realli wan to remind all my dear friends tt this kind of feelins has an ez method to get over...companionship...i no juz now i said tt ppl hu r attached may feel dis oso...well... even if we r by each other...if at tt pt of time u dun feel connected to the person even when u r side by side...sadness will draw u into tt overwhelmin darkness...i duno whether my dear readers no wat i m tokin abt...n i oso cant realli phrase it properly...
anyway back to my pt of usin companionship to cure it...well its abt the same as rubbin passion...juz tt dis is to rub away...tt dark patch...tok it out wit the person u feel most comfortable wit...it may not necessary b ur bf or gf...i mean i m sure sths u will feel relunctant to tok to dem abt...mayb coz u dun wan dam to worry...or mayb its coz its deir flaw tt u r willin to overlook but juz wan to complain abt...all sorts of things...
my pt of dis entry is y bottle urself up n suffer alone...n complain tt nobody cares for u n all...once u tok it out...ur darkness bcomes apparently onli loneliness onli...n once the light shines on it...u will feel all better...dun let urself get stuck in the well...stop fallin oredi...if u need a hand...i can reel u up...
remember our future may b bleak as it is...but den y whine abt how bad it is...instead we shld put our time n energy to tink of how to make it better...jia you ba my dear friends...now i oso hav to jia you too...haha...
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24hr信徒
~~~~~~
dere r mani things tt i m worried abt...tts y i dun dare to tink abt the future...but sumtimes i juz cant help it to take a peek of wat it may b...
i hav been thru a lot from where i was...n i hav seen even more from others lives...dere is no need to compare hus life is worse off or better off...everyone live deir own unique life...everyone has deir view of wat is sad n wats not...
when 2 solutions r place together...dere is onli 2 possiblities...either dere is a reaction or dere isnt...if dere is a reaction...dere is a reaction...if dere isnt a reaction...dere isnt a reaction...no matter how muc more of each solution u add...the result will still b same...
so if u ask mi whether izzit worth it to put the solution in the first place...den i will tell u if u dun try u will nv no...life is a gamble...i m willin to risk it again...if i succeed...i reap the product...if i fail...den juz start over again n tink abt another mixture...
life is juz lik tt...a game of trial n error...u juz hav to b able to endure the cost of startin n endin the experiment...love is such an interestin chemistry...
msg of the day:if tml nv comes, wld she no how muc i loved her...
lookin at the tots tt went thru my mind juz now...i tink i m juz afraid of the future ba...the uncharted territory tt is shrouded by darkness...n i realise recently tt more n more of us r feelin dis way...u guys might not say it...but i m sure u guys feel it...yes its normal...but den i duno...its not gd...is it?
well i guess if we were to b more confident abt ourselves...mayb we wun feel it as often...n not onli will we feel afraid...sumtimes we oso will feel empty...lost...for dose hu r attached...will u may still feel it at times one rite? i no i m in no position to say so since i m not attached... but i guessed as muc...
anyways so muc said...i realli wan to remind all my dear friends tt this kind of feelins has an ez method to get over...companionship...i no juz now i said tt ppl hu r attached may feel dis oso...well... even if we r by each other...if at tt pt of time u dun feel connected to the person even when u r side by side...sadness will draw u into tt overwhelmin darkness...i duno whether my dear readers no wat i m tokin abt...n i oso cant realli phrase it properly...
anyway back to my pt of usin companionship to cure it...well its abt the same as rubbin passion...juz tt dis is to rub away...tt dark patch...tok it out wit the person u feel most comfortable wit...it may not necessary b ur bf or gf...i mean i m sure sths u will feel relunctant to tok to dem abt...mayb coz u dun wan dam to worry...or mayb its coz its deir flaw tt u r willin to overlook but juz wan to complain abt...all sorts of things...
my pt of dis entry is y bottle urself up n suffer alone...n complain tt nobody cares for u n all...once u tok it out...ur darkness bcomes apparently onli loneliness onli...n once the light shines on it...u will feel all better...dun let urself get stuck in the well...stop fallin oredi...if u need a hand...i can reel u up...
remember our future may b bleak as it is...but den y whine abt how bad it is...instead we shld put our time n energy to tink of how to make it better...jia you ba my dear friends...now i oso hav to jia you too...haha...
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24hr信徒
~~~~~~
dere r mani things tt i m worried abt...tts y i dun dare to tink abt the future...but sumtimes i juz cant help it to take a peek of wat it may b...
i hav been thru a lot from where i was...n i hav seen even more from others lives...dere is no need to compare hus life is worse off or better off...everyone live deir own unique life...everyone has deir view of wat is sad n wats not...
when 2 solutions r place together...dere is onli 2 possiblities...either dere is a reaction or dere isnt...if dere is a reaction...dere is a reaction...if dere isnt a reaction...dere isnt a reaction...no matter how muc more of each solution u add...the result will still b same...
so if u ask mi whether izzit worth it to put the solution in the first place...den i will tell u if u dun try u will nv no...life is a gamble...i m willin to risk it again...if i succeed...i reap the product...if i fail...den juz start over again n tink abt another mixture...
life is juz lik tt...a game of trial n error...u juz hav to b able to endure the cost of startin n endin the experiment...love is such an interestin chemistry...
msg of the day:if tml nv comes, wld she no how muc i loved her...
07 September 2006
ambition
tt day by luck i got to watch a documentary on channel U...i tink the name of the show is called tou shi yan...i hav watched the show for a couple of times oredi...its quite a nice show to watch...enrichin i shld say...haha...
anyways tt days epi was abt the ambition of 8 youths+kids...dere was a mixture of dem...sum of deir ambitions were quite normal...but out of the 8... dere were sum veri outstandin ones...
the first one was a 10 year old kid who was a hardcore nature lover...haha...i mean realli veri power...i mean at dis age...he is oredi a volunteer nature walk guide...dam pro la...haha...dis was not as pro la...but den quite stunnin...
the second one was a 18 year old gal...who was a blogger...but wat is so special abt her is tt she blogs veri political entries targeting at the singapore govt system...despite her age...she portrayed a veri serious...
the third one was a 13-14 year old boy...he kana i tink is leukemia...den stop goin to sch for abt 1 n half years...he manage to fight it n survived up till today...
the forth one was another 19 year old gal...hu was the same batch as mi in jj...she has been workin together wit father at her fathers coffee stall since she grad from jc...didnt no tt she was this "kind" of person...as in sch she portrayed an image of a veri in person...always go out wit friends kind...but apparently not...she had a sad story to tell...although not tt sad...
but her crisis juz reminds mi again tt we shldnt take things for granted...and shld b more thankful for wat we hav...she had a choice of goin out wit her friends n hav fun...but she chose to stay back n help her father...n i oso remind mi tt shi qing wang wang bu shi wo men xiang xiang de na yang...
i duno y i blog abt the show almost...coz it occurs to mi tt... dis entry other den mayb the 4 person...the rest i didnt realli write sth worth readin...juz hav to urge to do so lor...
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24hr信徒
~~~~~~
"r u better off?u seem happier..."
hmm...dis was the qn...i wanted to say a loud YES...but paused to look at how things r now...i dun hav the confidence to say it...
"haha.yeah...mayb since now i dun need to worry abt u...but of course i still got other worries..."
now my mind is in a mess...i can no longer tell wats goin on...plus i mean once bitten twice shy...but den i juz cant control myself from doin the same crap again...i mean if everything goes alrite...den ok la...i wun hav anything to say...but den if thins flopped again...den it wld juz feel as if i threw a rock on my own toes...sianz...
i m startin to tink tt i m a freak for information...i feel so in the dark now...i mean i feel tt i no nth abt wats goin on...it feels kind of irritatin...but den the worse thing is tt i wun get to no...at least not for now...ba...
msg of the day:i wished i knew wat is goin on...
anyways tt days epi was abt the ambition of 8 youths+kids...dere was a mixture of dem...sum of deir ambitions were quite normal...but out of the 8... dere were sum veri outstandin ones...
the first one was a 10 year old kid who was a hardcore nature lover...haha...i mean realli veri power...i mean at dis age...he is oredi a volunteer nature walk guide...dam pro la...haha...dis was not as pro la...but den quite stunnin...
the second one was a 18 year old gal...who was a blogger...but wat is so special abt her is tt she blogs veri political entries targeting at the singapore govt system...despite her age...she portrayed a veri serious...
the third one was a 13-14 year old boy...he kana i tink is leukemia...den stop goin to sch for abt 1 n half years...he manage to fight it n survived up till today...
the forth one was another 19 year old gal...hu was the same batch as mi in jj...she has been workin together wit father at her fathers coffee stall since she grad from jc...didnt no tt she was this "kind" of person...as in sch she portrayed an image of a veri in person...always go out wit friends kind...but apparently not...she had a sad story to tell...although not tt sad...
but her crisis juz reminds mi again tt we shldnt take things for granted...and shld b more thankful for wat we hav...she had a choice of goin out wit her friends n hav fun...but she chose to stay back n help her father...n i oso remind mi tt shi qing wang wang bu shi wo men xiang xiang de na yang...
i duno y i blog abt the show almost...coz it occurs to mi tt... dis entry other den mayb the 4 person...the rest i didnt realli write sth worth readin...juz hav to urge to do so lor...
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24hr信徒
~~~~~~
"r u better off?u seem happier..."
hmm...dis was the qn...i wanted to say a loud YES...but paused to look at how things r now...i dun hav the confidence to say it...
"haha.yeah...mayb since now i dun need to worry abt u...but of course i still got other worries..."
now my mind is in a mess...i can no longer tell wats goin on...plus i mean once bitten twice shy...but den i juz cant control myself from doin the same crap again...i mean if everything goes alrite...den ok la...i wun hav anything to say...but den if thins flopped again...den it wld juz feel as if i threw a rock on my own toes...sianz...
i m startin to tink tt i m a freak for information...i feel so in the dark now...i mean i feel tt i no nth abt wats goin on...it feels kind of irritatin...but den the worse thing is tt i wun get to no...at least not for now...ba...
msg of the day:i wished i knew wat is goin on...
03 September 2006
cherish
i duno y...but i tink i startin to get the habit of bloggin EARLY in the mornin...after i reach home tt is...i mean i m tired...but my mind juz refuse to switch off until i 'save' the last updates to the blog...n the main topic for today juz poped up when i was bathin juz now...haha...veri impromtu...
anyways...i may hav tok abt dis topic b4 in the past...but i cant remember la...anyways...its kind of depressin lookin at ppl nowadays...i mean lik...we r not being thankful enuff...not cherishin wat we hav in hand...takes things for granted...we r juz dam spoiled...i mean lets look at things from diff levels...
globally...humans as a whole dun cherish deir resources...esp the natural ones...its no wonder earth is sick...n no wonder the wrath of mother nature(yeah...dis sounds lik gp essay)...juz reminds mi of tt canto song by eason in his recent album...tokin abt battle of human n god(in dis case nature)...until now we still arent cherishin it...ppl juz dun bother...i mean ya...i admit...i oso quite wastin on the resources...it mayb small...but if everyone oso lik tt...den a lot liao...quite scary if u ask mi...
community level...i duno how to apply cherishin here...but i heard n said b4 dis...in dis world dere r 8 billion ppl...but how mani of dese ppl were chosen to b in ur life...i mean lets juz tok abt the weird uncle tt lives in ur blk...but u hav nv tok to him b4...juz found him weird coz u tink so...u c him ard sumtimes...but how come he was the one chosen to b the weird one...but not sum other ppl...i mean look at the odds of another person takin his place...i mean ya la...his existance may not hav anything to do wit ur life...or mayb tts wat u tink...u nv no until u find out...for all u no he was the one hu always pick up junkmail tt is thrown onto the floor everyday other den the cleaners...he may or may not hav impacted ur life in the slightest way...my pt is tt person is dere for a reason...if duno the reason...its ok...giv a smile to it...n things mayb nicer...
individual level...dis one no need to say liao la...its obvious la...i mean sum ppl prefer not to put cherish into words of appreciation...but tink abt it...if u onli say it out when its too late...the onli thing u can do is regret...yeah it mayb mushy...but sumtimes u nv no how muc tt line can brighten up tt persons day...n oso improve ur relationships...but of course not askin u to say it everyday la...tt will make it quite ptless...although i find the japanese culture of doin so veri nice...but i tink singaporeans shld keep deir own style...
anyways say so muc...i oso duno whether u all catch my ball a not...but the thing is cherishin sth or sumone can b in mani forms...feelin...action...speech...but the thing is dun hesitate to let sumone no tt u appreciate dem...dun get caught in the situation whereby u gettin reprimanded by the old sayin...只等到失去了，才懂得珍惜。den its too late...coz sths cant get back one...juz lik water pour out...u cant keep back...
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24hr信徒
~~~~~~
time was nv on my side...not for the past 19+ years...my timin was always off...seriously la...its dam sickenin...
patience may b one of my strenghts...but the waitin i do in my life is lik more den other ppl lor...in case u guys duno...we spend 1/3 of our lives waitin for sth or sumone...den plus our slpin time...we r onli realli doin things 1/3 time of lives...
so wats my pt? my pt is since time was nv on my side...every sec shld b cherished...everytime i get down on my feet... i take a rather long time to stand up again...but i shldnt b wastin time away lik tt... dere r more things to b accomplished...but while standin up...i nv forget to pickup wat is learned in tt lesson...everytime i learn new stuff...
now i shld say i m in a now chap of my life...not the army one...but the view towards life...recently dere may b a lot of ups n downs...but i need to stay strong...coz dere r ppl out dere dependin on mi...
i haven been successful in anything up till now...but i aint goin to stop here...i wan to strive for sth...
now tt i hav found hope...i hav a new target in life...goals tt i hav to accomplish to meet my target...life hav nv felt so hopeful...realli...from the bottom of my heart...
i may not b able to blog abt it openly yet...but i hope one day...one day i wld b able to shout out loud wat hope has brought into my life...n y i wan to cherish her so muc...
i hope u guys hav at least sth in life tt u realli wan to cherish...other den the usual stuff...one eg is the friendship of SH!N-13...its rather broken into pieces...coz of lost of contact n mayb friction...or mayb it wasnt SH!N-13 to start wit...now i tink onli left SH!N-6 onli...rather sad...but i cherish dose time we had...although i m quite happi to say tt although SH!N-13 is more or less no more...but the grp is slowly gainin new membership...wich is gd...haha...
anyways i tink i shall stop here... dis entry is luan enuff liao...esp the 2nd part... i dun even no wat i m tokin abt...haha...but impromtu is lik tt one la...
msg of the day:u r in my life not by chance, its by destiny...
anyways...i may hav tok abt dis topic b4 in the past...but i cant remember la...anyways...its kind of depressin lookin at ppl nowadays...i mean lik...we r not being thankful enuff...not cherishin wat we hav in hand...takes things for granted...we r juz dam spoiled...i mean lets look at things from diff levels...
globally...humans as a whole dun cherish deir resources...esp the natural ones...its no wonder earth is sick...n no wonder the wrath of mother nature(yeah...dis sounds lik gp essay)...juz reminds mi of tt canto song by eason in his recent album...tokin abt battle of human n god(in dis case nature)...until now we still arent cherishin it...ppl juz dun bother...i mean ya...i admit...i oso quite wastin on the resources...it mayb small...but if everyone oso lik tt...den a lot liao...quite scary if u ask mi...
community level...i duno how to apply cherishin here...but i heard n said b4 dis...in dis world dere r 8 billion ppl...but how mani of dese ppl were chosen to b in ur life...i mean lets juz tok abt the weird uncle tt lives in ur blk...but u hav nv tok to him b4...juz found him weird coz u tink so...u c him ard sumtimes...but how come he was the one chosen to b the weird one...but not sum other ppl...i mean look at the odds of another person takin his place...i mean ya la...his existance may not hav anything to do wit ur life...or mayb tts wat u tink...u nv no until u find out...for all u no he was the one hu always pick up junkmail tt is thrown onto the floor everyday other den the cleaners...he may or may not hav impacted ur life in the slightest way...my pt is tt person is dere for a reason...if duno the reason...its ok...giv a smile to it...n things mayb nicer...
individual level...dis one no need to say liao la...its obvious la...i mean sum ppl prefer not to put cherish into words of appreciation...but tink abt it...if u onli say it out when its too late...the onli thing u can do is regret...yeah it mayb mushy...but sumtimes u nv no how muc tt line can brighten up tt persons day...n oso improve ur relationships...but of course not askin u to say it everyday la...tt will make it quite ptless...although i find the japanese culture of doin so veri nice...but i tink singaporeans shld keep deir own style...
anyways say so muc...i oso duno whether u all catch my ball a not...but the thing is cherishin sth or sumone can b in mani forms...feelin...action...speech...but the thing is dun hesitate to let sumone no tt u appreciate dem...dun get caught in the situation whereby u gettin reprimanded by the old sayin...只等到失去了，才懂得珍惜。den its too late...coz sths cant get back one...juz lik water pour out...u cant keep back...
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24hr信徒
~~~~~~
time was nv on my side...not for the past 19+ years...my timin was always off...seriously la...its dam sickenin...
patience may b one of my strenghts...but the waitin i do in my life is lik more den other ppl lor...in case u guys duno...we spend 1/3 of our lives waitin for sth or sumone...den plus our slpin time...we r onli realli doin things 1/3 time of lives...
so wats my pt? my pt is since time was nv on my side...every sec shld b cherished...everytime i get down on my feet... i take a rather long time to stand up again...but i shldnt b wastin time away lik tt... dere r more things to b accomplished...but while standin up...i nv forget to pickup wat is learned in tt lesson...everytime i learn new stuff...
now i shld say i m in a now chap of my life...not the army one...but the view towards life...recently dere may b a lot of ups n downs...but i need to stay strong...coz dere r ppl out dere dependin on mi...
i haven been successful in anything up till now...but i aint goin to stop here...i wan to strive for sth...
now tt i hav found hope...i hav a new target in life...goals tt i hav to accomplish to meet my target...life hav nv felt so hopeful...realli...from the bottom of my heart...
i may not b able to blog abt it openly yet...but i hope one day...one day i wld b able to shout out loud wat hope has brought into my life...n y i wan to cherish her so muc...
i hope u guys hav at least sth in life tt u realli wan to cherish...other den the usual stuff...one eg is the friendship of SH!N-13...its rather broken into pieces...coz of lost of contact n mayb friction...or mayb it wasnt SH!N-13 to start wit...now i tink onli left SH!N-6 onli...rather sad...but i cherish dose time we had...although i m quite happi to say tt although SH!N-13 is more or less no more...but the grp is slowly gainin new membership...wich is gd...haha...
anyways i tink i shall stop here... dis entry is luan enuff liao...esp the 2nd part... i dun even no wat i m tokin abt...haha...but impromtu is lik tt one la...
msg of the day:u r in my life not by chance, its by destiny...
25 August 2006
i made a mistake...i m sorry...
bad day...go office...chief clerk bad mood...as usual always as mi do things...the most pissin thing is she ask mi to help do thing when i goin for lunch break...den after tt kana kan by officer...go busstop...missed the bus...juz when u tink tt shld b it...now i m here at home feelin sorry for myself...for the mistake tt i hav made yet again...
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24hr信徒
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i guess i made the wrong decision not goin...again...
i duno m i givin myself false hopes...but when u saw mi...u seem happi...n my bad day seem lik nth at tt moment...i was happi too...
but when i not goin...ur face changed...
mayb i m readin too muc into all dis...all dis may or may not hav anything to do wit mi...but i duno...but today is definitely not the day to lose my temper...
i duno y...my heart sunk as time went by...i cldnt help it or control it...it is still sinkin...
mayb after a nite's slp...i mayb i will start a fresh pg of my life...but everyday no matter how happi i m...dere will always still b a part of mi in tt dark lonely corner...turnin myself into a nutcase...i m juz lik a timebomb...tickin away...hu noes when all the pressure tt i hav built all dis years will explode out...leavin mi in broken pieces...
my life is drivin mi crazy...i need sumone to stand by mi...I NEED YOU!
msg of the day:dun ask mi y...coz the onli ans u will get is love...
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24hr信徒
~~~~~~
i guess i made the wrong decision not goin...again...
i duno m i givin myself false hopes...but when u saw mi...u seem happi...n my bad day seem lik nth at tt moment...i was happi too...
but when i not goin...ur face changed...
mayb i m readin too muc into all dis...all dis may or may not hav anything to do wit mi...but i duno...but today is definitely not the day to lose my temper...
i duno y...my heart sunk as time went by...i cldnt help it or control it...it is still sinkin...
mayb after a nite's slp...i mayb i will start a fresh pg of my life...but everyday no matter how happi i m...dere will always still b a part of mi in tt dark lonely corner...turnin myself into a nutcase...i m juz lik a timebomb...tickin away...hu noes when all the pressure tt i hav built all dis years will explode out...leavin mi in broken pieces...
my life is drivin mi crazy...i need sumone to stand by mi...I NEED YOU!
msg of the day:dun ask mi y...coz the onli ans u will get is love...
20 August 2006
i gav my first to MOS...
well i gav my first clubbin exp to MOS...well i dun lik the poundin music n the smoke(wich accordin to zi xiang was worse last time b4 the ban)...other tt its ok la...i mean its sumwhere u can make friends ezly...ppl r more open dere...but of course dis kind of friend will b diff from the kind u make at work sch or sum other way...coz i mean ppl go dere to play... so the definition of friends bcomes broader...
but i m sure dere r eg of ppl meetin deir companion at clubs...lik dose fairytales tt we c on tv...but i can gurantee tt the chance of tt happenin is veri slim...makin friends as in dose normal go out tok cok other den clubbin kind oredi heng enuff le...let alone companions...
i was offered chances to dance wit a few gals...but i onli do normal dancin bside dem...didnt take it a step higher...u all shld no wat i mean...i mean lik its a angel devil situation...i m a normal guy...u put a gal infront of mi n ask mi to dance wit her...my devil will pounce at her man...but thing is tt i resisted the temptation...i mean lik my angel tells mi its not style...i m juz not comfortable wit it...i cant say its wrong...but i juz feel tt i shldnt do it...
n come to tink of it...i dun lik gals hu clubbin...but if gals dun clubbin...den dere will b no clubs...n when u step into a club u will hope tt guy gal ratio b better...coz its always lobe sided...the whole dancin issue is veri contradictary...but hu noes wat might happen the next time i go...but the prob is when will the next time b...its quite hard to make mi go to club...even yan was stun tt i agree to go today...
in conclusion...my angel told mi to listen to my heart as usual...n i did...coz ultimately...i no dis is not i wan...my body was dere shakin away...while my soul was guardin by her...i guess till the day my mind takes over the tinkin...it will remain as it is for now...
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24hr信徒
~~~~~~
the thing abt love songs...is tt seriously generally dere r onli 3 kinds...stun? y 3 not 2...haha...
yes deres the most common sad one...wich includes everything from breakup to unreqitted love...for the sad singles out dere...to find a home for deir lonely soul...to hav an ave of expressin deir sadness towards the situation...
n oso dere is the oppo one...the happi ones...dose i love u...u love mi kind...but barney not counted hor...haha...to share the sweetness of the relationship...to spread the wonderful feelin of love...
finally u hav the last kind...n wat do u tink it is...dang dang dang dang...its songs to humor gals/guys(but realli veri little)...to show how muc dey love the other...to move the other's heart...
all dis songs hav diff purpose n r catered for diff ppl of diff status...but lik other genre of songs...dey r way to relate ur xin shen...listenin to such songs may make u feel better...sumtimes ppl say when u r sad...u shldnt listen to sad songs...but i feel tt its not true...coz sumtimes when u feel lonely esp for dose listenin to the first kind of love songs...dey get to relate to the song's sad story...n sumwhere out dere another person shares the sad but same fate as himself/herself...so if one can understand dis...mayb afterwhile(of coz not immediately la) dey shld feel better...n mayb tts the time to switch to happier songs...
but anyways its up to personal preferrence n perception to decide whether dis method works or not...
but anyway sth to pounder abt...wich is longer..."eternity" or "till the end of time"...
msg of the day:if i hav the ability to giv my love for u a time limit, i will make sure its beyond the end of time...
but i m sure dere r eg of ppl meetin deir companion at clubs...lik dose fairytales tt we c on tv...but i can gurantee tt the chance of tt happenin is veri slim...makin friends as in dose normal go out tok cok other den clubbin kind oredi heng enuff le...let alone companions...
i was offered chances to dance wit a few gals...but i onli do normal dancin bside dem...didnt take it a step higher...u all shld no wat i mean...i mean lik its a angel devil situation...i m a normal guy...u put a gal infront of mi n ask mi to dance wit her...my devil will pounce at her man...but thing is tt i resisted the temptation...i mean lik my angel tells mi its not style...i m juz not comfortable wit it...i cant say its wrong...but i juz feel tt i shldnt do it...
n come to tink of it...i dun lik gals hu clubbin...but if gals dun clubbin...den dere will b no clubs...n when u step into a club u will hope tt guy gal ratio b better...coz its always lobe sided...the whole dancin issue is veri contradictary...but hu noes wat might happen the next time i go...but the prob is when will the next time b...its quite hard to make mi go to club...even yan was stun tt i agree to go today...
in conclusion...my angel told mi to listen to my heart as usual...n i did...coz ultimately...i no dis is not i wan...my body was dere shakin away...while my soul was guardin by her...i guess till the day my mind takes over the tinkin...it will remain as it is for now...
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24hr信徒
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the thing abt love songs...is tt seriously generally dere r onli 3 kinds...stun? y 3 not 2...haha...
yes deres the most common sad one...wich includes everything from breakup to unreqitted love...for the sad singles out dere...to find a home for deir lonely soul...to hav an ave of expressin deir sadness towards the situation...
n oso dere is the oppo one...the happi ones...dose i love u...u love mi kind...but barney not counted hor...haha...to share the sweetness of the relationship...to spread the wonderful feelin of love...
finally u hav the last kind...n wat do u tink it is...dang dang dang dang...its songs to humor gals/guys(but realli veri little)...to show how muc dey love the other...to move the other's heart...
all dis songs hav diff purpose n r catered for diff ppl of diff status...but lik other genre of songs...dey r way to relate ur xin shen...listenin to such songs may make u feel better...sumtimes ppl say when u r sad...u shldnt listen to sad songs...but i feel tt its not true...coz sumtimes when u feel lonely esp for dose listenin to the first kind of love songs...dey get to relate to the song's sad story...n sumwhere out dere another person shares the sad but same fate as himself/herself...so if one can understand dis...mayb afterwhile(of coz not immediately la) dey shld feel better...n mayb tts the time to switch to happier songs...
but anyways its up to personal preferrence n perception to decide whether dis method works or not...
but anyway sth to pounder abt...wich is longer..."eternity" or "till the end of time"...
msg of the day:if i hav the ability to giv my love for u a time limit, i will make sure its beyond the end of time...
19 August 2006
wat is happenin...
well...juz when i tot my luck is better oredi...more things happen...dis juz sucks man...
goin to byebye to my ah gong soon...haiz...although i not veri close wit him coz i stop goin to my grandparents house regularly at abt 6...but still i realli saddens mi to c how muc he has to suffer...den my ah ma oso...tt day when i visited dem...she seem veri pessimistic abt her life oso...i mean lik y lik tt...haiz...i tried to tok sense into her...but i dun tink it worked...
i no shen lao bing si is the path of nature...but timin cld nv b worse...everything is turnin mi into a zombie...even in orchard rd i walk as if i m a zombie...it juz reminds mi of tt essay i wrote in sec 4...alone in the crowd...i mean i cant help feelin lonely...coz its lik i feel helpless...n dere r sths tt ppl cant help one...
i was lucky to hav hope to support mi...till recently...i feel tt sth is wrong...but i duno wat...mayb i m been too sensitive...wich always gets mi into trouble...but sumhow sth juz feels wrong...
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24hr信徒
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hope...i duno whether u will b readin dis a not...but i no if u r...u will feel guilty n apologitic...
but u muz understand tt i will b fine as long as i no tt u r fine...at dis pt of time i dun expect tt u to help mi fight my probs...coz realli...u r not obliged...yet sths u still do...wich i m veri thankful for...
so if sth is wrong...pls tell mi...i no certain things u find it hard to put in words...or mayb u dun wish let mi no...but if can... i rather u share it wit mi...at least let mi share ur burden...i hav been dere n i hav done tt...mayb not the same situation...but back den how i wished tt sumone was dere to share my burden...n now tt u r here...u always shared mine...so i dun tink its too muc to ask to share urs back...
tt nite... i no i was been veri harsh wit my words...but the thing is wat u said to mi is sth tt nv crossed my mind...n it will not cross in the near future...i no where u r comin from...but i wan u to understand tt when i say i will always be dere...i always will...
msg of the day:readin a bk takes more den readin the words...
goin to byebye to my ah gong soon...haiz...although i not veri close wit him coz i stop goin to my grandparents house regularly at abt 6...but still i realli saddens mi to c how muc he has to suffer...den my ah ma oso...tt day when i visited dem...she seem veri pessimistic abt her life oso...i mean lik y lik tt...haiz...i tried to tok sense into her...but i dun tink it worked...
i no shen lao bing si is the path of nature...but timin cld nv b worse...everything is turnin mi into a zombie...even in orchard rd i walk as if i m a zombie...it juz reminds mi of tt essay i wrote in sec 4...alone in the crowd...i mean i cant help feelin lonely...coz its lik i feel helpless...n dere r sths tt ppl cant help one...
i was lucky to hav hope to support mi...till recently...i feel tt sth is wrong...but i duno wat...mayb i m been too sensitive...wich always gets mi into trouble...but sumhow sth juz feels wrong...
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24hr信徒
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hope...i duno whether u will b readin dis a not...but i no if u r...u will feel guilty n apologitic...
but u muz understand tt i will b fine as long as i no tt u r fine...at dis pt of time i dun expect tt u to help mi fight my probs...coz realli...u r not obliged...yet sths u still do...wich i m veri thankful for...
so if sth is wrong...pls tell mi...i no certain things u find it hard to put in words...or mayb u dun wish let mi no...but if can... i rather u share it wit mi...at least let mi share ur burden...i hav been dere n i hav done tt...mayb not the same situation...but back den how i wished tt sumone was dere to share my burden...n now tt u r here...u always shared mine...so i dun tink its too muc to ask to share urs back...
tt nite... i no i was been veri harsh wit my words...but the thing is wat u said to mi is sth tt nv crossed my mind...n it will not cross in the near future...i no where u r comin from...but i wan u to understand tt when i say i will always be dere...i always will...
msg of the day:readin a bk takes more den readin the words...
10 August 2006
stun of the century...
omg...i realli muz write abt dis first man...xiao hei propose to his gf at the stadium after the NDP parade via the big screen tv man...omg... its so romantic man...siao...if i the gf sure kana donged one ... i mean lik...first he propose in front of so mani ppl...use such stun...sth tt we will onli tink exist in tv shows...den summore is at the stadium juz after NDP...den summore its the last NDP at the old stadium...its so memorable...omg...salutes to xiao hei man... i hav to learn a thing or 2 from him...
hu says fairytales wun come true...i was dere to witness it happen...juz lik i was dere to witness history go into the bk...haiz...its all over...NDP is over...n guess its gdbye to the stadium...n the guards ppl...n sort of to nan hua...but i mean everything will come to an end wat...so deres nth muc we do or say...
but realli though it has always been so stress n tirin doin NDP...but i had fun...made new friends...got new exposure n exp...n the sweet things tt the kids say n do for u...omg...it juz makes mi wan to melt...i tink the journey was a tough but no doubt an enjoyable one...now tt its comin to an end...i will definitely miss dose times where i hav to shout at ppl for losin deir visors...n for foolin ard...
wit dis lik wat si ping says...we close yet another chap of our lives...n tml we start a chap...but i learnt a lot of valuable lessons...
1)sumtimes we need to b more flexible wit the way we do things...
2)we shldnt judge a student by deir cca...
3)dancers realli hav to work harder if dey wan to uphold deir repuation...
4)how to work under super impromto conditions...
last but the most impt of all)short friendships can oso b strong as well...
so to all tt i hav interact in a way or another...10z for the great exp...n sori if i offendin any in the course...
to class 2/2...although i onli took ur class for 2 shows...i was great to no u guys...n 10z again for the impromto card...realli appreciate it...btw...work on ur bondin hor...haha...
AI wit special 10z to yan long...i admit at the start i didnt tink tt i wld enjoy workin wit u all...but now i wan to take dose words back...coz u guys r juz great...although we all hav diff workin styles...but hey if we r all the same we wun b us liao rite? haha...but anyways gd job guys... keep in contact worz...n yan long(my potential senior to be) 10z for makin dis journey so enjoyable...
seniors...dis cldnt hav been a success without u guys...lets keep the nhds spirit burnin...woo...
dancers...NDP is over le...now hav to work hard for SYF lor...haha...anyways i got to no u all better thru NDP...its as if i m still in dance lik tt...haha...jia you ba...
to all(not referin to the usual ppl...coz i no u all r readin) tt happen to come across my entry...pls do tag...haha...mayb we can keep in contact...haha...
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24hr信徒
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haiz...i feel so torn...i realli duno wat to do...all i wan is for u to b happi...mayb i shldnt hav say anything to start with...but wats done cant b undone...i feel lik the devil...o man...dis feelin sucks...seriously...watever is the endin...i hope u will b happi...
msg of the day:if stayin here makes u more stressed, i will leave...but if u r happier wit mi ard, i will b more den happi to stay...
hu says fairytales wun come true...i was dere to witness it happen...juz lik i was dere to witness history go into the bk...haiz...its all over...NDP is over...n guess its gdbye to the stadium...n the guards ppl...n sort of to nan hua...but i mean everything will come to an end wat...so deres nth muc we do or say...
but realli though it has always been so stress n tirin doin NDP...but i had fun...made new friends...got new exposure n exp...n the sweet things tt the kids say n do for u...omg...it juz makes mi wan to melt...i tink the journey was a tough but no doubt an enjoyable one...now tt its comin to an end...i will definitely miss dose times where i hav to shout at ppl for losin deir visors...n for foolin ard...
wit dis lik wat si ping says...we close yet another chap of our lives...n tml we start a chap...but i learnt a lot of valuable lessons...
1)sumtimes we need to b more flexible wit the way we do things...
2)we shldnt judge a student by deir cca...
3)dancers realli hav to work harder if dey wan to uphold deir repuation...
4)how to work under super impromto conditions...
last but the most impt of all)short friendships can oso b strong as well...
so to all tt i hav interact in a way or another...10z for the great exp...n sori if i offendin any in the course...
to class 2/2...although i onli took ur class for 2 shows...i was great to no u guys...n 10z again for the impromto card...realli appreciate it...btw...work on ur bondin hor...haha...
AI wit special 10z to yan long...i admit at the start i didnt tink tt i wld enjoy workin wit u all...but now i wan to take dose words back...coz u guys r juz great...although we all hav diff workin styles...but hey if we r all the same we wun b us liao rite? haha...but anyways gd job guys... keep in contact worz...n yan long(my potential senior to be) 10z for makin dis journey so enjoyable...
seniors...dis cldnt hav been a success without u guys...lets keep the nhds spirit burnin...woo...
dancers...NDP is over le...now hav to work hard for SYF lor...haha...anyways i got to no u all better thru NDP...its as if i m still in dance lik tt...haha...jia you ba...
to all(not referin to the usual ppl...coz i no u all r readin) tt happen to come across my entry...pls do tag...haha...mayb we can keep in contact...haha...
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24hr信徒
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haiz...i feel so torn...i realli duno wat to do...all i wan is for u to b happi...mayb i shldnt hav say anything to start with...but wats done cant b undone...i feel lik the devil...o man...dis feelin sucks...seriously...watever is the endin...i hope u will b happi...
msg of the day:if stayin here makes u more stressed, i will leave...but if u r happier wit mi ard, i will b more den happi to stay...
02 August 2006
top 10 memories(up till now)
haven been writin quality stuff here for a while liao...but cant help it...keep gettin down...but i m tryin to pick myself up...anyways the other day i read wei hong blog...he wrote abt the 10 most valuable thing he possessed...i was quite inspired by his entry...but i dun realli hav muc of a top 10 items to tok abt...
i shall tok abt my top ten memories...no difference in rankin...coz watever i can tink of i write first...
1)her 16th birthday~although i m not her bf...but at least i made it a birthday she will remember...i felt happi enuff doin tt...although she is the past...i wun forget how muc i enjoyed it myself...i hope she will find her own happiness...all the best...
2)dance ORD~the day all the 13 of us sang tian gao di hou...tt day was so touchin...tt is the demostration of true friendship...although i feel tt we r not as close le...but to no dem its a blessin to mi oredi...dose times r one of the most happi times in my life...
3)sec1 ordeal~although it was scary...but it did giv mi a new perspective to life...i learned tt life is not to b taken for granted the hard way...tts y i wish to make my resurrection a worthy one...
4)sec4 graduation~dey may not b the closest ppl to mi...but dey were the healthy dose of relax from dance...when sumtimes dance got too stressful...a bit of 4/7 n sum MTG can realli take my mind off things...
5)A lvl results~although i didnt get a gd result...n coz mi to end up wit no uni at the moment...but at least it got mi to face the fact tt my life wld not always b so smooth goin...if i wanted sth i muz fight for it...
6)AUS study trip~2 weeks away from sg...i juz learn tt i m dose kind hu cant stay away long from home...feelin home sick is terrible ma...look at my phone bill u will no le...so as far as possible i hope i dun need to go overseas for long...home is the best...
7)NDP~it gives mi a preview abt how life as a teacher wld b lik...it can b tirin...but i bcomes rewardin when i c tt smile lit up on deir faces...it looks lik my journey towards education is inevitable...i hope i can make it dere...even next door will do fine for mi...
8)recievin of my gundam~although it may seem tt i m tryin to hint everyone to get it for mi...but i originally wanted to buy it for myself oredi...but o well...but i was realli veri touched to find out u guys actually bought it for mi...i juz hav to remind myself how lucky i m...
9)knowin abt my spine~of course i was devastated at first...but i wat else cld i do...i onli cld accept it...it has put a stop to my dangerous stunts...wich i m kinda sad abt...but at the same time it reminds mi tt sumtimes i hav to tink for myself...
10)all the fantasy tt my dreams n tv gives mi~although none of dem r reality...but gives mi a healthy dose of how to feel happi abt life...but of course need to remember tt it is not reality...but i cld always try to make it reality wat...haha...
as i wrote dis entry...i felt tt i m quite failure...coz i cldnt write smoothly...coz i cldnt tink of 10...either i m too picky over how i define as gd/meaningful memories or my life hav juz not been veri cong shi to start wit...summore the 10 r not all realli memories...but hu cares...i enjoyed writin dis entry...n i realli got mi tinkin...do i realli wan to live on lik tt...n keep a forever so depressin blog...ppl always say my entries r so depressin...i oso hope i can write sth happi to share wit everyone...haha...
anyway i hope dis entry can inspire sum of u to bcome more happi or even tink abt how u can b happier...juz lik wei hong's entry did...although not directly...but if i didnt read his entry i wun write dis entry...den i wun tink abt how my life has been so far...its a deep soul searchin n reflection on my past 19 years...
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24hr信徒
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at the same time i m writing dis entry...i was enjoyin my healthy dose of fantasy from tv...n oso smsin...n sumhow hope gave mi an idea to write a happi song...hmm...haven hav any idea though...but i hope can b sth lik the song for hai you ming tian...ling gan ling gan...
although dis is not the first song i m writin...but the previous one is not realli finished...so i tink if i get to complete dis song...it wld b officially the first song i write...so lets hope i m able to finish dis song...n i may juz publish it on my blog to share wit u guys...
msg of the day:if life seems sad, u may wan to take a step back n a deep breath to find tt u r missin out on the whole picture...it may b so breathe takin tt u wld b surprised...tink positive...=)
i shall tok abt my top ten memories...no difference in rankin...coz watever i can tink of i write first...
1)her 16th birthday~although i m not her bf...but at least i made it a birthday she will remember...i felt happi enuff doin tt...although she is the past...i wun forget how muc i enjoyed it myself...i hope she will find her own happiness...all the best...
2)dance ORD~the day all the 13 of us sang tian gao di hou...tt day was so touchin...tt is the demostration of true friendship...although i feel tt we r not as close le...but to no dem its a blessin to mi oredi...dose times r one of the most happi times in my life...
3)sec1 ordeal~although it was scary...but it did giv mi a new perspective to life...i learned tt life is not to b taken for granted the hard way...tts y i wish to make my resurrection a worthy one...
4)sec4 graduation~dey may not b the closest ppl to mi...but dey were the healthy dose of relax from dance...when sumtimes dance got too stressful...a bit of 4/7 n sum MTG can realli take my mind off things...
5)A lvl results~although i didnt get a gd result...n coz mi to end up wit no uni at the moment...but at least it got mi to face the fact tt my life wld not always b so smooth goin...if i wanted sth i muz fight for it...
6)AUS study trip~2 weeks away from sg...i juz learn tt i m dose kind hu cant stay away long from home...feelin home sick is terrible ma...look at my phone bill u will no le...so as far as possible i hope i dun need to go overseas for long...home is the best...
7)NDP~it gives mi a preview abt how life as a teacher wld b lik...it can b tirin...but i bcomes rewardin when i c tt smile lit up on deir faces...it looks lik my journey towards education is inevitable...i hope i can make it dere...even next door will do fine for mi...
8)recievin of my gundam~although it may seem tt i m tryin to hint everyone to get it for mi...but i originally wanted to buy it for myself oredi...but o well...but i was realli veri touched to find out u guys actually bought it for mi...i juz hav to remind myself how lucky i m...
9)knowin abt my spine~of course i was devastated at first...but i wat else cld i do...i onli cld accept it...it has put a stop to my dangerous stunts...wich i m kinda sad abt...but at the same time it reminds mi tt sumtimes i hav to tink for myself...
10)all the fantasy tt my dreams n tv gives mi~although none of dem r reality...but gives mi a healthy dose of how to feel happi abt life...but of course need to remember tt it is not reality...but i cld always try to make it reality wat...haha...
as i wrote dis entry...i felt tt i m quite failure...coz i cldnt write smoothly...coz i cldnt tink of 10...either i m too picky over how i define as gd/meaningful memories or my life hav juz not been veri cong shi to start wit...summore the 10 r not all realli memories...but hu cares...i enjoyed writin dis entry...n i realli got mi tinkin...do i realli wan to live on lik tt...n keep a forever so depressin blog...ppl always say my entries r so depressin...i oso hope i can write sth happi to share wit everyone...haha...
anyway i hope dis entry can inspire sum of u to bcome more happi or even tink abt how u can b happier...juz lik wei hong's entry did...although not directly...but if i didnt read his entry i wun write dis entry...den i wun tink abt how my life has been so far...its a deep soul searchin n reflection on my past 19 years...
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24hr信徒
~~~~~~
at the same time i m writing dis entry...i was enjoyin my healthy dose of fantasy from tv...n oso smsin...n sumhow hope gave mi an idea to write a happi song...hmm...haven hav any idea though...but i hope can b sth lik the song for hai you ming tian...ling gan ling gan...
although dis is not the first song i m writin...but the previous one is not realli finished...so i tink if i get to complete dis song...it wld b officially the first song i write...so lets hope i m able to finish dis song...n i may juz publish it on my blog to share wit u guys...
msg of the day:if life seems sad, u may wan to take a step back n a deep breath to find tt u r missin out on the whole picture...it may b so breathe takin tt u wld b surprised...tink positive...=)
29 July 2006
slpless nite...
pls look at the time dis entry was posted...no i didnt wake up early...i didnt even slp lor...zzz...cant slp...sianz...reached home 2+...roll until 4...den decided to giv up...coz i wakin up at 6...
duno y cant fall aslp...mayb tinkin too muc...haiz...y lik tt...tml still got workshop n NDP...den still go watch pirates...wa...confirm gone one sia...die ar...
duno is juz now the fries to oily den coz mi to hav indisgestion den cant slp or wat...mayb i realli tink too muc...tts y cant slp...haiz...too bad i cant do anything abt it...at least for now...has my luck start to turn for the better?luck r u comin back? r u stayin?
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24hr信徒
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m i too into it...m i carin too muc...
sumtimes i tink i bother too muc...i hurt myself...n others at times too...i wan to do gd...but my path is always seem to b trampled thru one...until now...i cant realli find an eg to b realli proud of...to giv myself encouragement to move on...
i feel so tired...so sad...i duno wat i shld do wat i shld not...i feel so ignorant...she told mi b4 abt my prob...but i juz cant seem to stop makin the same mistake...sad...n coz of dis i m DANGEROUS...tink abt tt day juz hurts mi more...the word was the most hurtin...
but of course i got over it...but i cant help feelin the pinch...whenever i make the same mistake...her words wld juz dig n dig into mi...mayb she is rite...i m DANGEROUS...tts y m a loner...when will sumone join my world...when sumone understand my world...
msg of the day:my luck was taken away...but hope gav mi my luck back...
duno y cant fall aslp...mayb tinkin too muc...haiz...y lik tt...tml still got workshop n NDP...den still go watch pirates...wa...confirm gone one sia...die ar...
duno is juz now the fries to oily den coz mi to hav indisgestion den cant slp or wat...mayb i realli tink too muc...tts y cant slp...haiz...too bad i cant do anything abt it...at least for now...has my luck start to turn for the better?luck r u comin back? r u stayin?
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24hr信徒
~~~~~~
m i too into it...m i carin too muc...
sumtimes i tink i bother too muc...i hurt myself...n others at times too...i wan to do gd...but my path is always seem to b trampled thru one...until now...i cant realli find an eg to b realli proud of...to giv myself encouragement to move on...
i feel so tired...so sad...i duno wat i shld do wat i shld not...i feel so ignorant...she told mi b4 abt my prob...but i juz cant seem to stop makin the same mistake...sad...n coz of dis i m DANGEROUS...tink abt tt day juz hurts mi more...the word was the most hurtin...
but of course i got over it...but i cant help feelin the pinch...whenever i make the same mistake...her words wld juz dig n dig into mi...mayb she is rite...i m DANGEROUS...tts y m a loner...when will sumone join my world...when sumone understand my world...
msg of the day:my luck was taken away...but hope gav mi my luck back...
19 July 2006
drownin...
i duno wat is happenin to mi...i feel worse den on sun...mayb i m watchin too muc tv...livin in fantasy world for too long...i duno...
y is things bcomin lik tt...izzit mi...or izzit other things...
i m tryin veri hard to pour things out...but i m realli at a lost...i cant even blog...
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24hr信徒
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i muz not get involved wit dis...if not i will surely b in deep shit...i hope its not my fault...
hu decides wat is rite wat is wrong...
i no too muc...i wish i can b more ignorant...
msg of the day:i m not ok...
y is things bcomin lik tt...izzit mi...or izzit other things...
i m tryin veri hard to pour things out...but i m realli at a lost...i cant even blog...
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24hr信徒
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i muz not get involved wit dis...if not i will surely b in deep shit...i hope its not my fault...
hu decides wat is rite wat is wrong...
i no too muc...i wish i can b more ignorant...
msg of the day:i m not ok...
16 July 2006
where r u?
luck haven pick up since the last time i blogged...still the same...bad times aint over yet...fate is history...uni appeal failed...body givin up...things r juz so gloomy...seriously i realli wan to pop her the qn...but i realli duno how to ask her...n seriously she will mi more weird...
she is scare of mi...not onli bcoz make her feel irritated n uncomfortable...in a way i m dangerous...it juz goes to make mi tink whether wat i hav been passionate abt is wrong...i hope i hav sumone to tell mi the ans...but deres nth i can do to change how she feel abt mi...so u c security is veri impt...so guys...pls make ur gal feel secure...dun lik anything harm dem...protect dem...
but now i onli wish to giv myself the ans for perhaps the last qn tt i hav for her...but lik i said i duno or mayb dun dare to pop the qn...haiz...r u happi?coz i dun feel lucky...
juz watched the twins movie...yeah twins again...my obession for dis 2 gals hav yet to die down...sumhow dey juz remind mi of gd times...i oso duno y...yeah dey r always appear in romance movie wich we all no takes the bit of fantasy in everyones minds...so it is most likely not goin to happen in real life...let alone to mi...but tts the least i can do pamper myself...jubilee is rite...i shld do sth for myself once in a while...
well the memories r definitely here to stay... you left prints in my heart...leadin to the exit...
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24hr信徒
~~~~~~
yesterday at the stadium...i cant help but to realise tt how helpless i feel...dere were tonnes of ppl ard mi...yet i felt alone...it has been a while...i duno y suddenly i feel dis way...but ya...i m not shocked when i felt dis way...i no i had it comin...but yet i cldnt do anything abt it...let alone solve the prob...i duno wats happenin to mi...i fear for the worse...
sth is realli goin wrong...n i can feel it...in fact i no...coz i dere r a lot of things tt r goin on inside...but i cant bring my heart to even put it on my blog...i m realli locked...now i realli long for the face wit the ? to b filled by sumones face...anyone...yeah i m despo...but hu say it muz b a gal...i m not lookin for a gf here...juz sumone i can tok to...sumone i can pick up my phone n sms when i need to...without havin second tots bcoz of considerations n implications...i need to tok...
y izzit everytime i try to do sth...side effect is always guaranteed...i cant even make friends in peace...m i realli so DANGEROUS...? hu r u...actually i dun care...but where r u...help.........
msg of the day:you left prints in my heart...leadin to the exit...
she is scare of mi...not onli bcoz make her feel irritated n uncomfortable...in a way i m dangerous...it juz goes to make mi tink whether wat i hav been passionate abt is wrong...i hope i hav sumone to tell mi the ans...but deres nth i can do to change how she feel abt mi...so u c security is veri impt...so guys...pls make ur gal feel secure...dun lik anything harm dem...protect dem...
but now i onli wish to giv myself the ans for perhaps the last qn tt i hav for her...but lik i said i duno or mayb dun dare to pop the qn...haiz...r u happi?coz i dun feel lucky...
juz watched the twins movie...yeah twins again...my obession for dis 2 gals hav yet to die down...sumhow dey juz remind mi of gd times...i oso duno y...yeah dey r always appear in romance movie wich we all no takes the bit of fantasy in everyones minds...so it is most likely not goin to happen in real life...let alone to mi...but tts the least i can do pamper myself...jubilee is rite...i shld do sth for myself once in a while...
well the memories r definitely here to stay... you left prints in my heart...leadin to the exit...
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
yesterday at the stadium...i cant help but to realise tt how helpless i feel...dere were tonnes of ppl ard mi...yet i felt alone...it has been a while...i duno y suddenly i feel dis way...but ya...i m not shocked when i felt dis way...i no i had it comin...but yet i cldnt do anything abt it...let alone solve the prob...i duno wats happenin to mi...i fear for the worse...
sth is realli goin wrong...n i can feel it...in fact i no...coz i dere r a lot of things tt r goin on inside...but i cant bring my heart to even put it on my blog...i m realli locked...now i realli long for the face wit the ? to b filled by sumones face...anyone...yeah i m despo...but hu say it muz b a gal...i m not lookin for a gf here...juz sumone i can tok to...sumone i can pick up my phone n sms when i need to...without havin second tots bcoz of considerations n implications...i need to tok...
y izzit everytime i try to do sth...side effect is always guaranteed...i cant even make friends in peace...m i realli so DANGEROUS...? hu r u...actually i dun care...but where r u...help.........
msg of the day:you left prints in my heart...leadin to the exit...
29 June 2006
if u care...reloaded
suppose to go n slp oredi...tml still got work...but juz now came back liao...duno y got a suddenly urge to look for twins pics...so i scan the net the whole nite for deir pics...cldnt find many tt i lik...
but i m not slpin sittin here not bcoz i wan to blog abt mi lookin for the pics...coz duno to say its fate or wat la...but i saw the snapshots of the movie "if u care" tt i saw sumtime last year...n suddenly i reminded mi of sum stuff...
2 things mainly...first one is the line tt the movie imparted mi...前方是绝路，希望在转角...this line truely is meaninful...n i lost it when i was changin my nicks ard...but lucky i was able to find it in my entry abt the movie named after the movie...if u guys r interested can go read tt entry again...i duno y but i still feel touched by the movie...
now i m filled in emotions...i wish i can express myself in a stronger way...but i cant find a better way den bloggin it down as usual...but o well...wats dere to complain...
hope tt this gift from the movie leads mi on to a better tml...coz i m tired of dis stale life...stinks...haha...
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr 信徒
~~~~~~
another thing tt the movie reminded mi is abt romance...i dun hav muc of a romance to tok abt...but i duno shld it b regarded freaky...or its juz "link"...while i was readin thru the entry "if u care"...she came online...
well it might not mean anything...but it oso can b...but as for mi...i tink not tinkin is impossible...mayb i shld juz dream for tonite...tml is back to my promise...
i hope i wld b able to slp after dis...zzz...
msg of the day:前方是绝路，希望在转角。
but i m not slpin sittin here not bcoz i wan to blog abt mi lookin for the pics...coz duno to say its fate or wat la...but i saw the snapshots of the movie "if u care" tt i saw sumtime last year...n suddenly i reminded mi of sum stuff...
2 things mainly...first one is the line tt the movie imparted mi...前方是绝路，希望在转角...this line truely is meaninful...n i lost it when i was changin my nicks ard...but lucky i was able to find it in my entry abt the movie named after the movie...if u guys r interested can go read tt entry again...i duno y but i still feel touched by the movie...
now i m filled in emotions...i wish i can express myself in a stronger way...but i cant find a better way den bloggin it down as usual...but o well...wats dere to complain...
hope tt this gift from the movie leads mi on to a better tml...coz i m tired of dis stale life...stinks...haha...
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr 信徒
~~~~~~
another thing tt the movie reminded mi is abt romance...i dun hav muc of a romance to tok abt...but i duno shld it b regarded freaky...or its juz "link"...while i was readin thru the entry "if u care"...she came online...
well it might not mean anything...but it oso can b...but as for mi...i tink not tinkin is impossible...mayb i shld juz dream for tonite...tml is back to my promise...
i hope i wld b able to slp after dis...zzz...
msg of the day:前方是绝路，希望在转角。
27 June 2006
mindless...soulless...
recently hav been rather numb n aimless... everyday is the same...wake up work...work liao play...play liao slp...n it all starts again...where r the ups n downs when u miss one...ppl complain when dey r down on deir feet...now i m complainin coz i got nth to tink abt...not even sad stuff...
dis kind of life may b acceptable to sum ppl...but not mi...i wake up every mornin tinkin wat do i wish to accomplish next...i got nth on my mind...hu do i look forward to c-ing next...its still blank...den the auto mechanism switches on...n i m off to work...
i can no longer find my source of energy...source of motivation...the last lite of motivatin faith juz burned out on mi...life cld nv b more dark...more aimless...no wonder my mind is blank...everyday juz doin things mindlessly...
my sense of sensitivity for emotions oso fadin away...feels lik a zombie...in fact my life now is so rountine tt i cant find the diff from a zombie...rountine is not my game...i dun wish to b soulless...
short entry...actually didnt intend to post...but juz felt tt i shld pen down my tots...ppl say nowadays young ppl cant live without deir hp...i guess i m goin to b excluded soon...dere doesnt seem to b muc on my hp other den office n NDP work...
but on the lighter side...at least i got to enlarge my social circle bcoz of NDP...made sum friends...may not b veri strongs ones...but i guess it wld b sth to remember ba...
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24hr信徒
~~~~~~
wat is happenin to my luck...all gone...bad luck haven stop comin since...sumtimes we shld realli bcareful wat we wish for...for all u no...my wish came true...
haven tok for abt a mth now...wonder how shes doin...fine i hope...but since i m gettin all the bad luck...den i guess she shld b gettin the laughters ba...well gd luck to her tests tt is goin on ba...though i dun tink i hav muc to spare...
msg of the day:if fate premits, we shall meet again...till den...take care...
dis kind of life may b acceptable to sum ppl...but not mi...i wake up every mornin tinkin wat do i wish to accomplish next...i got nth on my mind...hu do i look forward to c-ing next...its still blank...den the auto mechanism switches on...n i m off to work...
i can no longer find my source of energy...source of motivation...the last lite of motivatin faith juz burned out on mi...life cld nv b more dark...more aimless...no wonder my mind is blank...everyday juz doin things mindlessly...
my sense of sensitivity for emotions oso fadin away...feels lik a zombie...in fact my life now is so rountine tt i cant find the diff from a zombie...rountine is not my game...i dun wish to b soulless...
short entry...actually didnt intend to post...but juz felt tt i shld pen down my tots...ppl say nowadays young ppl cant live without deir hp...i guess i m goin to b excluded soon...dere doesnt seem to b muc on my hp other den office n NDP work...
but on the lighter side...at least i got to enlarge my social circle bcoz of NDP...made sum friends...may not b veri strongs ones...but i guess it wld b sth to remember ba...
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
wat is happenin to my luck...all gone...bad luck haven stop comin since...sumtimes we shld realli bcareful wat we wish for...for all u no...my wish came true...
haven tok for abt a mth now...wonder how shes doin...fine i hope...but since i m gettin all the bad luck...den i guess she shld b gettin the laughters ba...well gd luck to her tests tt is goin on ba...though i dun tink i hav muc to spare...
msg of the day:if fate premits, we shall meet again...till den...take care...
23 June 2006
wats worth it...wats not...
today sumthing veri unhappi happened at nh...at first was veri angry abt it...now veri sad abt it...juz lik wat my bk say how sumone will react...first aderadline rush...den after tt when u recover ur consious kick in...u will feel more emotional abt it(things lik pity, guilt n sadness)...
i duno wat i shld do abt the situation...as of now...i my stoppin work...onli followin...n of course fufil the promises i made to various ppl...n i tink i will go seek mr low for advise regardin wat to do abt the issue...
but seriously i m veri tired workin such conditions...its veri stressful...comin back to work for dance is suppose to b sumthing tt i enjoy...but i dread more n more abt helpin out...i tink if things keep gettin more unfavorable for mi...i tink it wld b ptless for mi to cling onto it anymore...
first thing is tt things i do seems to b no avail...n instead of gettin appreciated...i m seem as a wanted figure...i mean wat kind of return is dis...yes i m rude n vulgar...but so wat...seriously u ask urself...if u deserve my respect wld i b rude n vulgar to u...further more...i dun say vulgarities to u...if u r realli unhappi wit mi...juz ban mi from nh den...i realli dun hav the heart to play politics wit u...i can make u or break u...its whether i wan to go tt far...n i dun tink its worth puttin my principles at stake...
seriously la...u r an adult in an respectable profession...yet u r bhavin no better den any of the core grp ppl...yes u can do mani things dey cant...in fact things tt i cant as well...but hav u ever ask urself y did u enter dis industry in the first place...sumtimes the things u say r so indescribable tt i realli doubt ur maturity...if u role here is onli to work n fufil ur DEFINED job scope...den i tink u r in the wrong industry...i wish to put it so crude...but u r not suited for dis job...
now the issue is wat i shld do...shld i save myself the trouble n juz walk away...izzit worth it to walk away wat i hav been fightin for all dis while...bcoz of dis? or shld i stay on n endure all dis crap shit...haiz...i realli duno wat shld it b...as muc as i hate to bring such trivial stuff to mr low...but i tink he is the onli one hu can giv mi advice...
juz when i tot the things tt i can b sad abt r startin to fade away...things juz seem more bleak...
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24hr信徒
~~~~~~
it has been a while...since i got so bcome so down...so sad...wat happen today juz bcame the fuel for the fire tt is burnin at the diff spots in my heart...now dey hav juz merge into one giant flame...mani things hitted mi juz lik tt...juz when i m goin to react from it...i get hit again...i dun even hav enuff time to get back on my feet b4 i m strike down...history is repeatin itself...yet again...bad news juz dun seem to come...ppl juz dun seem happi wit deir stay...mayb i wasnt my destiny or my fate...i m m juz jinxed...
msg of the day:pls leave ur ticket wit mi b4 u go, at least i still hav a piece of u in my life...
i duno wat i shld do abt the situation...as of now...i my stoppin work...onli followin...n of course fufil the promises i made to various ppl...n i tink i will go seek mr low for advise regardin wat to do abt the issue...
but seriously i m veri tired workin such conditions...its veri stressful...comin back to work for dance is suppose to b sumthing tt i enjoy...but i dread more n more abt helpin out...i tink if things keep gettin more unfavorable for mi...i tink it wld b ptless for mi to cling onto it anymore...
first thing is tt things i do seems to b no avail...n instead of gettin appreciated...i m seem as a wanted figure...i mean wat kind of return is dis...yes i m rude n vulgar...but so wat...seriously u ask urself...if u deserve my respect wld i b rude n vulgar to u...further more...i dun say vulgarities to u...if u r realli unhappi wit mi...juz ban mi from nh den...i realli dun hav the heart to play politics wit u...i can make u or break u...its whether i wan to go tt far...n i dun tink its worth puttin my principles at stake...
seriously la...u r an adult in an respectable profession...yet u r bhavin no better den any of the core grp ppl...yes u can do mani things dey cant...in fact things tt i cant as well...but hav u ever ask urself y did u enter dis industry in the first place...sumtimes the things u say r so indescribable tt i realli doubt ur maturity...if u role here is onli to work n fufil ur DEFINED job scope...den i tink u r in the wrong industry...i wish to put it so crude...but u r not suited for dis job...
now the issue is wat i shld do...shld i save myself the trouble n juz walk away...izzit worth it to walk away wat i hav been fightin for all dis while...bcoz of dis? or shld i stay on n endure all dis crap shit...haiz...i realli duno wat shld it b...as muc as i hate to bring such trivial stuff to mr low...but i tink he is the onli one hu can giv mi advice...
juz when i tot the things tt i can b sad abt r startin to fade away...things juz seem more bleak...
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
it has been a while...since i got so bcome so down...so sad...wat happen today juz bcame the fuel for the fire tt is burnin at the diff spots in my heart...now dey hav juz merge into one giant flame...mani things hitted mi juz lik tt...juz when i m goin to react from it...i get hit again...i dun even hav enuff time to get back on my feet b4 i m strike down...history is repeatin itself...yet again...bad news juz dun seem to come...ppl juz dun seem happi wit deir stay...mayb i wasnt my destiny or my fate...i m m juz jinxed...
msg of the day:pls leave ur ticket wit mi b4 u go, at least i still hav a piece of u in my life...
20 June 2006
hus fault izzit?
now i m nan hua watchin the kids doin san guan...well...reflectin on wat happened yesterday...well it was realli disappointin n disheartenin...sumtimes i realli wonder wat realli has coz the state as it is now...izzit the so called royal up bringin...or izzit juz the ppl leadin...
hu r the ones at fault...izzit the society not givin dem not enuff training...or izzit juz the ppl hu lead dem r not leading dem the correct way...hu shld we blame for deir folly...or izzit deir responsibility to go n shape deir own future...
i aint sumone hu wld b veri particular abt deir ji ben gong...but realli after wat i saw yesterday n juz a while ago...it really makes mi go wonderin...i mean not i wan to say la...but i dun tink anyone can b as bad as dem...tts provided if dey try...wich tink sum of dem arent...n we r onli tokin abt ji ben gong onli...ppl lik mi is more concern wit educatin dem wit life skills...realli hav to say...dey realli lack in life skills...dere r mani things i feel tt shld b included in common sense...yet it seem so chim n unreachable for dem...wat izzit indicatin...
i mean i dun realli c the significant difference in deir era n our era...except for the special few...but still things tt i tink dey shld hav picked up r not picked up yet...sumtimes mayb we shld reflect on the education system...but ya la...the ministry has been tryin to improve on it all the time...but sumhow the system juz hav its loopholes...lik producin educators hu say "i m not paid to do dis"...i mean lik wtf la...u call dis education? i call dis workin ok...
nan hua has transform a lot...we r gettin more awards...n more recognition too...but wats goin on wit the students n the teachers...to tink tt i might enter the workforce as an educator makes mi feel sad...but of course among the bad apples dere r always gd apples...n its gd apples lik dis tt makes feel motivated...guys we need more ppl lik ourselves...i mean at least we dun ask to b paid to go b to look at our dear junior...
yesterday had a chat wit yu...was tellin him tt i wan to make the tshirt again...he commented tt we shldnt put SHIN-13 anymore...coz dere aint mu of it left...wich i kind of agree...haiz...to tink tt the friendship we hav forged over the years...now its onli left wit the few of us...our membership has almost reduced by half...yet now...dere seems to b ppl hu is tryin to break off...but i duno la...i do hope tt dey dun...its veri saddenin...yesterday mr low was tellin the ginas abt the dance spirit n bondin...felt veri close to the heart...veri wen xin...ah...the gd old times... if onli we cld turn back time...
i hav a dream...a dream tt i hope tt i can fufil on my weddin day...tt is to get my brothers together n tian gao di hou for the guests...yeah it may not exactly b appropriate...but i tink it wld feel veri gd ba...but of course its a dream onli wat... i mean its provided my wife n both families r ok wit it wat...
rekindle the dance spirit...一起沉默一起走...
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24hr信徒
~~~~~~
it has been 2 wks...well lik i was tellin yu...mayb its a price to pay for my revolution...but izzit worth it...i duno...i onli can hope it turns out ok ba...
msg of the day:walkin along memory path...
hu r the ones at fault...izzit the society not givin dem not enuff training...or izzit juz the ppl hu lead dem r not leading dem the correct way...hu shld we blame for deir folly...or izzit deir responsibility to go n shape deir own future...
i aint sumone hu wld b veri particular abt deir ji ben gong...but realli after wat i saw yesterday n juz a while ago...it really makes mi go wonderin...i mean not i wan to say la...but i dun tink anyone can b as bad as dem...tts provided if dey try...wich tink sum of dem arent...n we r onli tokin abt ji ben gong onli...ppl lik mi is more concern wit educatin dem wit life skills...realli hav to say...dey realli lack in life skills...dere r mani things i feel tt shld b included in common sense...yet it seem so chim n unreachable for dem...wat izzit indicatin...
i mean i dun realli c the significant difference in deir era n our era...except for the special few...but still things tt i tink dey shld hav picked up r not picked up yet...sumtimes mayb we shld reflect on the education system...but ya la...the ministry has been tryin to improve on it all the time...but sumhow the system juz hav its loopholes...lik producin educators hu say "i m not paid to do dis"...i mean lik wtf la...u call dis education? i call dis workin ok...
nan hua has transform a lot...we r gettin more awards...n more recognition too...but wats goin on wit the students n the teachers...to tink tt i might enter the workforce as an educator makes mi feel sad...but of course among the bad apples dere r always gd apples...n its gd apples lik dis tt makes feel motivated...guys we need more ppl lik ourselves...i mean at least we dun ask to b paid to go b to look at our dear junior...
yesterday had a chat wit yu...was tellin him tt i wan to make the tshirt again...he commented tt we shldnt put SHIN-13 anymore...coz dere aint mu of it left...wich i kind of agree...haiz...to tink tt the friendship we hav forged over the years...now its onli left wit the few of us...our membership has almost reduced by half...yet now...dere seems to b ppl hu is tryin to break off...but i duno la...i do hope tt dey dun...its veri saddenin...yesterday mr low was tellin the ginas abt the dance spirit n bondin...felt veri close to the heart...veri wen xin...ah...the gd old times... if onli we cld turn back time...
i hav a dream...a dream tt i hope tt i can fufil on my weddin day...tt is to get my brothers together n tian gao di hou for the guests...yeah it may not exactly b appropriate...but i tink it wld feel veri gd ba...but of course its a dream onli wat... i mean its provided my wife n both families r ok wit it wat...
rekindle the dance spirit...一起沉默一起走...
-----------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
it has been 2 wks...well lik i was tellin yu...mayb its a price to pay for my revolution...but izzit worth it...i duno...i onli can hope it turns out ok ba...
msg of the day:walkin along memory path...
10 June 2006
resoultion-死了都要爱
the long anticipated entry has finally being posted...haha...ya i no veri slow...but muz understand la...its not everyday i can find time to sit here n tink abt wat i wan to write abt u no...
anyways ya...i hav come to a resolution for my life...as the theme of the blog suggest yeah...死了都要爱...the cover pg roughly explains wat dis whole resolution is abt...so nth muc to explain abt the resolution actually...but mayb i shld tok abt the source of idea...its from the drama series by SHIN...in the story ah xing giv a necklace to his gf...n the pendant is featured on the coverin pg...the design basically is the 5 words wit a music score at the bkgrd...or "dao gei" sum might say...in the story the meanin of dis 5 words is ah xing's undyin passion for music(wich explains the score) and of course for his gf...tt scene was quite touchin...ah xing being a hardcore rock musician expresses his passion n ambition for his music...
it has taught mi to believe in watever i do...although wat we blive may not always b the correct thing...but i guess u wld the most charged doin wat u blive...even if the outcome is not favorable...at least u tried...hav no regrets...after tt endure the consequences n move on wit more drive...
to sum ppl dis resolution may b a little too ideal...coz it requires hell lot of movitation n faith...if one is not strong enuff mentally n emotionally...i tink dis resolution is too abstract for dem ba...for mi i took quite a while to fully accept it...or rather internalised...coz i got to no dis philisophy abt 1-2 years ago...so ya...it has been ard...but not inside...now tt i more or less confirm tt i had strike a milestone in my life...i guess the philisophy is here to stay...
coupled wit the dis theory... is another theory i learn from another drama series i hav been watchin...called xiao yu er yu hua wu que...in one scene xiao yu er's disciple ask him y is he always so happi n asked if dere was a reason for it...he juz replied...dere is no reason for y i m happi...i m happi bcoz i m happi...no need to b happi for a reason one...dis theory is more abstract and harder to live by compared to the other one...summore dis theory will lead to life tt is sum sort de guo qie guo...so it cant go alone...
but so muc said...no matter wat philisophy we use in life...it doesnt realli matter...coz diff ppl hav diff perspective abt life...so naturally dey will come up wit diff ways to push demselves in life...but tts of coz dey hav the will to help demselves first...i mean if dey keep rottin dey lives away den watever philisophy oso wun work for dem...coz dey dun even at the least bit blive in demselves...
well...as for the future...its rather in a mess now...but dun worry...i can take it better oredi...as for y izzit in such a mess...mayb i will update it sum other time...dis entry is suppose to b full of hope...haha...
------------------------------------------------------
24hr信徒
~~~~~~
well...in the process of gettin my membership as a 信徒 i kind of damage my friendship wit sumone...i hope its not as bad as i tink...now i can onli wait...for mi i feel tt gettin my resolution at the expense of our friendship was rather not worth it n selfish...n to tink tt i made a promise to myself...i feel so ashame...tts y if sum noticed... dere was a bit of change to my status...
i dun wan to explicitly spell it out...but i tink its obvious enuff...i dun tink i will take back tt status...coz its ptless...in fact it was oredi ptless from the start...i juz refuse to wake up...now tt i REALLI wake up liao...i muz stop myself from makin the same mistake...
now the onli thing i can do is wait for the rain to stop...n c whether the injury will recover...
i made a mistake writin tt letter...i made a bigger mistakin passin it to u...i m sori...but its all in the past now...i realli hope u meant wat u said the other day... i m sori i show so little faith in ur words...coz i m realli confused by ur signals after tt day...so if u r readin dis...tok to mi when u feel more comfortable...take care n gd luck...
msg of the day:永远的信徒，死了都要爱。
anyways ya...i hav come to a resolution for my life...as the theme of the blog suggest yeah...死了都要爱...the cover pg roughly explains wat dis whole resolution is abt...so nth muc to explain abt the resolution actually...but mayb i shld tok abt the source of idea...its from the drama series by SHIN...in the story ah xing giv a necklace to his gf...n the pendant is featured on the coverin pg...the design basically is the 5 words wit a music score at the bkgrd...or "dao gei" sum might say...in the story the meanin of dis 5 words is ah xing's undyin passion for music(wich explains the score) and of course for his gf...tt scene was quite touchin...ah xing being a hardcore rock musician expresses his passion n ambition for his music...
it has taught mi to believe in watever i do...although wat we blive may not always b the correct thing...but i guess u wld the most charged doin wat u blive...even if the outcome is not favorable...at least u tried...hav no regrets...after tt endure the consequences n move on wit more drive...
to sum ppl dis resolution may b a little too ideal...coz it requires hell lot of movitation n faith...if one is not strong enuff mentally n emotionally...i tink dis resolution is too abstract for dem ba...for mi i took quite a while to fully accept it...or rather internalised...coz i got to no dis philisophy abt 1-2 years ago...so ya...it has been ard...but not inside...now tt i more or less confirm tt i had strike a milestone in my life...i guess the philisophy is here to stay...
coupled wit the dis theory... is another theory i learn from another drama series i hav been watchin...called xiao yu er yu hua wu que...in one scene xiao yu er's disciple ask him y is he always so happi n asked if dere was a reason for it...he juz replied...dere is no reason for y i m happi...i m happi bcoz i m happi...no need to b happi for a reason one...dis theory is more abstract and harder to live by compared to the other one...summore dis theory will lead to life tt is sum sort de guo qie guo...so it cant go alone...
but so muc said...no matter wat philisophy we use in life...it doesnt realli matter...coz diff ppl hav diff perspective abt life...so naturally dey will come up wit diff ways to push demselves in life...but tts of coz dey hav the will to help demselves first...i mean if dey keep rottin dey lives away den watever philisophy oso wun work for dem...coz dey dun even at the least bit blive in demselves...
well...as for the future...its rather in a mess now...but dun worry...i can take it better oredi...as for y izzit in such a mess...mayb i will update it sum other time...dis entry is suppose to b full of hope...haha...
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24hr信徒
~~~~~~
well...in the process of gettin my membership as a 信徒 i kind of damage my friendship wit sumone...i hope its not as bad as i tink...now i can onli wait...for mi i feel tt gettin my resolution at the expense of our friendship was rather not worth it n selfish...n to tink tt i made a promise to myself...i feel so ashame...tts y if sum noticed... dere was a bit of change to my status...
i dun wan to explicitly spell it out...but i tink its obvious enuff...i dun tink i will take back tt status...coz its ptless...in fact it was oredi ptless from the start...i juz refuse to wake up...now tt i REALLI wake up liao...i muz stop myself from makin the same mistake...
now the onli thing i can do is wait for the rain to stop...n c whether the injury will recover...
i made a mistake writin tt letter...i made a bigger mistakin passin it to u...i m sori...but its all in the past now...i realli hope u meant wat u said the other day... i m sori i show so little faith in ur words...coz i m realli confused by ur signals after tt day...so if u r readin dis...tok to mi when u feel more comfortable...take care n gd luck...
msg of the day:永远的信徒，死了都要爱。
13 May 2006
test, retribution or wtf...
it has happened before la...but i didnt expect it to happen at home...
my father got himself drunk at a weddin dinner...n puked on the bed...the rest of us hav to clean up after him...
juz now he was bhavin lik a idoit when we were still at the dinner...luckily it ended oredi...if not i duno wat will happened...
i was expectin naggin on the car...but i duno to call it a blessin or a pain...coz it was exchanged for a drunken wich tok n bhave lik idoit...most imptly...he dirtied all over the place...
if it was lik chalet...i wldnt mind...not sayin tt i mind cleanin up...but the thing is...if the place wasnt cleaned up properly...den the food particles wld decompose n rot...den omg...the other time i did dis was at chalet...dis may sound mean...but if we didnt clean up properly...at least we no tt sumone else will do the rest...
now my father is slpin on the rather cleaned up bed...as for my mother...i shoo her to my bed...tml she still hav to work...so after she helped wipe the bedrm floor...i asked her to slp liao...while i cleaned up the toilet wich was where part 2 took place...now i m still up...goin to watch my father for the nite...so mayb not slpin le...mayb take a nap or sth...or wait for my mother to take the "shift" when she wakes up later in the mornin...
its goin to b a long nite...tml if he cant get up...den i tink i will hav to go work in his place le ba...
haiz...u guys tell mi la...y m goin thru dis kind of shit...y is my mother goin thru dis kind of shit...its dam screwed up la...i tink its sooner or later i m goin to blast at my father lor...ya...its not filial...but rather dis den tt...is dis a test, retribution or wtf is dis...
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
got nth muc to write for dis coloumn...or rather cant b bothered...but i guess i juz reply to sum of the taggers ba...
zhenyu-superman or GA...watever i may deem myself or b deemed as...i onli doin wat i tink shld b done...i remember u got say to mi b4...carpe diem...i m juz doin the same...
zhiyan-ya i understand wat u tokin abt... but sumtimes i feel better not sayin...it gets ironic at times...but it gets pass...so i guess it shld b ok ba...dun wori la...if need i will say...
the person hu infra-red mi a smilie-in case u blur...dis is not the entry i was tokin abt...its the previous one...so scroll down to the next one...anyway xing fu ma? haha...
msg of the day:the coin has 2 sides...wich side do u wish to b on...
my father got himself drunk at a weddin dinner...n puked on the bed...the rest of us hav to clean up after him...
juz now he was bhavin lik a idoit when we were still at the dinner...luckily it ended oredi...if not i duno wat will happened...
i was expectin naggin on the car...but i duno to call it a blessin or a pain...coz it was exchanged for a drunken wich tok n bhave lik idoit...most imptly...he dirtied all over the place...
if it was lik chalet...i wldnt mind...not sayin tt i mind cleanin up...but the thing is...if the place wasnt cleaned up properly...den the food particles wld decompose n rot...den omg...the other time i did dis was at chalet...dis may sound mean...but if we didnt clean up properly...at least we no tt sumone else will do the rest...
now my father is slpin on the rather cleaned up bed...as for my mother...i shoo her to my bed...tml she still hav to work...so after she helped wipe the bedrm floor...i asked her to slp liao...while i cleaned up the toilet wich was where part 2 took place...now i m still up...goin to watch my father for the nite...so mayb not slpin le...mayb take a nap or sth...or wait for my mother to take the "shift" when she wakes up later in the mornin...
its goin to b a long nite...tml if he cant get up...den i tink i will hav to go work in his place le ba...
haiz...u guys tell mi la...y m goin thru dis kind of shit...y is my mother goin thru dis kind of shit...its dam screwed up la...i tink its sooner or later i m goin to blast at my father lor...ya...its not filial...but rather dis den tt...is dis a test, retribution or wtf is dis...
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
got nth muc to write for dis coloumn...or rather cant b bothered...but i guess i juz reply to sum of the taggers ba...
zhenyu-superman or GA...watever i may deem myself or b deemed as...i onli doin wat i tink shld b done...i remember u got say to mi b4...carpe diem...i m juz doin the same...
zhiyan-ya i understand wat u tokin abt... but sumtimes i feel better not sayin...it gets ironic at times...but it gets pass...so i guess it shld b ok ba...dun wori la...if need i will say...
the person hu infra-red mi a smilie-in case u blur...dis is not the entry i was tokin abt...its the previous one...so scroll down to the next one...anyway xing fu ma? haha...
msg of the day:the coin has 2 sides...wich side do u wish to b on...
07 May 2006
信~*~忍~*~爱
i duno when did it start...i duno y it started...but i guess sub-consiously...i m fallin into depression again...mayb it was wrong to avoid n ignore it from the start...i always tot it was normal...but it is now far from normal...dey were rite...i shldnt let it bcome part of mi...it shld nv hav been...
since i duno wat i m dealin wit...i duno wat i shld do or cld do to solve the prob in the first place...i m so lost...yes mayb i wld hav a clue or 2 as to wat is goin on...but not exactly...but i chose to avoid it...coz i felt tt the situation is too ironic to b discussed...its lik bitin urself on the tongue den shoutin pain after tt...but yet u wanted to for sum weird reason...i no dis may not b the most appropriate eg...but i guess u guys shld no wat i m drivin at...
i haven been bloggin for a while coz...dere isnt realli anything to blog abt other den dis...wich ,lik i said, i didnt wan to tok abt since it was so ironic...but i tink its high time to do...coz i realli cant take it anymore...coz i hav lost my halo...sum mayb tinkin wtf is ur halo...hey...pls understand...i dun blog explicitly...well i guess its go figure for tt...
recently i hav been tryin to search for a ans on my own...b lookin at veri corner i cld...mainly i chose to watch all sorts of show...hopin i cld get inspired by the hidden meanins of the show...or sumtimes coincidentally the explicit meanin...well...i decided to blog its partly bcoz of a show i watched dis mornin...tokin abt keep a secret is lik puttin a rock in ur heart...the longer u put it dere...the heavier it gets...n sooner or later u will get crushed...
now tt i hav explained the reason y i blogged...n oso explain wats goin on(at least a little)...i guess i can conclude tt i m a FALLEN ANGEL...at first i didnt tink of it tt way at first...but zhenyu joke abt it...but i guess he has a pt dere...zhenyu dun wori...u didnt make things worse...u juz provided mi wit more ways to make my boring life an interestin entry...so now i hav no halo...n my wings r tattered...我是个 FALLEN ANGEL...
so i hav decided to put down GA...at least for the moment...to do sum halo-searchin...i hope i can find it sumday wit the help of my life philosophy wich is based on 信~*~忍~*~爱...i no i need help...coz i no tt its goin to b difficult...but seriously i duno how anyone can help mi wit dis...since we dun even no wats realli goin on...but i guess support its a need...not a wan...i wld appreciate it...but of course i no dere will always b a grp of ppl always dere to show mi support...u no i no...
i tink if i can get thru dis...den do i can i realli take up the job of a GA...mayb its a test...for my endurance...for my passion...for my belief...
i paused awhile to tink abt how i shld continue wit the entry...memories of her juz flash pass my mind...n it juz occured to mi tt things may hav started since i embarked on the journey...away from heaven...if tts so...i guess mayb its coz i m not being strong enuff wit my decision...i hav to admit...i kept turnin back...
well...i hope i did the decision...but since i hav decided...i shld stick wit it...n i shld hav no regrets abt it...since its no turnin back...one day...one day i WILL b back...i will b ur GA once more...trust mi...coz u can shin my wings...
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
i no its wrong...but y izzit lik tt...if onli its the other way rd...or izzit the way it shld b...izzit the way it has been destined...is dis fate...dis isnt a game...n i dun wan to b the cheater even if it was...its juz not my turn...at least not yet...
msg of the day:信~*~忍~*~爱-believe, endure and be passionate
since i duno wat i m dealin wit...i duno wat i shld do or cld do to solve the prob in the first place...i m so lost...yes mayb i wld hav a clue or 2 as to wat is goin on...but not exactly...but i chose to avoid it...coz i felt tt the situation is too ironic to b discussed...its lik bitin urself on the tongue den shoutin pain after tt...but yet u wanted to for sum weird reason...i no dis may not b the most appropriate eg...but i guess u guys shld no wat i m drivin at...
i haven been bloggin for a while coz...dere isnt realli anything to blog abt other den dis...wich ,lik i said, i didnt wan to tok abt since it was so ironic...but i tink its high time to do...coz i realli cant take it anymore...coz i hav lost my halo...sum mayb tinkin wtf is ur halo...hey...pls understand...i dun blog explicitly...well i guess its go figure for tt...
recently i hav been tryin to search for a ans on my own...b lookin at veri corner i cld...mainly i chose to watch all sorts of show...hopin i cld get inspired by the hidden meanins of the show...or sumtimes coincidentally the explicit meanin...well...i decided to blog its partly bcoz of a show i watched dis mornin...tokin abt keep a secret is lik puttin a rock in ur heart...the longer u put it dere...the heavier it gets...n sooner or later u will get crushed...
now tt i hav explained the reason y i blogged...n oso explain wats goin on(at least a little)...i guess i can conclude tt i m a FALLEN ANGEL...at first i didnt tink of it tt way at first...but zhenyu joke abt it...but i guess he has a pt dere...zhenyu dun wori...u didnt make things worse...u juz provided mi wit more ways to make my boring life an interestin entry...so now i hav no halo...n my wings r tattered...我是个 FALLEN ANGEL...
so i hav decided to put down GA...at least for the moment...to do sum halo-searchin...i hope i can find it sumday wit the help of my life philosophy wich is based on 信~*~忍~*~爱...i no i need help...coz i no tt its goin to b difficult...but seriously i duno how anyone can help mi wit dis...since we dun even no wats realli goin on...but i guess support its a need...not a wan...i wld appreciate it...but of course i no dere will always b a grp of ppl always dere to show mi support...u no i no...
i tink if i can get thru dis...den do i can i realli take up the job of a GA...mayb its a test...for my endurance...for my passion...for my belief...
i paused awhile to tink abt how i shld continue wit the entry...memories of her juz flash pass my mind...n it juz occured to mi tt things may hav started since i embarked on the journey...away from heaven...if tts so...i guess mayb its coz i m not being strong enuff wit my decision...i hav to admit...i kept turnin back...
well...i hope i did the decision...but since i hav decided...i shld stick wit it...n i shld hav no regrets abt it...since its no turnin back...one day...one day i WILL b back...i will b ur GA once more...trust mi...coz u can shin my wings...
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
i no its wrong...but y izzit lik tt...if onli its the other way rd...or izzit the way it shld b...izzit the way it has been destined...is dis fate...dis isnt a game...n i dun wan to b the cheater even if it was...its juz not my turn...at least not yet...
msg of the day:信~*~忍~*~爱-believe, endure and be passionate
11 April 2006
movies
haven been watchin movies for quite sumtime liao...especially dose typically romance type...but of course not dose literature type la...dose r too borin...more relaxed kind...mayb a comedy or action...dependin...but i juz watched one last sat nite...the movie plot was rather lame...but dere r certain scenes in the movie tt r realli veri sweet...anyway i not onli referin to the romance part...coz dere was oso slight part abt friendship n sch...wich is quite close to the heart...
but after watchin the movie...i didnt feel tt my slp forsaken wasnt worth it...altho ya la...it doesnt realli value for value worth my slp...but at least i felt glad tt i did stay to watch it...its kind of lik slowin my pace n do lame but relaxin things...i mean seriously la...ever since i hav been transfered to NDP i hav been rather bz...yes its sth tt i wanted to do on my own accord...so i shldnt b complainin tt i m bz due to it...
but lik i hav said in previous entries...life is as long as it gets...how long do u expect urself to stay alive in dis world...100 years...lets say u break the world record...u get to live to 150 years...SO? how muc diff does it make...wldnt it b better if u make ur time spent worth it...instead of wastin it away by juz slackin all the way off...i m no saint...so slackin to mi is fine n essential...but not completely till the sense tt u do nth at all...the degree tt we shld slack is up to ourselves to define...
so i hav define mine to b dis bz...certain jobs in NDP might not b my responsiblity...but i still take it up...coz i wan to...u may c it as a way of enrichin myself...gettin more exp...helpin to lighten the workload of others...watever u c it as...to mi if u r doin sth tt u r happi wit...juz do it...deres no need to tink for a reason of y u r doin it...coz it realli doesnt matter at all...
ops...sidetracked so muc...back to my pt...ya lor...so its a ave for mi to slow down my pace...juz lik fixin my gundam...but not conc. 100% by watchin senseless tv shows at the same time...neither of the tasks get performed well or fast in the case of the gundam...wich is y i m takin such a long time to fix the model...i mean i took 9h for the 2 hands onli...haha...but o well...as the sayin gds...happy can oredi...
so hopefully i can get to c more of such movies on the tv...sth light will do...nth serious...
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
as far as i remember tt tv is bad for our minds...as it corrupts the image of reality...but the truth is always ugly...so it cant b help tt sumtimes escapin to fantasy is desired...man can nv b satisfied in the reality...so dey hav to b satisfied in fantasy...wat dey wan is all dere...
the same goes for mi la...everytime i decides tt its time to go b to reality...sum other fantasy door appears...n seriously the temptation is juz too great to resist...i M happi wit wat i hav... but i wld b happier if i cld hav wat i wan...
msg of the day:我感激你对我这样的坦白，但我给你的爱暂时收不回来。
but after watchin the movie...i didnt feel tt my slp forsaken wasnt worth it...altho ya la...it doesnt realli value for value worth my slp...but at least i felt glad tt i did stay to watch it...its kind of lik slowin my pace n do lame but relaxin things...i mean seriously la...ever since i hav been transfered to NDP i hav been rather bz...yes its sth tt i wanted to do on my own accord...so i shldnt b complainin tt i m bz due to it...
but lik i hav said in previous entries...life is as long as it gets...how long do u expect urself to stay alive in dis world...100 years...lets say u break the world record...u get to live to 150 years...SO? how muc diff does it make...wldnt it b better if u make ur time spent worth it...instead of wastin it away by juz slackin all the way off...i m no saint...so slackin to mi is fine n essential...but not completely till the sense tt u do nth at all...the degree tt we shld slack is up to ourselves to define...
so i hav define mine to b dis bz...certain jobs in NDP might not b my responsiblity...but i still take it up...coz i wan to...u may c it as a way of enrichin myself...gettin more exp...helpin to lighten the workload of others...watever u c it as...to mi if u r doin sth tt u r happi wit...juz do it...deres no need to tink for a reason of y u r doin it...coz it realli doesnt matter at all...
ops...sidetracked so muc...back to my pt...ya lor...so its a ave for mi to slow down my pace...juz lik fixin my gundam...but not conc. 100% by watchin senseless tv shows at the same time...neither of the tasks get performed well or fast in the case of the gundam...wich is y i m takin such a long time to fix the model...i mean i took 9h for the 2 hands onli...haha...but o well...as the sayin gds...happy can oredi...
so hopefully i can get to c more of such movies on the tv...sth light will do...nth serious...
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
as far as i remember tt tv is bad for our minds...as it corrupts the image of reality...but the truth is always ugly...so it cant b help tt sumtimes escapin to fantasy is desired...man can nv b satisfied in the reality...so dey hav to b satisfied in fantasy...wat dey wan is all dere...
the same goes for mi la...everytime i decides tt its time to go b to reality...sum other fantasy door appears...n seriously the temptation is juz too great to resist...i M happi wit wat i hav... but i wld b happier if i cld hav wat i wan...
msg of the day:我感激你对我这样的坦白，但我给你的爱暂时收不回来。
30 March 2006
y izzit not you
recently hav been veri bz in office i feel lik i m livin 2 lives now...one army...one GA...here tired...dere oso tired...everyday come home onli feel lik sleepin...come home c my gundam...i onli can feel sad...haiz...wat to do...
ppl may tink how can i complain when others r out dere chiongin...n sloggin deir ass off...well of course i cant compare our physical exercises...but seriously the mental stress here is no ez feat...sumtimes i juz dun get it...how come sum of my colleagues lik veri free n nth to do...den i work n work...lik no end...altho i do get sum time here n dere to browse the forum...but tts abt it...m i workin too hard...or izzit juz tt i duno how to lay back...
wat is rite...wat is wrong...wat is too muc or too little...wat is juz rite...i cant find the balance...tml is goin to b a hectic day...half day in office...n got 6 tasks to do...out of the 6 got 4 is urgent...got one is tml deadline...i duno whether i can meet the deadline a not...onli can try my best...
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
i duno y yesterday n today so not in mood...mayb i m juz more ezily pissed coz i not feelin well...
but one thing is for sure...i cant keep runnin from things tt r infront of mi...even if i try to not tink...i will still b reminded...the other day was chattin on the phone wit sumone...told tt person tt i m not continuing wit my song...as i hav decided tt it has lost its meanin...even if i do continue with the song...its onli for the sake of wholeness...but i guess tt wld b abt it ba...but i doubt i will continue...since ling gan has stopped flowin for quite a while...
now i feel lik my song...in pieces...here a bit dere a bit...its not ez tryin to pick myself up...mayb i m juz sensitive...but i keep feelin tt everytime humpty dumpty is tryin to get together again...all king's horses n all king's man hav to trample all over again...no wonder dey cldnt put humpty dumpty together again...lame but expresses my pt...juz giv mi my life b...u had ur share...10q
altho u dun say it...but i no sumtimes u blame mi for not sayin anything...the fact is i got a lot to say...but i duno where to start wit...i dun even no if u r the least interested to listen...but i guess i shld stop decievin myself...coz i no wats the prob...i m juz pretendin tt i didnt c it...dun wori...its not u...it has nv been u...it cld b the world but u...but ironically its mi...lik wtf m i tokin abt...crap...crap...
i m juz goin in circles...i hav always been...i had been in circles b4...i got out of the circle n got into another circle...how fun...but y m i complainin...i m showered wit all the blessin n happiness tt sum ppl may nv get... sumtimes i feel so sad hearin things tt were once said by u...yes its nice...i appreciate it...but y izzit not u...
sumtimes i juz dun get things abt life...y m i always qnin my life...wat is enuff...wat is balance...
msg of the day:幸福认识你，可惜不是你
ppl may tink how can i complain when others r out dere chiongin...n sloggin deir ass off...well of course i cant compare our physical exercises...but seriously the mental stress here is no ez feat...sumtimes i juz dun get it...how come sum of my colleagues lik veri free n nth to do...den i work n work...lik no end...altho i do get sum time here n dere to browse the forum...but tts abt it...m i workin too hard...or izzit juz tt i duno how to lay back...
wat is rite...wat is wrong...wat is too muc or too little...wat is juz rite...i cant find the balance...tml is goin to b a hectic day...half day in office...n got 6 tasks to do...out of the 6 got 4 is urgent...got one is tml deadline...i duno whether i can meet the deadline a not...onli can try my best...
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
i duno y yesterday n today so not in mood...mayb i m juz more ezily pissed coz i not feelin well...
but one thing is for sure...i cant keep runnin from things tt r infront of mi...even if i try to not tink...i will still b reminded...the other day was chattin on the phone wit sumone...told tt person tt i m not continuing wit my song...as i hav decided tt it has lost its meanin...even if i do continue with the song...its onli for the sake of wholeness...but i guess tt wld b abt it ba...but i doubt i will continue...since ling gan has stopped flowin for quite a while...
now i feel lik my song...in pieces...here a bit dere a bit...its not ez tryin to pick myself up...mayb i m juz sensitive...but i keep feelin tt everytime humpty dumpty is tryin to get together again...all king's horses n all king's man hav to trample all over again...no wonder dey cldnt put humpty dumpty together again...lame but expresses my pt...juz giv mi my life b...u had ur share...10q
altho u dun say it...but i no sumtimes u blame mi for not sayin anything...the fact is i got a lot to say...but i duno where to start wit...i dun even no if u r the least interested to listen...but i guess i shld stop decievin myself...coz i no wats the prob...i m juz pretendin tt i didnt c it...dun wori...its not u...it has nv been u...it cld b the world but u...but ironically its mi...lik wtf m i tokin abt...crap...crap...
i m juz goin in circles...i hav always been...i had been in circles b4...i got out of the circle n got into another circle...how fun...but y m i complainin...i m showered wit all the blessin n happiness tt sum ppl may nv get... sumtimes i feel so sad hearin things tt were once said by u...yes its nice...i appreciate it...but y izzit not u...
sumtimes i juz dun get things abt life...y m i always qnin my life...wat is enuff...wat is balance...
msg of the day:幸福认识你，可惜不是你
25 March 2006
hey its my birthday
juz celebrated my birthday the usual ppl until wee hours in the mornin...realli enjoyed myself...i had a little bit of everything...its lik a all in 1 package...so yeah...i liked it...den the gift...wa...altho i oredi no b4 hand la...but still gan dong ren shen lor...even my parents didnt giv mi such a expensive gift b4...ya la...its shared la...but i still say...its the tot tt counts...realli veri gan dong...10z guys for fufilin my 10 year dream...actually i was goin to buy it myself today one...but its juz so diff when its bought by u guys...it juz adds to the desire to possess it...increasin its value in my heart...omg...haha...
anyway...i wan to 10 those hu had come to the party...not a veri party party...sori ar...but still 10z for ur attendance and bday wishes...i oso wan to specially 10q dose in the plannin commitee...each one helpin to plan n do diff things...kw daryl jun cheng n mei fang...n esp ZHENYU...realli 10z man...he ar...dam nice...i duno wat to say la...but hey zhenyu initially dere was a agreement abt dis years bday...but i guess u forgot...or u juz tink tt u dun wan to take tt risk...wichever the case...still 10z ppl...
dis is the kind of event tt juz makes mi wan to make the next bday better...daryl...urs comin up...n ya...ur gift...haha...;P
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
sumtimes being ignorant is better...mt shld b abt to relate to dis part better...
its no fun to no the endin b4 u even finish the prologue of a bk...it juz forces u to go search for new bks...but due the contrains...ur amt of bks can onli b dis amt onli...so wat can we do...do we continue to read the bk altho we no the endin...worse still if the endin u no is veri lame n sucky...ha...i guess sumtimes we juz dun hav the choice ba...haiz...choice again...
lookin at a sphere...i c black...darkness...i feel sad...but i no deres white on the other side...so do i walk over to the white side or do i stay here on the black side...yes its choice again...but it juz cant b helped...coz the black juz sumhow stones u to the spot...not allowin u to move...its lik a metal ball chain to my feet...is my will power stronger den the strongest metal?
i duno wat funni tricks u wan to pull...but if u goin to b a coward doin tt den i got nth to say abt u...r u tryin to tell mi tt its sth tt cant c the light...n pls dun tok abt being afraid of hurtin others feelins if u dun mean wat u say...yes all i say r base on ungrounded assumption...but i dun care whether i m correct a not...coz i can no longer b bothered...furthermore i hav decided to go on a journey...things has been packed...i m leavin...so i tink dis issue shld no longer concern mi...u can hav the whole pie...i dun wan to fight over it...u r not worth my time...coz i dun c u as a man...btw dun choke...
PS: ppl readin...pls dun try to guess the person i m tokin abt...coz "she" is not our league...given the fact tt ppl hu reads dis r ppl mostly from nanhua...so dun tink u guys wld no "her" n wat happen...=)but 10z...coz its the tot tt counts...
msg of the day:in dota...greedy ppl feed...
anyway...i wan to 10 those hu had come to the party...not a veri party party...sori ar...but still 10z for ur attendance and bday wishes...i oso wan to specially 10q dose in the plannin commitee...each one helpin to plan n do diff things...kw daryl jun cheng n mei fang...n esp ZHENYU...realli 10z man...he ar...dam nice...i duno wat to say la...but hey zhenyu initially dere was a agreement abt dis years bday...but i guess u forgot...or u juz tink tt u dun wan to take tt risk...wichever the case...still 10z ppl...
dis is the kind of event tt juz makes mi wan to make the next bday better...daryl...urs comin up...n ya...ur gift...haha...;P
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
sumtimes being ignorant is better...mt shld b abt to relate to dis part better...
its no fun to no the endin b4 u even finish the prologue of a bk...it juz forces u to go search for new bks...but due the contrains...ur amt of bks can onli b dis amt onli...so wat can we do...do we continue to read the bk altho we no the endin...worse still if the endin u no is veri lame n sucky...ha...i guess sumtimes we juz dun hav the choice ba...haiz...choice again...
lookin at a sphere...i c black...darkness...i feel sad...but i no deres white on the other side...so do i walk over to the white side or do i stay here on the black side...yes its choice again...but it juz cant b helped...coz the black juz sumhow stones u to the spot...not allowin u to move...its lik a metal ball chain to my feet...is my will power stronger den the strongest metal?
i duno wat funni tricks u wan to pull...but if u goin to b a coward doin tt den i got nth to say abt u...r u tryin to tell mi tt its sth tt cant c the light...n pls dun tok abt being afraid of hurtin others feelins if u dun mean wat u say...yes all i say r base on ungrounded assumption...but i dun care whether i m correct a not...coz i can no longer b bothered...furthermore i hav decided to go on a journey...things has been packed...i m leavin...so i tink dis issue shld no longer concern mi...u can hav the whole pie...i dun wan to fight over it...u r not worth my time...coz i dun c u as a man...btw dun choke...
PS: ppl readin...pls dun try to guess the person i m tokin abt...coz "she" is not our league...given the fact tt ppl hu reads dis r ppl mostly from nanhua...so dun tink u guys wld no "her" n wat happen...=)but 10z...coz its the tot tt counts...
msg of the day:in dota...greedy ppl feed...
09 March 2006
y wait?
i juz attended my great grandmother funeral recently...n history repeated itself again...juz lik wat happened at my great grandfather funeral...ppl cried lik no end on the last day...but other den tt dey look alrite to mi...at least tt is wat dey display...but i m not here to criticise abt how dey feel durin the funeral...the thing is if dey meant so muc to dem...y didnt dey visit dem more when dey were still ard...y wait until cant c le den cry...i m not sayin tt i wun end up lik dem...but b4 i do such things...i tink i m still in position to say such things...
y muz ppl wait till dey loss sth den wan to cherish it...its too late le lor...y muz we wait...dere r so mani things tt we get all frusrated waitin for...lik waitin for others,food,bus blah blah blah...but yet we can stand waitin n delay the time we cld hav used to cherish the ones we love...i m not sayin tt dey shld b 24/7 dere...but the thing is...a occasional dinner is not bad...how muc time wld it cost...even if u r sum big boss hu earns millions in sec...tt doesnt mean tt u cld b excused from showin tt bit of filial piety...i duno how often dey do it...but i tink its evident enuff to tell tt its not a lot...
y muz we wait to love? hav u guys heard the song "if tml nv comes"...he/she wld nv no how muc u loved dem...so y wait? i mean ok la...lets b reasonable...sum amt of waitin is acceptable to remove uncertainty...but dun drag n delay...
this 3 qns was asked awhile b by zhenyu to mi...i tink its relevant here...so i m bringin it b here...sum of u might hav seen dis in mt's blog...
If u r goin to leave dis world soon n u onli hav time for 1 phone call,hu wld it b?
den wat wld u say to him/her?
>
>
>
>
>
finishin tinkin?den wat r u waitin for?go n tell him/her now!!!
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
DI is goin malacca dis wkend...haiz...its goin to b a borin wkend...i mean ya la...sumtimes i find sun pracs borin n frustratin at times too...but i rather dis den to hav none...seriously speakin...i cld hav gone...IF i had put in more effort to make arrangements...
as muc as i wan to go n enjoy my time dere...since it is not a everyday thing tt DI goes overseas...altho so near...but at the same time...i no tt goin over dere wld mean i hav to bear wit all my tots...coz i no i wld surely hav lots of tots dere...sum may no where i m comin from...but the thing is tt over dere i dun tink i wld hav the chance to blog...n not being to blog down my tots is quite a torture for mi...it juz tears mi apart...tt is the reason y i keep draggin...until finally its too late to do anything...n all i cld do was to go down n c the last prac dey had on tue...
msg of the day:就算我有多少舍不得，我还是要骗自己担心是多余的。
虽然不能走，我还是会留。
y muz ppl wait till dey loss sth den wan to cherish it...its too late le lor...y muz we wait...dere r so mani things tt we get all frusrated waitin for...lik waitin for others,food,bus blah blah blah...but yet we can stand waitin n delay the time we cld hav used to cherish the ones we love...i m not sayin tt dey shld b 24/7 dere...but the thing is...a occasional dinner is not bad...how muc time wld it cost...even if u r sum big boss hu earns millions in sec...tt doesnt mean tt u cld b excused from showin tt bit of filial piety...i duno how often dey do it...but i tink its evident enuff to tell tt its not a lot...
y muz we wait to love? hav u guys heard the song "if tml nv comes"...he/she wld nv no how muc u loved dem...so y wait? i mean ok la...lets b reasonable...sum amt of waitin is acceptable to remove uncertainty...but dun drag n delay...
this 3 qns was asked awhile b by zhenyu to mi...i tink its relevant here...so i m bringin it b here...sum of u might hav seen dis in mt's blog...
If u r goin to leave dis world soon n u onli hav time for 1 phone call,hu wld it b?
den wat wld u say to him/her?
>
>
>
>
>
finishin tinkin?den wat r u waitin for?go n tell him/her now!!!
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
DI is goin malacca dis wkend...haiz...its goin to b a borin wkend...i mean ya la...sumtimes i find sun pracs borin n frustratin at times too...but i rather dis den to hav none...seriously speakin...i cld hav gone...IF i had put in more effort to make arrangements...
as muc as i wan to go n enjoy my time dere...since it is not a everyday thing tt DI goes overseas...altho so near...but at the same time...i no tt goin over dere wld mean i hav to bear wit all my tots...coz i no i wld surely hav lots of tots dere...sum may no where i m comin from...but the thing is tt over dere i dun tink i wld hav the chance to blog...n not being to blog down my tots is quite a torture for mi...it juz tears mi apart...tt is the reason y i keep draggin...until finally its too late to do anything...n all i cld do was to go down n c the last prac dey had on tue...
msg of the day:就算我有多少舍不得，我还是要骗自己担心是多余的。
虽然不能走，我还是会留。
21 February 2006
injustice
juz saw the gap btwn todays entry n the previous one...its 1 wk liao...omg...haha...but seriously...for the past wk i was so tired...due to...some reason...but tts not impt...anyways i m gettin more n more tired of life in office...
i no its normal...but noin mi...i juz cant stand injustice w/o puttin up a fight...i m sure ppl wld agree wit wat i m goin to say...normally...when u r hard at work...noone notices or even cares...but when u r slackin...everything abt u seems wrong...lik i said in the previous entry of eyes...diff ppl get diff msg lookin at diff things...i realli dun lik to b accused...but wat can do...the odds r against mi...i onli can submit...lik i did...haiz...
complain complain...oso no use...muz b optimistic rite...dun look at the situation so bad...things may not b as bad as i tink...rite? but i realised sth...other den the company u r wit...ur health oso affects whether u r pessi or opti...recently so tired...tend to b more pessi...i tink its sth tt got to do wit the will power of our mind ba...
i oso duno y i hav been so tired...but i tink it mayb due to more den one thing...well i hav to admit...i m drained...i need to recharge...lookin...searchin...seekin...waitin...
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
ok dis is the follow up...the thing is i m not tokin abt tt thing tt u tokin abt...tt thing is over so long liao...i wish to tink abt it anymore...now its lik another thing...wich i dun find it a prob...mayb onli sth to worri abt...juz tt i haven update u abt it onli...but dun wori la...mayb sum other time lor...anyway heres a para for u...
dun push mi to the wall...u r not a tiger...onli a cat...dun try to b wat u r not...until u r one...if u still insist of being treated as a tiger...n wants to b feared...den i hav nth else to say...i will juz make ur wish come true...but will u stop prowlin bhind mi...i m not ur prey...n for ur info u r the one invadin my territory...so wld u pls kindly go hunt sumwhere else...b4 i turn u into dinner...so if u dun mind i shall return to my cubs...BYE KITTEN...BYE PUSSY...
erm...c if u figure it out la...anyway the next para has nth to do wit dis part...
r u hiddin sth from mi?if yes y...wat is dere to hide...cant we b brave n upfront wit each other...altho i do hope tt its nth...coz i dun wan anyone to b hurt in dis whirlwind...but still if u r hiddin...i wld prefer tt u stand in the lite...i dun wan to c others suffer bcoz of mi...tts not y i m here...i m here for a purpose...but definitely not to hurt...i may not b an angel to u...but i m not a devil...if u trust mi...tell mi...dere will definitely b a solution...dis i promise...
msg of the day:a change in meanin,a twist of fate...
i no its normal...but noin mi...i juz cant stand injustice w/o puttin up a fight...i m sure ppl wld agree wit wat i m goin to say...normally...when u r hard at work...noone notices or even cares...but when u r slackin...everything abt u seems wrong...lik i said in the previous entry of eyes...diff ppl get diff msg lookin at diff things...i realli dun lik to b accused...but wat can do...the odds r against mi...i onli can submit...lik i did...haiz...
complain complain...oso no use...muz b optimistic rite...dun look at the situation so bad...things may not b as bad as i tink...rite? but i realised sth...other den the company u r wit...ur health oso affects whether u r pessi or opti...recently so tired...tend to b more pessi...i tink its sth tt got to do wit the will power of our mind ba...
i oso duno y i hav been so tired...but i tink it mayb due to more den one thing...well i hav to admit...i m drained...i need to recharge...lookin...searchin...seekin...waitin...
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24hrGA
~~~~~~
ok dis is the follow up...the thing is i m not tokin abt tt thing tt u tokin abt...tt thing is over so long liao...i wish to tink abt it anymore...now its lik another thing...wich i dun find it a prob...mayb onli sth to worri abt...juz tt i haven update u abt it onli...but dun wori la...mayb sum other time lor...anyway heres a para for u...
dun push mi to the wall...u r not a tiger...onli a cat...dun try to b wat u r not...until u r one...if u still insist of being treated as a tiger...n wants to b feared...den i hav nth else to say...i will juz make ur wish come true...but will u stop prowlin bhind mi...i m not ur prey...n for ur info u r the one invadin my territory...so wld u pls kindly go hunt sumwhere else...b4 i turn u into dinner...so if u dun mind i shall return to my cubs...BYE KITTEN...BYE PUSSY...
erm...c if u figure it out la...anyway the next para has nth to do wit dis part...
r u hiddin sth from mi?if yes y...wat is dere to hide...cant we b brave n upfront wit each other...altho i do hope tt its nth...coz i dun wan anyone to b hurt in dis whirlwind...but still if u r hiddin...i wld prefer tt u stand in the lite...i dun wan to c others suffer bcoz of mi...tts not y i m here...i m here for a purpose...but definitely not to hurt...i may not b an angel to u...but i m not a devil...if u trust mi...tell mi...dere will definitely b a solution...dis i promise...
msg of the day:a change in meanin,a twist of fate...
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